FOMO and pregnancy — The Bump
November 2013 Moms

FOMO and pregnancy

FOMO = Fear of Missing Out

Has your FOMO gotten worse since being pregnant? "Is everyone hanging out without me?" "What are they gunna do if I don't go because I'm too tired, feel too gross, etc.?" "Are they talking behind my back like, 'oh, this is going to be how it is now since she's having a baby.'"?

I'm the first one of my best girl friends to not only get married but also get prego. I LOVE them and still want them to include me in as much as they can both now that I'm pregnant and once the baby is here I just feel like once the baby is born they're going to not want me around. Then I'm going to miss out on all the fun, "girl" time (which a mama still needs). Also...I feel like DH gets to do all this fun stuff with all our friends without a care in the world but I have to think about what I can and can't do/eat/drink/etc. or focus on how I feel.

Sure some of this sounds whiny...but does anyone else think about this lately or feel similarly?

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Re: FOMO and pregnancy

  • Welcome to motherhood! Once that baby is concieved you can kiss that social life good bye. Not that you won't have a social life but it doesn't even begin to compare to the one you had before. Your friends probably will not understand but after a while when they start having kids they may come around. I would suggest getting to know some moms in your area. Get involved in a playgroup or a mom's night out group or stoller strides something along those lines. They are all wonderful resources to connect to other moms. Even if you still hang out with your old friends all you will think about and talk about is your LO anyways.
  • I'm 23 and the first of my friends to have kids too im having my second. Some of my friends are married too but they never want to have kids so I know I they don't completely understand. But my friends more come over more than go out and they have grown to love my son. Most are excited I'm having a second. My social life is nowhere near what it used to be but it's still there. I just have them over for dinner and movie so ds can get to sleep when he needs to.
  • I have always been a homebody: really don't like hanging out often. I fortunately don't have that issue. I never been in to having a social life.
  • The only people I really hang out with us my hubby's family. Mine is 700 miles away along with most of my friends. And his family is really excited to have a baby on the way so I'm not really excluded from anything anyway. If I hadn't moved and list contact with most of my friends already I would probably be in the same boat.
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  • I'm 32 yrs old and the first in my circle of close friends to be pregnant. I initially felt that I might be left out but I think it was the hormones. All of DH and my friends are married or in serious relationships so its only a matter of time. Yeah were not going to be able to go out and do whatever we want but that is part of being a parent. We now have to put LO first and true friends will understand and be flexible.
  • I get you! I'm the first in my friend group to get married and to get pregnant. Girl time has been hard to find recently because they are doing thing I can't do... Like parties drinkingwhich I didnt do before anyways, amusement parks, shopping... It hard to shop with them because we can't shop at the same stores anymore and I'm super paranoid that we aren't going to be close anymore.
  • I'm 25 and a FTM sometimes I have that fear of missing out but then I just remind myself that what I'm experiencing is more important than any club, bar, or anything else I can be doing. Sometimes I do feel left out and get a little emotional especially when I see pictures of my friends together enjoying themselves doing things I would be doing this summer lol but then I imagine how stupid I would look pregnant and at the club or whatever it's tough but I've been there and done all that anyways.
  • Your life and priorities change when you have a child.  If you are worried about missing out on things then honestly, you probably weren't ready to have a child.  But life has given you this gift so you need to embrace it.

    As for your friends, they will come and go during these big life changes.  True ones will always prevail and be there for you.

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  • image Chargersgrl33:
    Your life and priorities change when you have a child.nbsp; If you are worried about missing out on things then honestly, you probably weren't ready to have a child.nbsp; But life has given you this gift so you need to embrace it.
    As for your friends, they will come and go during these big life changes.nbsp; True ones will always prevail and be there for you.


    I definitely don't think this means "I wasn't ready" to have a baby lol. As a FTM your life just goes through stages and changes and you don't realize it until you're in the thick, that's all. Most times you think about how your marriage or body and daily priorities will change...that's it. I'm lucky to say these 3 or 4 girls are the best around and have been so supportive of us during this time and through my whole life. I just hope it stays that way, that's all. I'll put in as much energy into maintaining these friendships as I can. While the baby will change things, I also won't use that as an excuse to not support and hang out with other people in my life that I love.

