We should be sharing our exciting news with everyone today
I am new here...I have been reading the boards over the past few weeks but finally decided to actually post something. You ladies seem like a really great bunch of women, incredibly kind and supportive and I know that I am lucky to have found you.
I found out I lost my baby on 5/18 when I was just about 11 weeks pregnant. This was after having 2 ultrasounds with perfect growth and a strong heartbeat each time. I had my first D&C on 5/20 and I guess my body didn't do what is was supposed to do (I didn't bleed enough afterwards) so I underwent my seoncd D&C yesterday. As if I haven't been through enough emotional pain and torture. This weekend I would have been over the 12 week mark and we had these big plans to tell our families that we were expecting and here I am bleeding from my second D&C with no baby inside of me.
I have never felt such pain and sadness in all of my life. I am angry at things that wouldn't normally bother me. I cry at things that wouldn't normally make me cry. Although my husband has been extremely supportive it is hard to watch him walk around and living life as if nothing has happened, it's just his way of coping but I find it hurtful because I am so sad inside.
I have never felt so alone in all of my life so I felt like I just needed to share this with you. Thank you for listening.
Re: We should be sharing our exciting news with everyone today
I have had the feeling of "I should be sharing my news" as we were in the middle of telling people about the pregnancy when it was discovered that the baby had no heartbeat (at a nine week ultrasound and after seeing the heartbeat three times previously).
Our closer friends and family knew abou the pregnancy and we had to un-tell those people, which was horribly difficult and we mostly did through email just because neither of us was up to making a whole bunch of phone calls to repeatedly share gut-wrenching news.
However, at my work only one person (a supervisor) knows that I was really out sick due to a miscarriage and D&C as I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant. It made it a bit easier to go back to work since I didn't have to do any explaining and could just pretend that nothing had happened.
My husband has been really sad but he has also seemed to recover a bit faster (okay a lot faster) than I have. I was a little angry about that--thinking he should be hurting as much as I am--but I realize that he has his own way of coping. I watched as he literally ate five pounds onto himself in one week (he was just eating constantly, which was all the more obvious because I was not eating at all for the first week).
He has since talked about how sad he is that there won't be a baby (we would have had the baby just before Christmas) and how he did really want the baby and to be a daddy.
DH and I have both realized that it is better that we are not both completely distraught as he has been able to pick up the slack for me and be super-supportive to me---things he would not be able to do if he was also completely distraught.
At my follow-up appointment, my doctor called this a "triple whammy"--your baby has died, you have to deal with the pregnancy hormones leaving your body, and you have to deal with the physical symptoms of cramping, pain, and bleeding. He told us that miscarriage is one of the most stressful and most difficult life experiences people have to deal with and how sorry he is that this happened.
All of this to say--hang in there. It doesn't seem like it, but you will eventually feel a little less alone and a little bit less like crying all the time. It is progress when you only cry five times in one day instead of fifteen. I feel so sad that DH and I don't get to meet our baby and that our innocent little one never got to live. We went through a lot of fertility treatments to get pregnant, however, and both of us are hopeful there will be another pregnancy in our future but I am so scared of this happening again.
BFP#2 5/11/09 :: Natural m/c 5/27/09 @ 5w5d
BFP#3 7/24/09 :: Missed m/c, baby stopped growing at 6w4d :: natural m/c 8/28/09 @ 8w6d
BFP #4 11/27/09 :: DD born 7/27/10
BFP #5 2/29/12 :: DD born 11/6/12
i am so sorry for your loss. it is so hard going through this. know that what you're feeling is totally understandable... that horrible aching feeling. also know that not only are you going through an emotional loss and a physical trauma, but your hormones are going completely crazy, so all that "i don't normally cry/get angry at this..." is completely exagerated by those darn, stupid hormones.
there is so much good advice in the posts the girls leave here... today cowgirl posted a poem about ugly shoes, and man, does that hit close to home. i hope you find some peace and comfort here. best of luck to you.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I understand a lot of the feelings that you are describing. DH seemed to bounce back really quickly after the D&C as well. I would actually give him trouble when I caught him smiling a couple days after, but then I realized that was a bit over the top. I have been really leaning on him and so it is good if we aren't both completely distraught (as a pp said).
We would have been announcing this week too - m/c at 11w5d. I hate the fact that we came so close to the "safe point".
Please take care of yourself, and I hope that things do get a little bit easier as time goes by.