UO

solsburyhill

pgermain11:

I don't believe in "nesting". Even when I wasn't pregnant I would get these strong urges to clean or rearrange everything. 

I don't like when people say a natural birth is one without medication. It bugs the shiz out of me. So if I squeeze my baby out of my vag with medication it's not natural? Maybe I'm wrong in the definition, but I think of natural birth as giving birth thru your lady bits and not having a c-section. There are medicated natural births and med-free natural births, no? 

I think statements like this just contribute to the Mommy Wars out there.

You make it sound like having a c/s is like a failure, unnatural.  Sorry I failed and wound up in an emergency c/s because the health of my baby was declining and I had no choice ...

I know you didn't actually say those things, I read what you wrote, but it has a negative towards c/s tone about it.

[Deleted User]

Liz4444:

PrimRoseMama:

I went over it in another thread, but I have more sympathy for overweight people who struggle with their body issues than I do for skinny people that complain about their bodies.nbsp;

I suffered from a very serious eating disorder, was almost hospitalized a few times and still have body dysmorphic disorder. For someone to think my struggles aren't just as valid because I'm thin in their eyes pisses me off.

I agree.  While I've never had a serious eating disorder... I am compulsively worried about my weight and when I wasn't pregnant I exercised and watched what I ate and drank religiously.  I still exercise and watch what I eat now, just not to the same extent. 

I'm very worried about what my body will be like post baby and I'm sure it will continue to consume my thoughts.  So, I do think that just because I'm thin in other people's eyes doesn't mean my struggles aren't valid.

dontgiveupnomatterwhat

WE HAVE ALL SEEN AND READ THE FLUCKING STORY ABOUT THE WOMAN WHO WANTS TO GIVE BIRTH AMONG THE DOLPHINS!
It has literally been posted multiple times on almost all the forums.

PrimRoseMama

Liz4444:

PrimRoseMama:

I went over it in another thread, but I have more sympathy for overweight people who struggle with their body issues than I do for skinny people that complain about their bodies.nbsp;

I suffered from a very serious eating disorder, was almost hospitalized a few times and still have body dysmorphic disorder. For someone to think my struggles aren't just as valid because I'm thin in their eyes pisses me off.

Just to clarify. I said I have less sympathy. I did not say I had no sympathy. I am sorry for your struggles, but its culturally acceptable to have issues and be skinny vs. fat.

Also, I think skinny folks' struggles (if they have them) are valid. I just have a harder time getting behind a size 0 person telling me they think they are fat and complaining about it than someone who is larger complaining about it. I just have a harder time hearing about it. I've been on both sides (granted, no eating disorder). I've been thin and I've been fat. My experience is that being thin gets you further and better treated.

That is not to say that eating disorders aren't serious either way. Simply that people tend to have a lot more negative associations with "the fat girl that won't stop eating" vs. The skinny girl who can't keep weight on or doesn't want to eat.  

bobcee

Mamasighs:

BetsyD2010:

MY UO is that I think Birth Plans are silly. I agree with giving some instruction to the staff for visitors, baby's care after birth or medicated v unmedicated. What I don't get are the birth plans that outline every single action mom's want taken. I like things organized but shelling out a list of then way that things must go seems ridiculous to me. 

I so totally agree with this.  While it's important to be a vocal participant in what you would like during birth, but it's even more important to realize you may not get it for a variety of reasons.  For example, I'm going to ask for wireless monitoring so I can walk around and not be immediately placed in a bed - this stalled me last time.  There are a few other small things too, but I don't see the need to write out a super detailed list.  It screams high maintenance and unreasonable.

  I made a birth plan last time around but it was more for me to do reasearch and figure out what I would like for my "ideal" birth and what other options there were or choices I may be faced with.  I never gave the birth plan to anyone, but for me it helped so that if in the moment I was asked something, I would've been able to make a somewhat informed decision if the decision was mine to make.  Obviously I am going to trust the doc's opinion if something is going seriously wrong, but I also wanted to be my own educated advocate on certain matters if I could be.

andrea0418

maryannespier:

zoeyjack:

If it calms you down go for it. I'm looking forward to getting a break from it honestly. And as long as you're fully aware you won't starve to death without having you're freezer stocked, it's cool. If you tell me you have 3 boxes of each size NB to 5 diapers stocked up as well though, I don't know if I can let it slide!

Lol.  I have exactly one package of diapers, sized newborn.  Only because my mom bought them.

I have 27 packages of diapers sizes newborn to 2. And 10 pkgs of wipes. I didn't buy a single one. They were all gifts.

sparkymcgeee

etoille:

Asbromle:

zoeyjack:

I agree 100 percent about the studies. It's such a joke to take them so seriously and not realize this. My UO is I don't understand why some people think they're preparing for a nuclear war and not a baby. I'm not freezing a single meal. A TV dinner, bowl of cereal, or take out will get you by. And guess what? You WILL cook again. I have one box of diapers. With a click of a button I can have 10 more sitting on my stoop or send MH out. And again, you WILL get out and shop again! Simmer.. Down.. Now.

OMgosh...YES!  I totally agree, also the organizing of the clothes, it's not that difficult.  Just put the darn things away! 

lol you clearly haven't talked to my LB about my shopping problem.

I can attest to this.

solsburyhill

bobcee:

BetsyD2010:

Carrie3102:

maryannespier:

zoeyjack:

I agree 100 percent about the studies. It's such a joke to take them so seriously and not realize this. My UO is I don't understand why some people think they're preparing for a nuclear war and not a baby. I'm not freezing a single meal. A TV dinner, bowl of cereal, or take out will get you by. And guess what? You WILL cook again. I have one box of diapers. With a click of a button I can have 10 more sitting on my stoop or send MH out. And again, you WILL get out and shop again! Simmer.. Down.. Now.

I plan on cooking and freezing food for post-baby because honestly, cooking calms me down.  I know that in the next few weeks I'm going to have some serious anxiety re: baby and having a cooking project will calm me down.  Totally aware that I would be able to eat afterwards even if there weren't any ready to crock foods in the freezer. Also totally aware that foods I freeze will be cheaper and probably healthier than the take out option. 

