Not TTCAL: Ex Boyfriend Question

SoxFan777

Obviously, Not TTCAL related, but I could really use a sounding board for this one. 

My high school ex invited me to his wedding.  We dated junior/senior year, saw each other off and on in college when we were in different states but had broken up, remained friends, hooked up from time to time, and then went our separate ways but stayed in touch.  Re-connected in grad school (I actually hooked up with his roommate briefly but that's another story) when he had a girlfriend.  They broke up, he asked for me back, but I had already started dating my boyfriend/fianc? now husband.  I seriously considered (his parents LOVED me, awesome family, great chemistry, etc.), but it was too late.  He's a great guy who I cared about a lot a lifetime ago.  We hung out a few times since (he lives in my parents hometown) and my husband and I even went out with him and his girlfriend once (they broke up).

ANYWAY, he invited me to his wedding (new girl who I have not met) kindof out of the blue.  He just texted me to make sure my address is the same.  I didn't invite him to mine because we didn't go to the same HS, so different groups of friends, and I thought ex's were generally a no-no at weddings.  And he was single at the time, and I felt like he might still have feelings for me, so I decided not to invite him even though I thought about it.  We're 34 now and I've been married 6 years, btw, so this was, like I said, a lifetime ago. 

What would you do? 

jbasore1123

Biggest consideration should be how your DH feels, IMO. If he is comfortable with it, and you want to go, go. If he is not so sure, you have to respect your marriage.

LaRomana09

jbasore1123:

Biggest consideration should be how your DH feels, IMO. If he is comfortable with it, and you want to go, go. If he is not so sure, you have to respect your marriage.

This is my thought, as well. 

docamy2011

jbasore1123:

Biggest consideration should be how your DH feels, IMO. If he is comfortable with it, and you want to go, go. If he is not so sure, you have to respect your marriage.

 

Agreed! Hope you are doing well Sox!! 

Olalala157

I would likely skip it. Even though my husband would likely say that he doesnt care I'm sure it would in some way make him feel uncomfortable. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you want to go to a wedding of a girl who was his ex? Who you know they hooked up multiple times in different stages of their lives? It would make me feel super awkward. Maybe send a card of congratulations and call it a day?

SoxFan777

I think I'll find a polite excuse and send a nice gift from the registry.  Something that she CLEARLY picked out, which might build goodwill if we ever do hang out again... I think his parents might be uncomfortable, to be honest.  Is that weird?  But they flat out told me after I got engaged that they were sad it wasn't to their son. 

SoxFan777

THANKS everyone, btw.  DH thought it was a little weird, too, but didn't flat out say not to go. 

vrj0522

If my husband was ok with it, I would go.

caroeliz02

I have to say I would skip it.  I just think I would feel really weird/akward but my neither my husband or I really have anything to do with exes. I think the whole-  we can still be friends thing after you have gotten physical with someone is well not necessarily true.  Thats just me though.  I think a card would definitely be sufficient.  

KMW08

I would skip.

I think the reasons have been covered. I wouldn't want to hurt yh's feelings, or have a girl you don't know, worried about nothing. In all honesty if she knows the extent of your past relationship I bet she's furious he wants to invite you.

I think a card or a registry gift would be just fine if you want to congratulate them.

SandSunBliss

RN536:

nbsp;I wouldn't go. Just my opinion. like PP said, a card with a congrats is good enough.nbsp;

This. If course, it's your decision, not
Mine. GL!!

Mrsbtobe2012

I would send a gift and not go.

When planning our wedding, we decided it was inappropriate to invite anyone we had dated/slept with to the wedding--still friends or not.

jenkellen

Even taking out the whole ex thing I'm a bit confused about this entire situation. It doesn't sound like you're friends anymore, and you've never even met his future wife. I don't feel comfortable going to weddings where we aren't close with the people getting married. Especially if I didn't even know they were dating anyone seriously. Weddings are celebrating a couple's relationship and commitment.

I would just send them a card with cash.

SuperKim13

SoxFan777:

I think I'll find a polite excuse and send a nice gift from the registry.  Something that she CLEARLY picked out, which might build goodwill if we ever do hang out again... I think his parents might be uncomfortable, to be honest.  Is that weird?  But they flat out told me after I got engaged that they were sad it wasn't to their son. 

Yep, this exactly.  I would do the same thing.  

Mustardseed2007

SoxFan777:

I think I'll find a polite excuse and send a nice gift from the registry.  Something that she CLEARLY picked out, which might build goodwill if we ever do hang out again... I think his parents might be uncomfortable, to be honest.  Is that weird?  But they flat out told me after I got engaged that they were sad it wasn't to their son. 

That's a really good idea, I think.