I understand that it's hard for people that have been trying...

Stephanie2167 · August 2009

I understand that it's hard for people that have been trying for quite some time to see people get pregnant in the first few months, but what about the people that do get pregnant right away? Are they supposed to feel guilty?

I'm not trying to start anything at all. I'm just trying to understand what people expect from posters who have been lurking and luckily get pregnant right away?

DaniSev · August 2009

I think that they should just be more careful of how they word their BFP announcements. I, for one, don't get annoyed at someone who does a drive-by. I'm happy to see others get pregnant. However, when you say you've "finally" gotten pregnant after 3 months of trying when there are girls on here that have been trying for a lot longer, it comes across as insensitive.

Sul06 · August 2009

Stephanie2167:

I understand that it's hard for people that have been trying for quite some time to see people get pregnant in the first few months, but what about the people that do get pregnant right away? Are they supposed to feel guilty?

I'm not trying to start anything at all. I'm just trying to understand what people expect from posters who have been lurking and luckily get pregnant right away?

Agreed. I don't think she intentially meant to say "only 3 months".

Well put Stephanie.

williaw · August 2009

Would you walk into a room full of strangers trying to get pregnant and announce your pregnancy? To add insult to injury, would you assume that they have no clue what they are doing and proceed to give them advice that they don't need?

Glowconsin · August 2009

Tact. That's all that I ask for. There have been a couple lately that are relative newbies who were KU on the first couple cycles, but I am happy for them. They got involved in the community and didn't toss it in anyone's face that they finally got ku.

Marie6 · August 2009

I think the main thing is if they are only lurking, they should just move to first tri. The GP ladies don't know them.

rebelina1 · August 2009

Stephanie2167:

I'm just trying to understand what people expect from posters who have been lurking and luckily get pregnant right away?

If they have been lurking they should know drive-bys are not cool and they should post their BFP on the First Tri board.

shanmoyer · August 2009

*trots in with a plate of GP cupcakes to watch the fur fly on this one* Today we have Red Velvet with Vanilla Buttercream, Vanilla with Chocolate Buttercream, and Carrott with Cream Cheese frosting

Finallyhismrs07 · August 2009

I think if you have just been lurking (which it was obvious that the most recent one hadn't) then you should move over to the tri boards to announce your good news.

happytobemrs.m · August 2009

I think the expectation is that they haven't really added enough to the board to announce their BFP and expect a bunch of internet strangers to be happy for them. I haven't been around long enough to have that opinion myself, but I think this is what the consensus might be.

Atalanta0214 · August 2009

Personally I think there is no reason for them to feel guilty. However, they should understand that this is a touch subject with some and that those people may not share in their joy. This is a public forum and you'll have people from all walks of life posting. You can't control that so you shouldn't be offended if a random stranger does not share in your joy too. Be happy for the blessing you have, enjoy the excitement you're bound to get from friends and family and appreciate the support you get from people here. If it's not exactly the support you were seeking, keep relishing the support you get from others.

kb75 · August 2009

DaniSev:
I think that they should just be more careful of how they word their BFP announcements. I, for one, don't get annoyed at someone who does a drive-by. I'm happy to see others get pregnant. However, when you say you've "finally" gotten pregnant after 3 months of trying when there are girls on here that have been trying for a lot longer, it comes across as insensitive.

This. Plus, throwing out advice to people who've been doing this for many months or even years is just ignorant.

SpinFreak13 · August 2009

I don't think it was so much that people were upset that she announced she was pg. It was that she listed out advice to those who have been trying and it came across as condescending. Chart? Temp? .....It was like, ARE YOU FOR REAL?!

Mrs.PinkPearls · August 2009

FWIW, she did post yesterday about when to POAS and got some responses. Maybe she thought it was ok to post her BFP. I also think sometimes they are just overly excited and dont always say the right things or think about how they are saying it.

locash · August 2009

I gave this some thought, too. I think it's because it's someone who didn't participate on the boards and rubbed in the timing (like, finally when it really wasn't long at all). It was more the inconsiderate nature of the post itsself vs the message of "hey, I'm really excited that I'm pregnant." It would have been a much more appropriate post for 1st try. Someone updating people on their TTC journey - great. Someone just looking to spread the news and get excitement from strangers - maybe I just don't see the point.

Announcing on 1st tri is appropriate because she will get to know those women by sharing on that board. Here, she is announcing and then heading there anyway.

