Poll: announcing pg after loss(es)

ibis · February 2009

If you are TTCAL or currently PG again, will you announce "early" or wait until second tri (or later)? Why?

Last time, we announced when I was 8 weeks and I m/c about 10 days later. At the time we agreed that next time around we would wait until 2nd tri like we'd originally planned - my H said he'd prefer to wait until I'm about 8 mo along, ha.

Now that we're TTC again, I realize that I am so grateful for the support of my family members and others who came forward - some of them almost out of the woodwork - to let me know that they were thinking of us. It's true that some were insensitive or less than supportive, but the others made up for them times ten. I don't know if I would want to be without that if we had another loss.

On the other hand, my H is the one who went through telling everyone about the m/c, and it was painful for him. So if he feels strongly about keeping it a secret for longer, I will do that.?

?

waitingforbaby#2 · February 2009

I will definately wait as long as possible.

KelinandKevin · February 2009

Good question. DH and I talked about that last week. When we get our next BFP I think we'll keep it between him and I until after the first u/s, then we'll just tell our parents. I won't tell friends or co-workers until after the 1st Tri next time. For me it was way too hard to go back and tell everyone that I was no longer pregnant. I just don't want to go through that again.

MBZ · February 2009

I am going to tell family and my bf. I've had 3 mc I figure, what diff does it make.....everyone will be cautiously optimistic with me. I am going to play work by ear, they all know we were TTC and I was freaking out after taking care of that cmv baby last weekend, so they know I was in the 2ww. It is a personal decision, but I find the support helpful with my losses. I dont like to set myself up for "how is the baby?", "Oh, we had a mc" but that is life, and it is so common, I dont know why it is such a "taboo" subject. I am happy and excited and want to share my good news.

texas77 · February 2009

<----- has a big mouth.

i'm sure before the pee is even dry on the stick i'll be on the phone to mom and gramma and sister and......

SPC2007 · February 2009

I will definitely tell my family (mom, dad and sister) right away because we are so close. My dh wants to wait to tell his family since his mom had a big mouth the last time. A few of my close friends I might tell if it comes up just because they were so supportive during my m/c and I felt like I needed their support. Everyone else will find out after 13 weeks and after my ultrasound which I am nervous about this time since my one and only ultrasound last time at 13 weeks was a very bad experience. I really want to see a beating heart.

MelissaAB5579 · February 2009

DH & I discussed it the other day. We spend alot of time with his family, so I'm sure they will figure it out ( they did last time). I will probably tell my family & his as soon as we know it's not ectopic again. Not sure on how long to tell friends--maybe 10 weeks or so, and I won't tell work until the beginning of 2nd Tri.

Mia07 · February 2009

As most of yall know, I had a very healthy pregnancy the first time, so my loss was a little different (see bio if you're confused), but I still don't think I could handle telling people until at least the 2nd tri. I feel a little guilty knowing that I will feel so different and less euphoric on the next pregnancy.

BeckyS1211 · February 2009

I'm not sure what we'll do. Part of me wants to wait as long as possible. The other part wants all my close friends and family to know in case something goes wrong again, because I'll need them as much if not more. I know that's not very optimistic, but I can guarantee I will be scared sh*tless next time!!!

Leah&Cole · February 2009

Good question... this is something that DH and I talk about a lot....

For our first pg, we told everyone after we saw the heartbeat (7 weeks). DH was a little hesitant to tell at first, but it was fun to have everyone so excited for us. Then, the support that we got when we found out about our mc 5 weeks later was unbelievable.

When I get pg again, I want to tell around the same time. I want our furture baby to get as much attention, love, support, and prayers as our angel baby did. Plus, if something were to happen again (god forbid), I would need the support more than ever. DH goest back and forth between agreeing with me and thinking that we should tell anyone until the kid is born (jokingly....).

mh2t · February 2009

I had wanted to tell again immediately for the same reason you mentioned - the support. DH made me promise not to tell, and we compromised by telling only immediate family right away. We're technically not supposed to be telling anyone else until 2nd tri, but I've told a few friends, unbeknownst to DH (I suck at keeping secrets) and he just admitted to me that he had told someone too.

lovesinthehouse · February 2009

DH and I only told immediately family when we got our BFP. We wanted to wait until after I had been to the drs. My first appt. is when we found out something might be wrong. Then we told all of our friends about the m/c because it was so hellish for me - I really needed the support. I think next time (if there ever IS a next time), we'll probably tell immediately family and close friends right away, because I want all the prayer I can get! Then we'll make it public at 2nd Tri.

Blessed1010 · February 2009

I miscarried after 5 weeks. Thankfully, I had only shared the news of my pregnancy with my 2 older nieces and husband. If it is the will of God that I get a BFP this cycle I will definitely wait until my 2nd trimester.

