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3rd Trimester
wwyd? long
I posted last week about stepping down as MOH at my BFF's wedding because it's 2 weeks after my EDD. ?And then she had said that I can't bring the baby to the wedding, to which I replied, then I can't go because I'm not going to leave him while trying to BF and when he'll be only 2 weeks old.?
Well... her mom just called me and told me that they'll be hiring a sitter to stay with some kids during the wedding at a hotel about 10 minutes away. ?She said that I should pump and leave a bottle for the baby so that I can go to the wedding. ?I don't know if I feel comfortable with this though. ?Here are my issues:
1. I would still have to pump during the wedding to avoid engorgement.
2. Nipple confusion for baby if they use a bottle (bc I want to only bf).
3. There will be 4-5 other kids in the room, up to age 7. ?Germs??Rowdiness? ?
4. ?Will I really be able to relax and enjoy myself if I'm away from him and he's being taken care of by strangers?
I don't know what to do... her mom made it seem like I was over reacting and being overly protective and telling me that sometimes things happen that we can't be there for our babies. ?Ok, things, but not usually voluntary things. ?WWYD? Do you think it's a big deal or not??
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Re: wwyd? long
I don't know about the whole overreacting thing but I certainly would not leave my 2 week old with some sitter in a hotel 10 minutes away and in a room filled with other much older children.
I remember reading your post but don't remember if you mentioned this or not: can you take a relative with you? Like your MIL or someone else you trust?
Yikes. 2 weeks is really young.
I think the most compromise I would be willing to do is to attend the ceremony but not the reception (the ceremony should be less than 2 hours, so you should be okay on BFing). But that is A LOT of stress to put on a brand new baby and a new mom. You have to do what's right for you all, and your reasons are perfectly valid - plus, what if you go over your EDD??? Nope - I would stick to my guns on this.
No... unfortunately, we don't live in the same state as any family. ?We considered flying MIL up for it, but it's just too expensive and we can't justify spending the money on something like this. ?
WOW, The bride has obviously known for sometime that this wedding is happening 2 weeks after your EDD. What if you go late or have to have a c-section or even just a vaginal birth with a horrible tear or something. It's kind that she hired a baby sitter but even if you were feeling up to it and the baby was early or on time that baby should be with you.
I dont understadn why she wont allow the baby there? I mean at MOST she will be 2 weeks old, it's not like you will have a toddler running around or screaming durring her ceremony.
Joaquin's hospital and Isela's birth center med & intervention free "hypnobabies" birth stories
this! don't worry about them, worry about you!
I agree, but they are saying "well, there's wood floors and really good acoustics, so if he does cry, it will be really loud"... blah blah blah. ?I already told them that a 2 week old eats and sleeps and that he wont be a bother, but they said that the place is not?adequate??for small children. ?WHATEVER! ?I'm annoyed with the whole situation. ?And, yes... she did know my EDD when she picked her wedding date.?
I would not leave my baby with anyone at 2weeks old let alone stranger who will be watching a bunch of other kids in a hotel room at the same time. Call me over protective or anything else but it's my baby.
And I would also not pump to keep someone else happy. I do not intend to pump initially if at all.
When I "signed up" I didn't know baby wasn't invited. ?In fact, she never said anything about this until I told her that I was going to have to take BF breaks and then she was like "oh, ?you're bringing him?" ... uhhh, YES!?
I agree, but they are saying "well, there's wood floors and really good acoustics, so if he does cry, it will be really loud"... blah blah blah. I already told them that a 2 week old eats and sleeps and that he wont be a bother, but they said that the place is not adequate for small children. WHATEVER! I'm annoyed with the whole situation. And, yes... she did know my EDD when she picked her wedding date.
Wow, just wow! She's obviously speaking as someone who's never had a newborn or had to be responsible for a new life. Incredibly selfish and yes, even though this is her wedding it is still incredibly selfish. Bridezilla comes to mind. I'm thinking I would would step down. Baby is much more important, and if your BFF can't realize that, then maybe she's not that good of a friend (but, mostly likely she is in wedding planning hazey brain).
I would thank them for their offer, and tell them that it is recommended that babies not be introduced to the bottle until at least 4 weeks after they are born. I heard this in the bf class and found this on the Children's Hospital Boston website:
"It is recommended a baby exclusively breastfeed for the first three to four weeks before a bottle is introduced. This allows the mother's body to fully establish milk production prior to separation from the baby and helps avoid nipple confusion between the breast and artificial nipple. A variety of bottle nipples are available, many designed to mimic the breastfeeding experience. Some tend to be more compatible with breastfeeding than others, and some babies prefer one type over another."
Not only could it cause nipple confusion, but it sounds as though it interferes with milk production.
Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything you're not comfortable with, and you don't sounds comfortable with this at all. Go with your gut.