I do feel bad, though, because it's an exciting time. I'm certain she didn't mean to offend...

sroszc · August 2009

shanmoyer:
*trots in with a plate of GP cupcakes to watch the fur fly on this one* Today we have Red Velvet with Vanilla Buttercream, Vanilla with Chocolate Buttercream, and Carrott with Cream Cheese frosting

Oooh! Can I have Carrot with Cream Cheese please?

sail123 · August 2009

For me it isn't the announcement that is annoying it is the "finally" in reference to 3 months.

hopeful:) · August 2009

I think the real issue here is that she walked into a room full of women that she doesn't know and announced it. I wouldn't do that IRL so why would I do it on GP?

SpinFreak13 · August 2009

shanmoyer:
*trots in with a plate of GP cupcakes to watch the fur fly on this one* Today we have Red Velvet with Vanilla Buttercream, Vanilla with Chocolate Buttercream, and Carrott with Cream Cheese frosting

I will take one of each...right after boxing class. Anyone want to split them with me? And if you scrape the frosting off, I'll gladly take it off your hands. That's, like, the best part.

Atalanta0214 · August 2009

shanmoyer:
*trots in with a plate of GP cupcakes to watch the fur fly on this one* Today we have Red Velvet with Vanilla Buttercream, Vanilla with Chocolate Buttercream, and Carrott with Cream Cheese frosting

::wipes drool from mouth:: soooo tasty sounding!

justinlovesme · August 2009

She obviously hadn't lurked at all. Most of our siggys have info about length of time ttc. Anyone should be able to put two and two together and not say "finally" after 3 months.

Reasons She is a Douche:

1.) She did not lurk, therefore not knowing three months is NOT a long time.

2.) She told us to chart to get pg.

3.) She said prego.

rssnlvr · August 2009

shanmoyer:
*trots in with a plate of GP cupcakes to watch the fur fly on this one* Today we have Red Velvet with Vanilla Buttercream, Vanilla with Chocolate Buttercream, and Carrott with Cream Cheese frosting

::::takes one of each and sits back::::

bedebum13 · August 2009

I don't believe that anyone should feel guilty about announcing their pregnancy. I also don't believe that there is anyone on this board who wouldn't be happy for someone else getting pregnant. That being said, everyone needs to have a little tact, common sense and compassion when annoucning a pregnancy to a group of women they don't know who may be trying for much much much longer then 2/3/4 months. Also, "advice" from someone who got KU in 2 months given to someone who has been trying for 8 months - not always well accepted. Just my 2 cents...

ToshaGirl · August 2009

It's got nothing to do with how long she's been trying. It was her overall tone and approach.

Recommending charting? Saying "Finally" after 3 months. Please. She didn't lurk for a second or she would have known how that would go over.

Again, all in the approach. Nothing to do with time. There are posters on here who get KU after 1 cycle and we are delighted for them.

Not sure how you couldn't discern the stark difference.

JMRau · August 2009

shanmoyer:
*trots in with a plate of GP cupcakes to watch the fur fly on this one* Today we have Red Velvet with Vanilla Buttercream, Vanilla with Chocolate Buttercream, and Carrott with Cream Cheese frosting

Dammit shan, now I'm hungry. So I'll take red velvet for sure!

pinkitty · August 2009

shanmoyer:
*trots in with a plate of GP cupcakes to watch the fur fly on this one* Today we have Red Velvet with Vanilla Buttercream, Vanilla with Chocolate Buttercream, and Carrott with Cream Cheese frosting

i will take one of each please Big Smile

aubie96 · August 2009

shanmoyer:
*trots in with a plate of GP cupcakes to watch the fur fly on this one* Today we have Red Velvet with Vanilla Buttercream, Vanilla with Chocolate Buttercream, and Carrott with Cream Cheese frosting

can I have red velvet w/buttercream purty please?

shanmoyer · August 2009

sroszc:

shanmoyer:
*trots in with a plate of GP cupcakes to watch the fur fly on this one* Today we have Red Velvet with Vanilla Buttercream, Vanilla with Chocolate Buttercream, and Carrott with Cream Cheese frosting

Oooh! Can I have Carrot with Cream Cheese please?

help yourself!!

justinlovesme · August 2009

CathyMD:
It's got nothing to do with how long she's been trying. It was her overall tone and approach.

Recommending charting? Saying "Finally" after 3 months. Please. She didn't lurk for a second or she would have known how that would go over.

Again, all in the approach. Nothing to do with time. There are posters on here who get KU after 1 cycle and we are delighted for them.

Not sure how you couldn't discern the stark difference.

This.

MissNikki007 · August 2009

SpinFreak13:
I don't think it was so much that people were upset that she announced she was pg. It was that she listed out advice to those who have been trying and it came across as condescending. Chart? Temp? .....It was like, ARE YOU FOR REAL?!

Exactly this.

