Poll: Are you a judgemental parent?
Since its been a bit slow lately, thought I'd post a topic everyone can weigh in on.
For the most part I have the point of view that what other people decide to do with their children is their business as long as its not abusive or dangerous, however lately I've found myself really irked by some of the things friends and family members do and have to really bite my tongue not to let it show. Examples:
I have a friend who gives her almost-two-year-old a morning and bedtime "ba-ba" on her lap like an infant. In the morning she waits an hour after the "ba-ba" to feed him breakfast. Why not just let him drink his milk with his food as one meal? Same friend still spoon feeds child every bite of food instead of letting him self-feed. Same friend still puts all beverages in a bottle, even though the child will pick up a sippy cup and drink from it whenever he is around other kids who have cups. If the kid will drink from a cup, why doesn't she just give him a cup????
Another example: DH's cousin lets her 2.5 year old and 4 year old drink tons of soda and their bedtime is anywhere from 10:30 to midnight. One night she went to bed and left them up watching TV because they said they weren't tired yet. When she went to check on them at 3 am, they were still watching TV. Also, the 4 year old still drinks all of his milk from a bottle.
Different cousin of DH's has her almost-seven-year old still sitting in a regular toddler carseat because she feels he hasn't reached the weight limit yet, so why move him into a booster seat. Her 30+ lb one year old is still in the infant carrier and she actually takes it out of the car and lugs him around in it. The one year old drinks 6-8 bottles a day and only gets stage 2 purees because she doesn't think he's ready for more than that yet. It's like she wants to keep them babies forever.
I know I shouldn't care what other people do, but these things drive me CRAZY! What things do people around you do that really make you judgemental??
Re: Poll: Are you a judgemental parent?
awesome poll!
YES, i am judgemental, but YES i do keep things to myself and only share with dh unless of course its directly affecting mady.
the soda thing really irks me. my friends son just turned 1...and i saw him drinking from his sippy cup soda with ice. she says she gives it to him b/c he "asks" for it b/c his older sister (who is 4) drinks soda. um no excuse whatsoever! he also eats all of his meals pureed b/c he "hates" finger foods like cheerios...he also gets a morning bottle (and by morning i mean 2am or 4am feeding)
dh's cousin's wife just had their 1st baby. the kid is 3 months old and has absolutely no schedule or routine at all. she says she refuses to tell him when to eat or sleep b/c he's a baby and she will do as he says. they came to my house for a 1st time visit and she carried no clean bottles or no extra clothing for him. i washed and sterilized all her bottles (b/c he was due for a feeding) and helped her wash him up b/c he had spit up everywhere.
my latest scenario are parents who do not reprimand their kids for pushing or shoving younger kids. im still learning to cope with this though and realize that i too have a right to reprimand someone elses child when mine is in danger.
EVE_ as soon as I saw that you responded I knew where you were going with that one ;o)
my answer_ YES! I would be a liar if I said that I wasn't! Honestly, and you can ask some oof my IRL bump friends, i feel badly, bad mouthing other parents, but there are somethings that make me question, WTH are those people thinking?!?!?!
Soda irks me, when I child is really young. In fact, my kid had NO soda, even though a lot of our family had problems with that, saying we were too over-protective, until she was TWO! However, ever since she got a sick just after her second birtday and we let her have ginger ale and sprite, the kid CANNOT get enough of it, and if she sees it in my glass, or DH, watch out! lol That being said, it happens at most 2x per week, since we are not big soda people to begin with. She is more of a milk or water type of girl too, and never been into juice very much so... that is how I justify myself ;o)
Parents who have no routine for thier children, or even more parents who cannot handle their children drive me NUTS! like seriously, you spend the most time with them. To not know them by a motnh even is CRAZY to me. I knew a lot about Charlotte by the time she was born, just by how much we bonded with her in my belly. By the time she was about a month old, I kinda got to know who SHE was on the outside, so it only got better form there. People who are still not sure how to soothe their kids when they are like 6 months old shock the heck out of me!