Agree it is not the apocolypse however, it is nice to not have to "do" anything for dinner when your baby is brand new.

I didn't freeze any last time (DH thought like you that it would be fine, but he didn't want cereal and expected meals, and we ordered in a lot and wasted a lot of money) this time I'm freezing enough for the first month or two... why?  Because now instead of 2 kids (DD and DH) I'll have 3.  It was hard enough to get motivated to do the cooking when I had just DD... this time will be worse.

Agreed. I have the time now and it's important to me that my boys still get good healthy meals after LO comes. If it was DH I maybe wouldn't be concerned as much but with a growing boy in the house I'm still concerned about his nutrition not to mention I'll need to eat well while my body is trying to recover from birth and ease into BF again. While we could survive on pizza, take out and cereal for a while I can't turn off my Mom duties just because there's a new baby in the house. We'll be doing freezer meals.

I agree as well.  I enjoy cooking, but know that it was really difficult to get a good healthy meal on the table when DD was a newborn and will be even harder this time with a toddler in the mix.  I'd rather prep a little in advance so I'm not wasting money on eating out or eating junk all the time.  I'd much prefer a home cooked meal whenever I can get it.  Am I going to wither away and die if I don't have them prepped, obviously no, but it is a really nice thing to have.  And we also were very much appreciative of our neighbors and friends who brought us meals which included things like fresh salads because after eating cereal or take out for a few days, you start to crave things like that.

Notice it's the FTMs who think it's silly to plan ahead and the BTDT moms who are like "I can only handle so much take out and it's not easy to cook while managing a newborn."

PrimRoseMama

solsburyhill:

Notice it's the FTMs who think it's silly to plan ahead and the BTDT moms who are like "I can only handle so much take out and it's not easy to cook while managing a newborn."

I'm a BTDT, and I don't freeze meals etc. I simply don't have the space in my freezer. I'm not saying its silly but I have to be practical with my own limitations. I was able to pan fry or bake a chicken and roasted veggies while I nursed DD. Stick it in the oven or crock pot and let it go. I got by last time using the oven or the crock pot. Yes, there were times that were hectic but not so much so that I felt the need to cram my freezer full. I really didn't want much take out when I was a new mom. I just did a lot of healthy choice meals and quick prep crockpot stuff. 

I think folks have to do what makes them a) Happy b.) Feel prepared C.) works for their family. I don't think someone else's prep speaks to another's preparedness or ability to parent well when baby gets here.  

Carrie3102

I can't understand why some parents can't let their kids play and figure things out for themselves.

That's right, I said it.  I'm judging again.  We were at the park a couple weeks ago, and at a family function this weekend.  There were tons of kids in both places. 

At the park:  Kids who were clearly school aged were playing on the playground, and DH and I are on the play ground with DD.  We NEED to follow her around she's just learning how to climb on the play sets and go down the slide, she's not always "sure" on her feet, once she's just a little older, we'll let her run and play and supervise from the sidelines.  The school aged children's parents were following them around just as DH and I were DD.  "oh no Sally, you can't climb there, you may fall and get hurt."  "Oh Billy, don't run you may fall down." "Oh Suzie, be careful of the baby." -- Seriously CHILL.  I'm watching my baby, if she's in the way I'll move her, let these kids play and figure things out.  You're not always going to be there, and they are going to need to know how to function with out you.  Also, you're raising wimps.

At the family event:  The kids range from 5 yo to 18 mos.  Every single time a "tiff" broke out, (not hitting) the parents would all run and start screaming about "sharing" and "he'll give it back" etc.  Let the kids figure it out.  Let them argue over it and find solutions to their problems w/o you doing it EVERY.TIME.  I get teaching the concept of sharing, but there comes a point when you've just got to let them figure it out.  Again, you're not always going to be there, and they need problem solving skills.  Solving it for them ALL.THE.TIME isn't teaching them anything.

Also, every time DD fell, everyone freaked out... Except DH and I.  She's fine, as long as she didn't bump her head, and she isn't bleeding she's FINE.  She's a rough and tumble kid, she falls down, she doesn't need to be babied, she knows she will survive. 

Kids don't need adults hovering over their every move all the time. 

blairwitch

Asbromle:

Ok...for a real one though.nbsp; I don't understand women who can't go to a doctor's appointment alone.nbsp; Inbsp;understand wanting your husband or whoever there for the big appointments, but for just a 5 minute check up?nbsp; Unnessary.nbsp; Or the women who always need a bathroom buddy?nbsp; Silly.nbsp; Unless you need help wiping...why do you need a friend?nbsp; But what really bugs me...nbsp;women who don't have a drivers license. I can't imagine depending one someone else to get me from pointnbsp;A to point B.nbsp;If you live in a city and use public transportation, I'm not including you in this.nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;

My sister in law ... 35yrs old, 6 kids and doesnt drive. Its always bothered me.

PrimRoseMama

Carrie3102:

I can't understand why some parents can't let their kids play and figure things out for themselves.

That's right, I said it.  I'm judging again.  We were at the park a couple weeks ago, and at a family function this weekend.  There were tons of kids in both places. 

At the park:  Kids who were clearly school aged were playing on the playground, and DH and I are on the play ground with DD.  We NEED to follow her around she's just learning how to climb on the play sets and go down the slide, she's not always "sure" on her feet, once she's just a little older, we'll let her run and play and supervise from the sidelines.  The school aged children's parents were following them around just as DH and I were DD.  "oh no Sally, you can't climb there, you may fall and get hurt."  "Oh Billy, don't run you may fall down." "Oh Suzie, be careful of the baby." -- Seriously CHILL.  I'm watching my baby, if she's in the way I'll move her, let these kids play and figure things out.  You're not always going to be there, and they are going to need to know how to function with out you.  Also, you're raising wimps.

