Am I the only one wincing..

suv75

Am I the only one wincing at the choice of words used by posters to describe a woman's post partem body in the thread about the porn? I mean attributing words like mangled vag or fatty mcfatty, fat, flubber, etc. to OP's husband regarding his thoughts on her pp body is kinda insensitive to OP, no? Even if she is confident about her body, I just don't see the need to use such harsh terms in such a delicate situation. I had a vaginal delivery and don't think my vag is "mangled". I take it that people are assuming there IS something wrong with her body or that she is overweight when that may not be the case.

Or am I just being too sensitive?

CinemaGoddess

If you'll notice, nobody is calling the OP those names.  We were assuming that's what the OP's husband was thinking.

And honesty, a lot of ladies here will acknowledge that their girl parts were jacked up after giving birth. 

suv75

CinemaGoddess:

If you'll notice, nobody is calling the OP those names.nbsp; We were assuming that's what the OP's husband was thinking. And honesty, a lot of ladies here will acknowledge that their girl parts were jacked up after giving birth.nbsp;

I know no one is calling her these names. I still think it is kinda insensitive.

klondikebar

I think the words used were chosen because we playfully applied them to ourselves at one point. I don't think anyone was directing them at the OP.

I don't think I used any terms to describe the body in the other thread, but I would've picked: Freddy Krueger stomach and flabulous overhang. My stomach looked so hot after 3 c-sections.

My point is if I was describing a PP body, I'd use familiar terms about how I looked.

MrsGoodkat

I used the term mangled vagina but was being tongue-in-cheek. I doubt her vagina is actually mangled. 

OP didn't provide enough info on what her husband thinks is wrong with her body to actually know what's turning him off from wanting to be intimate with her.

Personally, I think it's an excuse. I highly doubt her PP body is the full reason he has denied her sex for 6 months. 

suv75

MrsGoodkat:

Personally, I think it's an excuse. I highly doubt her PP body is the full reason he has denied her sex for 6 months.nbsp;

This is where I am too given the info we were provided.

Nita2603

Hell, I had two c/s and never dilated past 3 and my girl parts are not the same.
I think all those words were used without bad intentions.

s0ulchicken

KlondikeBar:

I think the words used were chosen becausenbsp;we playfully applied themnbsp;to ourselves at one point. I don't think anyone was directing them at the OP. I don't think I used any terms to describe the body in the other thread, but I would've picked: Freddy Krueger stomach and flabulous overhang. My stomach looked so hot after 3 csections. My point is if I was describing a PP body, I'd use familiar terms about how I looked.

You said looked. Past tense. Did you make it go away? 3 pregnancies, 4 kids, and 3 sections later, I have some see serious extra skin. Share your magic?

jorkz821

I kind of thought people were using those terms to demonstrate the jackedupness of the h's words. He says "pp body changes", he thinks "gross flab" or whatever.

izzourclue

I think we inferred from the OP that her H implied there was something wrong with her PP body because her he was having a hard time dealing with how her body had changed PP and it was one of the reasons he wasn't interested in sex with her. 

Runaway22

The terms are insensitive, but also relatable (for me). Doesn't mean it's a healthy way to approach the issue, though. 

klondikebar

s0ulchicken:

KlondikeBar:

I think the words used were chosen becausenbsp;we playfully applied themnbsp;to ourselves at one point. I don't think anyone was directing them at the OP. I don't think I used any terms to describe the body in the other thread, but I would've picked: Freddy Krueger stomach and flabulous overhang. My stomach looked so hot after 3 csections. My point is if I was describing a PP body, I'd use familiar terms about how I looked.

You said looked. Past tense. Did you make it go away? 3 pregnancies, 4 kids, and 3 sections later, I have some see serious extra skin. Share your magic?

Sorry, no magic solution here. It must be genetics or something. I have chronic medical problems and the one benefit is that my meds decrease my appetite and make me nauseous. It helped with the weight loss. Silver linings and all that jazz.

My stretch marks are still there and are pretty atrocious though.

jackson290721

I'm now incredibly terrified for what my body will look like after birth. I always knew it wouldn't be pretty. But after reading how everyone is describing themselves, and/or how her husband may have felt....I'm pretty terrified. 

CinemaGoddess

Jackson - if you're not at a work computer or something, google "labia chart" and look at number 18.