My own personal IRK, is, and I am talking from personal experience, when people bring their kid places with them, and expect everyone there to take care of their child. Like going to a family dinner and handing the kid over, I mean the MOMENT they see someone they know. Then proceedng to leave their child with that person, or form person to person, as long as the child does not come back to them, and chill like it is their night off! WTH?!?! Am I the only one who knows someone like this??? Thses people who I know do this ALL the time and most people notice it and say how much it bothers them, behind their backs, but doesn't say it to their face. I just stear clear and don't even talk to them until they have dumped their kid on someone else, and if the baby ever comes to me, I bring it riht back to their mom. YES, this happens every time we see these people, and no its not one of our bumpies ;o) I don't want to freak anyone out! lol
Umm, yeah. LOL. I am usually of the mind "to each their own" but there a bunch of things that irk me when I see them. I can list them out. LOL. I usually don't say anything out loud but I think a few interesting thoughts.
- When I see a child over 1 year old out in public with a paci. Bugs me. That is for sleeping or the car. A child over 1 is learning to talk and certainly cannot if they are talking around a pacifier.
- Soda in a bottle. Lord save me. I cannot stand to see little kids or babies drinking soda at all but to have it in a bottle just makes the hair on the back of my head stand on end.
- A barefoot newborn. Don't ask me why but seeing a baby without socks in even in the summer (but inside in AC) makes me feel so bad for them!
- My niece is turning 4 and still drinks milk from a bottle. Sophia has been off the bottle since she was 13 months. I don't think any kid over 2 should be on any kind of bottle. Its not good for their teeth or teaching fine motor skills. They don't need it. I think its just laziness on the part of the parents who don't want to deal with weaning.
I have more but this is a lot already. I am sure there are things that I do that make other parents go "hmmm" but I think that is human nature. We can always find something to bah-humbug in someone else.
Am I a judgmental parent, heck yeah I am. but you know what I notice? Is that people who only have ONE kid are sometimes the most judgmental because it's really when I had my second that I realized I didn't know much abotu kids, other than the fact that even siblings can be totally different and what might work for one, might not for others.
Soda at a young age? You don't even have to be a parent to know that's wrong.
Bottles past one, ain't ever killed anyone (same goes with nursing past the age of one or God forbid 2!!).
Andrea, yeah your DH's cousins that let their kids up until wee hours and drink soda, should be spayed! That's nutso!
I'm really not judgy...my three close friends that live down here don't have kids so I guess it is different. My only close friend that does lives in NY so I don't see her all the time.
I guess I should duck for cover at the next gtg....I'm one of those mom's that don't really have their 4 month old on a schedule. I mean she gets up at 6-7 and I try to lay her down by 8 but that doesn't always happen and sometimes she sleeps an hour later. I also feed on demand and it works for us
and lol at Mel, my MIL freaks out when she sees Madison and runs to put socks on her all the time. I never have them on her...she just kicks them off in 5 minutes.
Maybe in time I'll change but I have always been a little different in my thinking. My first thoughts aren't to judge, what works for you may not work for me and that's fine. I have so much on my plate right now I don't have the time to worry about what BF in Ny is doing with her kid. She's doing what she thinks is best IMO.
I am extremely critical and judgmental, but I keep it all to myself (maybe I will comment to DH or my mom or something). I can't stand other moms who give unsolicited advice, and who think their way of doing things is "right" and other people's is "wrong," so I don't want to become one of those moms. I will definitely judge you, but in my own head lol.
My biggest pet peeves are kids who are not taught proper table manners (like toddlers/older kids who make a huge mess when they eat and get food everywhere, chew with their mouths open, etc.), kids who do gross things (like burp, fart, pick their nose, etc., in public) and the parents don't correct them, and kids who are spoiled. I know the spoiled thing is a fine line and I know that all kids will have a tantrum now and then because they didn't get a certain food or toy they want, but parents who routinely give in to this type of behavior or who don't call their kids out on it drive me nuts. I know some kids (not even toddlers or babies) whose parents got them used to getting a "treat" every week (meaning a new toy or book) for no particular reason...just "hey, it's Friday, let's go to the store and buy you a treat." Not as a reward for good behavior, not as an incentive to reach a certain goal, etc. Just for no reason. And God forbid there is a week where because of some scheduling conflict or some other circumstance, the parent can't go to the store and buy them their treat - the kids throw a FIT! Scream and cry and say how it's so unfair that they didn't get their treat. I totally judge that. Obviously that is an extreme example, but I think any parent who gives in and gives a child what they want just because they are throwing a temper trantrum is heading down a bad path...you are basically teaching your kid to have a sense of entitlement and to think that the world owes them something which is so far from the truth that it's not even funny.
