June 2012 Moms

Marriage/ relationship ftm

Has anyone felt a difference in their relationship with the DH since the baby? My husband and I were only married a month before we found out we were pregnant but we were together for 7 years prior. I know we love each other but with so little time for just him and I it seems we don't talk much at all! Sometimes it's like we live parallel lives. It makes me sad and someone worried... is anyone else having similar experiences?

Re: Marriage/ relationship ftm

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    I would say yes but we were married six years before our first so it does not bother us and we make time for each other. Not to scare you but everyone I know who got married and had kids right way had marriage issues nothing bad but what you described and saying things like kids change everything. I never felt that way I felt kids enhanced my marriage. . Both kids and marriage  are major changes and when you have kids right away you don't have time to learn what it is like to live together unless you lived together before marriage. Try to make it a Point to have couple time and I think it will help. 
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    Speaking of room mates, my husband and I are just living together, but not actually together right now. If he wants to act like room mates, that's what we'll be. When I started putting just as much effort into things as he does, things fell apart. 

    I disagree with the fact that you have to be together longer to make your marriage strong enough for a baby. I know a couple who had 7yrs and having a baby really hurt them as they were used to life just the two of them. I think it depends on the coping skills of both parents. I dont transition well and I never have. Every transition has been really straining for me.

    I second getting out of the house sans bebe. We just barely started doing that.  


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     My DH and I were married 10 years before the arrival of DS. And yes, it was so difficult the first year. We were so used to taking off on a whim and traveling, doing whatever we wanted. We no longer are able to do those things but we were prepared to transition to parenthood. 

    Things are much easier now and we still don't get a lot of alone time, but were ok with it being the 3 of us!

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    Different perspective here... DH and I were together two years, and married one when we got pregnant. The only time our relationship suffered was while I pregnant and the 3 months after. Idk why, but we absolutely were nothing more than roommates. When we stated having one of the sets of grandparents take him every other weekend for a night was when it got better. I'm sure that makes me sound like a terrible mother but it's true.
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    IMO I don't think marriage has anything to do with it.  I've been married to by husband for 3 years and before that we together for 7 years.  I think I got used to just the two of us for such a long time. We didn't has to be responsible for anyone. We could leave and do things together without notice. 

    I agree that it changed our relationship.  It is soooo hard to find time to talk or do things together, but I highly recommend date night or even 20 min. to eat supper without LO.  Don't get me wrong, I love my little guy. I think a strong parent relationship is important for a healthy child.  I think this means spending sometime without LO. Try to remember some of things you did before LO came along for fun.  Is there any way to quick fit those in during a nap?  Cuddle and watch part of your fav. show. 

    I think it will get better once our children get a little more independent.  Right now you have monitor a lot of what your LO does, which makes it difficult to find time for each other.  Maybe the two of you could take the stroller and go for a walk.  Is there activities you all could do together?  Instead of one person monitoring baby and the other doing something else.  Just some thoughts.  Hang in there!  

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    I don't necessarily agree with PP. We were married for 3 years before DD1 was born; she definitely changed our marriage. In the end our marriage and lives have been enhanced by our kids, but it took us a while to get there. We definitely went through a period where we felt that we were more like roommates than a married couple. It does get better, but we had to make a concerted effort to make us time. Having a babysitter we trusted which allowed us to go out without DD1 helped immensely.

    Everyone definitely helped me but this post made me feel a little better. It's been one hell of a year now the DH has a very stressful job now and I just feel like it consumes him. He is always tryin to hug me and love on me and Most of the time I am easily frustrate with him because I feel like I am the one with the baby all the time. I'm a little short with him. I think this is something we will work on and it probably would help if we got some time to ourselves. Thank you everyone!!!!
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