mothers!!! vent (saifw)

BEANCOUNTR76 · February 2009

I know my mother has never been in my situation, but with all the stress I have been under with the m/c and all, I flew off the handle at her today. When I found out I was pregnant a few weeks back and I shared the news with my immediate family, I made sure they knew that we didn't want anyone to know at this point because of the chance of m/c. Well, unfortunately that was the outcome and the day of my d&c, my mom ran into my cousin, who asked about me, and she told her everything. Yesterday, when my mom told me that she had told my cousin, I guess I was just a little in shock and now that I have had more of a chance to think about it, I am really upset over this. I don't understand how the m/c voids my wishes of not letting anyone know. This is private, and between dh and I. Why is it that she couldn't respect that? When I asked her about it on the phone earlier, she acted as if she didn't do anything wrong. Really? I didn't want to share my good news, but now that the good news is bad news, I should want to share it? I even remember when my brother got his ex knocked up, and mom told dh and I, she said they didn't want anyone to know until later in the pregnancy just in case and we respected that. Why is it that they couldn't pay me the same respect? It is hard enough for me to go out in public with the risk of running into a baby or something, and now I have to worry about running into someone who is going to have that pity in their eyes for me. It takes all I have to hold it together a lot of the time and this is just going to make things worse. Please, someone tell me that I am not wrong here.

mrspresley · February 2009

you have every right to be upset. i would tell your mom that when you get PG again you don't plan on telling her until you are ready to announce it to everyone, since she didn't have the courtesy and respect to follow your wishes this time Stick out tongue

DiscusCoach · February 2009

You are totally in the right. I know your mom was grieving (nothing like what you were going through) but she should have kept the need to talk about it among those she knew were privy to the situation - the people you already told. I would recommend you have a talk with her about the future ramifications of this sort of behavior. My MIL recently did the same thing to my SIL and DH and have now decided to not tell MIL we are pg (when that finally happens) until we tell the rest of the family. Action = Consequence. We can't trust her.

Carmela752 · February 2009

I'm sorry. That was really crappy of her, and I agree with the the pp's about the consequences that will be the result of her breach of trust.

MerryMarisa · March 2009

You are totally in the right. You are the one who got pg, it is your news to tell and your decision when to tell it and to whom. She had absolutely no right to tell anyone about it. As pp said, she is in pain too (and nothing like what you are experiencing) but that does not give her the right to ignore your wishes. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

FWIW, my Mom did the same thing - the first time I got pg, I asked her to keep it a secret and she told two of my aunts. A few weeks later, I m/c'd. It was really hard to deal with my m/c, my feelings about her not respecting me and it was seeing my aunts after that. As a result, I don't tell my Mom anything about my IF anymore; every now and then she will ask and I just give her vague and nondescript answers. She might not like it but as pp said, consequence = action.

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