Overprotective moms and moms who try to baby their kids too much really irk me too, ESPECIALLY when they are holier-than-thou about their methods. Like moms who insist their kids are too good to go to daycare because God forbid they be exposed to any of those germs. Obviously it's perfectly fine to have an opinion on what is the better option, but when you start acting like you are a better parent because you kept your kid out of daycare until X age, you move into the major annoying territory. And moms who insist on treating their toddlers like babies are seriously deranged (in my humble opinion lol) - they are just doing it for themselves to make themselves feel better about the fact that their kids are growing up, and they are really doing a big disservice to the children.
LOL. I was such a sock freak with Sophia that I got the kind that were impossible to kick off. I have no idea why it bugs me but it does. Those poor little skinny feet!
Of course now Sophia is barefoot all the time - as long as its inside the house. She herself sits down and pulls her socks off. She feels like she only needs to have socks on if she has shoes on. Every night I put socks on her - every morning she wakes up barefoot. *sigh* Rebellion already!
I couldn't have said it better myself! I'll admit I have wondered why some kids in Mikey's class are still drinking out of a bottle but I don't frown on them. That's not MY problem. My problem is my child and I'll raise him how I see fit. There are sooooooo many bigger things in our lives to worry about, who the f*** cares what others think really. I guess after living my life and always wanting to do the right thing for my parents to think I was a good child and having them crap on me like they did and WHEN they did I've realize that life is just way too short to cater how you live it around what others think you should/shouldn't do.
I'd rather have an honest person around me telling me that I am screwing up with my child (because there ARE ways to tell someone without seeming like a "know it all") that a person who is extremly judgemental.
Being a mom a hard hard job without having to worry that every little detail of our life is being scrutinized by "extremly judgmental" people. I hope for you sake (and for your childs) that you realize that you are going to mess up more than once when it comes to raising your child but that thankfully we all have the opportunity do change things and correct them.
Yup, and like most - keep it to myself.
1. My BIGGEST pet peeve - my 2 yr old nephew who when he doesn't get what he wants goes "Eh, Eh, EHH" screams and then his mother goes Ok Ok and gives in to what he wants. #1 - its delaying his speech and #2 he's becoming a spoiled brat. That REALLY irks me.
2. Soda, that is wrong on so many levels!
---- I also get judged all the time though "ohh your one of those moms that heat up the babies milk, yeah I used powder so I didn't have to worry about that" GOOD FOR U no need to share "ohhh you make his food, why? Gerber is easier." GOOD FOR YOU, no need to share LOL
I am not the one to judge parents or anyone for that matter. We all want to do our best as parents and sometimes what we have plan works other times not much.?
To me as long as they are Safe, Loved, Cared and Happy.....everything and anything goes.?
?There is one thing that I do feel very strongly about it and that is my toddler still rides rear-facing and will be until the limits, He will ride in his Britax until the weight limit as long as I feel he is Safer that way....( see that falls under my Safe category). Do I judge parents that have their one year old forward -facing? NO....do I still think is safer to ride rearfacing?..YES.?
?I do not worry about bedtimes, or the sodas, or pacis, bottles ?or any of those things that I know kids will either wean out of it or learn at some points. Kids are only kids once and I just want to enjoy every second of it.
?This reminds me of an awesome letter that Dawn email me.....it really puts into?perspective a lot of this and makes you realize about the things that we should focus on as parents now so that in 18 years we don't regret that the time flew and forgot to enjoy the moment...
?If you want the letter let me know..I have it saved to read every now and the...its a great letter.
Barbie ?
Ditto, I always try to remember and apprecaite life itself and "don't sweat the small stuff" but these are thoughts that always pop in my head, not to go crazy over but you still *think* about it. Its not my problem if other kids drink soda but I still think its wrong. I think that is what Andrea meant in her post. ?