Even so, you could go over your EDD and have a one week old baby. It is crazy to think you can be helping a bride when you are healing. How will you even bend over to adjust her train? I would back out. My little sister asked me to be her MOH in her wedding 2 months after my EDD and I told her to pick someone else. I would be no use to her. My mind and body will be totally devoted to my baby. I know you just want to be a good friend, but really, you are adding way to much stress to your life. If I were you, I would respectfully back out.
I don't feel comfortable leaving my 3 year old with a stranger let alone a 2 week old. I wouldn't do it.
wow- that is tough.
i easily see your side and agree with it, but i also understand the bride's desire to not have kids there. If it were me I would probably rsvp that I would attend and my H would not. I would have H somewhere nearby with the baby, and manage things that way.
It is completely unreasonable for her mom to make you feel guilty about it, but just like our lives are baby focused right now, the bride is probably wedding focused and just not thinking of the logistics from your POV
Proud mama to a boys- 6/17/09 - a girl 2/23/11- and a boy 8/20/12
2 weeks is REALLY young to ask a new mom to leave her baby for the evening. I wouldn't do it.
Yes, you will get engorged, you can count on that. You will be thinking about your baby the whole time (reasonably so!) and probably not be able to relax and do your duties as a MOH as well as you should.
For me personally, I wouldn't worry about the other kids and the nipple confusion (DS did fine with bottles when I would give him pumped milk as early as 2 days old) - but I think it's a little crazy that they asked you to leave your baby. That would be a big deal to me.
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You absolutely have a right to be concerned. You're not suppose to bottle feed for your reason number 2 that soon and I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my new baby with someone that will be watching multiple kids.
Also you might go late and then and not make the wedding anyway.
I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my 2 week old with someone I've never met - especially with other little kids. I also wouldn't want to introduce a bottle to my baby for someone else's convenience.
It's too bad that your BFF assumed your NB wouldn't be going to her wedding. They're putting you in a position where you have to defend your parenting choices which typically would never be an issue for discussion - and especially not any of their concern.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. I hope your BFF understands and accepts whatever choice you make.
Oh, yeah... I already stepped down, but now it's a matter of whether to attend or not, as a guest. ?DH is a groomsman though. ?
This! The bride and her mother sound like selfish twits. Do not let anyone pressure into anything you do not feel comfortable with. Especially in matters regarding your child.
Good luck.
Wow...I attended a wedding this weekend and did get a sitter at the hotel, but my kids are much older (and much rowdier LOL). A two week old will barely make a peep, and if you are sitting in the back you could quickly get up and leave, etc.
Your friend is being very unrealistic thinking you can leave a 2 week old with a sitter you don't even know, not to mention that YOU probably won't feel up to a long wedding/reception even. Honestly I'd probably just let DH go and skip this one.
1. What happens when you don't deliver on your EDD and go over??
2. NO WAY would I leave my child with a stranger-regardless of how old my baby was.
3. I doubt that I'll be in real clothes 2 weeks pp-so no way would I even think that attending a wedding would be acceptable. You'll most likely be bleeding still and of course leaking milk, I would think you would be much more comfortable at home during this time.?
and finally...they are being totally unreasonable, I would say no just for that reason. It is your baby and you don't have to justify anything. A simple "sorry I really don't think this is going to work out" should suffice.?
i say back out of the wedding. she knew your EDD when she picked the wedding date and if she didnt expect this possibility then she's not very bright. i agree with pp's comments about if you go over your EDD you could very well have a 1 week old and regardless will still be recovering yourself.
having already had a baby that i BF i'm a little less strict on the la leche league-ish freak outs about supplementing or starting bottles and think that you have to roll with the punches to some extent and one thing wont necessarily ruin your BFing plans - BUT at 2 weeks that's pretty young and there just isn't a good reason to change all of your BFing plans around.
fwiw, my DD is 2yo and i'm not certain if i would be 100% comfortable with her at a hotel 10 mins away with a sitter i hadnt met before who had however many other kids in her charge. so there is absolutely ZERO chance that i would have done that at 2 weeks
i would just try to keep it pleasant and say that you really wish you could be in her wedding and you'll be there in spirit, etc, but that you don't feel comfortable leaving baby, etc. and don't bother blaming her or telling her that she's a ridiculous bridezilla (which she is, but it wont help). take the high road but i wouldnt try to be in this wedding.
Honestly, I think the -zilla titles are going a bit far. They're not yelling or screaming or calling names. It was an honest misunderstanding, and they are willing to foot the bill for a sitter. They simply have this image of a "perfect" wedding day, and fear that it will be ruined by a crying baby. Do I agree think that the wedding would be ruined by a few cries? Uh, no. But, that's what the bride thinks, and I do think she's doing what she can to please everyone.
It's also possible that her MOM is the one who has the bigger issue with the baby, and the bride is a bit stuck in the middle...so frazzled with all the planning that she's not even questioning what her mom is telling her.
I am not even a first time mom and wouldn't leave a 2 week old. That is just absurd.
And what if you are overdue like 90% of most women are???