From what I'm told, that is a pretty good representation of what PP girly bits look at if you've had a vaginal birth. 

suv75

jackson290721:

I'm now incredibly terrified for what my body will look like after birth. I always knew it wouldn't be pretty. But after reading how everyone is describing themselves, and/or how her husband may have felt....I'm pretty terrified.nbsp;

Don't worry. Everyone reacts differently. I honestly was a few pounds lighter than prepregnancy weight with my first. I think it was due to hormones finally regulating themselves after pregnancy. With breastfeeding and not having time to eat as much and then chasing a toddler around, I didn't have any weight gain. Knock on wood though because I'm pregnant with my second now!

jackson290721

CinemaGoddess:

Jackson - if you're not at a work computer or something, google "labia chart" and look at number 18.

From what I'm told, that is a pretty good representation of what PP girly bits look at if you've had a vaginal birth. 

haha I'm worried I might regret this. I feel all "ladies get out your mirrors!"  

suv75

CinemaGoddess:

Jackson if you're not at a work computer or something, google "labia chart" and look at number 18. From what I'm told, that is a pretty good representation of what PP girly bits look at if you've had a vaginal birth.nbsp;

Please tell me you are joking!

izzourclue

jackson290721:

I'm now incredibly terrified for what my body will look like after birth. I always knew it wouldn't be pretty. But after reading how everyone is describing themselves, and/or how her husband may have felt....I'm pretty terrified. 

So here's the deal as I experienced it.  I had a section so I can't speak to the lady bits worry but I can tell you about the body part.  I am naturally petite and gained a normal amount of weight for my frame.  I lost most of it at the hospital and within a week PP once the fluid retention from the surgery went away.  However, the deflated basketball that will be your stomach is startling.  It will feel like you will never look human again.  However, if you have reasonable eating habits and are fairly active, your waist line and stomach will shrink back to somewhat normal within a month or 2.  If you have a section, your muscles are pulled apart which doesn't always happen during pregnancy.  So with a section, the pooch tends to stick around longer and it's harder to regain the core tightness and strength.  A section is, after all, major abdominal surgery.  

My body hung on to those last 5-10 lbs until I got my first PP period at 10 months PP.  I breast fed.  Once I got that first period, it seemed that my hormones were finally getting back to normal.  Sex didn't hurt anymore and the rest of the pregnancy weight kind of fell off.  In clothes, I look the same as before pregnancy.  Naked, I have a section scar, my stomach is still different than before because my abs never came back together, and my breasts are a little sad.  They worked hard feeding a baby for over a year so they are tired and deflated.  I was very lucky in that I didn't get stretch marks. 

Everybody is different.  Some have to work really hard to get the pregnancy weight off and some don't really have to work at all.  The PP body changes are the price we all accept when we have a baby.  I think most women stress not knowing how their body will react to pregnancy and birth and if it will recover.  We all wonder if our SOs will still find us attractive.  What we go through to grow a baby, give birth, feed, recover and maybe do it all over again to have families is heroic.  That's why people reacted so viscerally to the OP's H.  His response and aversion to her body after what her body did to give this man a family is IMO deplorable.  Real men see what their women go through for their children that they find them more attractive for these changes because they represent hard work and sacrifice.  

Edit to fix typo of 10 months pp 

Nechie122

CinemaGoddess:

Jackson if you're not at a work computer or something, google "labia chart" and look at number 18. From what I'm told, that is a pretty good representation of what PP girly bits look at if you've had a vaginal birth.nbsp;

That's ridiculous. Why do we perpetuate this myth that women's bodies are ruined after childbirth? The only thing different about my body is a tiny labial scar that I didn't find until two years later. That's it. And maybe a little abdominal muscle weakness but I only notice that when I eat a big meal and I'm bloated.

From what I know, and talking to my doctor DH, that's not a "pretty good representation" at all, except perhaps during the initial PP period when you're swollen and still healing.

CinemaGoddess

What the hell is wrong with you guys?

It was a joke.  A joke. 

If you're going to get butthurt over a joke, you should probably leave the boards. 

MrsGoodkat

Yeah, other than the initial PP period, my vagina's pretty much back to normal. DH frequently comments on how tight I am. It may not still be that way after #2 but at least #1 didn't do permanent damage.  

The hemmorrhoids on the other hand seem to be with me for the long run. 

shannond354

Nechie122:

CinemaGoddess:

Jackson if you're not at a work computer or something, google "labia chart" and look at number 18. From what I'm told, that is a pretty good representation of what PP girly bits look at if you've had a vaginal birth.nbsp;

That's ridiculous. Why do we perpetuate this myth that women's bodies are ruined after childbirth? The only thing different about my body is a tiny labial scar that I didn't find until two years later. That's it. And maybe a little abdominal muscle weakness but I only notice that when I eat a big meal and I'm bloated. From what I know, and talking to my doctor DH, that's not a "pretty good representation" at all, except perhaps during the initial PP period when you're swollen and still healing.

