Want to hear something horribly racist?

Monkeybuttwhat

Most adoption agencies won't let you adopt if you ask for only certain colored babies.

adamwife

TexasLadyBug:

So would this make you horribly judgmental? 

Why does it matter how they are going about adoption or what they are looking for. Just because you choose to adopt does not mean you should not get what you are looking for or hoping for or wanting. A child in need is a child in need and as long as a child is being adopted that should be the important thing, not how they are going about it. 

 

Precisely my point.  lol

ABMcKinney

Timeg:

That is very racists. I have a problem, though, with people who foster with the sole intention of adopting because I have seen first hand how it affects who those people will accept into their home. I see no problem adopting a child if it comes to it, but foster care is about caring for a child and helping a broken family heal (if possible). 

 

This is absurd. I fully plan on adopting a child/children. I have plenty of room in my heart for children that are not biologically mine, plus I feel a strong pull to help a child in need. My husband and I have discussed the different options we have and decided that while fostering to adopt might work for us, simply fostering would not. I don't have it in me to fall in love with a child and then have that child taken away. It would break me and I couldn't stand it.

That said, I don't care if the child/children I adopt are black, white, Indian or green aliens. Would a white child be easier for me to raise? Absolutely. But I am 100% able to take on a child with a different race and help that child learn about their race/ethnicity to the best of my ability.

megs042107

kipper1128:

adamwife:

kipper1128:

For some, adoption is a selfless act - for some, it's to fill a void of needing a family to care for. I may sound ODD, but it's their family to build. And if they're willing to wait and jump through hurdles to get them - then who cares?

I guess they don't want a child that badly.? This just sort of changed how I look at these people.

I disagree - I think if they're willing to go through the screenings, time and money for adoption, that shows some interest and investment in wanting a baby.? You were fortunate to have your own kids.? YOUR OWN.? Don't be too quick to judge the intensions of others, especially when it comes to a topic and reality that you will most likely never face.

ITA Kipper. ?I don't think that this is necessarily a race issue at all. ?I think that some people who would kill to have their very own child would want to go through hurdles to adopt one that looks somewhat like them so that there is less questioning. ?I wouldn't be so quick to judge on an issue that you haven't had to endure yourself. ?

this kind of thing hits close to home though. ?MIL and FIL adopted 3 Caucasian babies / kids because after having H, my MIL couldn't have any more children. ?I think they have extremely big hearts to have adopted so many.... and never in my life would I ever think to call them racist simply because they adopted Caucasian children.

Mike_Hunt

CEO1197:

cheers to stellas, june, and mike_hunt.

 

 

I always cheer for Mike_Hunt. 

ABMcKinney

lpennie16:

It's sad. Its a fact that white babies are adopted more quickly than minority babies.

I wonder if more white people are adopting than minorities? If so this makes sense to me.

TexasLadyBug

adamwife:

TexasLadyBug:

So would this make you horribly?judgmental??

Why does it matter how they are going about adoption or what they are looking for. Just because you choose to adopt does not mean you should not get what you are looking for or hoping for or wanting. A child in need is a child in need and as long as a child is being adopted that should be the important thing, not how they are going about it.?

?

Precisely my point.? lol

But you are saying they are racist because they ware wanting to adopt a white child and not a?minority. My point is that if they want a white child then so be it in the end it is still a child that needs to be adopted. Just because they adopt does not mean they have to adopt the first child that is offered to them. Being a adoptive family does not mean you just have to take what you are offered.?

Mike_Hunt

Adoption is not about altruism.  Adoptive parents are NOT out to save the world-they are about finding THEIR baby.  And the people who say that they should accept any baby are extremely naivee.  Unless and until you are confronted with the idea of adopting a child you can't possible know what is right for you.  Add to that some people who adopted have to grieve their fertility and you get another dimension of emotion and vulnerability in adoptive parents. 

