Work schedule dilemma

Samiantha101

With the exception of about a month or so when my daughter was two months old, I have been a stay at home mom. My husband is in the military, and we had to relocate thousands of miles about 6 months ago. I had planned on getting a job right away, and I did. However, I was on a waitlist for my daycare of choice, and I crumbled at the idea of sending my daughter to the back up daycare. I literally quit my job after one day.

Since then, I have been babysitting another girl my daughter's age at my home. It's been mostly pretty fabulous. I never imagined being a stay at home mom, but it's been really hard to leave my baby. Having almost zero family, and none within a 10 hour drive, has been hard on us. I wish I could send my dd to grandma's and go to work, but that's not an option for me.

Back to the point: It really isn't feasible for me to be staying home anymore. We're getting by, but it's not very cushy financially. I have come to the realization that I need to get a job.

Now, I need to figure out my schedule. I am wanting to apply to evening jobs, so I can eliminate sending my daughter to daycare. Not only would this financially be a wise decision, as I would eliminate daycare and still be able to babysit the girl I'm watching, but I wouldn't have to send my daughter to daycare. Daycare has been my biggest fear. I am willing to do both PT and FT. Obviously, I would be limited to a lot less jobs, many which probably wouldn't pay super great.

The other option is to get a regular 9 to 5. I graduated from college just over a year ago, so I haven't gotten my career off the ground yet. There will be more opportunities for me, but again, pay more than likely wont be enough to offset both daycare, household bills, and my MASSIVE STUDENT LOAN payments. It's quite likely that I'll only make a minimal more amount working a 9 to 5, due to daycare and the loss of babysittig money, and I wouldn't have my days with my baby anymore. That thought really saddens me, however I know an evening job might exhaust both my husband and me. We also wouldn't see much of each other, which I think we both can deal with for the time being, but aren't super happy about.

I know this has been really long. I know of exactly zero other working moms that I can talk to. I would love anybody's advice and or input.

lexusolsen

In your situation I would look for a retail job and work opposite your husband's schedule. Maybe you could work somewhere with a useful discount? My DH worked as a server and bartender for a long time and made a ton of money. Do you have any serving experience? Have you considered getting your daycare license and opening an inhome daycare? I imagine that there might be a demand on base for daycare.

I think the important thing about daycare is finding a place that you feel completely comfortable with, whether it is a center or an inhome. It's doable. Good luck!

cwm11985

lexusolsen:

In your situation I would look for a retail job and work opposite your husband's schedule. Maybe you could work somewhere with a useful discount? My DH worked as a server and bartender for a long time and made a ton of money. Do you have any serving experience? Have you considered getting your daycare license and opening an inhome daycare? I imagine that there might be a demand on base for daycare. I think the important thing about daycare is finding a place that you feel completely comfortable with, whether it is a center or an inhome. It's doable. Good luck!

 

This.  Or you could find a daycare that is hiring and work there (your dd would likely be able to attend free or for a discount).  In the end though, you may just have to get over your fear of daycare; it is perfectly fine to have to send your kid to daycare. 

Nechie122

Let me be very clear here: there's nothing wrong with daycare. And especially after the first year, I think it's the best place for a kid to be. My daycare is teaching my DD everything from her letters to Spanish. It has a huge outdoor playground, "fitness" classes, daily art and music programs and frequent parties. What kid wouldn't love that?

You could try working opposite shifts for a while. But to me, the strain on my marriage would not be worth the hoops I was jumping through to avoid daycare. I would hate it. And what about the times your DD has those terrible nights of sleep where she's up every hour? That's a lot to ask of your DH too.

Now, back to the money issue. Of course when you're entry level you might not make much. But eventually, you'd move through the ranks. You'd also get benefits like a 401k. You need to focus on the long term, not just the first few months.

ccam

I couldn't imagine watching my LO all day (plus someone else's LO) and then working at night.  When would you sleep?  I feel like that would catch up with you after a while, at least it would for me!  Plus, that whole situation might take a toll on your relationship with DH.  Is your DH home on weekends?  Could you just get a job with weekend hours?  That way you would supplement your babysitting money plus save you on daycare. 

I hate sending DS to daycare, but it makes the time we do have that much more special.  And he loves daycare!  He always comes home in a good mood after spending the day with his friends.

Nechie122

wife07mom09:

I disagree that daycare is the best place for a child to be. With a parent is I feel so we can teach them all those things. Before you flame me j am a working parent and have sent my child to a great daycare. I love my job and it helps provide for my family but to say daycare is better than home with a parent is off course. Maybe if you let your kiddo watch tv all day hut I m ow for us we learn numbers, letters. Read, so Scriptire memory and learn all day long.

I suppose you're responding to me. Even SAHMs eventually send their children to preschool, often as early as age 2. For a working mom, that's FT vs PT but numerous studies have shown that children thrive in a high quality early learning environment. SAHMs also "supplement" with classes, playdates for socialization and/or enrolling their kids in Gymboree or similar programs; no mom does it alone.

So, yes, I really do believe that it's the best place for my 2 year old. I'm not necessarily talking about the number of hours she spends there, but I would have sent her to a preschool/daycare regardless.

Samiantha101

Thanks for all of your opinions. The longer and harder I think about it, the
more aware I am that I need to get a 9 to 5. It's not what I want, per se, but it's what is best for my family.

There aren't a lot of daycare options near my home. Most are almost exclusively Spanish speaking. I don't speak Spanish at all, and I want there to be zero communication barriers between the provider and myself. It's very likely that she will go to daycare at the military CDC, which means my husband will do drop off and pick up. This makes me slightly envious and a bit sad. Unfortunately, I live about a half hour drive from where most of the jobs are. I previously looked into daycares in that area of town, but they are way out of our price range.

I would LOVE to stay home with her, but I know that it's not really a viable option. Working in the evening doesn't sound all that great when I really put things into perspective.

Thanks ladies.

ETA: My husband retires from the military in less than three years. After he retires, we're leaving where we currently reside ASAP. With that in mind, I know it will be difficult to be really serious about striving for promotions and counting on raises, as I am always reminding myself that this place is only temporary.