shyness or rudeness???

Christmasbaby18

My 3 and a half year old has always been very shy but sometimes she can come across as rude.  For example, this week we were visiting my husband's family out of town and when we went over to his grandma's house (a place she's been before) she refused to say a word to anyone the whole time.  She was even crying and clinging to my leg and asking to be held.  Then other times in similar situations she'll be totally fine, even silly and talkative at times.  It just depends and I can't figure out what triggers her behavior.  I've tried giving her a pep talk before we go somewhere about who will be there and what they/she might say.  Basically I've said I expect you to say hello and goodbye and to answer if you are asked a question.  Sometimes this pep talk helps and sometimes it doesn't.  Any other ideas for how to help her overcome this?  

74dragonfly

Is she shy at preschool? I was concerned my DD was too shy but her pedi said that if she is fine in some places it is normal. I kept working with my DD. Then at 4 over night she became much less shy. NOW she talks to almost everyone.
I did what you do, talked about what to say. We also read kid books with shyness as the subject.

Littlejen22

My 6yo DS can be like that and is slowly getting a little more comfortable. After posting on here and more recently readin in Parents Magazine I have decided to totally back off because I don't want to negatively label him in any way and make it worse and I think it is real and me pestering him or making him feel bad will probably hurt his selfesteem before making him a social butterfly. At 6 he is not like that with family at all but is like that with stranger kids and sometimes with kids he knows if it is a large group. I would try to slowly focus on having her talk to one person at a function like someone she knows and see if that helps and encourage without forcing.

honeybee111

If we're in a new situation or meeting new people, DD will be shy for the first 15 min or so.  She will hide behind me, refuse to say hi or make eye contact with the new people.  I just ignore her and let her watch me say hi, talk, etc.  I've found that if I push it, it takes her longer to warm up to people, so I just leave her alone.