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January 2014 Moms
cyndilouwho77
member
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Support
cyndilouwho77
member
So, my husband and I are telling my parents tonight.....ugh!
I could give you the whole story but its a tad to long =(
This is not going to go well, my parents are not going to be happy and I am very worried that we will not have a place to live by morning.
Any encouragement would be great, has anyone ever had to tell parents that were less than happy that you were expecting?? This is the third time I will have to tell them, omg its going to go so horribly wrong =(
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Support
Sorry you're having to worry about this. Not sure what the issue is, but if it's related to you living with them, do you have a plan for moving out or a plan for caring for LO independently? If so, I would present that as part of the announcement. Hope it all goes well for you.
And as far as bad reactions - when my mom told my grandmother she was pregnant with her third, my grandmother cussed at her and told her she was white-trash. It took a couple months for her to get over being upset, but she did, and everyone was ok. By time sister arrived she was happy about the baby.
BFP 11.8.12 * EDD 7.17.13 * MC 12.20.12
Thanks for the support ladies...
Sadly we do not have a plan to move out if it goes bad, I mean if we have to we have to. My husband lives two hours from us and has to pay rent, he has to do this for work. I can't move to San Diego due to my other two children so it is quite the mess......I would love to move out of state but that's not in the card either unless I decide to literally screw over my teenager...its just such a mess =( We just can't for my husband to pay rent there and for us to even attempt to pay rent here in the OC!
That does sound like a pickle. Is it not an option for your other two children to move with you? Or do you have a custody agreement that prevents this from happening?
Hope it goes better than you expect. Good luck.
Emma Kate - born 10.16.03 @ 29 weeks, weighed 1lb 13oz and 13.5" long.
TTC #3
My youngest would move in a heartbeat but my 13yr old is another story. I made her leave her cheating father in another state when she was six and it took forever for her to turn that frown upside down and now she understands. She is a competitive dancer and has been with the same team since she was 6yrs old (she joined them right after we left her dad) and she considers them to be her family. We have tried to talk her through the idea of a move but she literally freaks out. She is very goal oriented and knows what high school she wants to go to and that she will be on their dance team.
This is why we stay in the OC, she has worked so very hard to get to where she is at and I literally feel like a monster for even thinking of taking that away from her.
I have full custody of both my girls!
My advice: be the parent and move out. I'm sure if that is your plan your parents will take things a lot better.
I was thinking the exact same thing. You just said it more eloquently. you can not let your children run your life.
I moved cities when I was 4, 8 and 11. And then to a new country when I was 13. Sure the last move was hard but I adjusted within a year especially when I found the new basketball team and art school.
I think you need to move. Be together as a family and out of your parents house. As PP said be the parent and make the decision best for all not just the teen.
Just to be clear my daughter doesn't call the shots, however I am very respectful of my kids feelings and completely support her when it comes to very great amazing goals for her own life. Where we would have to move would not allow her the opportunities that she has here in OC, in fact moving would literally leave her without the chance at the career she dreams of, I understand you may feel that I am crazy and that she can have her dream career anywhere, well it just isn't so.
Saying kids adapt is what people say to make themselves feel better, and she really isn't a kid anymore big changes cause big impact.
As for rent my parents do not require it being that my husband has to pay rent to stay in San Diego for work, they understand that we can not afford it in both places It would be great if he could transfer but his job just doesn't want to lose him and frankly right now we cant afford to lose the medical benefits. Plus his line of work is much harder to find in OC, hence why he stays in SD. My parents completely understand this and are supportive of keeping a good job. They also love my kids dearly and yes they wont be happy, however I have hopes that they will be a little more understanding and not so harsh!
I just read prior comments, and I changed my mind a bit. I think you need to help your teen understand what real life is like sometimes. Which means we don't always get what we want. It doesn't mean her future career can't happen, but is she really within months of obtaining it?
What I mean is you need to step up and do what is best for your family and this new baby, move out of your parents house and do whatever is necessary to provide for your kids. I am kinda understanding why your parents aren't going to be thrilled, and I understand....
Sadly there is nothing even remotely close for my daughter where we would be moving to. As much as I would love to move there I explained to my husband that the school systems leaves more than enough to be desired, most of them do not even have school sports teams let alone a dance program. The closest dance school is nearly 35 miles away and is bottom ranked and does not compete, let alone teach all the types of dance she will need to get into a dance program in college!
I'm sorry you're going through this, but there is no way in hell that my DH would live 2 hours away so my teenager could stay with her dance team. I understand she has dreams and wants to stay with her team (I was a very competitive soccer player and completely understand where the good teams are and how important that is, etc.) but I'd travel for her practices and recitals (?) before I lived without my husband.
And I completely disagree with your comment. Kids do adapt. She's 13. She'll survive.
Hope it went well with your parents.
Carter Robert 7.18.08 | Brynn Sophia 5.24.10 | Reid Joseph 9.10.12 | Emerson Mae 1.27.14
I know from personal experience that there are MANY dance schools in San Diego that compete and have a great program.....