At the family event:  The kids range from 5 yo to 18 mos.  Every single time a "tiff" broke out, (not hitting) the parents would all run and start screaming about "sharing" and "he'll give it back" etc.  Let the kids figure it out.  Let them argue over it and find solutions to their problems w/o you doing it EVERY.TIME.  I get teaching the concept of sharing, but there comes a point when you've just got to let them figure it out.  Again, you're not always going to be there, and they need problem solving skills.  Solving it for them ALL.THE.TIME isn't teaching them anything.

Also, every time DD fell, everyone freaked out... Except DH and I.  She's fine, as long as she didn't bump her head, and she isn't bleeding she's FINE.  She's a rough and tumble kid, she falls down, she doesn't need to be babied, she knows she will survive. 

Kids don't need adults hovering over their every move all the time. 

God, I agree with this so much. Helicopter parenting is obnoxious.

The only time I step in is if there is physical violence towards DD. Then I say something (and I don't care about reprimanding another parent's kids). If its just a scuffle over a toy or some other altercation I let DD do for herself. She's slowly figuring out that she can't be a wilting flower.  

Carrie3102

maryannespier:

Carrie3102:

I can't understand why some parents can't let their kids play and figure things out for themselves.

In 13 - 16 years these parents will be calling me about their child's college application.

Ugh.  I'm telling you I just don't get it.  I'm only 29... I'm not "old" I NEVER remember my parents being at the park hovering over me telling me "oh no you might get hurt." "share that swing with the little boy." "DON'T RUN!!"

Barf. 

This will not be how my kid is raised, and I'm sure I'll be side eyed at the park for it. -- Guess who doesn't care?  My kid will be able to function with out me.

eggymaye

PrimRoseMama:

Liz4444:

PrimRoseMama:

I went over it in another thread, but I have more sympathy for overweight people who struggle with their body issues than I do for skinny people that complain about their bodies.nbsp;

I suffered from a very serious eating disorder, was almost hospitalized a few times and still have body dysmorphic disorder. For someone to think my struggles aren't just as valid because I'm thin in their eyes pisses me off.

Just to clarify. I said I have less sympathy. I did not say I had no sympathy. I am sorry for your struggles, but its culturally acceptable to have issues and be skinny vs. fat.

Also, I think skinny folks' struggles (if they have them) are valid. I just have a harder time getting behind a size 0 person telling me they think they are fat and complaining about it than someone who is larger complaining about it. I just have a harder time hearing about it. I've been on both sides (granted, no eating disorder). I've been thin and I've been fat. My experience is that being thin gets you further and better treated.

That is not to say that eating disorders aren't serious either way. Simply that people tend to have a lot more negative associations with "the fat girl that won't stop eating" vs. The skinny girl who can't keep weight on or doesn't want to eat.  

Skinny people DO have struggles with their body image, so it isn't fair for you to say IF they have them.  As women, we are all indoctrinated to look like a supermodel so even women with gorgeous bodies have issues.  I replied in that thread about a friend of mine who by 25 had a heart attack because of her anorexia and bulimia.  At one point she was 80 pounds and only ate one cup of yogurt a day. She exercised at least 2 hours a day every day.  She was still seeing fat on her and she was skin and bones.

FWIW, I have been on both sides of the spectrum and let me tell you, for me I could NEVER have the perfect body.  When I was skinny I still didn't love my body all I saw was fat. When I gained weight it was horrific and even worse, I couldn't get the weight off for a long time, when I finally did, I got pregnant.  I doubt I will ever be happy with my body.

MRads

1) I love talking about names. And I get a little disappointed when people don't pick the name that I think they should pick.

2) I have little sympathy for anybody who is constantly complaining about their weight, regardless of size. But, I do have a lot of empathy for anybody, regardless of size, who is struggling with their body image. It can be a disease, and that internal struggle is crippling. I don't care if skinny people get "farther" in society. That does jack shiiit when you can't get over the thoughts in your head.

I never really struggled with body image until I was pregnant. I am measuring about 3 weeks behind. I have textbook weight gain. I have nothing to complain about. But I hate the way I feel. Sometimes I get so paralyzed with thoughts about my weight that I have to force myself to eat. And I really hate it when people tell me that I should feel beautiful because I am pregnant. Logically, I know this. But your body image doesn't care about what society or logic says. 

valstulas

solsburyhill:

Notice it's the FTMs who think it's silly to plan ahead and the BTDT moms who are like "I can only handle so much take out and it's not easy to cook while managing a newborn."

I'm a BTDT who will not be freezing meals. My SO can and will cook, but he works 2nd shift so he won't always be there to cook or help with LO while I cook. However, I hate frozen meals and I don't have much freezer space for frozen meal after frozen meal. I probably won't do a whole lot of take out, either. My philosophy is that this is a 4th baby, so if he needs to sit in his bouncy seat and scream while I make a 20 minute, well balanced meal for my kids, who probably will refuse to eat anyway, so be it. Fourth babies need to learn to be flexible.

solsburyhill

PrimRoseMama:

solsburyhill:

Notice it's the FTMs who think it's silly to plan ahead and the BTDT moms who are like "I can only handle so much take out and it's not easy to cook while managing a newborn."

I'm a BTDT, and I don't freeze meals etc. I simply don't have the space in my freezer. I'm not saying its silly but I have to be practical with my own limitations. I was able to pan fry or bake a chicken and roasted veggies while I nursed DD. Stick it in the oven or crock pot and let it go. I got by last time using the oven or the crock pot. Yes, there were times that were hectic but not so much so that I felt the need to cram my freezer full. I really didn't want much take out when I was a new mom. I just did a lot of healthy choice meals and quick prep crockpot stuff. 

I think folks have to do what makes them a) Happy b.) Feel prepared C.) works for their family. I don't think someone else's prep speaks to another's preparedness or ability to parent well when baby gets here.  

I didn't say anything about their ability to parent ...

I think it's easy to say - well I love to cook so I'm sure I'll get back to cooking soon after the baby comes and in the meantime I'll just eat cereal and takeout. 

