difficult decision

oandmplus1

DD is just over 2 with diagnosis of ASD and developmental delays. We have therapy everyday, 1 hr OT a week, 1 hr ST and 9 hours ABA a week. At some point we will be increasing her ABA, but her BCBA isn't sure she will tolerate that much just yet. She is making progress but still isn't saying any words and stims A LOT. It is a constant battle all day to redirect. DH and I both work full time and are getting burnt out. Financially things are already tight and we have quite a bit of credit card debt. That being said, we both feel DD just really needs us more. Daycare isn't able to be consistent with engaging her and redirecting away from stimming and we feel the lack of consistency is a hinderence. We are thinking that we should just make all sacraficies we can so I can stay home and just work 1 to 2 days a week so one of us will always be with DD. Basically finances will be very tight and our credit card debt will probably not get better. But if you were in this situation, would you sacrafice your financial stability to be there more for your SN child to give them the best shot possible? We will be able to cover the bills but we would be screwed if something major came up.

Erinvp120

It sounds like you're an amazing mother who is trying to make the right decision...if you can swing it, I would absolutely take the risk. Bills will always be there, just be frugal and make the minimum payments. Good luck! Your baby will thank you xo

smiling76

Erinvp120:

It sounds like you're an amazing mother who is trying to make the right decision...if you can swing it, I would absolutely take the risk. Bills will always be there, just be frugal and make the minimum payments. Good luck! Your baby will thank you xo

This.  I had that decision too--even before we knew the extent of his SN---it was more because of the severe food allergies--then quickly moved in to apraxia, etc.  Anyways---I actually went in to give notice and after talking it out with my boss, I was able to move my hours to be part-time (with a full time workload though--and part time pay)--but it was the best thing in the world.  I looooove it.  I feel so blessed.  Would something like that work for you?  With this I was still able to make a good chuck of money and have a "career" yet be a better mom (in my mind).  Money will cause other stresses on you--so whatever you can do to avoid that would be fantastic. 

kcisthebombdotcom

What about working part or full time evenings? I stay at home during the day to handle all the therapy stuff but i waitress two evenings a week from 6-11p. The money is really good and there's a lot of flexibility with hours. I would find evening work and work as often as you need to so you can handle whatever comes your way. As a sn parent you definitely should be prepared for the possibilities more than someone with a nt kid.

laurding

I am right there with you!  I just put in for a leave of absence.  I am a teacher, so I am getting paid through the summer, but it so scary.  I have to do something to make money and we are still figuring it out.  I can't imagine regretting this decision for a moment, however.  Time with my daughter is priceless!  Good luck with your decision!

 

i also just started selling Norwex to help supplement our income...we shall see how that works! 

funchicken

ITA with Auntie.  I don't think it's a good idea to put yourself in a bad financial situation.  Money stress on top of worry about your DD would put a huge strain on your marriage.  IF something major comes up?  Something major always comes up.  I think you should focus on paying off your credit cards and hang in there until your DD is old enough for preschool services.

Linny0316

May I recommend looking into the Dave Ramsey debt plan, it might help you become debt free sooner than you think and give you the freedom to quit your job to stay home with DD.  Read some of the success stories and check out the debt snowball.  They helped us a ton.  Good luck with your decision.

thefuturemrskudla

I stopped working when DS was born, because I knew he would not make as much progress if I hadn't. He is deaf and started early intervention at 2 mos. We never planned for me to stay home I am a lawyer, DH works for Microsoft, but it was the best decision for DS. And I was his parenttherapist because I worked with him every day on language, etc. I knew no day care or nanny would work with him as much as I would, much less be able to take him to the therapies he had. He is 3 1/2 now and goes to preschool for deaf and hard of hearing children, so I will soon start thinking about whether and how to resume my career.

