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Baby Showers
sherpa
member
I don't want them to host my shower.
sherpa
member
in Baby Showers
I have been planning corporate events for over 10 years and I'm obsessive over the details and organization of events. ?I spent 4 months day and night making my wedding invites and papergoods because I couldn't find anything good enough.
My sister tells me that she and my cousin are planning my baby shower. ?They are the two most unorganized people I can think of. ?I know they will totally miss the mark on my idea of what I want it to be like and this makes me feel panicky. ?I know they'll do everything cheap and handwrite the invites in their chicken scratch. ?Ugh. ?I would rather not have a shower than have them plan it - it's going to get effed up.
What are my options? ?Should I delete my registries and tell them forget about it? ?This is totally silly for most people but I haven't been able to relax since talking to my sister.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I don't want them to host my shower.
A shower is a gift to you, not some kind of party planning Olympics. You may certainly decline a shower, but keep in mind the social and familial ramifications of doing such a thing.
If you really cannot stop obsessing about invitations and papergoods, I suggest you seek professional assistance for obessive compulsive disorder. The hormone changes during pregnancy and immediately post partum can exacerbate underlying mental conditions making it difficult for some women to think rationally.
People want to give you stuff and celebrate the birth of your child. Just roll with it. Seriously, I mean this in the nicest way possible... Birth and motherhood are two very messy, non-magazine ready events where the paper goods and many, many other things are beyond your control. So this will be good practice.
Freaking out because your shower won't be perfect enough is unreasonable and, on top of that, not a good use of your time. Read about different birthing options, parenting styles, infant and adolescent development, and nutrition instead. Good, productive distractions are your friend.
You need lithium.
And you should be tied to a chair and gagged and forced to watch while they open plastic packages of baby shower invitations (8 to a pack, probably mixed and matched), fill them out with Sharpies, scratching out their mistakes and not starting over with a fresh invite because they would run out, and picking your menu from the bulk deli at Sam's club.
1) Breathe. Relax. Calm the eff down.
2) If you're worried about invites, perhaps you can suggest a website where they can order some inexpensive ones that will be pre-printed (envelopes too!) Suggest it as if you are trying to help them save time/effort, rather than that you're an obsessive-compulsive jerk.
3) Cheap does not always equal crap, just like expensive doesn't mean great. My wedding cost $8K and was a million times nicer than a friend's who's cost upwards of $20K. Those "it took me 4 months to make them" invites still got thrown away, just like the ones you can buy at Walmart for $20.
4) Be thankful. If you would honestly rather not have a shower than relinquish the reigns to someone you think will do a piss-poor job, then politely tell them you'd rather not have a shower at all. And stick with that even if someone else offers. Don't delete the registries, people will still buy you gifts, even if you are rather ungrateful.
5) This goes along with 2. If they ask you for suggestions, by all means give them. But DO NOT TAKE OVER. If you NEED to plan this for yourself, make it a "meet the baby" party afterward, in which case you can plan until your heart's content and not look like a tactless ass-hat. ?
Mes Petit Choux
I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then. ~ Alice
This
You should so incredibly ungrateful!!! Do you realize they are trying to do something nice and special for you and your baby?
I think you would be completely rude and offend them if you told them not to do it because it wasnt done to your standards. All the little details you are talking about are things that noone even notices.
I get that you're going to stress more than usual right now, I do it too. But you won't even see the invitations will you? I mean unless you ask to see one.. do they have to send you one since the party is yours, and you should definitely know all details? Some people don't have anyone to throw them a shower... Even if it isn't how you would do it, try and appreciate it! If you aren't careful, you could offend them and hurt important relationships when you may really need them later!
Ummm... really? This has to be MUD. In which case ::: golf claps :::. The suggestion that this kind of OCD party planner would ever consider e-vites is the clencher for your level of MUD genius.
Yeah that will go over real well. *sarcasm*
Yeah, um no. You have no options. You need to get over yourself and realize that a shower celebrating the birth of your child is a gift and really not about you, it's about that baby.
Seriously, Get over yourself. I don't find it silly at all, but I do find it horrifyingly selfish and quite alarming. If you feel panicky over a thoughtful party thrown in honor of your child, you might seek counseling before that baby gets here. As a mom who has been pooped on, peed on and puked on today with a sick baby, I am foul smelling and exhausted living proof that life only gets MORE unpredictable going forward. You need to learn to let it go and enjoy it, or you will miss it all.
i can't wait until your baby spits up all over you, has a diaper blowout in the middle of the night, rubs food in his hair, and colors on the wall.
whatever will you do?!
So a shower given in love is mediocrity? wow, I feel bad for the OP, but I think you are just a biitch.
FWIW, I spent months making my wedding invites, programs, wrote our ceremony, I even made 200 flipping napkins cause I insisted on toile, so I get control freak, but this is crazy, it is a party in honor of the BABY!
It is NOT her reputation at all.... it is not a freaking corporate event! Sheesh
It's a little late, but you might need this still:
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
I was thinking of when your child is in elementary school and makes you a macaroni necklace for your birthday, or a handpainted Popsicle stick frame with a non-professional photo of the two of you for Christmas... what will you do with it? Hide it in the back of your closet in shame since it is not up to your standards?
A baby shower is not really the same thing as a wedding, either. Baby showers are not meant to be formal extravagant parties, IMO. They are the perfect occasion for store bought invitations, for parties hosted at a loved ones home, and just a chance for friends and family to shower you and your baby with love. RELAX! You might even have fun, you never know!
This is YOUR baby shower and I don't think you have to accept mediocrity because someone else is giving the shower
Oy vey. This is a shower being thrown FOR her. It's not "her" shower in that she isn't throwing it. So, yes, she does need to accept how the hosts want to throw it.
And this is her reputation? Seriously? Yeah... I judge my friends based on what other people do for them.... please.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I am SHOCKED that you would even have anyone show up!!! I suppose you keep your craziness in check enough to fool everyone.
posts like this are why I love this board...
*snicker, snicker*
If you're going to freak out about it that much, then tell them not to throw you one. No point in putting both you and them through that hell it sounds like you'll both be going through.
You may want to talk to a therapist about your control freak issues.
Reputation and pride?! WTF are you talking about? Her reputation for being a b!tch and too proud to let someone else throw her a shower? Yeah...that's what I want to be known for.
ditto!!! She should be glad that she's got someone to give her one. I'd hate to meet her in real life!
This is really good advice, it may just be the practice I need. Thank you.
As far as all the flaming goes...relax ladies. You shouldn't get so worked up over somebody elses problems. If I cared so much about the gifts then I wouldn't consider cancelling the shower in the first place. There aren't any baby items that I need. I admit the inability to relinquish control is an oddity that I have but I hardly think it warrants therapy. I think any event planning professional would feel this way. I would say that they way some of you react so emotionally and with such rage could be a little red flag that you may not want to ignore.
Pride? What? Puhlease. If people are going to judge an honoree of a party because of the caliber of the party then they are just as lame as the OP.
Honestly, OP, I don't think you even deserve a shower with that attitude.