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Stay at Home Moms
Pressure to work
Since i became pregnant i stopped working... but now that im 3 months my boyfriend and everyone in my life is pressuring me to work. I also go to school and am stressed enough as it is... ?He told me that before i was pregnant i wouldn't have to work now he changed his mind. I feel really down on myself because ?of all the pressure... i just dont think i can handle work and school on top of being pregnant. Also money isnt great but we have enough to get by on.... ADVICE PLEASE...
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Re: Pressure to work
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
This is really a conversation that you need to have with your boyfriend. You and he need to be on the same page - whatever that is. I would have a sit down with him and explain all of this.
GL!?
It is totally normal to feel under pressure right now. Pregnancy is a huge change and it sounds like you are having a rough go of it as well. Are you in your freshman year of college? I can only imagine how overwhelmed you are feeling. Is there counseling you can go to at school? It is usually free and it may be nice to talk to someone objective.
I hate to say it but being upset because your boyfriend "promised" that you didn't have to work, but now says you need to, shows a lack of maturity on your part. I can understand being disappointed, but things change, and with a baby on the way it is vital to stay afloat financially. Please talk to him about why he wants you to get a job. Open communication is key to a healthy relationship and a healthy relationship is one of the best things you can model for your baby.
Good luck!
Times are tough, and if people are pressuring you to work (especially your husband) there is probably a financial reason.
I worked full time and went to school all while pregnant...and I survived. Pregnancy is not a disability. In these times you need to suck it up and do it if it's what your family needs.
Hi young mommy. ((Hugs)) to you.
You have gotten some harsh responses from some of the ladies, IMO.
You said you've already been in and out of the hospital several times during this pregancy and you are 3 mo along? That is a sign to me that you DO need to rest. It almost sounds like 8 hours a day of school plus the stress of arguing with your boyfriend is too much.
I had a terribly difficult pregnancy with my DS. I was also in and out of the ER the first 4 months. Then I was on bedrest for 5 months. So I know how hard it can be. Of course it is not that bad for *most* people, so they don't really get it, if you are that sick.
So that being said, if you are terribly sick you need to take care of yourself and your baby. That means that you need to TALK TO YOUR BF when you are both calm, and have a serious conversation about this.
Question. Why is everyone pressuring you to go back to work? Do they not realize you have a savings and are making it ok right now? OR is it possible that they see that you two don't really have enough money to survive with a baby added in there?
Really, here is the thing. It's between you and your bf. I think he was wrong to go back on what he said but not being there, it's hard to say why he did that. Maybe he is terrified y'all won't have any money. Talk to him about your fears. If this man is your lifelong partner, the two of you need to be lifting each other up. He needs to be supportive of you, and you of him. So whatever his concerns are, talk to him about it. And make sure he listens to yours too. Tell him you don't want to lose this baby and you don't want to go back in the hospital. Tell him your plans for the future. Let him tell you his. Hopefully you can talk it out and get back on the same page.
Good luck sweetie. Try not to get down on yourself. I was extremely down on myself when pg. I felt like such a loser that everyone else was having these easy pregnancies and I was just barely able to get through it. I also took a lot of flack from my inlaws for not working. They did not understand it at all. Still don't. So don't let anyone get to you, just work it out with your bf.
I feel like you are doing enough as it is. I recently left work early (at 29 weeks) because I could not handle the stress of my job and the pregnancy and a relapse of depression.
I wanted so badly to be one of those women who could do it all, but I simply was not. In the end you do what is right for you and you must insist on taking care of yourself. If you are not advocating for yourself, no one will.
lol! Good question...
Yeah for you, but did you read the part where she said she has been in and out of the hosptial the past 3 months? I'd say it's obvious you had a relatively easy PG. I too worked on my feet as a first grade teacher and took graduate courses up until delivery. I had an easy PG and so I never had to make any decisions like that.
My $.02, every person here will have an opinoin based on their own experiences with their pregnancies. For many of us, working while PG wasn't too demanding and so we did (do) it. I agree with Harriett, You need to have an honest dicussion with BF about everything related to PG, working, school.
GL!
Your 2nd post really helps make things a lot more clear. You have an impressive safety net built up, especially for your age, so I would guess that you have been working hard for quite a while to do that.
If you've been in the hospital a lot, then I agree with you that it's probably best to not get a job now - any part time work you could get you'd probably get fired from if you have any more trips to the hospital. You should talk with your OB about the schedule that you have now and the stress you're under and see if he thinks that adding a job would be harmful to your pregnancy.
But I do find it unrealistic to expect to stay home until the baby is in school based on "my boyfriend promised". Things change and that might not be possible and that's just the way life goes. Obviously he's already having misgivings about it - maybe he is feeling that his job isn't secure right now (so many lay-offs are making most people feel insecure about their jobs!) I think it would be harmful to your relationship to refuse to work for the next 5 years and toss back "you promised!" at him whenever he brings it up. It's great if you can stay home, but sometimes working is necessary for the wellbeing of the family.
Good luck.
I was wondering the same thing.
WOW. Thank you finally someone who is understanding and not?completely?harsh... Thanks for the support it really did make me feel better. i cant say thank you enough. And we talked about everything and he is okay with me not working.. he was getting alot of pressure from my mother. who is one of these people to whom money is everything... ? so we have worked out our problems.. and everything is good. And getting down on myself was very easy to do for me.. i mean im very young. 18. so i get alot of VERY NEGATIVE ?comments. thanks for understanding and being a nice person
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And i have a pump sticker because thats what i plan to do. ?
Young-mom-
I am so happy to see that things worked out for the best. One of the most important things you can do as a mom (and a couple) is decide what is best for YOUR family unit and stick to it. Frankly, you do not owe anyone an explanation for why you aren't 'working' during pregnancy-- it is none of their business! All the women who boasted about working and being pregnant can suck it- you are obviously dealing with more than they can comprehend. Anyways, you are doing so awesome with saving money, just keep the lines of communication open with your BF and you guys will be just fine. I hope your pregnancy gets a bit 'easier' as you move into the 2nd trimester and beyond. Good luck!