And there are very few healthy babies of any race that need an adoption plan.  Special needs babies are more difficult to make an adoption plan for, but healthy babies of any race aren't falling from the sky. Older children are available for adoption but healthy infants aren't just hanging out waiting.

 

 

Judah'sMommy

ABMcKinney:

lpennie16:

It's sad. Its a fact that white babies are adopted more quickly than minority babies.

I wonder if more white people are adopting than minorities? If so this makes sense to me.

Yes, this is what it is.  One of the reasons that we may adopt someday. 

Graceland*

CEO1197:

cheers to stellas, june, and mike_hunt.

 

Ditto.  However, I've enjoyed watching all the other obtuse self-righteous douchebags pat each other on the back though.  

MrsJuneHawk

Yikes! I didn't think I would get lumped in with the likes stellas or mike-hunt!

AB, I don't have any proof to back this up but I do think that more white people adopt than other races.

Mike_Hunt

MrsJuneHawk:

Yikes! I didn't think I would get lumped in with the likes stellas or mike-hunt!

AB, I don't have any proof to back this up but I do think that more white people adopt than other races.

 

why? I'm a good guy.  And soo on the otherside of the world than Stella's.

You've got to LOVE mike_hunt, Mrs.Hawk.

susanmosley

I don't think I can agree these people are racist based solely off of the one fact that they want to adopt a white baby.  

CEO1197

MrsJuneHawk:

Yikes! I didn't think I would get lumped in with the likes stellas or mike-hunt!

AB, I don't have any proof to back this up but I do think that more white people adopt than other races.

sorry! I just wanted to acknowledge my support of the devil's advocate question you posed, that's all!

Graceland*

I wonder if Mrs. Hawk's H's name is Mike, too?  LOLOLOLOLOLMAO  

Mike Hawk.

gatogrrl

lpennie16:

It's sad. Its a fact that white babies are adopted more quickly than minority babies.

There was a radio piece on "This American Life" where the narrator worked at an "adopt a baby" doll store.  All the dolls sold out, except for the black dolls.  White parents would not buy the black dolls for their kids -- they even bought the defective doll first.

So I think Adamwife is right; there's definitely racism at work in the adoption process.  Not for all couples, of course.  But, I mean, dolls?  Have to be white?  That's where some people's heads are at.

megs042107

gatogrrl:

lpennie16:

It's sad. Its a fact that white babies are adopted more quickly than minority babies.

There was a radio piece on "This American Life" where the narrator worked at an "adopt a baby" doll store.? All the dolls sold out, except for the black dolls.? White parents would not buy the black dolls for their kids -- they even bought the defective doll first.

So I think Adamwife is right; there's definitely racism at work in the adoption process.? Not for all couples, of course.? But, I mean, dolls?? Have to be white?? That's where some people's heads are at.

How do you know the parents didn't just want to buy a doll that looked like their child????Do you know how many black families came in to buy dolls for their children? ?I mean, unless you know sales figures, profiles of customers, I don't think "racism" explains what's going on there.

Timeg

ABMcKinney:

Timeg:

That is very racists. I have a problem, though, with people who foster with the sole intention of adopting because I have seen first hand how it affects who those people will accept into their home. I see no problem adopting a child if it comes to it, but foster care is about caring for a child and helping a broken family heal (if possible). 

 

This is absurd. I fully plan on adopting a child/children. I have plenty of room in my heart for children that are not biologically mine, plus I feel a strong pull to help a child in need. My husband and I have discussed the different options we have and decided that while fostering to adopt might work for us, simply fostering would not. I don't have it in me to fall in love with a child and then have that child taken away. It would break me and I couldn't stand it.

That said, I don't care if the child/children I adopt are black, white, Indian or green aliens. Would a white child be easier for me to raise? Absolutely. But I am 100% able to take on a child with a different race and help that child learn about their race/ethnicity to the best of my ability.

