So I talk to one of my oldest friends today..

pregokat

We went to highschool together, and have stayed close even though we both have moved around as adults.. 

He tells me how he just got a Dna test done and he's pissed off because this chic "just wants my money" she doesn't want anything to do with him, doesn't want him to meet his kid, (who is apparently 5 yrs old) and kept calling it a "kid" instead of son or daughter.. (I still am not sure if he has a boy or girl.. )

He went on to say how his new girlfriends kids are his children, and he's trying to have a baby with her and he doesn't like how this *** just wants "my money" shes trying to take away from my kids, bills keep piling up, blah blah blah

Anyways.. I'm like in the exact opposite situation, & he knows it.. He knows I recently filed for child support for my 6 month old, he knows the father has ignored me since the day I told him I was pregnant, He knows that my sons sperm donor went on to create (and play daddy to) another baby just 2 months after creating my child...

I don't want the kids dad involved.. He's a bad person.. if he files for visitation and wins of course I will do what the courts say i have to do... I think my son deserves help from his other creator though... the $ will go to him not me.. 

But My friend knows all of this and it just frustrated me so bad while he was ranting about it & as soon as he was finished he changed the subject & ended the convo< it completely took me by surprise that he was being such an .. 

He doesn't want to meet this kid or try to be in its life or anything and I'm just beyond myself not knowing how to process that one of my closest friends is choosing to do this..

Idk what would you ladies do in a situation like this.. ? how would you talk to your friend? or just avoid the subject.. ?

I kinda want to tell him "you have a right to file for visitation and custody & I kinda think its the right thing to do"  

Runaway22

I'd have called him out (gently) right there in the convo. Like, "Dude, that's YOUR kid. Did you know about this before now? Why don't you file for visitation?" and take it from there. I have no problem telling my friends when I think they're out of line, and I expect the same from them. 

MomToNeeners

What she said! I get that he's being a good boyfriend, but his child is his responsibility. Also if he had to get a DNA test I'm sure the courts are involved because he didn't want to take responsibility.

I had a friend who's ex married a gal who had 5 kids but different men. He paid all her bills and everything else. Then he started accusing of sleeping around when she got pregnant with their daughter. He didn't want to pay for their daughter anymore. Men can be stupid.  

tracy41

I think as women we have an immediate bond with our children that men get only from helping to raise them so they really do not get it.  The money thing drives me nuts.  The BD of my youngest feels the same way.  He didn't choose to have a child so it's not his problem and I'm stealing his hard earned money.

 If he really is a good friend I think you should attempt to talk to him.  Make it about the child and remind him that no matter how he feels about the mother it is his child.

Someday I hope someone can explain to me why men who pay child support thinks it helps the mother lead some extravagant life.  When I started totaling how much I had already spent on my 4 month old for my child support hearing even I was shocked.  Kids are expensive!

Sherrita82

Runaway22:

I'd have called him out gently right there in the convo. Like, "Dude, that's YOUR kid. Did you know about this before now? Why don't you file for visitation?" and take it from there. I have no problem telling my friends when I think they're out of line, and I expect the same from them.nbsp;

This!

MomToNeeners

tracy41:

I think as women we have an immediate bond with our children that men get only from helping to raise them so they really do not get it.  The money thing drives me nuts.  The BD of my youngest feels the same way.  He didn't choose to have a child so it's not his problem and I'm stealing his hard earned money.

 If he really is a good friend I think you should attempt to talk to him.  Make it about the child and remind him that no matter how he feels about the mother it is his child.

Someday I hope someone can explain to me why men who pay child support thinks it helps the mother lead some extravagant life.  When I started totaling how much I had already spent on my 4 month old for my child support hearing even I was shocked.  Kids are expensive!

Kids are expensive but there are a lot of moms that do make their kids go without. Where I live a mom will have designer clothes, nails done, hair perfect and their child looks like something off the Feed The Children commercials from back in the day. However guys need to step up to the plate and support their children. 

MsCrispy

From what you said, it sounds like he didn't even know he was a father for five years, which I feel is pretty shitty on that mom. I can see how you might feel a bit detached if you have sex with someone and then five years later they come after you for money for a kid you didn't know existed. That is definitely a different situation then your BF walking out on you knowing you were pregnant.

I would still call him out on it and point out his rights to visitation, but I would also empathize that he has been put in a difficult situation as well (assuming I read into it correctly).

honeysuckle2012

I always find it awkward talking to my friends that are in the opposite situation. IE: A girl who's always ranting about how her husband shouldn't have to pay for his ex's CS because she makes enough or something like that. We try not to talk about it.
But if I were ranted to directly, I probably wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut.