contact during TPR/ revocation period

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Contact during TPR/ revocation period.

How much contact have you had with BM after TPR was signed but before revocation period was up? I live in a 30 day revocation state which worries me.
Anyone experienced something like this?

Re: contact during TPR/ revocation period

  • Luckily for us, it was only 7 days.  The only contact we had with BM was pretty much about the post-adoption support we were going to provide once the revocation period ended, ha.  
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  • Ours was a 30-day state and we had no issues. I think we sent an update when DD was a month old, via the agency. We didn't contact her otherwise during that time, but our adoption is semi-open and only 2 visits/year with agency-mediated or blog-related communication (we just opened it up to e-mails).

    DD's birthmom was very much solid in her plan, she even went to court when they did TPR for the birthfather to make sure there weren't any issues.

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  • Thanks for sharing.
  • In our state there is no revocation period typically, but ours was an ICWA case, which can be revoked any time between placement and finalization (which was at about 6 months for us). TPR was signed about 10 days after the birth. We took a 2 week "blackout" period of no contact, then email/text contact and then a visit at about 3 weeks, and visits every ~3 to 4 weeks until finalization (and after).

    Once we left the hospital we felt fairly confident that the placement would be permanent, even though she still had not signed TPR. But we didn't make a public announcement until that 10 days had passed. Even though there was still a legal risk between TPR and finalization, we felt like we HAD to act as if it were permanent, or we would not be able to bond. That was a struggle, honestly.

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  • We saw them for a visit at the agency the day after the TPR was signed. It was also the day we met our son for the first time. I did email my son's BM the day after we brought him home from his foster care/cradle care home just to let her know we were doing OK (she requested this). Then we did not see them again until after the 10-business day revocation period was up.

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  • Thanks everyone for all the responses. To me it feels like such a long time of not knowing, As pp said, I don't want to let it interfere with bonding but I know I will still worry.

  • Hi NextChapter,


    Thanks for raising this. I'm in a 30 day state as well and we have no idea what's going to happen during this period. We currently have a super open match with the emom---so not sure what post-birth might look like. 

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  • TBH, DD's birthmom was so firm in her decision, we didn't really pay attention to the 30-day period. Our friends were more nervous than we were, LOL. So much so that one friend always gets DD's birthday wrong. He thinks it's the revocation date instead of her birthdate.
  • We had a 30 day wait before TPR was signed.  We had some contact with DD's birthmom during that time.  She actually emailed us pictures from the day DD was born - she sent them the day after DD was born (DD's birthmom went home the 2nd day.)  I know we emailed back and forth a few times during that time, and I think we had a phone call either during that time or right after. 

    We have a very open adoption, so we were very happy to have the contact. 


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  • imagemaryoosa:

    Hi NextChapter,


    Thanks for raising this. I'm in a 30 day state as well and we have no idea what's going to happen during this period. We currently have a super open match with the emom---so not sure what post-birth might look like. 

    No problem! I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. I guess its just fear of the unknown for us right now. It helps hearing the positive stories. 

  • I actually didn't find myself thinking about it all that much. Once we were acting like parents and taking care of our son, we kind of put it out of our minds. Our son's mom was really firm about her confidence in her plan, so she didn't give us much cause for worry.
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