My point (and experience with the system) is that foster care never guarantees adoption. If you get involved in foster care, you have to A. be prepared and willing to accept children who may not be with you forever and B. be willing to accept children of different races. I commend people who are willing to adopt and believe that a child is family no matter how they came into your life. I am a strong advocate for adoption and foster care but believe that people need to be realistic about what foster care involves and need to be open and willing to accept all children regardless of their race or their status in the system.

In my experience, things could look like they are heading toward adoption and, at the last minute, a family placement opens or the parents get their acts together.

Before you start calling my opinion absurd, keep in mind that I have DIRECT experience with foster care. Was I the foster parent? No, but I lived and worked with these kids daily. My parents have openly accepted all children and have given their hearts to every child that passed through their doors. That is what true fostering is about. If you want selective adoption, go through an agency.

Graceland*

gatogrrl:

lpennie16:

It's sad. Its a fact that white babies are adopted more quickly than minority babies.

There was a radio piece on "This American Life" where the narrator worked at an "adopt a baby" doll store.  All the dolls sold out, except for the black dolls.  White parents would not buy the black dolls for their kids -- they even bought the defective doll first.

So I think Adamwife is right; there's definitely racism at work in the adoption process.  Not for all couples, of course.  But, I mean, dolls?  Have to be white?  That's where some people's heads are at.

OMG   Are you serious with this?  

Stupidity abound.

I have to leave this thread. 

ABMcKinney

Timeg- I'm sure you are right about the "true fostering" but I don't see why you would have a problem with people who only want to foster to adopt. I don't see anything wrong with only wanting to foster a child if there was a possibility you could keep that child. I imagine there are a lot of people who want to not only help a child, but add to their family as well- and it doesn't have to be selectively.

I think it's so wonderful that your parents were able to do that- I imagine they made such a difference in the lives of all those children.

ToledoDeux

gatogrrl:

lpennie16:

It's sad. Its a fact that white babies are adopted more quickly than minority babies.

There was a radio piece on "This American Life" where the narrator worked at an "adopt a baby" doll store.  All the dolls sold out, except for the black dolls.  White parents would not buy the black dolls for their kids -- they even bought the defective doll first.

So I think Adamwife is right; there's definitely racism at work in the adoption process.  Not for all couples, of course.  But, I mean, dolls?  Have to be white?  That's where some people's heads are at.

I feel like I'm in a freshman sociology class.

ABMcKinney

Oh FFS. There is nothing wrong with a white kid wanting a white doll. Just like there is nothing wrong with a black kid wanting a black doll. I don't remember having any black baby dolls or barbies and it certainly doesn't mean that my parents or myself are racists.

Timeg

ABMcKinney:

Timeg- I'm sure you are right about the "true fostering" but I don't see why you would have a problem with people who only want to foster to adopt. I don't see anything wrong with only wanting to foster a child if there was a possibility you could keep that child. I imagine there are a lot of people who want to not only help a child, but add to their family as well- and it doesn't have to be selectively.

I think it's so wonderful that your parents were able to do that- I imagine they made such a difference in the lives of all those children.

I guess my biggest problem is the fact that when you look at it from that perspective, you stand to get your heart broken and you stand to deny children that may need a temporary loving environment. Because there are so many people who want to adopt versus foster, there are a lot of kids floating in the system, etc. I hurt for the kids no one wants.

When my parents first started and went to the first class, the class was asked how many were in it to adopt - all but two families raised their hands. That means that once they get to adopt, many will stop being foster parents and there is such a need for that.

gatogrrl

ABMcKinney:

Oh FFS. There is nothing wrong with a white kid wanting a white doll. Just like there is nothing wrong with a black kid wanting a black doll. I don't remember having any black baby dolls or barbies and it certainly doesn't mean that my parents or myself are racists.

I guess I didn't explain it well enough.  This was some kind of super-hot doll and there was a whole adoption salon, in FAO Schwartz, I think.  When there were only black dolls left, plenty of kids still wanted those.  It was the parents who steered them away. 