Like many PP, she is 13 and has 5 more years to study and prepare for college. That is time to adjust. Have you ever looked into private lessons in the area? That would be an option if you think she is more advanced that what the schools you've looked into offer.
This. I lived in San Diego for 3 years and know from personal experience as well. In addition, I have lived in OC for many years. If you had to, you could drive back and forth from North SD to OC for instance. It would not be fun, but if your daughter had a future career in dance, it is not impossible. I would think it would be more important for your daughters and future child to have a close knit family life where they see dad daily than to continue at her current dance studio. Just my opinion though. Hope the conversation goes well.
I didn't say we would be moving to San Diego!
We would be moving to a small ranch/farming community in Washington State.
My husband is from the OC as well and moved to SD for work, the kids were established and happy. They were suppose to transfer him back two months after we got married but have found they don't want to lose his talent so the refuse to let him go.
So please don't judge me before you know the whole story and thank some of you so much for adding more stress to my evening instead of at least trying to be supportive!
Truly thank you to those who at least left kind words even if you may not have wanted to!
Where at in WA? I'm in Tri-Cities
Emma Kate - born 10.16.03 @ 29 weeks, weighed 1lb 13oz and 13.5" long.
TTC #3
I am sorry for making the assumption that you would move to where your husband works. I clearly misunderstood. Good luck.
Woodland, I have no clue where Tri-Cities is???
Thank You
Southeastern corner. My padre is a farmer. Never heard of Woodland. Where at in the state is that?
Emma Kate - born 10.16.03 @ 29 weeks, weighed 1lb 13oz and 13.5" long.
TTC #3
Same here. By some of your other comments it seemed like it would be OC or SD. Sorry....
Just saw it on the map. Surely there has to be some good dance stuff in the Vancouver/Portland area .... looked like it was only 20 miles or so from there.
ETA: However, in the winter that would be a not-so-fun drive
Emma Kate - born 10.16.03 @ 29 weeks, weighed 1lb 13oz and 13.5" long.
TTC #3
I thought this too. I just re-read this whole thread and I'm still confused. At any rate, OP, did you talk to your parents yet?
I'm confused about why you would be moving to Washington state if your husband works in San Diego? This whole thread is confusing actually. And I can somewhat understand why your parents might be upset about another baby, since they are essentially supporting you.
I do hope that it goes better than you expect.
This sounds off to me. How is it bottom ranked if it is non-competitive? And I did a quick Google search of dance studios near where you said you're moving. The closest one is far less than 35 miles away. There are a lot in Vancouver. I simply cannot believe that there is not something there that would work for her. (I found one competitive studio very easily, without much effort.)
Also, I can tell you're feeling a bit defensive now, because people are not agreeing with you. I wanted to address what you said here:
If you don't tell the whole story, we can only comment on what you write. Remember, you choose to write here and to put your stuff out there. You do not, however, get to choose how people respond. If people disagree with you, that's the risk you take by starting a thread. Your response here is quite rude, IMO.
Its OK, thank you!
Woodland is about 20 miles from the outside of Portland. His parents own a ranch up the mountain in Woodland, his mom does 100% as his father still owns and runs a business here in CA. They raise Alpacas! My husband would love to move there and help with the ranch as we know his mom wont be able to do it forever. We love the area, but there is just nothing there....well ok there is a McDonalds and at the next freeway exit there is now a new walmart....lol!
This is making more sense now. Without all of the information, you need to be a little more understanding when people offer suggestions, rather than jumping all over them. You got kind of nasty with some people. Just a suggestion. I know you were stressed, but that's never a good reason to do that. I asked a question one time a few weeks ago and got different answers than I expected. I just thanked everyone for their input, but said that I had already made my decision based on what I thought was best.
I agree with this. We are all making assumptions based on very vague information. Not sure why you would move to Washington state if your husband works in SD? And I still stick to my original statement kids adapt whether they are 2 or 15. You can still support her and her dance just somewhere else. You really should try living as a nuclear family especially since you an your DH have a new one on the way.
Nope not yet as my husband has been stuck at work all day and is just starting his drive home....we have finals tomorrow so its going to be a crazy day....no real good time to handle this =( I just want it over!
Sorry guys, I wasn't mad at the assumptions really of where I was moving...another poster made me upset and it was more aimed toward her...I prob should have quoted like I am now.
We would love to all be together if we could make it work out, but with jobs being hard to come by it makes no sense for either of us to quit our jobs and start all over. We need to keep the insurance and I need a job that can work with my kids schedules as its really hard to do it all by myself. We are doing what we can to get out but its just not poss at this very moment in time, however I would love too! I walked away from my house and home to get my kids out of a bad situation and let me tell you its hard not living on your own and having others into everything, I would move out tomorrow had I not been laid off for almost 3 years and left to take a crappy job just to be able to support my babies.
Sadly it wont happen tonight, nor tomorrow =(
My husband got stuck at work and my mom is already in bed.
Not sure whats going to happen, esp now that I am beyond stressed out?