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Parenting
marrymemylove
member
Well if I have another baby...
marrymemylove
member
in Parenting
trust me it will spend its first year in childcare. And trust me again it will be better for everyone than when DS was home with me.
Why torture yourself when qualified professionals can let you do what makes you happy?
Why not put the baby who only wants to coo and poo and vomit and feed and scream, in the hands of people who like those things enough to work in the field despite awful pay and conditions? (who btw I think should be seriously paid 4x what they are!).?
?Why not save your time off (if you can) to spend with the kid when it can interact, play, remember and reciprocate?
I hope to have DS in a part time kindy program the year before he starts school so I can spend more time with him. But I am not taking time off work for any infant, they won't thank me for it and I sure won't be thanking them.
?Babies need care. It does not have to be 1 person who gives it to them.
Flame away.?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Well if I have another baby...
lol @ qualified professionals. I always said the daycare ladies knew better than I did.
Lalalalalalalalalala! [fingers in ears] I can't hear you! I'm not listening! Lalalalalalalalalala!?
I think that's the myth we are sold from our own childhood. I believed it too. Until I had DS. Now I know better. I think until you have had a child who is demanding you don't get it.?
You can't ignore me, MMML. You can't.
Now quit trying to get these girls all riled up and go reproduce again.
well...you cut my quote in half...but regardless... I am a mother and I do not think it's a myth.
I'm trying to figure out if you are trying to start a WOHM vs SAHM debate....or a debate about daycare....or if you are truly serious????
Good for you, if you chose that. I'm sure your kid will be fine.
I think you forget that YOUR experiences aren't universal (I'm referring to your sons first few years of life but also seems to be a common theme in all your posts). In general, I do think Newport's belief is true.
That said, I'm more of a to each their own type of person. If you think that would be what is best for your family, who am I to tell you different?
I agree w/ EMT that you seem to have no ability to recognize that other peoples' experiences are just as valid and real as your own, even if they are polar opposite.?
I also agree w/ you that in your particular case, putting your newborn/infant ?in someone else's care is probably best for all involved. ?:-)?
I am with EMT on the whole "do whatever you think is right for you."
What a remarkably sensible reply. Hats off to you. Exactly it should be uncontroversial. Apparently it isn't though.
And as for my experiences I know all too well they are neither unique nor universal. But I know there are a bunch of women out there too scared to say they feel the same way. I am not too scared so I keep saying it in the hope we are all liberated from being told mothers must love vomit and poo.?
Exactly why do you think your child was any different or more demanding than anyone else's? I think the difference lies in that you maybe weren't truly ready to have a child, so it rocked your world a little too hard. As for passing off your child to someone else for the first year b/c they don't do anything but "coo & poo", I guess that whole bonding thing where your child learns to trust you'll take care of them and protect them is overrated. I think I remember that your mom dumped you off on your grandparents, right? Perhaps you need therapy to deal with that before you have another child. That or really consider adopting an older child and spare a newborn your annoyance at being bothered to take care of them. I'm not trying to be mean or harsh, but really take a good look at the situation. And again, unless you have a child with truly special needs, get over the fact that your baby cried and you had to sacrifice your time to care for him. That's the adjustment to being a mom!
this is so true! However, I think that this logic is totally lost on MMML. Seriously, no offense MMML. I just think she has her mind made up.
What a lot of baloney (an American word I have grown to love).
Bonding doesn't happen just by being a SAHM, ask any WOHM that. ?I think if you posted that on the WM board you would offend a lot of people.?
I spent almost all of my first 2 years of life struggling to survive. I was in hsopital nearly continuously. I hardly think that entailed being "dumped" on anyone. And I have nothing but respect for my mother and grandparents in raising me. Note - I did not need my mother 24/7, nor do the kids of any mother who works 50 hour weeks like most of my colleagues did.
I think this is just the cult of the SAHM. It is a damned hard job and I take my hat off to them but they are not superior to WOHMs. And that being the case you can bet that when I'm happier using childcare I'll be a WOHM by choice not necessity. Hopefully part time so I can spend more time with DS who is such a great age and amply bonded to both me and DH (who has worked FT most of his son's life... who would have thought?)?
BTW I don't think my child was the hardest ever by a long way. But he was on the hard end, and I think sooo many women feel too intimidated to admit that it sucks when that happens and that it happens more than you think.?
We are all expected to just shut up and clean up. Well I think its worth pointing out that this is a bimodal sample. Some of the judgy biotches are the ones with the babies so easy you'd hardly know they were there and they have no right to lecture the rest of us. And whether you choose to speak up about the boring first year or not is up to you, but you certainly can't say those who do are not entitled to do so.?
You don't come off as accepting of other people's experiences at all. It always sounds like you feel anyone who disagrees with you or has a different view/didn't have the exact experience you had is WRONG WRONG WRONG (ETA: or a "load of baloney", LOL).
