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Babies on the Brain
cmf&cjs10
member
Are we ready for number 2 ?
cmf&cjs10
member
My boyfriend and I have been together for going on three years now. Everything is going great between us, we have a 2 year old daughter together. My boyfriend does landscaping as his career and I am currently a dietary assistant at an assisted living center. I feel that we are well on our feet and our savings will increase over time. I'm also going back to my online college soon. I have been dreaming of having a baby boy for months and had a miscarriage over a year and a half ago, shortly after our daughter was born. Do you think that we're ready? I have a casual-time job (20 hours per week) and it feels like I'm home a lot of the time, but I might pick up a part time job soon. I feel that we're financially ready and physically ready. I'm 21 years old and my boyfriend is 25. I just am so excited to have a baby boy!! Should I start TTC ?
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Re: Are we ready for number 2 ?
First of all, I'm sorry for your previous loss.
Since you asked, judging by everything that you just threw out here, no I personally don't think you should have more children right now. I think you should finish your education first if that's a part of your plan. But really it's not my or anyone's decision to make. The only people that can really make this decision are you and your boyfriend.
Also...you know having a boy isn't guaranteed right?
All of this....
I'm not sure why you're asking total strangers this question. In your situation-young, lack of formal education, lack of career prospects, unmarried, lack of savings-there's no way in h*ll I'd be TTC. But I'm not you. Only you and your BF can decide if this is the right time to try for another baby, although I seriously hope that you're able to see past your desire for a boy to think about what's best for your current child and future ones.
No one on here can know for sure. Everyone's "to do before baby list" is so different. For some it is 50K in savings, a stay at home parent, and no debt. For others it is just getting by month to month without government assistance.
Judging by what little you shared I have a hard time you are financially ready like you say but that is based on my standards. Do you have good health insurance? Do you have plenty of savings for you to take off after the baby is born? Plenty of extra room in the budget for baby's needs? Of course people have babies all the time without any of these and they make it work... but at 21 you are in the ideal position to wait a few years and work to make the situation more ideal.
If you are considering picking up a second job and your boyfriend works full time, who would take care of the baby during the day? I'm assuming yall have something worked out for your current daughter. Daycare is expensive and if she is staying with family you can't just assume they are cool with more kids.
Do you have other goals for yourself? Going to school? Getting married, perhaps? Im not saying it is awful if this isn't in your plan, but just something most people would consider before actively ttc.
What if you don't have a boy? Considering you have a daughter the odds are slightly against you but still pretty close to 50/50. I'm assuming you didn't mean it the way it came off that you only want a boy and would be disappointed with a little girl. You need to be ready for either one.
If you have to ask strangers if you're ready, then no you're not.
You do know you have a 50% shot of a baby girl, right?
Where did you hear this?
Anyways, thanks to those who gave advice without being so rude. (:
To the OP, the pp gave you some good things to think about. Talk them over with your boyfriend and then only you two can decide.
Wow, you blew that one up pretty quickly. People were curious to know what your plan was. Taking a break is fine but why not finish your education and potentially get a better job to put more money away for the next baby.
I would say the majority of posters believe that if you plan a pregnancy you should be able to provide for it. Period. End of story. Not run and get gov't assistance. No one said you did or will, they were asking what your plans were. Judging by the way you flipped out it would lead me to believe that you have some growing up to do yet. Talk it over with your boyfriend and go from there. It sounds like you two should really sit down and figure out if a baby is the next logical step. Have you talked marriage? Is he happy in his current job? What is your long term plan for work? Do you plan on working as part time a dietary aide forever? These are questions I would really think about.
I feel skeptical that you work a part time job and aren't married but have insurance. I'm sorry, just being honest.
I think people who are TTC should be married and in stable careers. I do not consider landscaping or dietary to be that stable, unless you are really high up in the company. That's my opinion though, which is what you asked us to provide.
People on The Bump are blunt and honest. Clearly you have not been around long enough to understand that. If you have to ask a bunch of strangers on if it is the best time in YOUR LIFE to have another child on a public forum then you probably are not ready. No one on here has to hold her hand just because she is 21. She is not a child and has clearly made her own decisions.
I do think its idiotic for her to be seriously considering bringing another child into the world when she has not finished her education, only works part time and her boyfriend does landscaping which is all weather dependent on if he can work or not, mentioned no plans on marriage or if she was planning any next steps with her boyfriend (remaining in a long term relationship without marriage), how she is going to be able to afford two children, day care while she is at work, and school. I could go on if you would like. If you dont like the 'tone' of everyone, tough.
Oh and I am not an old hag. At 21 I had my sh!t together, was married, and financially ready to support a child without having to hop on the internet and ask a bunch of random women if now is the right time.