I know my mother has never been in my situation, but with all the stress I have been under with the m/c and all, I flew off the handle at her today. When I found out I was pregnant a few weeks back and I shared the news with my immediate family, I made sure they knew that we didn't want anyone to know at this point because of the chance of m/c. Well, unfortunately that was the outcome and the day of my d&c, my mom ran into my cousin, who asked about me, and she told her everything. Yesterday, when my mom told me that she had told my cousin, I guess I was just a little in shock and now that I have had more of a chance to think about it, I am really upset over this. I don't understand how the m/c voids my wishes of not letting anyone know. This is private, and between dh and I. Why is it that she couldn't respect that? When I asked her about it on the phone earlier, she acted as if she didn't do anything wrong. Really? I didn't want to share my good news, but now that the good news is bad news, I should want to share it? I even remember when my brother got his ex knocked up, and mom told dh and I, she said they didn't want anyone to know until later in the pregnancy just in case and we respected that. Why is it that they couldn't pay me the same respect? It is hard enough for me to go out in public with the risk of running into a baby or something, and now I have to worry about running into someone who is going to have that pity in their eyes for me. It takes all I have to hold it together a lot of the time and this is just going to make things worse. Please, someone tell me that I am not wrong here.
Re: mothers!!! vent (saifw)
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
You are totally in the right. You are the one who got pg, it is your news to tell and your decision when to tell it and to whom. She had absolutely no right to tell anyone about it. As pp said, she is in pain too (and nothing like what you are experiencing) but that does not give her the right to ignore your wishes. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
FWIW, my Mom did the same thing - the first time I got pg, I asked her to keep it a secret and she told two of my aunts. A few weeks later, I m/c'd. It was really hard to deal with my m/c, my feelings about her not respecting me and it was seeing my aunts after that. As a result, I don't tell my Mom anything about my IF anymore; every now and then she will ask and I just give her vague and nondescript answers. She might not like it but as pp said, consequence = action.