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Late loss advice

kimber926kimber926 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I usually post here for ME, but I need some advice as an "outsider" this time.  My 3 losses have been pretty early.  My cousin will be delivering on Aug 20, full term, and the baby is expected to live an hour at the most. I directed them to "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" and they will be coming for pictures.  What do I do now?  They have a 2 year old that will also need some attention as Mom and Dad grieve.  I am across the country and feel so helpless.  I know my losses were tough, but I can't imagine going through this.  What helped you after your loss?  Is there a book you recommend?  What about the 2 year old?  If I was there, I could think of a million things.  Being so far away is tough.
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Re: Late loss advice

  • KAG30KAG30
    I am so sorry you cousin has to go through this.  I had a late loss too and someone just gave me the book 'empty cradle, broken heart'.  The book has helped me a lot as discusses all the feelings and emotions you are going through.  Let her know that whatever she choses to do after the baby is born is totally up to her.  A lot of people including the social worker were telling to to see my girls after I gave birth, but I knew I couldn't as I didn't want to remember them that way (they were both stillborn).  Tell her to spend as much time with her baby as she can and to take in all the memories so she will have them with her forever. 
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  • KKMKKM
    I cant remember the name but I know in Coolteacher79 blog she talks about the memory book she got from a company that specializes in this.  Maybe check out her blog, that may be nice.
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  • DavezWifeDavezWife member

    do they not have ANY family near them to watch the 2 yr old? if not, I would head to the local board on here and see if you can match up some moms to help. I bet you would get a great outreach of local support.

    NILMDTS is a wonderful resource. I'm very sorry for your family's loss.

    Join us - Commit Random Acts of Kindness, and say "I did it for Cricket" Cricket's Cadence
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  • kimber926kimber926 member

    They have family and they are getting a lot of help.  I just want to do something on my end to let them know I'm thinking of them. 

     Thanks for the ideas so far.  Keep them coming.

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  • DavezWifeDavezWife member
    I've heard of planting a tree in a local park as a nice idea.
    Join us - Commit Random Acts of Kindness, and say "I did it for Cricket" Cricket's Cadence
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  • coolteacher79coolteacher79

    I am so, so sorry to hear about your cousin. I walked a very similar road with our son, Isaac, and it is so hard.

     Please feel free to check out my blog, and please feel free to e-mail me as well at coolteacher79 at yahoo.com

    I also sent you a private message :)

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  • ECUPirate04ECUPirate04

    NILMDTS is a great organization.  A photographer from that organization was there for our daughter's birth as well.

    Also, anything you can do to help them remember their little one is great.  We had clothes made for her as well as scrapbooks etc.

    We are almost done putting together her wall with all of her things on it.  It is really comforting for me to have that.

    The only other thing I'll say that was really helpful was the photographer came and took pics.  She quickly emailed a handful to my SIL who had them printed and in store bought frames for me before I was discharged.

    This last thing was a tremendous life saver.  If I had gone home with nothing to look at I would have lost it totally but her pictures were there.

    I'm sorry your family is dealing with this.  Take care.

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  • vkbaby09vkbaby09

    I am so sorry for her and your family's loss.  I love NILMDTS.  I'm so glad you got them to come for your cousin.  I hope that they feel comfortable seeing, holding and spending time with their lo.  It is a personal decision, but I cherish the time I had with my boys after they were born. 

    As far as what you can send them...I have been reading anything I can get my hands on to do with pg loss and really enjoy every book.  I second "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" as a good read.  There are also a couple books I've read that are about the authors loss that I've liked a lot.  "An Exact Replica of a Figment of my Imagination" by Elizabeth McCracken is good as is "Life Touches Life" by Lorraine Ash. 

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