oandmplus1

I really appreciate the feedback. DH and I already have staggered shifts so he can take DD to her therapy, so we only see eachother weekends as it is. I am just not sure how else to make things work. Special ed pre school would start in january but is only offered mornings. They do most of the therapy as a group and I worry DD will not get adequate help so we would like to continue private therapy and eventually increase ABA but if she is in preschool we wouldnt be able to bring her to any other therapy. She would not get ABA at all.

finsup

I made the decision to stay in the work force after dx.  For us, it really wasn't a question, I wanted DS in the social environment that daycare provided.  His EI therapist sometimes went to daycare to work with him and provided his teachers there with tools to help him, and sometimes we had therapy at home.  I was lucky that my daycare was amazing and I had 100% confidence they were invested in his success too.  This is key - if you aren't confident that your daycare teachers are willing to do what they can to help, then I can see it being an issue.

Once he hit 3 he went to the special needs preschool in our town, and after he went to after school care at his regular daycare for the rest of the work day - this is how we have managed him until he goes to Kinder this fall.  This fall he'll be in regular Kinder, then take the bus to a new afterschool program.  And he gets 2x OT per week privately. 

If I had left work, 2x OT weekly, swimming and any other activities would be impossible.

GL w/ your decision.

zoeyandsummersmom

I work there was never a choice or a thought to it. We are on nanny #2 and she is wonderful. She drives DD to her therapy if it isn't at the house. For therapy at the house, we have a nanny cam up - I can watch the therapy with her EI therapists on my computer at work (no audio set up for it) and then I usually email, call or text them with any questions. 

With our doctors, therapists and nanny communication and a team approach is key. I email/text most of them whenever I have questions and we keep everyone in the loop. 

Our nanny is something special. She has a degree in early childhood education and went to nursing school for a year. She is hoping to be a teacher but wants to get her master's first.  

All of our insurance is through my employment and we live in a very high cost of living area, so not working is a luxury we cannot afford. I do take off time for doctor's appointments and have a very flexible manager. I think that is key.  

oandmplus1

After DH and I discussed it more we think we found a solution.We will keep DD home and hire a part time Nanny and send our DS to daycare still. It will cost a little more, but we will just need to make some changes to make it work and that way we can still work towards paying off our debt. I cant tell you how much I appreciate all your advice and input.

mommytoconnor

I agree with Auntie on this one.  I don't think that putting your family in a financial pinch is a good idea.  Nor do I think that you isolating your child at home is good either.  My personal advice is that you do your best to get thru until she turns 3 and then she would be eligible for special needs preschool thru your school district, where she would get services for what she needs.  This is vitally important.  Not only will she get therapies she will get socialization with peers and gain a feeling of a little independence and accomplishment.  I didn't put my child in daycare until he was 2 1/2 because I was fearful of behaviors and redirection.  I found an amazing place who works with him and I have seen huge improvements.  It gives me a break as well.  He is making good friends and really progressing well.  He starts early preschool in August to get his therapies there too.  When you have your SN kid at home, you are sooo busy and consumed with them and there behaviors that you can't do anything else.  Your other child will suffer, as much as you don't think they will, they do to some extent.  Hope things get better for you.

Zeidy01

Have you looked into special needs schools? My kids were 2 1/2 when they started EI at a special needs school that specializes in ABA.
Because of the school I was able to go back go work full time. It's a full day schedule and with st and ot at home.

Ask your social worker if they have something similar in your are.

Go!

pastalady

In our autism moms group, only 2 moms out of 60 work. It's just a fact of life for most of us. In our area there are not many all day programs or day area for special needs kids. 

 

I work 2 evenings a week in a chocolate store for extra money. I cannot put effort into my career now. It's enough work being home with DD lol! Basically where we live you get therapists who come out a few hours a month and give you the strategies to work with. The parent puts in the time, not the therapist. 

 

I also know in the future, what with bullying, etc, I want to always be there to pick DD up at school, be there to arrange social activities, etc. basic micromanage her life lol!

 

can you work part time? For us it's the best option.