"B/C its your job"

lizzyjean24 · April 2009

Anyone else hear this from DH and want to kick his a**? Never thought he would say that! At 3 am I asked him if he couldplease feed the baby. He got all pissed. Then told me that. You think he could sympathise with the fact that I only asked him b/c I have had no sleep latley. I just lie in bed wide awake for hours! God Forbid I asked him to feed him ONCE!!!!!! Sure I'm a stay at home mom right now, but he's your child too and that makes him YOUR job as well!

joecubed · April 2009

it sounds like you need to have a talk. it's not your job. you just normally do it.

brideatbeach · April 2009

DH tries this *** with me at night time when he gets home from work and then I remind him atleast he gets a day off, I don't!!

gatorgrrl27 · April 2009

You work all day just like he does. So, at night it's a shared responsibility. That's my opinion. Thankfully, my DH is uber supportive but I have heard that mentality from guys he works with that don't understand why he's tired because it's the woman's "job" to deal with the baby. Set your hubby straight!

jen_k2 · April 2009

Ooh thats shiitty!

julieteve · April 2009

It frustrates me so much when my DH is like this too. I'm not even a SAHM, but he thinks just because I am the Mom, that I should do pretty much everything.

lizzyjean24 · April 2009

UGH ! Well we talked after it happened, but I'm just repeating myself! He said he feels that I wake him up too much lately too. I asked how, he told me that when I lie in bed for hours awake, at 6 I'll finally go to the couch. So my telling him, watch the baby (turn around and face him on the bed) is waking him up? DS is sleeping and DH stays asleep so how is that even considered waking him up! Yup I get that too when he comes home from work. I wait all day long for a break and goes to the bathroom for 45 minutes to "read"!

I'm totally burned out right now!

Heather R · April 2009

Um, no, I've never heard that from my husband.

trixR4kidz · April 2009

Wow.Swift. Kick. To. Teeth.

You need another talk then. He obviously doesn't realize how hard it is.

auburnbride2be · April 2009

So your job is 24/7 and he gets to work an 8 hour day. Must be nice. That would really piss me off.

clayswife · April 2009

If DH said anything like that to me I would not want to kick his a$$, I would kick his a$$.

Your DC is both of your responibilities.

punkfiction · April 2009

i have never heard that from dh. but i don't usually ask him to get up with sawyer. no reason.

iowagirl73 · April 2009

I would have told him to STFU, get his ass out of bed, and feed HIS child. Just because you SAH, doesn't mean you are only one responsible for getting up in the middle of the night. You need to get enough sleep too so you can properly take care of your child during the day, especially if you are not able to take a nap during the day to "make up" some of that sleep.

kgb1411 · April 2009

DH says a lot of stupid crap in the middle of the night that he would never say during the day. I usually let it slide (as long as he actually gets up).

IckyThump · April 2009

gatorgrrl27:
You work all day just like he does. So, at night it's a shared responsibility.

This how DH and I feel. DS STTN now, but he wakes for the day at 5 or 5:30, so we alternate mornings getting up with him. When he was waking up at night, we would take turns - it was never even a discussion.

Muffin0 · April 2009

Heather R:
Um, no, I've never heard that from my husband.

Same here, DH would never say this to me, not only because he values the use of his testicles, but because he would never say something like that to me.

cbwm · April 2009

Indifferent

I would have kicked him in the balls and then shoved him out of the bed. No effing way that would fly in my house.

victoria1977 · April 2009

gatorgrrl27:
You work all day just like he does. So, at night it's a shared responsibility. That's my opinion.

I will be in the minority here, but I dont agree with this. It is MUCH harder to go to an office full of people with little or no sleep, than to stay home tired with a baby the next day. Your husband cant take a nap when the baby naps. He needs to fuction at a job that probably doent care if his kid was up last night to provide financially for your family. I say all of this, and I work full time outside the home. So yes, in a way, I do think it's your job, although help from him I'm sure would be appreciated.

mlf625 · April 2009

Fockno. ?I'd kick him in the balls.

He needs a talking to. ?He helped make the baby.?

carolinag · April 2009

wow. that would NOT fly. seriously if it's your job then it should be a 9-5 thing while he's at work. people don't have 24/7 jobs aside from parenting. he's not a sperm donor. he's the father. act like it.

mlf625 · April 2009

victoria1977:
gatorgrrl27:
You work all day just like he does. So, at night it's a shared responsibility. That's my opinion.
I will be in the minority here, but I dont agree with this. It is MUCH harder to go to an office full of people with little or no sleep, than to stay home tired with a baby the next day. Your husband cant take a nap when the baby naps. He needs to fuction at?a job that probably doent care if his kid was up last night?to provide financially for your family. I say all of this, and I work full time outside the home. So yes, in a way, I do think it's your job, although help from him I'm sure would be appreciated.

wtf? ?Are you a SAHM? ?You seem to think it's a piece of cake. ?"Taking a nap when the baby naps" is some kind of urban legend. ?Baby nap time is time to get the housework done (or in my case, work, since I work part time at home)- I can count on one hand the number of times I've napped when he naps. ?And are you saying SAHMs DON'T need to function at our jobs? ?DS's well being is every bit as important as the income DH brings home. ?If I'm totally exhausted he is definitely affected.