Being a parent is the toughest job EVER. All we can hope for is that we do whatever we can to give our children the best life possible. We work on a reward system in my house, but for good behavior and positive things done, for example, its been really challenging getting Alex back into the swing of school. So as long as he has a good week at school and doesnt cry, he can get a reward on Friday. I also have a very structured house. Toys and shoes and such have their place in the house, and its not by the front door or the middle of the living room. Its very hard for me to handle a messy house and one of my pet peeves is kids who dont pick up after themselves. I think its a very important lesson for children to understand that we arent their servants or slaves. I also hate the pacifier. Alex never used one and Max is an occasional user, mostly for when he just too upset to console. Soon enough, it will be trashed. I also am quite irritated by the parent that swears that their breastfed child is much better off than my bottle fed children, or the parent that makes me feel like I did wrong by bottle feeding my child. Soda is a nay, bottles after one is a nay, and in my opinion, breastfeeding after one is a nay as well, but to each their own. Lastly, I am most annoyed at the parent who must leave wherever by a certain time because their kid needs to be in bed by X time. I definitely have a routine in my house, but I learned a long time ago that it is more important for children to adapt to change well and to learn to go with the flow than to be a schedule nazo. Thankfully, I have 2 boys who will sleep anywhere. I am someone who is quick to give parenting advice, but only when asked for it, and even then, I try to hold back without sounded like a no-it all. And my apologies Mel, but Max NEVER has socks on, lol.
Wow, I didnt realize how this post could just drag on : )
I'm very judgmental, I will sometimes speak my mind if I know you or I will just share with the hubs. What you all just mentioned above is what my sister does with her kids. DRIVES ME INSANE!
My eeekks are:
Older kids playing in the playground area at the malls.
Parents who put those bookbag string on the kids back so they won't run away! Dh gets PISSED when he sees this, wishes he can cut the straps right off!
Kids not having a schedule and going to bed past 8:30 or later.
Having a 3 year old fed their food, drives me crazy.
Kids who barely fit into a stroller but the parents strap them on there and you see their legs dragging! It's time to say goodbye to the stroller.
Parents who allow their kids to play on those DS Nintendo gadgets and not actually do physical playing.
Kids who scream, yell, fight, argue, curse all the time.I know there is more but my mind finally went blank.
the only thing that irks me are spoiled brats--and let me tell you...i know there is a thin line, but parents becareful. my cousin, whom i've always thought was SUPER spoiled, is now 13 and is a pain in the arss. to the point that he is sooo disrespectful w/his mother that i've gotten close to slapping the little punk when he answers back. although i always stop myself b/c if the mother doesn't care then let it be....
if he doesn't get what he wants he while cause a scene. and his mom always allowed him to do this since he was a baby. so that's the only thing i can say that irks me. parents need to def discipline their kids, i don't care how they do it (may it be means of a time out or a spanking...and no i'm not condoning abuse either), kids need to be taught that they cannot always get their way and their parents (no matter what circumstances it is) need to be respected.
Photo courtesy of www.yaporiginals.com
It's Beshert
So you're saying that I shouldn't have an opinion on something unless I am willing to tell that person what my opinion is? I'm sorry but I am a very opinionated person and if I see a parent repeating a certain behavior over and over again, it's not going to take me that long before I form a negative opinion on it if I disagree. Unless that person asks me how I feel about that topic or unless they are doing something that is putting their child in harm's way, I don't think it's my place to give my two cents just because I totally disagree with them. Two perfectly good moms can have two totally different opinions about something like whether it's okay to let a 4 year old chew with his mouth open, and just because I happen to fall on one side of the fence doesn't mean that I need to go out of my way to tell every mom whose kid has poor table manners that I think they are "screwing up their kid." But I still think I'm entitled to my own opinion and I think the appropriate thing is to keep it to myself. I don't think it's my job or anybody else's, for that matter, to tell other people how to raise their kids just because they happen to disagree with their methods.
OBVIOUSLY I know that all moms, including myself, will screw up from time to time...isn't that common knowledge? I'm not referring to the occasional slip up or the random mistakes. Like everyone else on this thread, I was just expressing what my personal pet peeves are that I see other parents doing and that I am critical of.
I am just trying to tell you that for someone who hasn't experienced what it is to have a child of your own and have to make decision for him/her you are awfully opinionated on certain subjects.
