Update from BFN this week

mmhopeful

First of all, thank you to everyone who have offered support in so many ways to my posts in the last week.  I took a few days off from the board, as I cried for 2 days after our 3rd IUI failed.  It hit us both so hard and this morning, I'm just numb.  No tears.  I think I cried them all out.  Our RE is out of the country and we have a meeting scheduled for july 2nd.  We are technically "on our own" this month, but my husband and I havn't talked about whether we will try on our own with the help of OPKs or not.  Just so sad and frustrated by the process and outcome.  I guess it felt like 3 strikes and we're out.   Trying to regroup and frankly not cry. I know I have had no appetite in the last 2 days and unfortunately/fortunately I have an eye doctor appointment today to go to so I really CAN'T cry today or I will have a worse problem to deal with puffy/strained eyes.

This IF journey is taking a toll on us for sure.  The one thing we ask ourselves is "what if it never happens?"  From seeing people EVERYWHERE with babies or strollers or expecting, and yes, even neighbors who we are all genuinely happy for, we just can't hide our upset.  I am taking myself out of any family obligations for the next few weeks.  Heard such upsetting responses from family when they heard about our 3rd failed IUI.  "It's just nature. You knew that."    "If only you would just relax and say a few more prayers."  Just hurtful comments and if only they knew. I tried to educate them but that failed. Just got off the phone and cried more after talking with them.  My husband is very sad but also says he doesn't want any babies at age 50. So....I am feeling pretty discouraged right now and just wanted to vent.  (I know there is no judgement but only support from this board.) 

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for others who are finding success in their quest for a family, but sadly I just couldn't comment in the last few days.  I will try my best to get caught up on the posts I missed and in the meantime, just know I really am so very grateful for this board.

scbedi

I am so so sorry you are going through this! HUGS!! I know some posters have found comfort and relief through therapy specialized in IF.
I am so sorry for the insensitive comments as well.

PrdUSMCWyf

I am so sorry the 3rd was a bfn.  It sucks and is one of the worst feelings ever.  Thinking of you.  

priadean

I am so sorry this journey is such a rough thing... We all understand what you are going through, and of course don't judge you for how you are feeling.it is completely fine for you to feel the way you do. Hang in there.

ErinSays

((HUGS)) When people don't know what to say, they tend to fall back on canned responses - and those aren't helpful when you're hurting and just want real, personal support. Just relax?! We all know what a joke that piece of advice is!

As for your husband not wanting a baby at 50, well, just remember who is in charge He's just panicking. 50's just a number, there is nothing special about it other than whatever he is putting on the number. Plenty of men have babies in their 60s-70s! 

If you want children, there is always a way. It's just a matter of finding the way that works for you. Take care of yourself and give yourself some treats.

wearebirds

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I get so angry that this has to be a part of our stories. People can say all they want about "it'll be worth it"...or "the struggle will make you appreciate it more"...but you know what!? That's bullshiitttttt. No one should have to experience this heartache.

I am so very sorry that your 3rd IUI failed. I am so very sorry that your friends and family can't understand how to be kind when it comes to this subject. Take all the time you need to regroup. We're always here for you.

RunCC37

My heart goes out to you, mmhopeful, along with all my best wishes, thoughts, prayers, and ::hugs:: Take all the time you need and distance yourself from negativity. You know the truth: people are ignorant and (most of them) don't mean you any harm. 

 

mmhopeful

Thanks everyone....I made it through the day without crying......and my eye doctor appointment as well.  Interesting fact....I learned NOT to get a contact fitting while pregnant, as contacts will not fit well during pregnancy and I may need to rely on my glasses more.  I had asked about femara and it's effects on eyes....he said that there are many post menopausal women on the drug and it's been around a while and it does not effect vision.  Good to know....Looking on the bright side....at least I learned that I CAN get my contacts fitting done in the next days.  It's at least something I can control when IF is clearly not anything I am in charge of.    Goal tomorrow is to go pick out a new eye-glass frame. I've had this frame for 6 years.....that will be my splurge. 

I appreciate everyone who commented and those that read and took time to empathize and may have been having their own rough day.   

BabyDustWish

I feel like I could have written this post myself. It brings me right back last week and it saddens my heart that you are there! This cycle was extra difficult emotionally for us and our ages are also becoming a cause of concern.
We are taking a break this month, unaware of what our next step will be and to be honest, I'm really looking forward to the break!
Hoping you find comfort in this difficult time and that success is in your future!

mmhopeful

BabyDustWish:

I feel like I could have written this post myself. It brings me right back last week and it saddens my heart that you are there! This cycle was extra difficult emotionally for us and our ages are also becoming a cause of concern. We are taking a break this month, unaware of what our next step will be and to be honest, I'm really looking forward to the break! Hoping you find comfort in this difficult time and that success is in your future!

Thankyou very much.  In some ways it is a relief that today is CD4 and I am not taking any meds and am focusing on walking, healthy eating, and have planned adate night with my husband for Saturday night.  Trying to find a "new normal" for this time period and have read of people getting pregnant while "on a break."  If not, I am at least making myself healthier and focusing on what I can control vs. IF which I can't control.  Again, I really appreciated your post and the support. I know that I couldn't go through all of this without this board that's for sure.