First of the month

angelsnight

I get really sad on the first day of each month.  We lost our daughter in March, and every new month that starts makes me so sad.  I feel like the further we get away from March, the more and more we're leaving her behind.  Anyone else ever feel this way?

princezjk

I haven't specifically had an issue with the 1st of the month yet, but I can relate to the feeling that with each passing day we are further away from her. I often say it feels like it was both just yesterday and a lifetime ago that we lost her. Time seems to take on a whole new meaning after a loss. Hugs.

Kris721

**other child/pg mentioned*** 

 

 

I lost Logan on 3/20/11.  For that year every month on the 20th I had to just hide away and breakdown.  When his first birthday came, I took the day off from work and did fun stuff with my DD.  the month marks started getting easier, but in the second year my grief would be triggered at random times instead of "oh, Logan would be x months old today". I did a lot of grieving while pg with my rainbow baby.  Now, I'm having a hard time adjusting to having 2 kids....think it is PPD related.  My doctor said for sure my subconscious is super grieving Logan right now and he would be worried if I wasn't feeling depressed.  Grief certainly is a roller coaster. 

Heatherhah

I did feel like that early on but as time went by it did get a little easier it took a good 4 months to not focus on leaving her behind. The hardest thing for me was Fridays it reminded me every Friday of the day I lost her since it was on a Friday. I would relive the whole day every friday for about 8  months to a year.  

shandorfml2

It's hard for me on the 2nd of each month (lost her on 3/2) and used to be hard every saturday. Now its more like... "she would be 16 weeks, and we'd be doing xyz). I'm ready for summer to be over, because I had been thinking of her in sundresses and going swiming.

BrittianyM

I feel the same way, even with every week that passes. I always have to remind myself that time is not taking me further away from her but it is bringing me one day closer to seeing her again.

SaltyDonut

shandorfml2:

Now its more like... "she would be 16 weeks, and we'd be doing xyz). I'm ready for summer to be over, because I had been thinking of her in sundresses and going swiming.

I feel the same way. I even avoid the weekly bbq/pool afternoons at my mom's because I was so looking forward to spending them there with my baby boy. It really stinks.

angelsnight

mrsgerman:

It's amazing how this makes us hate certain dates or events isn't it? For me I hate Tuesdays because they're always the day of the week I would gain a new pregnancy week. Then I hate Thursdays and Fridays because I was told on Thursday he had passed and he was delivered Friday morning. I also had to deal with my first 24th of the month yesterday. He was born may 24th and I now hate them too. I also feel like the more days that pass the farther it was since I saw and held him and I hate that. It's like even though it gets easier with time it also gets harder. 

Our loss was on the 24th too, of March.  I definitely noticed and felt sad in April and May, but I just realized when I came here and saw my ticker that yesterday was the 24th and I didn't even notice.  MH says it's a good thing, that I am not dwelling on it.  But I feel terrible that I didn't notice....it's only been three months and I'm not ready to move on and not notice certain dates.

JessicaG220

I felt sad initially when the month changed.  I came back to work in May after losing Ava in April, and my two calendars still said April.  I refused to change them.  I refused to accept that it was May because I was supposed to still be in April, pregnant with my baby girl.  I wished SO badly that I could rewind to April 17 and change something, ANYTHING, that would bring her back.  One of my co-workers came to my desk and as she was talking, she changed my calendar!  She said, "Oh, honey, you need to change this."  I almost flipped out on her!  Didn't she know that I was physically in May, but emotionally I was living in April with my sweet angel kicking in my belly?  She walked away and I almost changed it back, but then I realized I was being silly and that I had to mentally accept the new month.

Now that it's been two months, and Ava's due date is tomorow, I want this summer to be over.  Part of me hates that the more time that goes by, the farther I am from holding her in my arms.  But the biggest part of me hates this summer when I was supposed to be on maternity leave, at home, away from work.  I'm dreading tomorrow, but it will be good for my soul to say goodbye to her and move past June 27.

I'm sorry you're sad.  It's ok to still be sad.  Lots of hugs and prayers for you!!!

Dixon813

Tomorrow marks one month for me.  We were given candles in memory of the babies (2 pink and 1 brown) and also a cross candle holder with 12 tea lights.  I just put them up on our mantel today and decided that on the 27th of every month I'm going to light these candles.  We have 12 tea lights, so I plan do to for the first year, even if they don't stay on our mantel, it's the plan for now.  Maybe in a year I'll decide I want to keep doing this or not...

(I should also mention that I LOVE candles and they are every where in our house.  So when people see them, they'll either think I just love those candles or I can decide to tell them more if I want to)