I don't want them to host my shower.

Mrs. Marks

grettaz:

How sad that you don't want to accept a shower from people who love and care about you because it won't be up to your standards.

Ditto. I am new, and I have to say, not impressed. You would have hated my wedding- my budget was 3K and everyone brought potluck.  And it rocked. 

ForForever

tuxcat

I feel bad for you. is your self esteem that low that you're afraid of what people will think of you because of the quality of organization of your shower?

People aren't coming to this shower to judge you or hire you for their corporate parties. They're coming to give you stuff they bought for you, that YOU CHOSE (probably from your registries).

They aren't going to remember the invites, but they will remember you as an ungrateful b*tch who cancelled her baby shower because of insignificant bullsh*t that wasn't up to her standards.

angelaa73

option C

pull the giant stick out of your ass and act gracious that anyone wants to do anything for you, snob.

LucyHoneychrrch

I was an events coordinator.

You're just being a b!tch.

 

OxAMYxO

You can NOT be serious.  This is disgusting - I cant believe how ungrateful you're acting.  Your sister and cousni deserve to know exactly how you feel so that they never offer to plan you something in the future again.

 What are you going to do when your kid starts drawing you pictures - refuse to hang them on the refrigerator because they arent up to your standards?

sherpa

Mrs. Marks:

grettaz:

How sad that you don't want to accept a shower from people who love and care about you because it won't be up to your standards.

Ditto. I am new, and I have to say, not impressed. You would have hated my wedding- my budget was 3K and everyone brought potluck.  And it rocked. 

You shouldn't make assumptions. The total cost of my wedding was $8,000 and that included airfare and B&B for a few of our guests that couldn't otherwise make it and our wedding was a full weekend. My corporate events have had outrageous budgets.  I don't want the shower to be about presents, I don't want any presents and don't need any.  I hope you'll read my reply to the ^^sherpa^^ post so you might better understand why I don't want a shower to begin with.  I should have included it in my OP but I wouldn't want to be accused of DD or backtracking.

Bluesmoothee

Honestly, I hope someone who knows them prints this out and sends it to them so they can see what a worthless, ungrateless wench you are. I feel sorry for your unborn child. He or she is faced with a life living with an obsessive compulsive freak of a mother who will never be satisfied with their efforts. Nice.

TakYelgif

sherpa:

goodtobethelarkster:

Birth and motherhood are two very messy, non-magazine ready events where the paper goods and many, many other things are beyond your control.  So this will be good practice. 

Freaking out because your shower won't be perfect enough is unreasonable and, on top of that, not a good use of your time.  Read about different birthing options, parenting styles, infant and adolescent development, and nutrition instead.  Good, productive distractions are your friend.

This is really good advice, it may just be the practice I need. Thank you. 

As far as all the flaming goes...relax ladies.  You shouldn't get so worked up over somebody elses problems.  If I cared so much about the gifts then I wouldn't consider cancelling the shower in the first place.  There aren't any baby items that I need.  I admit the inability to relinquish control is an oddity that I have but I hardly think it warrants therapy.  I think any event planning professional would feel this way.  I would say that they way some of you react so emotionally and with such rage could be a little red flag that you may not want to ignore.

You are an ungrateful b!tch.......I would think your inability to enjoy a shower which is a GIFT would be a little red flag that YOU may not want to ignore. 

TakYelgif

Honestly given the ammount of negative replies you have received you may want to sit back and re-evaluate your attitude, you are in fact being a snob.  They planned this shower for YOU because they love YOU and you are basically saying that they aren't good enough.

OxAMYxO

goodtobethelarkster:

If I cared so much about the gifts then I wouldn't consider cancelling the shower in the first place.  There aren't any baby items that I need.  I admit the inability to relinquish control is an oddity that I have but I hardly think it warrants therapy.  I think any event planning professional would feel this way.  I would say that they way some of you react so emotionally and with such rage could be a little red flag that you may not want to ignore.

Oh, I dont think its about the gifts at all - I think its all about the air you want to put on.  And THATS what is sad.  Honestly, what really gets me is the fact that you didnt think you'd be flamed for this.  That is almost scary.