Graceland*

gatogrrl:

ABMcKinney:

Oh FFS. There is nothing wrong with a white kid wanting a white doll. Just like there is nothing wrong with a black kid wanting a black doll. I don't remember having any black baby dolls or barbies and it certainly doesn't mean that my parents or myself are racists.

I guess I didn't explain it well enough.  This was some kind of super-hot doll and there was a whole adoption salon, in FAO Schwartz, I think.  When there were only black dolls left, plenty of kids still wanted those.  It was the parents who steered them away. 

This "explanation" does nothing for your original ridiculous postulation. 

MeredithE

The OP states , the couple only wants to adopt white children, because their family members will give the kids a hard time. How is it racist to prevent children from torment? 

In regards to the dolls, the parents were buying dolls that resembled their children. I was a child during the Cabbage Patch Kid craze and my parents somehow came through. That year for Christmas, I received a female cabbage patch kid with a medium complexion similar to mine.

VileyGirL

Stellasmom:

adamwife:

kipper1128:

For some, adoption is a selfless act - for some, it's to fill a void of needing a family to care for. I may sound ODD, but it's their family to build. And if they're willing to wait and jump through hurdles to get them - then who cares?

I guess they don't want a child that badly.  This just sort of changed how I look at these people.

This is total bs coming from someone who can obviously gestate her own children. You have no idea of the thought processes of these people, as you have clearly not put yourself in their shoes.

If all you wanted was a baby to love, why didn't you adopt one of the thousands already available and homeless?

Oh right, because you wanted a baby that looked like you, and was an infant. Why do YOU have the right to those ideals and an adoptive parent does not? Because you won the biologic ability lottery? I don't think so.

This is fantastic. 

JAWMIN

Timeg:

ABMcKinney:

Timeg:

That is very racists. I have a problem, though, with people who foster with the sole intention of adopting because I have seen first hand how it affects who those people will accept into their home. I see no problem adopting a child if it comes to it, but foster care is about caring for a child and helping a broken family heal (if possible). 

 

This is absurd. I fully plan on adopting a child/children. I have plenty of room in my heart for children that are not biologically mine, plus I feel a strong pull to help a child in need. My husband and I have discussed the different options we have and decided that while fostering to adopt might work for us, simply fostering would not. I don't have it in me to fall in love with a child and then have that child taken away. It would break me and I couldn't stand it.

That said, I don't care if the child/children I adopt are black, white, Indian or green aliens. Would a white child be easier for me to raise? Absolutely. But I am 100% able to take on a child with a different race and help that child learn about their race/ethnicity to the best of my ability.

My point (and experience with the system) is that foster care never guarantees adoption. If you get involved in foster care, you have to A. be prepared and willing to accept children who may not be with you forever and B. be willing to accept children of different races. I commend people who are willing to adopt and believe that a child is family no matter how they came into your life. I am a strong advocate for adoption and foster care but believe that people need to be realistic about what foster care involves and need to be open and willing to accept all children regardless of their race or their status in the system.

In my experience, things could look like they are heading toward adoption and, at the last minute, a family placement opens or the parents get their acts together.

Before you start calling my opinion absurd, keep in mind that I have DIRECT experience with foster care. Was I the foster parent? No, but I lived and worked with these kids daily. My parents have openly accepted all children and have given their hearts to every child that passed through their doors. That is what true fostering is about. If you want selective adoption, go through an agency.

ITA w/ Timeg. I, too, have direct experience with foster care. Foster care is HEARTBREAKING because plans to foster and adopt don't always work even if they foster the perfect child. It's heartbreaking. Don't even get me started on the foster care system!!

If they want the perfect white child, the should go through an agency (but I guess that costs money).   

MrsTotty

I don't think a white couple wanting a white baby is racist.  Selfish ... but not racist.  I think they're probably trying to make it easier on themselves, and the child in the long run.