But because I've lived through it, I know myself and know that I can only eat so much pizza and so many grilled cheese sandwiches before I want a home cooked meal.  And it's nice to have some of those already prepped in the freezer.

That's my method anyway since becoming a working mom.  I've always got a good 5 meals in the freezer to make life easier for me.  Can I throw a chicken in the oven to bake?  Yes, I am capable, but I've also learned some tricks on how to make life easier. 

Making life easier =/= thinking a new baby coming is the apocalypse

solsburyhill

valstulas:

solsburyhill:

Notice it's the FTMs who think it's silly to plan ahead and the BTDT moms who are like "I can only handle so much take out and it's not easy to cook while managing a newborn."

I'm a BTDT who will not be freezing meals. My SO can and will cook, but he works 2nd shift so he won't always be there to cook or help with LO while I cook. However, I hate frozen meals and I don't have much freezer space for frozen meal after frozen meal. I probably won't do a whole lot of take out, either. My philosophy is that this is a 4th baby, so if he needs to sit in his bouncy seat and scream while I make a 20 minute, well balanced meal for my kids, who probably will refuse to eat anyway, so be it. Fourth babies need to learn to be flexible.

lol, totally true

arlingirl

Mamasighs:

 

Notice it's the FTMs who think it's silly to plan ahead and the BTDT moms who are like "I can only handle so much take out and it's not easy to cook while managing a newborn."

Err...I have no issues with planning ahead. I just don't want to put a bunch of stuff in my tiny freezer when I can throw something in the crockpot in literally five minutes. 

Seriously...the FTM crap is so condescending. We get it. We haven't had kids, we don't know. ::sigh::

rubbielynn12

Erinm278:

You don't have to "like" or "shares" every ecard, recipe, or stupid FB thing that resonates with you.nbsp; That's what Pinterest is for.nbsp; If you are one of those people, be advised that I will either defriend or block you from my newsfeed.Also, I think it's weird when people like there own statuses and pictures.nbsp; Of course you like it..you wrote it!nbsp;I guess I'm annoyed with FB today.

Omg this!!!! I comment on all of them "get a Pinterest"! I deleted about five people last week because I couldn't take it any more

[Deleted User]

solsburyhill:

bobcee:

BetsyD2010:

Carrie3102:

maryannespier:

zoeyjack:

I agree 100 percent about the studies. It's such a joke to take them so seriously and not realize this. My UO is I don't understand why some people think they're preparing for a nuclear war and not a baby. I'm not freezing a single meal. A TV dinner, bowl of cereal, or take out will get you by. And guess what? You WILL cook again. I have one box of diapers. With a click of a button I can have 10 more sitting on my stoop or send MH out. And again, you WILL get out and shop again! Simmer.. Down.. Now.

I plan on cooking and freezing food for post-baby because honestly, cooking calms me down.  I know that in the next few weeks I'm going to have some serious anxiety re: baby and having a cooking project will calm me down.  Totally aware that I would be able to eat afterwards even if there weren't any ready to crock foods in the freezer. Also totally aware that foods I freeze will be cheaper and probably healthier than the take out option. 

Agree it is not the apocolypse however, it is nice to not have to "do" anything for dinner when your baby is brand new.

I didn't freeze any last time (DH thought like you that it would be fine, but he didn't want cereal and expected meals, and we ordered in a lot and wasted a lot of money) this time I'm freezing enough for the first month or two... why?  Because now instead of 2 kids (DD and DH) I'll have 3.  It was hard enough to get motivated to do the cooking when I had just DD... this time will be worse.

Agreed. I have the time now and it's important to me that my boys still get good healthy meals after LO comes. If it was DH I maybe wouldn't be concerned as much but with a growing boy in the house I'm still concerned about his nutrition not to mention I'll need to eat well while my body is trying to recover from birth and ease into BF again. While we could survive on pizza, take out and cereal for a while I can't turn off my Mom duties just because there's a new baby in the house. We'll be doing freezer meals.

I agree as well.  I enjoy cooking, but know that it was really difficult to get a good healthy meal on the table when DD was a newborn and will be even harder this time with a toddler in the mix.  I'd rather prep a little in advance so I'm not wasting money on eating out or eating junk all the time.  I'd much prefer a home cooked meal whenever I can get it.  Am I going to wither away and die if I don't have them prepped, obviously no, but it is a really nice thing to have.  And we also were very much appreciative of our neighbors and friends who brought us meals which included things like fresh salads because after eating cereal or take out for a few days, you start to crave things like that.

Notice it's the FTMs who think it's silly to plan ahead and the BTDT moms who are like "I can only handle so much take out and it's not easy to cook while managing a newborn."

I'm a STM. We're having summer babies. I plan to have MH BBQ most days as I do every other normal summer of my life. My freezer will be stocked with steaks, turkey burgers, and chicken sausage. I will fill in the gaps with take out, probably sushi since its been a while. My daughter will fill in the gaps with organic macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets since she begs me for it every night anyway. Voila!

PrimRoseMama

eggymaye:

PrimRoseMama:

Liz4444:

PrimRoseMama:

I went over it in another thread, but I have more sympathy for overweight people who struggle with their body issues than I do for skinny people that complain about their bodies.nbsp;

I suffered from a very serious eating disorder, was almost hospitalized a few times and still have body dysmorphic disorder. For someone to think my struggles aren't just as valid because I'm thin in their eyes pisses me off.

Just to clarify. I said I have less sympathy. I did not say I had no sympathy. I am sorry for your struggles, but its culturally acceptable to have issues and be skinny vs. fat.

Also, I think skinny folks' struggles (if they have them) are valid. I just have a harder time getting behind a size 0 person telling me they think they are fat and complaining about it than someone who is larger complaining about it. I just have a harder time hearing about it. I've been on both sides (granted, no eating disorder). I've been thin and I've been fat. My experience is that being thin gets you further and better treated.

That is not to say that eating disorders aren't serious either way. Simply that people tend to have a lot more negative associations with "the fat girl that won't stop eating" vs. The skinny girl who can't keep weight on or doesn't want to eat.  

