Double Loss

soon2bmrsdaniel

Today I would have been 20 weeks pregnant with twin girls. I had a miscarriage on 6/4/13 at 18 weeks 4 days and still have no idea why. 

I guess it started on 6/3/13 when i started cramping and feeling just plain awful at home. I couldn't eat or sleep. I was just in so much pain. I kept telling myself that everything was just stretching and it was worse because it was twins. The next morning, I kept feeling like I had to pee and I knew there was nothing left in my bladder. My water broke and I delivered at home. Thankfully, my husband was still at home because we were going to my ultrasound appointment to find out what the babies were. I was taken to the hospital by an ambulance and had a D&C. I lost a lot of blood and am still feeling it because they wanted me to regenerate my blood on my own vs. having a transfusion. I've been off work since June 4 and probably won't go back until June 24th.

We were in a weird place because it was still considered a miscarriage because I wasn't 20 weeks yet, but they were still perfect little humans. I'm really confused because the doctor told me that there wasn't anything that I did to cause it, but they can't tell me if it was an incompetent cervix where I delivered at home. When I go back to the doctor, I'm going to ask about that and see if I need to be stitched next time just as a precaution.

 I'm struggling with this because I feel like my body couldn't handle carrying my girls. I know I shouldn't feel guilty because there wasn't anything I could have done to change it, but its hard not to. 

Has anyone had a similar experience with a late miscarriage? I'm really hurt and confused and lost at the moment. I feel like this year has been one of the absolute worst ever but my husband has been amazing through the whole thing. We celebrated our 1 year anniversary on 6/9/13 and have had a really tough year. We lost everything we owned in an apartment fire a month after the wedding, lived with his family for 3 months, had multiple health problems with hospital stays, and now this. If you can't tell, I'm kind of angry and bitter at the moment. I'm talking with a therapist though and it seems to help some.

Carolee

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughters.  Sadly, you will find many others here who have experienced similar losses - you are in the right place.  I'm sorry you're joining us here, but welcome.

PerkyErky

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter on 03/27/13 at 20w4d due to an incompetent cervix. I got up to pee in the middle of the night and there was the amniotic sac. I delivered at the hospital but it was close. I was fully dilated and everything when we got there. I feel like a failure and like my body betrayed me. My dr has said for future pregnancies I will be closely monitored and get a cerclage. 

Again I am so sorry you lost your babies and that you are having a rough year. 

bunnybun4

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girls.  Blaming yourself and all of the anger and bitterness are all very normal feelings that most of us have.  I hope your Dr. can ease your mind and give you a gameplan for the future...and maybe answer some questions for you.

((HUGS))

angelsnight

I'm very sorry for the loss of your sweet babies.  I am no doctor, but your situation sounds very similar to mine, and they are pretty sure I had an incompetent cervix.

I lost my girl at 22 weeks, but with twins I can see how it would happen sooner.  I was having cramps for a few days, and also thought it was just stretching pains.  I ended up going to L&D at 10pm on a Saturday night, and my water broke and I delivered at 10am Sunday morning....so I am sure had I not gone in when I did, I likely would have delivered at home as well.  I am so sorry that happened to you, but I am glad you weren't alone.

I would definitely find a high risk doctor who does cerclages and at least speak to them and find out if they would recommend one next time around.  From what I understand, it's a fairly simple procedure, so even though they are not 100% certain that I need it, it can't really hurt so my doctors encourage it.

I'm so sorry to hear about the fire and all of the bad stuff that is happening to you.  I too feel like I have met my quota on tragedies in my life and it makes me so much angrier that I lost my babies too.  Huge hugs to you, I am sorry you're here but I am glad you found us.

amandager99

I am so sorry for your loss.  My son was born and passed away at 18w4d as well.  Three weeks ago today is when my cramping started, I woke up in the middle of the night having lost my mucus plug and we went straight to the hospital, delivering late Saturday evening.  

I completely understand how you are feeling, there was a struggle at the hospital to even get us up to L&D (I had to be induced) because I wasn't 20 weeks.  He was perfect when he came out.  They believe it was due to an incompetent cervix.  We too have been left with lots of unanswered questions.  They say all signs point to and IC, but they can't say with any certainty that is what happened and there could be other variables.  All we can do is extra monitoring next time to watch my cervix.  Not having any solid answers has left both DH and I questioning ourselves and actions leading up to that day.

I struggle with the thoughts of this is my fault, and fear DH being angry with me cause it's my body that gave out and took away his son.  I'm here for you, and all the women here have been very helpful and understanding.  Please feel free to message me anytime. 

Dixon813

I am so sorry you lost your babies girls. My cervix shortened around 20 weeks, then water broke.  I know that it's not anything I did, probably the stress and growth of the triplets, but it still makes me nervous that if I couldn't detect anything wrong this time, how will I next time...

No help or advise, except to say that it sucks and I'm so sorry you're going through this.  Sending you and your husband prayers.

BrittianyM

Very sorry for your losses and everything you have gone through. This should not happen. Just know we are all here for you whenever you need us.

TimesInfinity9

I'm so sorry to hear your story but welcome to this board, the ladies here are so supportive. I also have experienced the same feelings about being a late miscarriage rather then a stillbirth, because I had a missed miscarriage and found out at my 21 week ultrasound that my baby's heart had stopped 3 weeks earlier. I feel like that title diminishes my loss and pain.

hhudson92

SIGGY WARNING





At 16 weeks my water broke with my quads. I was having the same feeling as you were, having to pee but couldn't. I had no idea something was wrong. Woke up on a Tuesday morning and my water broke. I made it to the doctor and went five days before delivering baby Jaxon. I was developing an infection and had to be induced at 17 weeks with the other three.
I asked my OB in the very beginning of my pregnancy if he thought I should get a cerclage and he doesn't really believe in them. I never did ask the high risk doctor about it and they didn't mention it.
Feel free to PM me if you need to talk!

philfemgal

***SIG WARNING/RAINBOW PREGNANCY MENTIONED***

 

 

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your twins.

I also had a loss at 18 and a half weeks after having been pregnant with twins.  Our first twin died in utero at 14 weeks, probably due to a chromosomal issue that led to the bladder not forming correctly.  All seemed fine then until 18 and a half weeks when one morning I started having strange cramping back pains which I thought maybe were going to be a stomach problem; nurse at the OB said it was probably my stomach.  Eventually I realized I could time the pains and they were about 2-3 minutes apart and they got a lot stronger and I wasn't vomiting or having diarrhea so it didn't seem to be stomach/intestine related.  Went to L&D and was 4 cm dilated.  Pain got infinitely worse just as we arrived and they figured out that I was dilated and then my water broke.  I delivered our baby Alice a few hours later.

In my case they were pretty sure it was not incompetent cervix.  I had my anatomy scan the day before (Alice looked perfect in every way) and my cervix was measuring at least 3 cm at the time.  All the various doctors we saw pointed to both the mere fact that it was a twin pregnancy (being harder on the body, etc.) and the death of the first twin as the cause.  So they ruled it more in the preterm labor category than the incompetent cervix category. 

Also in my experience when your loss is with multiples that alone will play a big role in doctors trying to explain what happened and deciding what to do with a future pregnancy.  I was told before my rainbow pregnancy that so long as I was pregnant with a singleton they would not see me as any higher than average risk for complications.  So in my rainbow pregnancy (with a singleton) we did not do a cerclage, but did do vaginal progesterone and cervical monitoring and we did the latter only because my wife and I insisted on it as the OB didn't think we really needed it.  I still did have cervical shortening at 28 weeks.  So even now we really don't know if it was a cervical problem or not that caused my labor with Alice.