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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Want to hear something horribly racist?
My BF and I were chatting today and talking about another couple we know. They have been TTC for over 4 years now and have spent the last year going through the steps to do the foster-to-adoption thing. I asked her how long it will take for them to get a child and she said they have had opportunities, but it is going to take longer because they only want white babies. 
I guess their reasoning is that they have some racist extended family members that they know would give the children a hard time. But I think deep down they just want the kids to look like them (I shouldn't even say that because it's just specualtion and judgement on my part).
DH's cousin is fostering three black children right now and is planning on adopting them if everything falls through with the mother.
I guess I don't see what their big deal is unless you are trying to pass the kids off as your own biological kids. That's sad that they have had the opportunity to foster children and have turned them down because they weren't the right race.
Thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Want to hear something horribly racist?
This is one of the only things you've ever said that I agree with you on. lol.
It is really sad. All babies need loving homes and families. And the "extended family" thing is a crock and an excuse, IMHO.
That's sad.
The excuse about the extended family members giving the kids a hard time is kind of weak, IMO. If you have family members that would do something like that to a child, would you really want them around your kid anyway, regardless of their race/color? Having family members of a different race could actually give those racist family members some perspective.
I think you all don't know too much about adoption. There are plenty of people both black and white against transracial adoption. It doesn't make them racist.
There are plenty of issues that go along with adoption. Some people could be infertile and embarrassed or upset by that. Adopting a child of the same ethnicity would cut down on the the "oh, where did you adopt that kid from?" questions from strangers. They wouldn't necessarily be passing the children off as biological, rather just not making it as obvious as some adoptive families are.
There are many issues regarding adoption and to peg someone as racist from one sentiment in one conversation is oversimplifying and ignorant.
W (02/2009), N (08/2012), and C (04/2014)
I am going to play the devil's advocate here. Would people still get up in arms about the racism issue if they were black parents only wanting black babies and having passed the opportunity to adopt white ones?
I guess they don't want a child that badly. This just sort of changed how I look at these people.
Follow up.
PLUS - think of all the dumb questions we're asked about our own kids. I would imagine it's 10 times worse if you have a child that clearly appears to be adopted. People feel like everything is their business - what happened to the mother? Where are they from? How long have you had them?
I don't fault them for wanting to avoid some of the discomfort that may come from that - chances are, because they ARE adopting, they'll have enough questions and obstacles to cross.
This woman is in my small group at church. We have spent countless hours praying for them - all they want is a child to love.
It seems like God is giving them opportunities to love a child......
I would.
Yes I would.
I disagree - I think if they're willing to go through the screenings, time and money for adoption, that shows some interest and investment in wanting a baby. You were fortunate to have your own kids. YOUR OWN. Don't be too quick to judge the intensions of others, especially when it comes to a topic and reality that you will most likely never face.
This is total bs coming from someone who can obviously gestate her own children. You have no idea of the thought processes of these people, as you have clearly not put yourself in their shoes.
If all you wanted was a baby to love, why didn't you adopt one of the thousands already available and homeless?
Oh right, because you wanted a baby that looked like you, and was an infant. Why do YOU have the right to those ideals and an adoptive parent does not? Because you won the biologic ability lottery? I don't think so.
I didn't realize you knew the will of the Almighty. Judgemental much?
I don't know the will - which is why I said it SEEMS.
you pontificate about the most absurd things. Judgemental gasbag.
Sooooooo funny you said this. I had 2 bean burritos for lunch and have been farting up a storm. How did you know I was gassy?
Also, I prefaced this by saying it was judgemental - so oh well.....
That wasn't my thought process behind having a baby. Was it yours?
Yes, i'm sure your "lets have a baby!" decision tree was chock full of selfless reasons.
Mine was to overpopulate the Earth with more judgemental gasbags like meeeeeeeeeee
cheers to stellas, june, and mike_hunt.
Ditto. This post is really irritatingly presumptuous and self-righteous.
Yeah, I don't find this couple's request strange or racist.
That is very racists. I have a problem, though, with people who foster with the sole intention of adopting because I have seen first hand how it affects who those people will accept into their home. I see no problem adopting a child if it comes to it, but foster care is about caring for a child and helping a broken family heal (if possible).
My mom and dad have done foster care for nearly 10 years and have cared for children of all races. They have adopted 4 and are a guardian of 1. 4 of the 5 are Alaskan Native. Race never played a part in how much love they were willing to pour out on the children in their home. When they are living there (whether permentantly or not), they are all family. That is the way it should be.
I have heard this too. Some agencies don't believe that white parents are prepared to instill an African American baby with the historical and cultural lessons they will need while growing up "different" from their parents.
I don't agree with this; but I have known social workers who feel very strongly this way.
Actually, my decision tree was: "I want a baby. The end."
I thought your post was quite insightful, actually. Why does anyone want a baby? Your reasoning really made me stop and think for a second.
But in this particular reply, you are just coming off as biitchy. Perhaps my comment hit a nerve?
So would this make you horribly?judgmental??
Why does it matter how they are going about adoption or what they are looking for. Just because you choose to adopt does not mean you should not get what you are looking for or hoping for or wanting. A child in need is a child in need and as long as a child is being adopted that should be the important thing, not how they are going about it.?