Skinny people DO have struggles with their body image, so it isn't fair for you to say IF they have them.  As women, we are all indoctrinated to look like a supermodel so even women with gorgeous bodies have issues.  I replied in that thread about a friend of mine who by 25 had a heart attack because of her anorexia and bulimia.  At one point she was 80 pounds and only ate one cup of yogurt a day. She exercised at least 2 hours a day every day.  She was still seeing fat on her and she was skin and bones.

FWIW, I have been on both sides of the spectrum and let me tell you, for me I could NEVER have the perfect body.  When I was skinny I still didn't love my body all I saw was fat. When I gained weight it was horrific and even worse, I couldn't get the weight off for a long time, when I finally did, I got pregnant.  I doubt I will ever be happy with my body.

I apologize.

I should say that not all skinny people have issues with their bodies. This is my experience. I was very very happy being thin. I had less pain and felt like people treated me so much better. Just like you have your experiences being thin and struggling, I had my experiences being thin and loving it. The experience of being fat has been awful for me in comparison. I can't say that for everyone this is the case and I did not. 

When I was skinny I did not have issues with how I looked. I liked my body the way it was. I don't know any person who is larger (and struggling with it) that was happy with being fat.

 

PrimRoseMama

MrsErinH:

PrimRoseMama:

Liz4444:

PrimRoseMama:

I went over it in another thread, but I have more sympathy for overweight people who struggle with their body issues than I do for skinny people that complain about their bodies.nbsp;

I suffered from a very serious eating disorder, was almost hospitalized a few times and still have body dysmorphic disorder. For someone to think my struggles aren't just as valid because I'm thin in their eyes pisses me off.

Just to clarify. I said I have less sympathy. I did not say I had no sympathy. I am sorry for your struggles, but its culturally acceptable to have issues and be skinny vs. fat.

Also, I think skinny folks' struggles (if they have them) are valid. I just have a harder time getting behind a size 0 person telling me they think they are fat and complaining about it than someone who is larger complaining about it. I just have a harder time hearing about it. I've been on both sides (granted, no eating disorder). I've been thin and I've been fat. My experience is that being thin gets you further and better treated.

That is not to say that eating disorders aren't serious either way. Simply that people tend to have a lot more negative associations with "the fat girl that won't stop eating" vs. The skinny girl who can't keep weight on or doesn't want to eat.  

This really rubs me the wrong way.  I have a close friend who has been suffering from an illness for over 2 years and losing weight because of it.  She gets sick almost every time she eats.  Saying you have less sympathy for her than for a fat person is kind of crappy. 

I agree its crappy that I feel this way. That's why I think its both flammable AND unpopular. I am fully expecting people to be upset by the confession/admission. I do apologize if it hurts people's feelings.

I admit that there are medical issues on both sides (fat and skinny) that can affect their health in drastic ways. I have sympathy for those. I just think that there is, generally, less sympathy from the general public about fat people. Skinny people get a pass a lot more often. Is this not true? Am I off the mark on that?

Skinny people have an easier time getting jobs, finding clothes, mates and other things. This seems to be an undisputed fact, right? So, as much as it sucks to admit it I know I'm not alone in my judgment of skinny people. I'm not saying its right or fair. I'm not saying its acceptable. I'm saying that I find myself irritated if a skinny person is complaining to me about their weight issues vs. a fat person.

I don't think that makes me a bad person. I think it makes me human. I'm not saying that the struggle isn't valid. Just that my personal experience colors my world just as your personal experience being thin/struggling colors yours. Body image is a real PITA.  

rubbielynn12

Mamasighs:

This is going to result in some serious flaming. People who treat their pets as humans or call them furbabies. No, they are not your babies. They are animals. If any of our pets had an issue when we brought DS home from the hospital, we would've found them a new home. Would not have thought twice about it. If one of them is in ill health with a small to slim chance of recovery, I would seriously consider euthanasia. This issue is at the forefront for me right now because we're at a crossroads about our elderly lab and how to decide when his suffering outweighs his ability to enjoy life.

Not going to flame FYI. You're doing the right thing by your lab. Suffering for your own need isn't fair to the dog. We get old dogs in the boarding kennel that hurt my heart! I let my first dog suffer a week longer than he should have, however he let us know when he was done and we got to hold him at home rather than the vet. T and P for you and your dog.

dontgiveupnomatterwhat

etoille:

Here's some things I've been meaning to say for a while in re this whole FTM/BTDT's thing.

1.  Not all FTM's are know it all idiots.  Lots of us recognize that our opinions will change over the next few months. 

2.  Not all BTDT's are experts.  I know a lot of people who have 'been doing' various things forever - and who STILL manage to quite frankly suck at the things that they do.  Experience=x=expertise.  This is the same thing I tell my team all the time.  I don't give 2 sh!ts about time served/time in grade.  There are mothers out there to multiple children that clearly suck at parenting.  The mom who is with the child porn guy from the June 2012 board comes immediately to mind.  She's a BTDT but I'm pretty sure I'm going to take advice on babies and parenting from a million FTM's before I would from her. 

3.  FTM's should listen to advice from BTDT's like the would any piece of advice - consider the message, consider the source, educate yourself, evaluate the pros/cons/veracity/logical outcomes, make decision from there.  Being open minded is key.  The overwhelming majority of the time they DO know more than you and they're trying to help. 

4.  BTDT's - in ANY discipline who recognize that they dont' have all the answers and that there is ALWAYS something you dont know so approaching things like a FTM with the same evaluation pattern I described in bullet point 3 above will make you better rounded, better educated, and more successful in whatever your chosen path is.  I don't care if its neuroscience or being a good mom.  Adapt.  Improvise.  Overcome. 

A lot of this is like pure common sense but w/e.

ETA - wtf grammar.  Education yourself?  Really?  I think baby is eating my brain.

Very well stated. I like this alot.