MrsPoggio2be

*Bre*:

I didn't get a shower and trust me, buying everything yourself isn't cheap so f you.

I was in the same boat and it did suck. Hell, someone wanted to throw me a shower when my mom would be in town, but she said it was silly and wouldn't attend. My feelings were so hurt I passed up the chance to have one. The fact that someone is willing to do this for you should make you feel loved. Accept the shower graciously. Some of the best times are parties that you don't have to plan.

IzzieBeanie

You're an idiot.

Trishd

I definitely think you should cancel it. Only because I don't think it is fair for your hostesses to waste their hard earned money on someone as ungrateful as you.

 And don't try to deny you are acting that way because you are.

jolis_petits_bijoux

You're an ungrateful wench.  Like PP said, I wish that your sister could see this so that she'd change her mind about throwing your shower.

Here's the deal.  You spent a lot of time planning your wedding down to every last detail, because that was your event that you planned, and it was important to you.  A shower is FOR you, not BY you.  A shower is a party thrown in your honor, and the decor/theme/invites/food/etc. is not a reflection on you, but on the hostess(es). 

I'm sure the shower will be fine, but even if it ends up becoming a tacky trailer park extravaganza, it's not your problem.  You're not the hostess!  So, if the party doesn't meet your standards, it shouldn't affect your pride.

As the guest of honor, your level of input shouldn't really go much beyond helping set a date, providing a guest list, and providing your registry information.  Other than that, you should say nothing about the "vision" of your shower, unless asked specific questions by the hostess(es).

I would be fvcking pissed if I were throwing a party for someone and they were making demands.  In fact, I'd write them off as ungrateful, and withdraw my offer to host the shower.

jolis_petits_bijoux

LoriFalce:

You need lithium.

And you should be tied to a chair and gagged and forced to watch while they open plastic packages of baby shower invitations (8 to a pack, probably mixed and matched), fill them out with Sharpies, scratching out their mistakes and not starting over with a fresh invite because they would run out, and picking your menu from the bulk deli at Sam's club.

Bwahhaha!

RubyInParadise

Hot damn, woman.

PinkBackPack

sherpa:

goodtobethelarkster:

Birth and motherhood are two very messy, non-magazine ready events where the paper goods and many, many other things are beyond your control.  So this will be good practice. 

Freaking out because your shower won't be perfect enough is unreasonable and, on top of that, not a good use of your time.  Read about different birthing options, parenting styles, infant and adolescent development, and nutrition instead.  Good, productive distractions are your friend.

This is really good advice, it may just be the practice I need. Thank you. 

As far as all the flaming goes...relax ladies.  You shouldn't get so worked up over somebody elses problems.  If I cared so much about the gifts then I wouldn't consider cancelling the shower in the first place.  There aren't any baby items that I need.  I admit the inability to relinquish control is an oddity that I have but I hardly think it warrants therapy.  I think any event planning professional would feel this way.  I would say that they way some of you react so emotionally and with such rage could be a little red flag that you may not want to ignore.

I'm a former event planner and understand giving up control of your shower may be difficult, but its like you don't care how your sister and cousin feel.  I would feel horrible if my sister told me that she didn't want me to plan her shower because it could not live up to her expectations. 

Instead of telling them that you don't want a shower, ask to be involved in the process or how you can help out.  Provide them with a list of resources that might be helpful. 

 

 

Sue_sue

When  you host events,  you can host them however you like.When you are the guest of honor you graciously accept what hospitality your hosts provide, in whatever format they provide it. If  you genuinely believe they will throw a shower that will humiliate and embarrass you, and ruin  your reputation, by all means decline the shower. You are not, however, to step in and take over. The only thing more tasteless and rude than bitching about what it is you're being given in the way of a shower is throwing one for yourself.

So. Suck it up and accept what horrible things they plan on doing for you, with a gracious 'thank you'; and if that's just not in your being,  tell them politely 'no thank you".