It was so hard to go back and undo what I had originally done. My nieces and I had cried when I told them I was pregnant and I found it sooooooooo hard to face them and tell them that I lost the baby. My family and I believe in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and it was hard to hear them say, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh". Although, I believe and trust in the Word of God, I would hate to hear those words again.

Gina070605 · February 2009

I will tell my immediate family, but I will try my hardest to keep our friends in the dark as long as possible.

I have this feeling that I will start to show rather quickly. I have no clue why I think this, but I just do So if that is the case, we will have to tell people sooner than later.

*iLiAnA* · February 2009

BeckyS1211:

I'm not sure what we'll do. Part of me wants to wait as long as possible. The other part wants all my close friends and family to know in case something goes wrong again, because I'll need them as much if not more. I know that's not very optimistic, but I can guarantee I will be scared sh*tless next time!!!

Same as Becky! )

I wouldn't tell the whole world, but just family and close friends...

str8ota · February 2009

I have no idea, part of me wants to wait until I deliver the baby!!! For me I'm extremely high risk, and after losing the baby at 17 weeks I feel I will never have a pregnancy that I can enjoy without wondering if the baby is ok, because heck, I thought this time I was OK. Of course with that being said anyone who knew me while I was pregnant also knew how sick I got that I was on bedrest almost the entire time and hospitalized 3 times from m/s, so I think people will be able to figure it out.

I told my friends I wasn't telling them until I was 30 weeks, they said they would kick my butt

HisKathy · February 2009

I thought for sure I would wait before telling anyone. But after the miscarriage I had so much support from my bible study group and some friends at work and church who have all be praying very hard for me. I told them right away. I wanted to share in my joy and praise the Lord and also this way they can pray for me more appropriately. However, I am waiting longer to tell my extended family and friends I don't see very often. Untelling people is the worst and I only want the most supportive people in my life to be in the know.

MrsGhappilyeverafter · February 2009

We will tell my parents right away. I'm not sure when we'll tell DH's parents because they both have big mouths. The rest of the world will know after the first tri.

kristinem17 · February 2009

We didn't tell anyone when we got PG last cycle, so we didn't have to untell anyone. Only our OB and child birth trainer knew. That's it. We had agreed from the get go we would not to tell anyone until 12 weeks.

When we get PG again, we will not be telling anyone (again) right away - just the medical people. We will probably share with parents at 10 weeks and friends/extended family at 12 weeks.

mrsmyers8 · February 2009

So this is our 3rd time around. He has been spreading the news and i am only 4 wks. I am waiting to find out how the second test of HCG level comes out this weekend. Then i know it levels are doubling i can share in the joy. Before I told early on, then m/c a couple weeks later. 2nd time, didn't tell a soul cause had problems at 5 weeks. This time i am holding good thoughts and gonna share in the joy when i feel ready.

JenyM · February 2009

Last time we only told my one of my BFFs, my parents and sister that was it and only after the first ultrasound! So, i'll do the same this time and wait until probably the NT scan at 14ish weeks to announce.

ellenaxo · February 2009

Good question.

I already told my brother and my parents b/c I just couldn't keep it in. My MIL is coming this weekend and we are planning to tell her then. I've also told a few close friends. I'll probably tell work after the first ultrasound and then wait on other friends and family until the 2nd trimester. I agree with other posters, that if something did happen again, I would need support so anyone that I would tell about a m/c, I am telling that I am pregnant.

redsox2934 · February 2009

Untelling is so hard... I cried even just thinking about the untelling. I was pretty careful about who I told... if I knew I'd need their suppor if I had a m/c, I told them (BFFs, close family). But, DH was so excited and told too many people, and he regrets it. I hadn't told anyone at work that I was pregnant, but I told them as soon as I had the m/c (my close friends, that is) and that was easier for me... I didn't have to untell, but they still gave me so much support. I still think I would keep it quiet, even with them, for a good long while if I got pregnant again.

Ssweets04 · February 2009

I'm waiting for a bit over second trimester, I'm OK with people thinking I'm gaining weight

mrs.amandamm · February 2009

This last time we only told a couple people, like my mom and sister, and then told other people after the miscarriage.

Next time we aren't telling until the second trimester, unless we have another miscarriage.

I should add... I am okay with people knowing we had a miscarriage, and it was WAY easier telling people about a miscarriage when they didn't know I was pregnant in the first place. And it doesn't matter if people don't find out, they won't come to you later and ask how the baby is. So I feel it wasn't AS painful to tell people, and I still got the support that I needed.