Lelo2006

Asbromle:

Ok...for a real one though.nbsp; I don't understand women who can't go to a doctor's appointment alone.nbsp; Inbsp;understand wanting your husband or whoever there for the big appointments, but for just a 5 minute check up?nbsp; Unnessary.nbsp; Or the women who always need a bathroom buddy?nbsp; Silly.nbsp; Unless you need help wiping...why do you need a friend?nbsp; But what really bugs me...nbsp;women who don't have a drivers license. I can't imagine depending one someone else to get me from pointnbsp;A to point B.nbsp;If you live in a city and use public transportation, I'm not including you in this.nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;

My sister got mad at me for not waiting for her after she went to the bathroom when we went at the same time! Like I want to stand somewhere smelling people's crap. You're a big girl, pretty sure you can navigate your way back to our table... I hate standing and waiting in bathrooms! Besides the smell, you're just constantly in the way of people trying to come in and out and wash their hands... Gross!

[Deleted User]

I was wondering etoille...no mistakes for you;)

pgermain11

solsburyhill:

pgermain11:

I don't believe in "nesting". Even when I wasn't pregnant I would get these strong urges to clean or rearrange everything. 

I don't like when people say a natural birth is one without medication. It bugs the shiz out of me. So if I squeeze my baby out of my vag with medication it's not natural? Maybe I'm wrong in the definition, but I think of natural birth as giving birth thru your lady bits and not having a c-section. There are medicated natural births and med-free natural births, no? 

I think statements like this just contribute to the Mommy Wars out there.

You make it sound like having a c/s is like a failure, unnatural.  Sorry I failed and wound up in an emergency c/s because the health of my baby was declining and I had no choice ...

I know you didn't actually say those things, I read what you wrote, but it has a negative towards c/s tone about it.

HuH? I think you've seriously misunderstood my UO because I absolutely agree that those who have a c/s are judged for it. Nowhere did I mention anything negative about having a c/s and I was merely commenting on how people only give credit to women for having a natural birth experience if it was unmedicated.

I 100% agree that those statements contribute to the "Mommy Wars", which is why I stated how much it bothers me.  

pgermain11

Liz4444:

Asbromle:

Ok...for a real one though.nbsp; I don't understand women who can't go to a doctor's appointment alone.nbsp; Inbsp;understand wanting your husband or whoever there for the big appointments, but for just a 5 minute check up?nbsp; Unnessary.nbsp; Or the women who always need a bathroom buddy?nbsp; Silly.nbsp; Unless you need help wiping...why do you need a friend?nbsp; But what really bugs me...nbsp;women who don't have a drivers license. I can't imagine depending one someone else to get me from pointnbsp;A to point B.nbsp;If you live in a city and use public transportation, I'm not including you in this.nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;

Totally agree, although, I could use the help wiping these days. I understand wanting your SO to go to an ultrasound or big appointment, but it would have been ridiculous if he came yesterday to watch me pee, get weighed and have my blood pressure taken. He can take off work whenever he wants, and works 10 minutes from home, but it would have been silly.

I hate going to the bathroom alone and I will blame my mother for this one. Since I was little she ALWAYS told me never to go alone in case someone tried to steal and rape me. Thanks mom. I have been forever traumatized by that and I'm petrified of public bathrooms.  

solsburyhill

pgermain11:

solsburyhill:

pgermain11:

I don't believe in "nesting". Even when I wasn't pregnant I would get these strong urges to clean or rearrange everything. 

I don't like when people say a natural birth is one without medication. It bugs the shiz out of me. So if I squeeze my baby out of my vag with medication it's not natural? Maybe I'm wrong in the definition, but I think of natural birth as giving birth thru your lady bits and not having a c-section. There are medicated natural births and med-free natural births, no? 

I think statements like this just contribute to the Mommy Wars out there.

You make it sound like having a c/s is like a failure, unnatural.  Sorry I failed and wound up in an emergency c/s because the health of my baby was declining and I had no choice ...

I know you didn't actually say those things, I read what you wrote, but it has a negative towards c/s tone about it.

HuH? I think you've seriously misunderstood my UO because I absolutely agree that those who have a c/s are judged for it. Nowhere did I mention anything negative about having a c/s and I was merely commenting on how people only give credit to women for having a natural birth experience if it was unmedicated.

I 100% agree that those statements contribute to the "Mommy Wars", which is why I stated how much it bothers me.  

Yup, I guess I did misunderstand!

solsburyhill

etoille:

Here's some things I've been meaning to say for a while in re this whole FTM/BTDT's thing.

1.  Not all FTM's are know it all idiots.  Lots of us recognize that our opinions will change over the next few months. 

2.  Not all BTDT's are experts.  I know a lot of people who have 'been doing' various things forever - and who STILL manage to quite frankly suck at the things that they do.  Experience=x=expertise.  This is the same thing I tell my team all the time.  I don't give 2 sh!ts about time served/time in grade.  There are mothers out there to multiple children that clearly suck at parenting.  The mom who is with the child porn guy from the June 2012 board comes immediately to mind.  She's a BTDT but I'm pretty sure I'm going to take advice on babies and parenting from a million FTM's before I would from her. 

3.  FTM's should listen to advice from BTDT's like the would any piece of advice - consider the message, consider the source, educate yourself, evaluate the pros/cons/veracity/logical outcomes, make decision from there.  Being open minded is key.  The overwhelming majority of the time they DO know more than you and they're trying to help. 

4.  BTDT's - in ANY discipline who recognize that they dont' have all the answers and that there is ALWAYS something you dont know so approaching things like a FTM with the same evaluation pattern I described in bullet point 3 above will make you better rounded, better educated, and more successful in whatever your chosen path is.  I don't care if its neuroscience or being a good mom.  Adapt.  Improvise.  Overcome. 

A lot of this is like pure common sense but w/e.

ETA - wtf grammar.  Education yourself?  Really?  I think baby is eating my brain.

I actually agree with all of this.

Was my FTM vs. BTDT comment snarky?  Yeah, i guess it was.

I just get annoyed when people make this assumptions about how it's going to be when they have no idea.  I don't assume to know how it'll be with #2 because all babies are different.  Plus there's a little wild card thrown in this time called my son!