 

SunMoon&Stars

PinkBackPack:

I'm a former event planner and understand giving up control of your shower may be difficult, but its like you don't care how your sister and cousin feel.  I would feel horrible if my sister told me that she didn't want me to plan her shower because it could not live up to her expectations. 

Instead of telling them that you don't want a shower, ask to be involved in the process or how you can help out.  Provide them with a list of resources that might be helpful. 

Ditto. I don't care what you do for a living or how high your standards are. There's no excuse for your attitude toward the people who are trying to do something nice for you.

c_joy

I think you would be well within your rights to cancel the whole thing and delete your registries. Just tell them thanks, but no thanks, you'd rather they not waste their time, money and energy on such an ungrateful sow. That way, everybody wins! You don't have to put an ugly invite in the baby book and they don't have to be nice to someone who clearly doesn't appreciate it. Good luck!

S. H.

Wow, ungrateful much?  These people are going to the time and trouble to do something nice, and you want to reject it because it doesn't meet your standards?  Klassy!

bostonjen

What an ungrateful person you must be.  Someone is thoughtful enough and excited enough about the birth of your baby and you are worried that the shower won't be up to your standards?  Try being gracious and showing up to enjoy the company of friends and family who are so excited for you. 

sherpa

PinkBackPack:

sherpa:

goodtobethelarkster:

Birth and motherhood are two very messy, non-magazine ready events where the paper goods and many, many other things are beyond your control.  So this will be good practice. 

Freaking out because your shower won't be perfect enough is unreasonable and, on top of that, not a good use of your time.  Read about different birthing options, parenting styles, infant and adolescent development, and nutrition instead.  Good, productive distractions are your friend.

This is really good advice, it may just be the practice I need. Thank you. 

As far as all the flaming goes...relax ladies.  You shouldn't get so worked up over somebody elses problems.  If I cared so much about the gifts then I wouldn't consider cancelling the shower in the first place.  There aren't any baby items that I need.  I admit the inability to relinquish control is an oddity that I have but I hardly think it warrants therapy.  I think any event planning professional would feel this way.  I would say that they way some of you react so emotionally and with such rage could be a little red flag that you may not want to ignore.

I'm a former event planner and understand giving up control of your shower may be difficult, but its like you don't care how your sister and cousin feel.  I would feel horrible if my sister told me that she didn't want me to plan her shower because it could not live up to her expectations. 

Instead of telling them that you don't want a shower, ask to be involved in the process or how you can help out.  Provide them with a list of resources that might be helpful. 

Thank you, I really appreciate this kind of feedback especially after all of the personal attacks.  My sister hasn't even seen any of this and I feel horrible thinking that she can't live up to my expectations and how that would make her feel.  I really don't want a shower because I don't want any gifts and I don't want to deal with the anxiety of nobody getting along (moms vs. stepmoms).  I'm not going to ask her to forget about the shower but I will ask that she do it after the baby comes and everyone can bring used books instead of buying gifts. 

Hopefully she won't drop the ball.  She can barely make it to dinner plans and doesn't bother calling to tell anyone that she's not going to show up.... so it's quite unnerving to think she can get invites out in a timely manner. 

OxAMYxO

sherpa:

 My sister hasn't even seen any of this and I feel horrible thinking that she can't live up to my expectations and how that would make her feel.  I really don't want a shower because I don't want any gifts and I don't want to deal with the anxiety of nobody getting along (moms vs. stepmoms).  I'm not going to ask her to forget about the shower but I will ask that she do it after the baby comes and everyone can bring used books instead of buying gifts. 

I'm sorry, but you're so full of crap - compare this to your original post - this is back peddling at its finest.

And I'm also LOL'ing at the "event planners" that are chiming in with their condolances.  Give me a break....

sherpa

OxAMYxO:

sherpa:

 My sister hasn't even seen any of this and I feel horrible thinking that she can't live up to my expectations and how that would make her feel.  I really don't want a shower because I don't want any gifts and I don't want to deal with the anxiety of nobody getting along (moms vs. stepmoms).  I'm not going to ask her to forget about the shower but I will ask that she do it after the baby comes and everyone can bring used books instead of buying gifts. 