Overprotective moms bother you? wait until you hold that child of your in your arms...
People that think their kids are too good for daycare because of germs bother you? I hope to God that you think your kid deserves to be protected as much as possible from germs rather than have them exposed at a young age.
i can say i'm judgmental. and by saying "i'm not judmental, people need to worry about their own lives" is a little judmental in and of itself... so i can admit, yeah, i'm judmental.
my biggest pet peeve?? People who teach their children made up words instead of using the real word. Why not teach a child "dog"? Why teach them "bow wow" instead? If they can learn 2 syllables, they can learn 1. I'm not going to teach my child that just because it sounds cute.
Another thing that bugs me is when mothers let people walk all over them. YOU are the child's mom, not the aunt, not the grandmother, not your best friend. Don't just do whatever the other person says because you don't have the nerve to say "no, I'll raise my kid however I want." At some point you have to grow up and realize that your decisions are the ones that matter.
harsh, no? i'd rather have someone shut their mouth and let me raise my kid my own way. be judgmental, it doesn't bother me. what works for you might not work for me and vice versa. I'm pretty sure Jen (and the rest of us 1st times moms) know that we're going to make mistakes. And I'm pretty sure the moms with 2 or 3 kids are going to make many mistakes (God knows my mom made mistakes with us 2 kids!) But we're all going to have our own ideals and ways we want to raise our kids and that doesn't make one person more right over the other.. and that doesn't mean we want people telling us we're messing up. Especially if that person has no idea what they're talking about (even if they have 2 kids!)
Yes, I judge moms who are way overprotective. Of course I will want to protect my child from every harm in the world, but I also think some kids are severely limited and held back by moms who are TOO protective and who insist on babying their kids to make THEMSELVES feel better and not because it is beneficial or safe for the child. Anytime you put your own emotional needs above the developmental maturity of your child, I judge that. That's what I meant. I don't know where the line is, but I know there's a point where you cross that line and do a disservice to your kids.
And as for daycare, HELL NO I don't want my baby to go to daycare, and I am very blessed that I will likely have other options. But I would die before I make another mom feel bad about that decision. Unfortunately not everyone has the option to be a SAHM or have a relative watch their baby. And of course your child deserves to be protected from germs for as long as possible, but there are plenty of babies who go to daycare from a very early age and are perfectly healthy. You are not a better mom and you don't love your kids more just because you had the luxury of avoiding day care - and people who have that holier than thou attitude are the ones I judge.
I don't see the need for you being so condescending towards me and trying lecture me as if I were a completely ignorant person. I'm not a mother yet, but I have been exposed to more than my fair share of babies, children, and different parenting methods to the point that I am informed on these things and can have opinions if I feel like it. I don't live in a bubble. I'm not a moron who thinks that I am going to be a perfect parent and never make mistakes. Maybe I will change my mind on some topics when I actually have kids, but in the meantime, I think I am still entitled to think what I think and say so in a poll that is asking for our opinions. There's no need for the patronizing "I hope for your sake and the sake of your child..." language.
if you took offense to my replies, than I apologize.
Most of us at one point said " my kid would never do this, or that" " i would never do this or that" but it isn't until you have your kid that you realize "shoot, I always said I would never do this!". that's all I am saying.
I just found your opinions extremly "strong" (and trust me, I don't think being opinionated is a bad thing, to the contrary) but I don't think you should be proud of saying " I am extremly judgemental"
and to make the record clear, I don't think you or a first time mom are morons, ignorant or whatever( I was there too, remember). I am just saying that if I could think on only ONE thing that I learned when becoming a mom for the second time is that " I know nothing" (since each kid is so different, aswell are mothers and parenting style (different, not necessarily wrong).
Lauren, I might have worded my thoughts wrong. I meant that all mothers shoould be worried about their kids "getting germs" regardless of wether they go to daycare or stay home.
When I had Sebastian, I honestly did think that kids who went to daycare were always sick and it wasn't a good thing. Until I had Nate, who got sick more than I would have liked him too (heck he was in the hospital TWICE) and I realized that regardless of where they are (home or daycare) some kids just have bette immune systems than others!