So for FTMs to think it's silly to be prepared and to compare stocking up on diapers to the apocalypse is annoying.  I've been there, I know it's not easy to run out for a package of diapers.  I've eaten pizza 4x in one week, I've done that, and know that it gets old.

It's easy to think "how hard it it to run out for diapers?" and I just want to say that hey, sometimes it *is* that hard. 

Liz4444

PrimRoseMama:

Liz4444:

PrimRoseMama:

I went over it in another thread, but I have more sympathy for overweight people who struggle with their body issues than I do for skinny people that complain about their bodies.nbsp;

I suffered from a very serious eating disorder, was almost hospitalized a few times and still have body dysmorphic disorder. For someone to think my struggles aren't just as valid because I'm thin in their eyes pisses me off.

Just to clarify. I said I have less sympathy. I did not say I had no sympathy. I am sorry for your struggles, but its culturally acceptable to have issues and be skinny vs. fat.

Also, I think skinny folks' struggles (if they have them) are valid. I just have a harder time getting behind a size 0 person telling me they think they are fat and complaining about it than someone who is larger complaining about it. I just have a harder time hearing about it. I've been on both sides (granted, no eating disorder). I've been thin and I've been fat. My experience is that being thin gets you further and better treated.

That is not to say that eating disorders aren't serious either way. Simply that people tend to have a lot more negative associations with "the fat girl that won't stop eating" vs. The skinny girl who can't keep weight on or doesn't want to eat.  

I'm not looking for any sympathy from anyone. But to say you have less sympathy for someone just because you don't regard their issue as a real issue makes me side eye.

sparkymcgeee

Holy moly you guys are at it early today.

Ok so I have two. One's probably not that unpopular. YAY for Etoille working from home because she's actually around a bit.

The other is flammable and probably quite unpopular. I'm sick of the condescending women on here who say "Baby needs to stay inside until 40 weeks!! It's practically child abuse to have a baby earlier!!" Ok yes 40 weeks is FULL term. I completely agree with the Term vs Full Term debate. Please do not use it interchangeably. There is a difference. However with that said, I will be lucky to make it to term. I hope to make it to AT LEAST 38 weeks. I don't think though that women that want to have a baby born during the 39th week are somehow awful people. 274 days is not some magic number where everything goes right whereas 271 days is a recipe for disaster. Or 265 days. Do those days mean more development? Yeah but that doesn't mean a baby born at 38w5d is going to be unhealthy or under developed. There are babies that decide they are ready at 36 weeks and they need nicu time. There are babies that decide they are ready at 41 weeks that need nicu time. It's not a magic formula and every baby is different.

I wish people would stop telling others that their babies NEED to stay in until 40 weeks when that is no guarantee. There is no one size fits all for these babies.

Please don't think I am saying induce early. I'm just saying if a baby comes early it's not the end of the world if they are at least term.

With that said I think people that do elective inductions prior to 40 weeks because they are uncomfortable are dumb. I think that people that choose an ELECTIVE c/s before 40 weeks because of convenience are dumb. RCS's are not the same as ELECTIVE c/s. I think women who start drinking castor oil at 37 weeks are dumb. I think women who go on five mile walks at 37 weeks are dumb. I think that TRYING to get your baby out early is dumb. I just don't think it's wrong to be excited if you are progressing at 38 or 39 weeks.

Liz4444

solsburyhill:

bobcee:

BetsyD2010:

Carrie3102:

maryannespier:

zoeyjack:

I agree 100 percent about the studies. It's such a joke to take them so seriously and not realize this. My UO is I don't understand why some people think they're preparing for a nuclear war and not a baby. I'm not freezing a single meal. A TV dinner, bowl of cereal, or take out will get you by. And guess what? You WILL cook again. I have one box of diapers. With a click of a button I can have 10 more sitting on my stoop or send MH out. And again, you WILL get out and shop again! Simmer.. Down.. Now.

I plan on cooking and freezing food for post-baby because honestly, cooking calms me down.  I know that in the next few weeks I'm going to have some serious anxiety re: baby and having a cooking project will calm me down.  Totally aware that I would be able to eat afterwards even if there weren't any ready to crock foods in the freezer. Also totally aware that foods I freeze will be cheaper and probably healthier than the take out option. 

Agree it is not the apocolypse however, it is nice to not have to "do" anything for dinner when your baby is brand new.

I didn't freeze any last time (DH thought like you that it would be fine, but he didn't want cereal and expected meals, and we ordered in a lot and wasted a lot of money) this time I'm freezing enough for the first month or two... why?  Because now instead of 2 kids (DD and DH) I'll have 3.  It was hard enough to get motivated to do the cooking when I had just DD... this time will be worse.

Agreed. I have the time now and it's important to me that my boys still get good healthy meals after LO comes. If it was DH I maybe wouldn't be concerned as much but with a growing boy in the house I'm still concerned about his nutrition not to mention I'll need to eat well while my body is trying to recover from birth and ease into BF again. While we could survive on pizza, take out and cereal for a while I can't turn off my Mom duties just because there's a new baby in the house. We'll be doing freezer meals.

I agree as well.  I enjoy cooking, but know that it was really difficult to get a good healthy meal on the table when DD was a newborn and will be even harder this time with a toddler in the mix.  I'd rather prep a little in advance so I'm not wasting money on eating out or eating junk all the time.  I'd much prefer a home cooked meal whenever I can get it.  Am I going to wither away and die if I don't have them prepped, obviously no, but it is a really nice thing to have.  And we also were very much appreciative of our neighbors and friends who brought us meals which included things like fresh salads because after eating cereal or take out for a few days, you start to crave things like that.

Notice it's the FTMs who think it's silly to plan ahead and the BTDT moms who are like "I can only handle so much take out and it's not easy to cook while managing a newborn."

Nope, STM who isn't prepping food right here!

Liz4444

I will also admit to being a STM who still doesn't have a clue what I'm doing, so take anything I say with a grain of salt.