I'm sorry, but you're so full of crap - compare this to your original post - this is back peddling at its finest.

And I'm also LOL'ing at the "event planners" that are chiming in with their condolances.  Give me a break....

Go suck an egg.  I've revaluated in light of the responses here.  I was being an ungrateful snob and was put in my place.  I'm glad to have received the feedback that I did, even the snarks.

dmogmo

You're a douche. ?Enjoy your shower.

OxAMYxO

sherpa:

OxAMYxO:

sherpa:

 My sister hasn't even seen any of this and I feel horrible thinking that she can't live up to my expectations and how that would make her feel.  I really don't want a shower because I don't want any gifts and I don't want to deal with the anxiety of nobody getting along (moms vs. stepmoms).  I'm not going to ask her to forget about the shower but I will ask that she do it after the baby comes and everyone can bring used books instead of buying gifts. 

I'm sorry, but you're so full of crap - compare this to your original post - this is back peddling at its finest.

And I'm also LOL'ing at the "event planners" that are chiming in with their condolances.  Give me a break....

Go suck an egg.  I've revaluated in light of the responses here.  I was being an ungrateful snob and was put in my place.  I'm glad to have received the feedback that I did, even the snarks.

go.suck.an.egg ?

Clearly, you've changed your snotty ways.  Clearly!

KittenGator

There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. Just be grateful and take this as your first indication that you cannot control everything. Relinquish the control and enjoy.

shipian

DNK777:

jamie5315:

You sound like an ungrateful beotch honestly

This

This X 10

returnhomegnome

As a publications and events coordinator myself I feel your pain.

But as others have said, a shower is a gift to you; unlike a wedding which is an expression of your style.

As I see it you have two options but you must make up your mind immediately!!!!!! Allowing them to continue thinking they're throwing you a shower, while you (the guests of honor!) decide whether to bail or not, will just make things much worse.

1) Bail NOW. Bend over backwards to tell them how sweet the thought is (because it is sweet: they want to show their love!!!), but remind them how particular you are and how you don't want them to go through all the effort, etc, etc.  BS it up and make yourself look like the guilty party, but most important, make sure they feel ok about it! You have a long life ahead with these women, and you want them feeling nicely towards you when you ask them to babysit. 

the only problem with this option is: now who will throw you a shower? You could hire someone to do it and just write your mom and MIL's names in as "hostessing"...... but if you pick a random friend to throw it over your sister, prepare for her to be hurt because she would have a right to be.

2) Take control. But before you do that YOU MUST GUSH about how sweet it is of them to do this, and all the work it will take, etc, etc. Do not stop gushing through the whole process, up to, during, and after the shower. Then give them a list of the food you would like, which invites to use, what games to play, along with guest list, etc. But during all your demanding you must continue to reinforce how NICE it is of them to do this for you, even though you clearly don't think that it's nice.

And frankly, no one besides you cares a darn what the handwriting on the invites looks like.

howleyshell

Wow.

I just threw a shower for one of my dear friends.  She's a party planner by profession.

I was TERRIFIED.  My wedding was a tiny affair and the details didn't matter to me at all.  I'm just not "that kinda" gal.

But....  I worked my @ss off for my friend to make it a beautiful and memorable event.  Several of the guests told me that it was the most unique shower they'd ever attended.  Other guests told me they were "stealing" some of my ideas for showers they were to host.  I had custom invites made to match her bedding, the whole 9 yards.  Stuff I would NEVER have done for myself I did for her - and then some.

I think you need to step back and consider what this is really about.  It's a celebration of your child by the people who love you.

Let go of your professional attachments to parties and consider what it would be like to sit in a room full of people who love you and are thrilled about your growing family.  Does the address on the invite really matter that much at that point?  None of it is a reflection on you.  People know YOU didn't address them. 

And then take a moment to consider showing some respect for the people who have offered to host your shower.  They know you.  They know your expectations.

They just may surprise you.

Not that I honestly think that you much deserve the shower of your dreams with your attitude but that's a whole different post.