I need man help

ahssabino

I am very lucky to have my hubby. He has been very helpful and supportive of my actual needs (food , doing laundry, clean house) and had been very active in planning and prepping for baby. However, when it comes to sticking up for my needs in other ways I am on my own. My MIL overstepping and over shopping and over pushing for private Cathlic school that is my battle. His bilogical mother dropping the oh we night show up for her birth ( I have never met the woman and she would be bringing her daughter who is due in July all of which would be staying with us ) I get the they are my family my hands our tied response. I love him and I hate to say this but I need him to find his bits start sticking up for his family (ME And BABY!) help me

Coltsdad

Family issues are always hard.  You and the baby are his family now, but his mom, biological and I'm guessing step mother (MIL) by the wording, have been his family for quite some time too.  It is a delicate balance.

miraclemarie

ahssabino:

My MIL overstepping and over shopping and over pushing for private Cathlic school that is my battle. His bilogical mother dropping the oh we night show up for her birth I have never met the woman and she would be bringing her daughter who is due in July all of which would be staying with us I get the they are my family my hands our tied response. I love him and I hate to say this but I need him to find his bits start sticking up for his family ME And BABY! help me

I'm a lurker here on this board but I must say this sounds like my world. My MIL has tried to take control over everything. She pushed my mom aside at my shower, when our LO was born she wouldn't let my family hold her and she's still that way, she refuses to get the whooping cough shot or let her brother and husband get it to and the best is every time she comes over she brings more and more stuff and then asks for her bags back so she can bring more. It's very hard when the H doesn't know how or who to side with. I've sat him down alone and expressed my concerns and how I feel with him not supporting me and I took his mom out for dinner all for her to lie to me and at the end of the conversation ask me if I'm jealous of her. Ridiculous if you ask me. Well I know its not helping any but you are not alone but I would recommend sitting at least your H down and expressing why you are upset might help.

Wulfgar

If the MIL lives close by have your husband tell her what I told my MIL.  The Christmas gifts and other toys that they buy for my son stays at their place.  It helps that she is our primary care giver for him during the week so she needs these to help keep him entertained.

As for private Catholic school, depending on what your school system is, getting at least an 8th grade education from the Catholic school will give your child a head start above other children.

ahssabino

I agree with private school when the district is questionable or its the faith you belong to. We have a top rated school system and both of us left the Cathlic church a long time ago. She is thinking back to when my hubby was in school and how bad things were (he and I are both dyslexic and have a learning disability) and bounced him from one school the to next. I am ten years younger and stayed in the same school system and was very successful. Our little one would be going to the same schools that I did and every time the brings it up (like tonight at dinner again) I tell her these things. I am then told I am wrong.

Wulfgar

I have similar issues, my brother is part of the leadership for his school district's teachers Union and is only for public school no matter what.  My sister lives in one of the better school districts in North Carolina where her public schools are better then a lot of Catholic schools.  Neither will believe me when I tell them that Akron City schools especially where I am living are among the lowest rated schools in our State thus I will not send them to a ghetto school and deal with that trouble.

Since it sounds like you are living in one of the better school districts I would show your MIL the proof that your school system is better then the local Catholic Schools.

HNRomance

This isn't man help but my DH and I dealt with some of this prior to the wedding. While his family is important and could be a very positive thing in your baby's life, you and the child you made together should be his main priority at this point. He doesn't have to "choose" but there is no reason that he cannot draw a line of respect between the moms and your little growing family. How would he feel if it was your DAD telling him how things were going to be before the baby was even born? Those choices are between you and your hubby. I think some guys have a difficult time transitioning between the main woman (or women in this case... read: mom) that has been part of their lives for so long to the new woman (wife/partner) that has a real need to come first. Not to replace their mother but to become top priority. It makes it even harder when the mother(s) are being pushy and disrespectful. He probably just wants to avoid confrontation. I think that you guys need to get on the same page first and then sit down with each mom to let them know that they are a valuable part of your family but that you will ask for input when you have questions. Let them know that you want to have a good relationship but that it needs to happen with mutual respect and they are crossing the line. You may have to reinforce that line occasionally! Good luck on this. It is never an easy conversation to have but you don't want a blowout fight later about something concerning your kids.