Carrie3102

meimsx:

Holy moly you guys are at it early today.

Ok so I have two. One's probably not that unpopular. YAY for Etoille working from home because she's actually around a bit.

The other is flammable and probably quite unpopular. I'm sick of the condescending women on here who say "Baby needs to stay inside until 40 weeks!! It's practically child abuse to have a baby earlier!!" Ok yes 40 weeks is FULL term. I completely agree with the Term vs Full Term debate. Please do not use it interchangeably. There is a difference. However with that said, I will be lucky to make it to term. I hope to make it to AT LEAST 38 weeks. I don't think though that women that want to have a baby born during the 39th week are somehow awful people. 274 days is not some magic number where everything goes right whereas 271 days is a recipe for disaster. Or 265 days. Do those days mean more development? Yeah but that doesn't mean a baby born at 38w5d is going to be unhealthy or under developed. There are babies that decide they are ready at 36 weeks and they need nicu time. There are babies that decide they are ready at 41 weeks that need nicu time. It's not a magic formula and every baby is different.

I wish people would stop telling others that their babies NEED to stay in until 40 weeks when that is no guarantee. There is no one size fits all for these babies.

Please don't think I am saying induce early. I'm just saying if a baby comes early it's not the end of the world if they are at least term.

With that said I think people that do elective inductions prior to 40 weeks because they are uncomfortable are dumb. I think that people that choose an ELECTIVE c/s before 40 weeks because of convenience are dumb. RCS's are not the same as ELECTIVE c/s. I think women who start drinking castor oil at 37 weeks are dumb. I think women who go on five mile walks at 37 weeks are dumb. I think that TRYING to get your baby out early is dumb. I just don't think it's wrong to be excited if you are progressing at 38 or 39 weeks.

I've been wondering where you were!

I couldn't agree with you more.

dontgiveupnomatterwhat

meimsx:

Holy moly you guys are at it early today.

Ok so I have two. One's probably not that unpopular. YAY for Etoille working from home because she's actually around a bit.

The other is flammable and probably quite unpopular. I'm sick of the condescending women on here who say "Baby needs to stay inside until 40 weeks!! It's practically child abuse to have a baby earlier!!" Ok yes 40 weeks is FULL term. I completely agree with the Term vs Full Term debate. Please do not use it interchangeably. There is a difference. However with that said, I will be lucky to make it to term. I hope to make it to AT LEAST 38 weeks. I don't think though that women that want to have a baby born during the 39th week are somehow awful people. 274 days is not some magic number where everything goes right whereas 271 days is a recipe for disaster. Or 265 days. Do those days mean more development? Yeah but that doesn't mean a baby born at 38w5d is going to be unhealthy or under developed. There are babies that decide they are ready at 36 weeks and they need nicu time. There are babies that decide they are ready at 41 weeks that need nicu time. It's not a magic formula and every baby is different.

I wish people would stop telling others that their babies NEED to stay in until 40 weeks when that is no guarantee. There is no one size fits all for these babies.

Please don't think I am saying induce early. I'm just saying if a baby comes early it's not the end of the world if they are at least term.

With that said I think people that do elective inductions prior to 40 weeks because they are uncomfortable are dumb. I think that people that choose an ELECTIVE c/s before 40 weeks because of convenience are dumb. RCS's are not the same as ELECTIVE c/s. I think women who start drinking castor oil at 37 weeks are dumb. I think women who go on five mile walks at 37 weeks are dumb. I think that TRYING to get your baby out early is dumb. I just don't think it's wrong to be excited if you are progressing at 38 or 39 weeks.

 FWIW and just an FYI, I cleared it up with Queen that I misread the dates she was talking about within her post...and apologized. I had read 07/01 instead of the 07/10. I also apologized for being a b that day, and that I shouldn't have been commenting to anyone period.

PrimRoseMama

Liz4444:

PrimRoseMama:

Liz4444:

PrimRoseMama:

I went over it in another thread, but I have more sympathy for overweight people who struggle with their body issues than I do for skinny people that complain about their bodies.nbsp;

I suffered from a very serious eating disorder, was almost hospitalized a few times and still have body dysmorphic disorder. For someone to think my struggles aren't just as valid because I'm thin in their eyes pisses me off.

Just to clarify. I said I have less sympathy. I did not say I had no sympathy. I am sorry for your struggles, but its culturally acceptable to have issues and be skinny vs. fat.

Also, I think skinny folks' struggles (if they have them) are valid. I just have a harder time getting behind a size 0 person telling me they think they are fat and complaining about it than someone who is larger complaining about it. I just have a harder time hearing about it. I've been on both sides (granted, no eating disorder). I've been thin and I've been fat. My experience is that being thin gets you further and better treated.

That is not to say that eating disorders aren't serious either way. Simply that people tend to have a lot more negative associations with "the fat girl that won't stop eating" vs. The skinny girl who can't keep weight on or doesn't want to eat.  

I'm not looking for any sympathy from anyone. But to say you have less sympathy for someone just because you don't regard their issue as a real issue makes me side eye.

I think it's a real issue. Again, I've never said I didn't think a skinny person could have legit problems. Just that their skinny problem is culturally acceptable by many.

It's just harder to hear a skinny person complain that they "feel/look fat" when they have what you want. You hear them complain and it's hard to take.

They are thin, able to wear cute clothes [no plus sized mumus or crazy tent monstrosities], don't have problems with people thinking they have no will power or drive etc.

When you are fat you are labeled with all kinds of negative attributes vs. when you are skinny. Yes, skinny people can have issues. I've just seen a lot more fat shaming than skinny shaming.

To hear a skinny person say they have it hard is kind of eye roll worthy to me.

Carrie3102

Liz4444:

I will also admit to being a STM who still doesn't have a clue what I'm doing, so take anything I say with a grain of salt.

Wooohooo!! You mean I'm not the only one?!

arlingirl

Mamasighs:

Quote trim fail. I didn't say that.

 

Sorry sorry. Whoever said it.