Also, I always congratulate everyone. Whether they tried for 1 cycle or 20. But to title the post Finally...after 3 months was very insensitive and rude. If she would have just announced her BFP without that title and without her profound advice, she would not have gotten the responses that she got.

locash · August 2009

shanmoyer:
*trots in with a plate of GP cupcakes to watch the fur fly on this one* Today we have Red Velvet with Vanilla Buttercream, Vanilla with Chocolate Buttercream, and Carrott with Cream Cheese frosting

BTW - my belly is totally rumbling now. Thanks a lot!!!

sazzette · August 2009

CathyMD:
It's got nothing to do with how long she's been trying. It was her overall tone and approach.
Recommending charting? Saying "Finally" after 3 months. Please. She didn't lurk for a second or she would have known how that would go over.
Again, all in the approach. Nothing to do with time. There are posters on here who get KU after 1 cycle and we are delighted for them.

Not sure how you couldn't discern the stark difference.

BEcause people don't lurk and they just want to make GP a better place. Bwahaha

justinlovesme · August 2009

@ cupcake ladies- you're making me want cupcakes at 8:30 in the morning. yum!

williaw · August 2009

CathyMD:

It's got nothing to do with how long she's been trying. It was her overall tone and approach.

Recommending charting? Saying "Finally" after 3 months. Please. She didn't lurk for a second or she would have known how that would go over.

Again, all in the approach. Nothing to do with time. There are posters on here who get KU after 1 cycle and we are delighted for them.

Not sure how you couldn't discern the stark difference.

Well said, as always.

ToshaGirl · August 2009

This does also beg the observation......if you yourself have spent any time here you probably would not have posed this question.

Mrs.SeptWife · August 2009

IMO I don't think one should feel guilty for getting pregnant right away but I think everyone should choose their words wisely on message boards and in life.

WestiesAreTheBesties · August 2009

kb75:

DaniSev:
I think that they should just be more careful of how they word their BFP announcements. I, for one, don't get annoyed at someone who does a drive-by. I'm happy to see others get pregnant. However, when you say you've "finally" gotten pregnant after 3 months of trying when there are girls on here that have been trying for a lot longer, it comes across as insensitive.

This. Plus, throwing out advice to people who've been doing this for many months or even years is just ignorant.

Ditto to Dani and kb. It's one thing to just annouce, but another to act like we don't know what we're doing.

And can I please lay claim to one of those carrot cake cupcakes?? Yum.

rlscheck · August 2009

I agree with everyone else. I would never wish for anyone to take longer than 5 - 6 months to get pregnant, because it is an awful feeling. But to tell people to start charting (which by the way I have been doing for 8 months of the 10 TTC) when you were KU right away isn't helpful. Again I have been trying for 10 months, and I know that that isn't even that long! Plus getting KU the first month charting actually probably had nothing to do with charting. Taking temps tells you after you've ovulated making charting helpful for the next month. It's like complaing about your aches and pains with your pregnancy to someone who hasn't been able to get pregnant. They would be happy for those aches and pains! I know I would!

Joyous1106 · August 2009

CathyMD:

It's got nothing to do with how long she's been trying. It was her overall tone and approach.

I agree with all of Cathy's statement, and most especially this.

Should the OP feel guilty for having the luck to get KU in three cycles? No. But neither should internet strangers be obliged to be happy for her. In no way am I suggesting that this isn't great for her and her family, but was it fair and tactful of her to come here and do a drive by? And a condescending one at that. Maybe she lurked, but with her 5 posts she sure didn't contribute.

Lurkers, take heed of this situation! GP is a community. If you want to be a part of a community, you have to contribute. As a lurker, you are invisible, and thus a stranger. Just because you know us, doesn't mean we know you. If you really want the support this board offers, you have to make a committment first.

sazzette · August 2009

Joyous1106:
CathyMD:

It's got nothing to do with how long she's been trying. It was her overall tone and approach.
I agree with all of Cathy's statement, and most especially this.
Should the OP feel guilty for having the luck to get KU in three cycles? No. But neither should internet strangers be obliged to be happy for her. In no way am I suggesting that this isn't great for her and her family, but was it fair and tactful of her to come here and do a drive by? And a condescending one at that. Maybe she lurked, but with her 5 posts she sure didn't contribute.
Lurkers, take heed of this situation! GP is a community. If you want to be a part of a community, you have to contribute. As a lurker, you are invisible, and thus a stranger. Just because you know us, doesn't mean we know you. If you really want the support this board offers, you have to make a committment first.

Well said!

Smittenkitten05 · August 2009

If you get pregnant easily, I think that's great. But you don't need to rub it in other people's faces. That's just rude.

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