Funny that you think that the things that you say are liberating to woman? It feels quite the opposite most of the time.
Not flaming...just saying. I'm sure you couldn't care less how you are perceived but just thought the liberating statement was interesting in light of the general nestie opinion of you.
It's got nothing to do w/ being a SAHM vs a WOHM and I think it's pretty pathetic to try to spin it into that. ?I have friends who work out of necessity AND friends who work b/c they LOVE their jobs; both have kids in day care, but neither of them would consider putting their kids in daycare JUST for the sake of being rid of them during the day. ?
It's not WOHM vs SAHM that is at play here---you are a SAHM who is saying she'd prefer not to have to deal w/ her baby. ?THAT's the issue and the fact that you don't see that just shows how neurotic you are about this.?
But like others (and I) have said, do what makes sense for you. ?That's what therapy's for later in a kid's life. ?;-) ?
Zigby you're laughing which is fine but I would SO do that. I would feel bound to sign up for mat leave in case I had a c section or complications. But if I felt fine I would be back at work like a shot.
My DS now gets a LOT more out of my company than he did in the first year. I would rather have that year off right now with him. In fact but for the fact I want to get my career back on track for the long run I would be quite happy to stay home full time with him now he's older. ?
You know, Ethan was colicky for 6 months and I had PPD and have admitted more than once to wanting to give him to my best friend (who was struggling w/ fertility issues) because I didn't think I could deal with him or be a good mother to him.?
But I honestly do not feel the same dread and horror that you do at the thought of going through it again--not even remotely close.
I'm SURE there are some women out there who agree w/ you and appreciate your perspective, but you make it sound like anyone who comes out the other side of that experience w/ a different perspective from you is somehow lying or deluding themselves. ?Try to crack your mind open a tiny little bit and realize that most women here who profess to adore their babies actually MEAN it.?
I realize what you are trying to do...what I'm trying to tell you is it is not working.
I know several people that didn't enjoy the newborn stage etc. I don't think they would feel liberated by what you've said about your dealings with your son at first.
Actually that proves my point. WOHMs who long for the grass on the other side of the fence are a prime example of those who idealise the benefits of SAHM in the first year. My mum did the same when DS was born.. "oh you're so lucky you're staying home, I wanted to and couldn't and you were sick blah blah". If she had ever done it she might have had more of a clue since like me she's very adult-oriented and not very baby-style. She didn't even SEE DS until he was 2.5, and she thought he was so great which I love... but if she'd been looking after him ft at birth she would have gone nuts too.?
Try to crack YOURS open and realize you can adore your kid while not wanting to look after them 24/7 from birth until age 5.?
this is what I was trying to say!
I don't remember her saying this isn't possible...
Newport the implication was that adoring your kids and wanting to spend heaps of ?time with them were synonymous. I don't think they are at all. ?Her idea is I don't adore my kid because I hated being home with him for a year. She is totally wrong.
I am just totally speechless. Ditto everything that lucky & Summer said.
oh believe me, I haven't looked after Ethan 24/7---I have had baby sitters one morning a week, on and off, since he was maybe 1.5 years old. And DH and I have date nights, etc. ?And now he's in pre-school @ 2.5 years old, so hardly with me 24/7 from birth to age 5.?
I know my friends who WOH adore their children and for whatever reason (love of their job or necessity), don't look after them 24/7 from birth until age 5. ?
I don't think you quite got was I was getting at. ?Or you don't want to simply because it's different from your belief/experience. ?And that just kind of proves my other point--you can't grasp that other peoples' experiences are as valid as yours (example--married couples who don't go to bed at the same time are just roommates. ?No matter how many times people presented you with their experience and how they felt about it, you persisted that your thought was paramount in it's "rightness")
Wantanother - no. I did NOT have PPD. That's so demeaning to women to assume that unless we love newborns we must have PPD. That is exactly the kind of judgmental shyte that women don't need.
Depending on their experience it can be perfectly normal and rational to not want to look after a newborn all day. I would say for some kids it would be irrational to be the reverse.?
OMG, MMML, don't you remember your posts about how you wished you hadn't ruined your life by having that baby and how you wish you'd been using birth control because now your life was ruined for the next 18 years?
Those were your words---those are not the words of a woman who adored her child. ?And remembering you said that makes me think that your idea to put any subsequent babies in day care is indeed, your wisest move. ?
you are totally wasting your breath, FFM. Don't do that to yourself=P
God if I'd had to stay home another day it would have been ruined. I was seriously counting down to when I started back at school and DH stayed home a month before daycare started. BTW he had 3 days with DS and concluded he did not know how I had managed for over a year.
NOW is a different story because he isn't that dependent. You clearly have some kind cognitive discontinuity here.?
good...it's a lost cause=)