I like to think that there isn't a "right" way to parent and that as long as the child is safe and the situation is working fine for the parent, then who am I to judge? That being said- those of you that know me in person, know that I am judgemental. There are lots of things you guys have already mentioned that irk me, but I would never tell anyone their parenting sucks, because I know I'm not perfect and it's definetly not my buisness- that being said, I do comment to Laz and other mommies (which is not right either, gossiping is not nice),
Things that bother me:
- Big kids drinking out of a bottle. My plan is to have Nadia in a sippy cup by her 1st bday and we are already practicing.
- Big kid's in a strollers- like the kind Brigette said, that are dragging their feet and everything.
- Kid's that are still fed by their parents at a few years old. My aunt does this with my godson who is 5 years old.
-Kids with bad manners/behavior that aren't corrected. Again- my godson is playing and visitors come over and greet him and he doesn't respond. No one tells him anything about it. Someone should say- "Say HELLO!" Like I said, he isn't that little either.
-Tiny babies that are out and about not covered up. Nadia wore a onesie under all her clothes until she was 3 months old and always wore socks! Now that it's hot and she's older- when we go out, I put sandals on her, but if she kicks them off, I let her go barefoot.
-Soda for little kids bothers me. It just doesn't make any sense.
-People who have no routine- but then complain that their kid is a bad sleeper.
first thanks for keeping the board lively today
I just wanted to add that I was at Walmart at like 10pm one night wasting time with my dh while Aa was at a babysitter. I saw a woman with 3 very young children. I thought something negative as I walked past her...and then I said to my husband "that is so not nice" and he was like "huh?" I told him I just judged that woman but I do not know her circumstances. Who knows she may have been at work all day and this was her only time to do her shopping. It is not fair to judge and I try hard to work on that everyday...it is that damn devil on my shoulder. It is unfortunate but it is there...for all of us. I know that I am different today and far from perfect from the parent I thought I would be. My son makes messes and I know it is a phase...and that when he is 18 and off to college he will not be dropping the handfulls of rice that he drops now....no reason to correct him...hey many parents would be thrilled if their kids ate half what my kid can consume
lol.
I wish my post was as exciting as all of the others...boo lol
xo
My baby is 7 months and I don't always know how to soothe him. What works one day/month might not work the rest. It's a crap shoot sometimes, but I don't think that makes me not know him. I try so hard to make him happy, but it's not always easy! Not everyone has cool demeanored babies, Jake is certainly a challenge but I love him
And Jake is ALWAYS barefoot. Socks won't stay on (i've tried soo many times!) and I don't see the point in shoes at this point.
Apart from the above which I'm guilty of, I judge little things here and there but try to stay out of things unless the child is in danger
He also doesn't crawl yet.. not all 7 month olds do!
My blog
Abby is almost 7 months and i don't think she's close to crawling yet... and I have to carry her everywhere because how else is she going to travel? lol I'm not going to let her roll from room to room!!
I don't think that PP meant that all babies should be crawling at that age but more that if the child is constantly held they are doing a disservice to that child because they are not letting them explore on their own, practice trying to crawl, etc. Dude, Sophia was pretty heavy by 7 months and I was happy to be able to plop her down on a blanket and watch her play with her toys and sit up on her own. That is the age that rolling around on the floor with her became so much fun! Sophia did not crawl until she was 8.5 months old.
lol Mel, I know
I can't carry Abby around anymore, my arms get soooo tired. it's the best arm workout, though! That's why I love my p&p or I throw a blanket down on our rug and let her go crazy! I'm going to invest in some of those colorful rubber mats so she has more room to roll around. But she's STILL not sitting up on her own. She refuses to! She knows how, she just tries to stand and them plops over. so frustrating!
I'm sure that you may have moments where you can't soothe him instantly (happens to all of us), but I'm sure you've got several tricks up your sleeve! I'm pretty positive you know Jake better then anyone!
Victoria i definitely know what you mean. Trust me I know that a child can switch up thri schedule from day to day. However, like Mari said, I am sure that you have a few tricks up your sleeve by now. The kind of parent I was referring to, is the kind who cannot seem to soothe their child EVER. Like they don't know them. They are always complaining because the child id "so bad" yes I have even heard this particular parent say that their child was bad. However, I think is has more to do with the parents lack of structure than having a "bad" baby. IMHO bad babies DON'T excist!