    Thanks for all your input, ladies! Made me feel less FOMOish for sure. ::mobile smile::
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  • Hum, if you are afraid they are talking about you behind your back, they don't sound like friends. I understand being tired and either skipping an event or going home early. I am older, we sometimes have a hard time getting together with all of any one group at once but I don't worry about my friends talking about me. We talk, text and FB regularly. It has probably been 6 months since all of us were together. We normally had monthly gatherings but life happens. Good friends are there when you need them and all you have to do is call.
  • image lafsalot:
    Hum, if you are afraid they are talking about you behind your back, they don't sound like friends. I understand being tired and either skipping an event or going home early. I am older, we sometimes have a hard time getting together with all of any one group at once but I don't worry about my friends talking about me. We talk, text and FB regularly. It has probably been 6 months since all of us were together. We normally had monthly gatherings but life happens. Good friends are there when you need them and all you have to do is call.

    They don't talk behind my back. My quote in the OP was just an example of some angsty feelings others may have that come with the territory of parenting for the first time. I'm really not worried about losing my friends at all, really. I think the original intent of my post was missed. I'm actually not experiencing anything like this now or have this kinda drama...just hoping to start a convo about the changes of first time mommy hood. Some responders got it...you just feel like because you can't do what you used to 5+ months ago that you're missing out on something. That's all! It was nice to read some of the personal experiences and tips you all have given. Every mom/pregnancy/relationship/friendship is different, for sure!

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  • chein1chein1
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    image nciesla:

    image lafsalot:
    Hum, if you are afraid they are talking about you behind your back, they don't sound like friends. I understand being tired and either skipping an event or going home early. I am older, we sometimes have a hard time getting together with all of any one group at once but I don't worry about my friends talking about me. We talk, text and FB regularly. It has probably been 6 months since all of us were together. We normally had monthly gatherings but life happens. Good friends are there when you need them and all you have to do is call.

    They don't talk behind my back. My quote in the OP was just an example of some angsty feelings others may have that come with the territory of parenting for the first time. I'm really not worried about losing my friends at all, really. I think the original intent of my post was missed. I'm actually not experiencing anything like this now or have this kinda drama...just hoping to start a convo about the changes of first time mommy hood. Some responders got it...you just feel like because you can't do what you used to 5+ months ago that you're missing out on something. That's all! It was nice to read some of the personal experiences and tips you all have given. Every mom/pregnancy/relationship/friendship is different, for sure!

     

    I completely understand what you mean...just this past weekend my husband went out drinking until 2 a.m while I stayed home and (attempted) to paint my toenails. I get resentful that he always says these are his last few months of freedom and he needs to get it out of his system when my freedom was gone the second I peed on the stick and it had two lines!  Of course there were pictures all over Facebook the next day of our group of friends having a great time, minus me. It's especially hard being pregnant through the summer because that's when everyone has more time on their hands to hang out and do adventurous, non pregnant friendly things. We were trying to have a baby, so as ready as we are, it is still a huge adjustment. This was the first year I wasn't able to be with my two best friends on their birthday because they went to Busch Gardens, and I'm not going to be the pregnant lady that sits on the bench all day. It's just hard, and I'm sure your friends are like mine and have been there through the absolute worst and the absolute best so deep down you know they're not going anywhere, but you still can't help but wonder if they'll look at you differently or just assume you can't do anything because of the baby. Adjusting sucks!

  • It does make me sad to miss out on stuff and its partially my fault that I am missing out on things since I cant drink I really don't like to go to the parties we are invited to or go to friends houses as much because I think its annoying when your the only sober one in the group.  Thankfully my one best friend just had a baby last week and the other is due next month so me and my two main ladies have had many dinner/movie nights where we can just veg out and not care.
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  • I can relate a little. We are having our third and our core group just started getting pregnant. They love our kids, but don't get that we can't party all night bc our kids still wake up at 6:30am!! They can drop everything to go out at a moments notice and we need time to find a sitter. It changes, but is still fun. I laugh that we will be out of diapers and sleepless nights when they are in the thick of it!
    On a positive, they have given my kids all their attention bc they've been the only ones! But yes, we've gone from bar hopping to backyard bbq's and passing out in guest rooms to setting up pack-n-plays! The joys of life...I wouldn't trade it for the world!!
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