I think that was a really dumb response.?

SparkFish · April 2009

Tell him that he's welcome to hire (and pay for) a night nanny if he doesn't want to be woken up at night.

kgb1411 · April 2009

lizzyjean24:

Anyone else hear this from DH and want to kick his a**? Never thought he would say that! At 3 am I asked him if he couldplease feed the baby. He got all pissed. Then told me that. You think he could sympathise with the fact that I only asked him b/c I have had no sleep latley. I just lie in bed wide awake for hours! God Forbid I asked him to feed him ONCE!!!!!! Sure I'm a stay at home mom right now, but he's your child too and that makes him YOUR job as well!

I think this is a lot to ask someone to do at 3am awakened from a dead sleep. As long as he actually gets up and takes care of the baby, I would let him see things from his point of view. You can explain yours the next day if he is still having trouble. I think when he is more rational he will apologize for being so rude to his wife.

victoria1977 · April 2009

mlf625:
victoria1977:

gatorgrrl27:
You work all day just like he does. So, at night it's a shared responsibility. That's my opinion.

I will be in the minority here, but I dont agree with this. It is MUCH harder to go to an office full of people with little or no sleep, than to stay home tired with a baby the next day. Your husband cant take a nap when the baby naps. He needs to fuction at a job that probably doent care if his kid was up last night to provide financially for your family. I say all of this, and I work full time outside the home. So yes, in a way, I do think it's your job, although help from him I'm sure would be appreciated.

wtf? Are you a SAHM? You seem to think it's a piece of cake. "Taking a nap when the baby naps" is some kind of urban legend. Baby nap time is time to get the housework done (or in my case, work, since I work part time at home)- I can count on one hand the number of times I've napped when he naps. And are you saying SAHMs DON'T need to function at our jobs? DS's well being is every bit as important as the income DH brings home. If I'm totally exhausted he is definitely affected.

I think that was a really dumb response.

Nope, as I stated I work full time. I never said being a SAHM is a piece of cake. I just said I belive its much harder to function at work in an office than to be tired while trying to keep the house and baby up the next day. It would be nice if her husband helps out more and if he doesnt in general, then that is a seperate issue of itself. If you feel my response is dumb, thats fine.

iris427 · April 2009

mlf625:
victoria1977:
gatorgrrl27:
You work all day just like he does. So, at night it's a shared responsibility. That's my opinion.
I will be in the minority here, but I dont agree with this. It is MUCH harder to go to an office full of people with little or no sleep, than to stay home tired with a baby the next day. Your husband cant take a nap when the baby naps. He needs to fuction at a job that probably doent care if his kid was up last night to provide financially for your family. I say all of this, and I work full time outside the home. So yes, in a way, I do think it's your job, although help from him I'm sure would be appreciated.
wtf? Are you a SAHM? You seem to think it's a piece of cake. "Taking a nap when the baby naps" is some kind of urban legend. Baby nap time is time to get the housework done (or in my case, work, since I work part time at home)- I can count on one hand the number of times I've napped when he naps. And are you saying SAHMs DON'T need to function at our jobs? DS's well being is every bit as important as the income DH brings home. If I'm totally exhausted he is definitely affected.
I think that was a really dumb response.

ITA. A SAHM needs to function at her job, for her child's sake and for her own sanity's sake (Hello, postpartum depression). Having patience for a screaming baby or the energy to play with your baby or chase them down once their mobile requires a sane, well-rested mother.

To the OP, I sent you a PM.

j.h.mommy · April 2009

I get this all the time from dh, over baby stuff, housework, cooking dinner, ect...you name it, aparently it's my job. We have had some talks about it and I swear I can not restrain myself much longer from kicking his a** and making the couch his bed. grrr... Angry

ladeebri · April 2009

Im really sorry that he said that to you. That being said I am sooo glad I dont have to deal with stupid stereotypical gender roles like that in my household.

stephm0188 · April 2009

I have functioned at work on no sleep, and I have taken care of a baby with no sleep.

Hands down, I pick work on no sleep ANY day.

That being said, getting enough sleep is important for your health. It's not just about a baby needing to be fed at 3 am.... its about taking care of yourself, too.

punkfiction · April 2009

victoria1977:
mlf625:
victoria1977:

gatorgrrl27:
You work all day just like he does. So, at night it's a shared responsibility. That's my opinion.