Julybaby09 · February 2009

I have a big mouth so I will probably announce right away. However I did lose this baby at 19w, so I don't think I will ever feel "safe"

Julybaby09 · February 2009

I have a big mouth so I will probably announce right away. However I did lose this baby at 19w, so I don't think I will ever feel "safe" until he/she

Julybaby09 · February 2009

I have a big mouth so I will probably announce right away. However I did lose this baby at 19w, so I don't think I will ever feel "safe" until he/she is home with

Julybaby09 · February 2009

I have a big mouth so I will probably announce right away. However I did lose this baby at 19w, so I don't think I will ever feel "safe" until he/she is home

Julybaby09 · February 2009

I have a big mouth so I will probably announce right away. However I did lose this baby at 19w, so I don't think I will ever feel "safe" until he/she is home with us.

Julybaby09 · February 2009

I have a big mouth so I will probably announce right away. However I did lose this baby at 19w, so I don't think I will ever feel "safe" until

Julybaby09 · February 2009

I have a big mouth so I will probably announce right away. However I did lose this baby at 19w, so I don't think I will ever feel "safe" until he/she is

RJHarmon · February 2009

We found out yesterday and I am between 5-6 weeks. We told our parents and siblings right away because they were such an amazing support during our loss. As for everyone else, we won't tell until about 12 weeks. I don't think I could go into this without having the support of my family because we are so close.

Mrs.Brink · February 2009

Considering we still haven't told our parents about the 1st pg/loss we're not entirely sure when we'll tell. But I would like to at least tell my mom after we hear a heartbeat, friends will just have to wait. But his side will have to wait also. His mom is unbelievibly high-strung and freaks out over nothing so the less I have to deal with her the better. After ttc for so long it makes me even want to hold back on who I talk to about this. I know how I feel having everyone rub their bellies in my face and I wouldn't want to do the same to someone else.

NiceAsstra · February 2009

I don't have a problem with telling my family and close friends right away- ie. the people I will look for support from.

I figure, if something goes wrong these are the people I will probably tell I am m/cing anway.

PurpleK26 · February 2009

I was talking to my gf about this. She's never mc'd but was good to talk to. Anyways, I had thought that I'd want to keep it more of a secret next time around, and she said she really hoped I didn't. She said that every baby deserves all of the excitement and hooplah as any, whether you've had a mc or not. She had the good graces to realize that she has now idea how this feels, but I think after talking to her, I agree.

We didn't tell until 8 weeks last time, and mostly waited that long on DH's request, and having the convenience of the big family getting together on New Years. We told our parents and siblings within 2 days of BFP and will do the same thing next time I'm sure!

BeachBride72106 · February 2009

We told immediate family right away again and have been slowly telling those that were most supportive through our loss in the last few weeks. I will probably not make a big family announcement this time for extended family - they can slowly find out by word of mouth. That all said I am in the same boat as the rest of the late lossers - I will not be confident that this is the child we will get to raise until we bring this baby home.

gwenypher7 · February 2009

We plan on waiting until 2nd tri. We've told our parents, but that's it.

char-char · February 2009

We truly haven't discussed this yet, but it has been weighing heavily on my mind so I will likely approach DH to discuss it soon, but I feel like we will probably still tell all of our family and friends right when we find out or at least around the same time we told everyone before because I feel like their support will be invaluable. I already have a 2 year old son and we announced then when I was at 7 weeks along and we did the same thing with this pg as well which was after I had been to my OB for my first appt. Our loss was at almost 16 weeks along and I certainly don't want to wait that long (I, too echo the sentiment of never feeling really comfortable about it until the baby is born healthy and full-term), but I guess I may consider holding off on making it absolute public knowledge until after 12 weeks. I don't know...I really need to think about it some more and see what the hubby says. Hopefully, we'll be faced with making this decision really soon in reality too!

ade2be · February 2009

I've thought about this too. We hadn't told anyone until I started having issues, and even then it was ppl at work cause I was missing work for doc appts. Our families found out after the fact.

Given how supportive they've been, I'd like to tell them earlier. Maybe by week 8 or so. Just our families though. Even if we go through another loss, I want them to know earlier, and then they'll be there to support it. Friends and co-workers, I'm thinking I'll wait till I'm in the 2nd trimester

BirdieBrd · February 2009

I don't know what we would do. Before we got pregnant we agreed that we would wait until later in the 1st tri -between 8-12 weeks- in case anything did happen. But when I m/c we ended up telling family and close friends so now everyone knows we are trying.

My family has had a lot of stress and heartbreak in the last 9 months, I think annoncing a pregnancy would be good for everyone's moral (for lack of a better word). So we will still wait but not as long...maybe between 6 & 8 weeks. Definitly after the 1st u/s you see the heart beating (of course there will be choice few we tell right away).

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