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Infertility
Does it bother you when fertiles complain about what gender they are expecting?
I don't know about you, but it drives me batty anymore. I just took my local board off of my favorites because I can't stand reading about women coming back from ultrasounds "disappointed" because they are having a boy and wanted a girl, etc. One even went so far to say that she hoped the girl she was expecting didn't want to play with Barbies because she hated them. WTF?!!
I often wonder though, is it IF that is making me feel this way...maybe fertiles are just so used to getting pg so easily that it doesn't bother them to make such statements. I don't know.
What are your thoughts? Do you have similiar stories to share?
Thanks for letting me vent.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Does it bother you when fertiles complain about what gender they are expecting?
Yes it drives me nuts. One of my best friends said her and her husband only wanted a girl and if they had a boy they would be disappointed. They had a girl.
Who says crap like this?
I think it is because people who have never had trouble TTC will never know how lucky they are.
I hate when people complain about how horrible it is to be pregnant. I would take every terrible symptom a hundred times over to be able to have a child.
I don't know - ungrateful fertiles bother me generally so it's hard sometimes to point out one thing that makes me more upset than another
But I think it's pretty common to want one gender - DH and I have joked about doing PGD to select for girls since we really, really want to have a girl. Will I be disappointed if I get pregnant and it's a boy? To be 100% honest, maybe a little bit! I am sure I'll get over it REALLY fast, and I would prefer that one million times over not getting pregnant at all. But after 4 years, so many treatments and having to use DE, we'd like something to "break" our way.
I think that people that feel this way are just re-adjusting their expectations. For whatever reason, most people think of a specific gender when they think of their future child, and sometimes it is just a paradigm shift that has to take place.
This is one reason DH and I would definitely want to know the sex before delivery - we just have it in our heads that we'll have a girl and I don't think we'd know what to do with a boy
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
just one of many things that drives me nuts about fertiles....
Because we're fancy like that.
Ditto
FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN
FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN
No more frosties
IVF #2. September 2014
PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts
SET November 9, 2014
Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN
Not sure where to go from here.
To be devil's advocate - do any of you have a preference of boy versus girl? I know we will all take either and be THRILLED beyond belief, but deep down (or before you knew you'd have TTTC) did you have a preference, or maybe even an expectation?
Anyone who his legitimately *upset* over boy or girl needs to seriousl reconsider parenting, but I do think it's natural.
Or maybe I'm the only one!
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
Honestly, I don't have a preference for boy or girl. In a perfect world, I would like to have one of each, but don't care which would come first, but we're too far away from that reality to think about it.
FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN
FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN
No more frosties
IVF #2. September 2014
PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts
SET November 9, 2014
Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN
Not sure where to go from here.
Agreed with epphd - even when going through IF, DH and I still had a slight preference for a girl over boy. We no longer do (good thing), but I think it's more a function of having had both and lost them than anything else.
I guess it depends on how it's phrased - I can think, off the top of my head, of several former TTTC'ers (not naming names) who have been pretty open about having gender preferences and being not disappointed, but having to adjust, to the idea of getting the other gender. I don't think this makes them any less grateful for finally being pregnant. But yes, if someone said they were outright upset about having the wrong gender, that would irk me.
I used to... but honestly, no not anymore. I think it went away right around the year mark of TTC.
Because we're fancy like that.
This is kind of on the same topic - but I feel as if i have nothing in common with fertiles in all regards to a pregnancy. I feel like I will have an entire different kind of feeling during my pregnancy vs. someone who was able to have sex to make a baby. I feel that knowing how hard we worked and how much money was paid for it, I will appreciate even the negatives that come along with it more then "your average fertile". I am not saying that I want a baby more than fertiles, but it did take a whole lot more to get pregnant then them.
On the gender subject. I have always dreamed of having a little girl - I have my old baby clothes and blankets that I would love to share with a daughter. I will be very pleased though even if I have a house full of boys :-)
Yeah...both DH and I want a boy. Probably b/c I have an older bro and he has a younger sister. Ideally, we'll have one of each, and like you all, would be happy with either, but I think there would be a brief moment of disappointment if we heard *girl*.
I agree with epphd and schmoodle...I do have a preference -a girl, and while I would be just the tiniest bit disappointed if we had a boy, I would still be VERY HAPPY to be having a child at all, it would just take some time to adjust.
That being said, a very fertile coworker of mine actually cried when she found out they were having a boy, and went on and on about how mad/sad she was, and then everyone in my office was consoling her, etc. I was super annoyed and closed my door for the day.
Elizabeth, I just love all of your posts!
When I think of our future children, I think of girls, I have girl names picked out and bedding and just really want a girl, in fact when I think of the chance of twins, I think of 2 girls. I will be thankful and feel blessed with whatever God gives us though. It may be that I didn't have any brothers growing up but I've just always thought girl.
Yes, I will admit that I always dreamed of having a girl. But when I was pg a few months ago, I was honestly so thrilled that it wouldn't have mattered to me one way or another.
I'm just very concerned when people actually get upset about it and pout...it makes me question their maturity.
It bothers me when fertiles complain about anything related to their babies or young children. At least wait until they are in middle school and are acting out.
The gender thing is also ridiculous. Although my DH really wants a girl I know he will be happy with any baby at this stage.
Honestly, before all this IF stuff, I did care a little. I was leaning towards boy b/c I always wanted an older brother so I thought having a boy first to be that older brother to his siblings would be cool.
Now, after IF, I really don't have ANY preferance at all. Boy or girl, I'll be super happy!! Let just be one or the other and not both combines. Ha ha.
When I think about the chance of twins though, I would LOVE to have b/g twins. If not, then b/b twins followed by g/g twins. Again, if I have g/g twins I'll be happy beyond belief, but when it comes to twins, I do see myself having a preferance. But, I'm also wishy washy so that could just in a month.
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
I should have added in my previous response to the post that my A-hole of a BIL complained that his first child (1 week old today) is a girl because "girls are such whiny, PITA" and hopes they'll be luckier next time and have a boy.
He does not deserve the beautiful healthy baby he has.
FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN
FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN
No more frosties
IVF #2. September 2014
PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts
SET November 9, 2014
Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN
Not sure where to go from here.
We do have a preference for a girl. If we somehow are lucky and get pregnant with twins and they're both boys, then we're in trouble because we only have one boy name we like!
Of course, we'd be happy with either. But probably slightly disappointed at first with a boy... but we'd be over it quickly!