I will be in the minority here, but I dont agree with this. It is MUCH harder to go to an office full of people with little or no sleep, than to stay home tired with a baby the next day. Your husband cant take a nap when the baby naps. He needs to fuction at a job that probably doent care if his kid was up last night to provide financially for your family. I say all of this, and I work full time outside the home. So yes, in a way, I do think it's your job, although help from him I'm sure would be appreciated.

wtf? Are you a SAHM? You seem to think it's a piece of cake. "Taking a nap when the baby naps" is some kind of urban legend. Baby nap time is time to get the housework done (or in my case, work, since I work part time at home)- I can count on one hand the number of times I've napped when he naps. And are you saying SAHMs DON'T need to function at our jobs? DS's well being is every bit as important as the income DH brings home. If I'm totally exhausted he is definitely affected.

I think that was a really dumb response.

Nope, as I stated I work full time. I never said being a SAHM is a piece of cake. I just said I belive its much harder to function at work in an office than to be tired while trying to keep the house and baby up the next day. It would be nice if her husband helps out more and if he doesnt in general, then that is a seperate issue of itself. If you feel my response is dumb, thats fine.

i agree with you in part. waking up at 530am, getting dressed, driving to work, dealing with work shit_ all day, coming home at 5, etc is much more of a pain in the ass than being a sahm, imo. a sahm of a BABY doesn't have to do much all day if they are tired - wear your pj's, play with them on the floor, feed, change, etc... im sorry, but that is not harder than what my dh does all day.

iris427 · April 2009

Does it have to be a competition though? She needs her sleep too, and her husband should help out at least occasionally at night, and without giving her sh!t about it.

It would be great if we SAHMs could function as happy, healthy people on zero sleep, but we can't.

carolinag · April 2009

she asked him to help once. i mean come on people. i get that he had a job to go to but it's not like she said, honey you'll be doing the 3am feedings from now on. seriously if my dh wasn't willing to help me out from time to time i would seriously tell him to hit the road. i know you'll be tired the next day, but guess what, i'm always freaking tired. deal with it. take a nap on your lunch break.

punkfiction · April 2009

iris427:
Does it have to be a competition though? She needs her sleep too, and her husband should help out at least occasionally at night, and without giving her sh!t about it.
It would be great if we SAHMs could function as happy, healthy people on zero sleep, but we can't.

i do completely agree with this - its not a competition. and i truly think what he said was a gut reaction from "wtf you just woke up me at 3am" or whatever. i don't think he would say that during the daytime to her if she asked him to help - and if so - then yeah that totally blows.

but i think as a sahm, a wife needs to realize that her dh is going to work SO SHE CAN STAY AT HOME!! would i want my dh running on no sleep, doing a crap job at work, and then getting fired? surely not.

eta: he should totally be able to help out occasionly - wait til you have 2 kids, one is sick and one is crying... if you don't talk about it now, then youll regret it later

Heather R · April 2009

punkfiction:

i agree with you in part. waking up at 530am, getting dressed, driving to work, dealing with work shit_ all day, coming home at 5, etc is much more of a pain in the ass than being a sahm, imo. a sahm of a BABY doesn't have to do much all day if they are tired - wear your pj's, play with them on the floor, feed, change, etc... im sorry, but that is not harder than what my dh does all day.

ffs, you are so far up your husband's ass. How do you get an internet connection up there? I guess you have the perfect kids and the perfect life if that's all being a sahm challenges you with-- sitting around in your pajamas playing. Some people are more creative and energetic than that, you realize-- even with a "BABY" ? Get out of the 1950's, June Cleaver.

punkfiction · April 2009

Heather R:
punkfiction:

i agree with you in part. waking up at 530am, getting dressed, driving to work, dealing with work shit_ all day, coming home at 5, etc is much more of a pain in the ass than being a sahm, imo. a sahm of a BABY doesn't have to do much all day if they are tired - wear your pj's, play with them on the floor, feed, change, etc... im sorry, but that is not harder than what my dh does all day.

ffs, you are so far up your husband's ass. How do you get an internet connection up there? I guess you have the perfect kids and the perfect life if that's all being a sahm challenges you with-- sitting around in your pajamas playing. Some people are more creative and energetic than that, you realize-- even with a "BABY" ? Get out of the 1950's, June Cleaver.

LOL i was stating the bare minimum for people here IF they happened to have a long night. we do stuff everyday - park, play outside, gym, store, etc. but no - i don't see being a sahm as something that is the "hardest job ever". i CHOSE to be a sahm - if i wanted to work and thought an office or someplace was easier or more fun - then thats what i'd do. but even doing things all day and sometimes being tired - i would never choose that. its like women on this board feel as if their dh have the easy life - and maybe some of them do - but i dont think working day in and day out and having the stress of the entire finances for the family is the easy life.

punkfiction · April 2009

and heather, have you ever read the SAHM threads? 95% of it is "I'm still in my pjs!!" and BS like that. so please - don't pretend as if the sahms on this board are so tired bc they exert themselves during the day. it is not the case. what? too tired to go to playgroup? thats the most whining i'd see.

