To Doula or not to Doula...

chickklit

DH and I just finished Bradley Method classes and really enjoyed them!! I'm so thankful we took them. My question is, our instructor is a doula as well. I know everyone says that DH will become tired and will need breaks through L&D and I will want someone with me. 

 However, I am an extremely private person. Not in terms of being embarrassed about being naked around the medical providers. I think just in terms of I don't want a lot of people around, it's a very vulnerable time and I don't have a deep relationship with the doula. I like her! She's extremely nice and sweet! 

 I'd like it to be just DH and I at the birth center, but I know I don't want to be selfish and take away support and help for him if he needs it. 

 Any ideas, suggestions or opinions? Thanks! 

Khaleesi07

I've been asking myself the same thing throughout pregnancy! Cost is a factor for my BF and I since we're moving in a month, but I've looked into low-cost and student doulas as well.

On one hand I'm sure my BF will need support, as will I since he's not as "into" the natural birth and hypnobabies as I am. On the other hand, my biggest reason for wanting a doula was because I wanted a strong advocate for myself in case of unwanted interventions. Since we discovered there's a local birth center, I know the chances for interventions being pushed are much less than if I were going to have a hospital birth as we originally planned. The birth center is fantastic and I know I'll be in great hands.

I've decided to interview a few doulas, and just see if there's any one that's a good fit. If there's someone I feel comfortable with, then we will hire her, if not then we won't have one, and my BF is ok with whatever option I choose. It can't hurt to exchange a few emails or a phone converstations with a few doulas in your area, just to see if there is someone out there who is on the same page as you....good luck!

melmcdaniel07

I also had some trouble deciding on a Doula.  Everyone around me thought it was weird (well most think natural childbirth in general is weird).  Anyway... I decided to get one but didn't decide until like two weeks ago.  We finished up a fast track Bradley class and while I thought it was helpful - there is no way my husband will be able to read my cues and know what I need.  He's very helpful whenever I've needed him for anything else medical related but I personally think a women that's been through birth herself and has coached other women through it, is invaluable.  I do feel like I'm taking a bit of risk considering I haven't known her very long but it's a risk I'm willing to take b/c I think/hope it will make delivery easier.  However, if you are very private it may not be relaxing to have someone you don't know really well trying to coach you through it.  I think it depends on how much you feel like you can rely on your husband.  Good Luck!

tokenhoser

If you're in a highly supportive environment (like a birth center) with a highly supportive team (like a pro-natural birth midwife), then you'll likely be fine without a doula.

If you're at a hospital with a conventionally-minded OB, then I'd highly recommend the doula.

You could also consider another person in your life that you DO have a good relationship with (mom, sister, good friend) that you might want to have as on-call backup if your labour is very long. 

shiway

Trust me with a natural birth, a doula is a need. The key is to find a doula you click with and feel comfortable with and express your concerns about this issue wirh her and iscuss it so she can help yku fel confortable. I did not have a doula my first birth all natural, birth center, 63 hrs. It was a HUGE mistake. I have since become a doula myself and now am pregnant with 2. You should have at least 2 prenatal visits! and believe me when she starts doing her magic you will be so greatful she is there. Make sure your husband likes her too! You can always send her away! Haha but it's hard to hire one while you are in labor!

shiway

I had kinda the same thought. But with a birth center birth you are at home much more than at the birth center. Especially with your first. Even to have someone there to fix meals and grab towels and such is so valuable. Dont underestimate how much work natural labor is. Both you and your partner will be exhausted.

mandy522

What does your DH want? If he wants the support, then go for it. If he wants it to be just the two of you, then ask yourself if you think he can handle it, and if your doctor is truly supportive of your birth plan. If so, you'll be fine without one. We gave birth in a hospital with a 30%+ c-section rate and an epidural rate in the high 90s, and I didn't ever feel like I made a mistake not getting a doula.

abell77

We took Bradley classes and did not use a doula.  I had 2 hospital births.  I know it's a very personal choice and there is no right or wrong answer on this one, but I did not think my husband needed extra support and I am confident he would agree with me if he were reading this.  I would follow your instincts...if you don't think you want a doula, you will be just fine.

 

Good Luck! 

barnwife

We don't and won't use a doula. I don't get DH needing breaks. I mean, I don't get them. And even if he does want to run to the bathroom, grab a bite, whatever, he can do that between contractions. And if he needs longer (again, why? I don't get longer!), there's always my MW or her assistant to help me.

Now, if I didn't have a MW that would be there constantly from whenever I call her to come, I may consider a doula. But I honestly don't think I'd want one. 

ssmb_clarinet

I gave birth in a hospital with a midwife and I had no need for a doula. I did fine on my own and had DH for support. My labor was super quick, which probably helped, but I really don't see how a doula would have been helpful to me personally. 

Arielle27

For my first birth, I chose to have a doula. There were three main reasons for this: 1. I birthed at a hospital and wanted to make sure I had a natural advocate there. 2. I didn't know how my husband would handle everything. 3. I wanted someone with 'experience' there with us.

In the end, all I needed was my husband... everything went so smoothly and he was so amazing, I cannot even describe it in words. Literally never let go of my hand or stopped complimenting me and cheering me on.

That said, I am still SO HAPPY I chose to have the doula. It made all the time leading up to the birth that much more relaxed. She came to our apartment and helped my through a few hours of labor before helping us decide when it was time to go to the hospital. She just added a sense of security I otherwise would not have had.

With my second child, I chose not to have a doula. I didn't feel I needed it. But I have never regretted having her for the first birth and definitely recommend it to anyone interested/able to afford it!

chickklit

tokenhoser:

If you're in a highly supportive environment (like a birth center) with a highly supportive team (like a pro-natural birth midwife), then you'll likely be fine without a doula.

If you're at a hospital with a conventionally-minded OB, then I'd highly recommend the doula.

You could also consider another person in your life that you DO have a good relationship with (mom, sister, good friend) that you might want to have as on-call backup if your labour is very long. 

That's how we were feeling. We initially were planning a hospital birth, but just recently switched to a free standing birth clinic. We were going to hire her if we delivered in a hospital, but now that we're in a birth center, I'm torn...especially since we will have the trained midwives there supporting our thinking. I just don't want to be selfish and not give DH support, either. But I'm not sure if it will make me more tense to have someone else there that I just barely know....?