You said what I was thinking perfectly! 

flyingsaucer

izzourclue:

jackson290721:

I'm now incredibly terrified for what my body will look like after birth. I always knew it wouldn't be pretty. But after reading how everyone is describing themselves, and/or how her husband may have felt....I'm pretty terrified. 

So here's the deal as I experienced it.  I had a section so I can't speak to the lady bits worry but I can tell you about the body part.  I am naturally petite and gained a normal amount of weight for my frame.  I lost most of it at the hospital and within a week PP once the fluid retention from the surgery went away.  However, the deflated basketball that will be your stomach is startling.  It will feel like you will never look human again.  However, if you have reasonable eating habits and are fairly active, your waist line and stomach will shrink back to somewhat normal within a month or 2.  If you have a section, your muscles are pulled apart which doesn't always happen during pregnancy.  So with a section, the pooch tends to stick around longer and it's harder to regain the core tightness and strength.  A section is, after all, major abdominal surgery.  

My body hung on to those last 5-10 lbs until I got my first PP period at 10 months PP.  I breast fed.  Once I got that first period, it seemed that my hormones were finally getting back to normal.  Sex didn't hurt anymore and the rest of the pregnancy weight kind of fell off.  In clothes, I look the same as before pregnancy.  Naked, I have a section scar, my stomach is still different than before because my abs never came back together, and my breasts are a little sad.  They worked hard feeding a baby for over a year so they are tired and deflated.  I was very lucky in that I didn't get stretch marks. 

Everybody is different.  Some have to work really hard to get the pregnancy weight off and some don't really have to work at all.  The PP body changes are the price we all accept when we have a baby.  I think most women stress not knowing how their body will react to pregnancy and birth and if it will recover.  We all wonder if our SOs will still find us attractive.  What we go through to grow a baby, give birth, feed, recover and maybe do it all over again to have families is heroic.  That's why people reacted so viscerally to the OP's H.  His response and aversion to her body after what her body did to give this man a family is IMO deplorable.  Real men see what their women go through for their children that they find them more attractive for these changes because they represent hard work and sacrifice.  

Edit to fix typo of 10 months pp 

 

And a second section (as I had) leaves your abs even more fabulous. Damn post c section over hang!

klondikebar

No Vagina Jokes. Those aren't funny. PERIOD.

No Period Jokes either. Women might ovary act.

[Deleted User]

KlondikeBar:

No Vagina Jokes. Those aren't funny. PERIOD.

No Period Jokes either. Women might ovary act.

I miss you & all your funnehs.

klondikebar

sofamonkey:

KlondikeBar:

No Vagina Jokes. Those aren't funny. PERIOD.

No Period Jokes either. Women might ovary act.

I miss you & all your funnehs.

I admit it was a dumb joke, but it just fit.

izzourclue

KlondikeBar:

No Vagina Jokes. Those aren't funny. PERIOD.

No Period Jokes either. Women might ovary act.

No joking about the sacred portal.  Mine trapped my kid inside my body though so joke all you want about that @sshole. 

SunnyMeg1

CinemaGoddess:

Jackson - if you're not at a work computer or something, google "labia chart" and look at number 18.

From what I'm told, that is a pretty good representation of what PP girly bits look at if you've had a vaginal birth. 

That's another check in the "Maybe we should just adopt" box.

klondikebar

izzourclue:

KlondikeBar:

No Vagina Jokes. Those aren't funny. PERIOD.

No Period Jokes either. Women might ovary act.

No joking about the sacred portal.  Mine trapped my kid inside my body though so joke all you want about that @sshole. 

I thought this said "joke all you want about my asshoIe." I was trying to figure out why your asshoIe was funny.

izzourclue

KlondikeBar:

izzourclue:

KlondikeBar:

No Vagina Jokes. Those aren't funny. PERIOD.

No Period Jokes either. Women might ovary act.

No joking about the sacred portal.  Mine trapped my kid inside my body though so joke all you want about that @sshole. 

I thought this said "joke all you want about my asshoIe." I was trying to figure out why your asshoIe was funny.

@ssholes are always funny.  But yes, I was calling my vagina an @sshole for not working right during childbirth.

klondikebar

All vaginas are asshoIes. They malfunction more frequently than a penis and they bleed.

[Deleted User]

<-- Fatty McFatterson

Runaway22

KlondikeBar:

All vaginas are asshoIes. They malfunction more frequently than a penis and they bleed.

I can't get past this. 

ETA letters