MrsGeek · April 2009

I would tell him that it's your job during regular working hours and then during the night it's both of your responsibilities. Why should your job be 24 hours a day and his isn't? That does not sound fair to me.

Mrs.State746 · April 2009

punkfiction:
iris427:
Does it have to be a competition though? She needs her sleep too, and her husband should help out at least occasionally at night, and without giving her sh!t about it.
It would be great if we SAHMs could function as happy, healthy people on zero sleep, but we can't.

i do completely agree with this - its not a competition. and i truly think what he said was a gut reaction from "wtf you just woke up me at 3am" or whatever. i don't think he would say that during the daytime to her if she asked him to help - and if so - then yeah that totally blows.
but i think as a sahm, a wife needs to realize that her dh is going to work SO SHE CAN STAY AT HOME!! would i want my dh running on no sleep, doing a crap job at work, and then getting fired? surely not.

eta: he should totally be able to help out occasionly - wait til you have 2 kids, one is sick and one is crying... if you don't talk about it now, then youll regret it later

I don't agree with this statement. While I am grateful I stay home and that my husband brings home the $$ it wouldn't help at all if I got a job. Since I would work just to put my son in Daycare. So financially me staying home is what has to be done. It's not even a choice at this point for me to stay home.

AND yes my DH pulls the "well it's your job" Sh!t all the time. I DO not expect him to get up on the days he works (he's a cop and works nights and days) but I do expect him to help equally while off of work....

Do SAHM's get "days off"....unless they get a babysitter NO! My DH gets to go to work and have a break from home "life" and then come home and have a break from work "life" I don't. I love my son, don't get me wrong.

punkfiction · April 2009

Mrs.State746:
punkfiction:
iris427:
Does it have to be a competition though? She needs her sleep too, and her husband should help out at least occasionally at night, and without giving her sh!t about it.
It would be great if we SAHMs could function as happy, healthy people on zero sleep, but we can't.

i do completely agree with this - its not a competition. and i truly think what he said was a gut reaction from "wtf you just woke up me at 3am" or whatever. i don't think he would say that during the daytime to her if she asked him to help - and if so - then yeah that totally blows.
but i think as a sahm, a wife needs to realize that her dh is going to work SO SHE CAN STAY AT HOME!! would i want my dh running on no sleep, doing a crap job at work, and then getting fired? surely not.

eta: he should totally be able to help out occasionly - wait til you have 2 kids, one is sick and one is crying... if you don't talk about it now, then youll regret it later
I don't agree with this statement. While I am grateful I stay home and that my husband brings home the $$ it wouldn't help at all if I got a job. Since I would work just to put my son in Daycare. So financially me staying home is what has to be done. It's not even a choice at this point for me to stay home.
AND yes my DH pulls the "well it's your job" Sh!t all the time. I DO not expect him to get up on the days he works (he's a cop and works nights and days) but I do expect him to help equally while off of work....
Do SAHM's get "days off"....unless they get a babysitter NO! My DH gets to go to work and have a break from home "life" and then come home and have a break from work "life" I don't. I love my son, don't get me wrong.

and that is an entirely other thread. no one is disagreeing with you on that.

mlf625 · April 2009

Heather R:
punkfiction:
i agree with you in part. waking up at 530am, getting dressed, driving to work, dealing with work shit_ all day, coming home at 5, etc is much more of a pain in the ass than being a sahm, imo. a sahm of a BABY doesn't have to do much all day if they are tired - wear your pj's, play with them on the floor, feed, change, etc... im sorry, but that is not harder than what my dh does all day.?
ffs, you are so far up your husband's ass. How do you get an internet connection up there??? I guess you have the perfect kids and the perfect life if that's all being a sahm challenges you with-- sitting around in your pajamas playing.? Some people are more creative and energetic than that, you realize-- even with a "BABY"?? ?Get out of the 1950's, June Cleaver.?

I just fell in love......and seriously choked laughing about the internet connection up mr.punk's ass.?

punkfiction · April 2009

I don't understand what is wrong with someone who doesn't mind getting up at night. if that is 1950's - then hand me my apron. i do all the laundry too!! wow! im just like my gma

Heather R · April 2009

punkfiction:
I don't understand what is wrong with someone who doesn't mind getting up at night.

In and of itself, that is not "wrong." It's the sentiment you expressed that a stay-at-home mother's job is not difficult that I find problematic-- against the backdrop of your previous statement that a husband's bonus is "his" money and not household money. Connecting the dots, it sounds rather dated.

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