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Parenting
-My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
Parent Friend Dealbreakers?
Since DS is walking he's become a lot more interactive. He's reaching the point where theoretically he could make little friends at the playground or when DW takes him to different events. He's not *quite* there but he's close.
Anyways, DS, DW and I were at our neighborhood park this weekend, and there was a woman there with a daughter about DS's age, a 3-4 year old, and a dog, who was tied up. We definitely want more friends in our area with kids our age, so we were kind of scoping them out. Long story short, she yelled at her dog, and at one point lightly smacked him in the face when he wouldn't stop whining. Ugh. Totally killed any friendship desire. I've watched enough Dog Whisperer to know the poor animal was just desperate for exercise.
What are your "dealbreakers" when it comes to making parent friends? Foods they give their child? Politics? Hairbows/pouches/shopping carts? I feel like it's so easy to disqualify everyone I meet for one reason or another.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Parent Friend Dealbreakers?
As much as I would silently judge them, smacking a dog unless they were kicking it/being extra violent wouldn't be a deal breaker. I'm pretty accepting and have a wide variety of friends with different views which is probably surprising considering my bump persona. The only deal breaker would be actual abuse.
eta-yelling profanities and not vaccinating are deal breakers too. Thanks to the pps for reminding me. Lol.
Awww man, and here I was hoping we could be friends!
Yep, that's a dealbreaker for me. Also parents calling their kids "stupid".
My 4 Angel Babies.....
MC#1- 12/2008, MC#2- 05/2009, MC#3 07/2009, MC#4 11/2009
Training to become an IBCLC. BF Questions? Just ask!
My deal breakers:
Smoking around kids
Yelling/screaming at kids
Unsafe crap [ I saw one mom giving her 18 month old peanuts to eat]
Not preachy about anything
There's probably more, those are the big ones though.
My 4 Angel Babies.....
MC#1- 12/2008, MC#2- 05/2009, MC#3 07/2009, MC#4 11/2009
Training to become an IBCLC. BF Questions? Just ask!
Yep, this is a dealbreaker for us. We feel really glad that one of DW's friends gave in to her family pressure and vaxxed.
I would be tempted to confront someone smoking around children. I have to say, I've been pretty impressed at how considerate MOST smokers are around children. Like, if I'm walking down the sidewalk pushing DS, a lot of smokers will make a point to get as far away as they can.
Can you explain how peanuts are unsafe for children? Is this just the whole "the child might drop it and a child with allergies might pick it up?" Because our 13 month old has eaten peanuts and peanut butter at home...
Yeah, I can ignore the spanking thing if I don't see it, but I wouldn't be cool with you using that on my kid. So that's a good point. I guess if I know people are spankers, I won't let them watch my kid.
Ugh. Mobile quoting sucks sometimes. Peanuts, though?
If you don't drink wine... damn it!!!
A little bit of everything listed above....
Smoking.
Cussing at your kids.
Not taking care of your sick kids and coming over even though your kid has the flu/pink eye/other contagious stuff.
I am sure there are more but those are the ones I have run into so far.
Our Little Raspberry Born 3/27/12
Sorry guys! I might be wrong on this one....
I though peanuts were a huge choking hazard! My pedi put the fear of God in us never to give our kid actual peanuts until they were 4. I just did a little googling and I see they are a choking hazard but not everyone is as preachy as my pedi on this one. I've also never given my kid popcorn or hotdogs because of his speeches on choking....
Didnt realize! My bad!
My 4 Angel Babies.....
MC#1- 12/2008, MC#2- 05/2009, MC#3 07/2009, MC#4 11/2009
Training to become an IBCLC. BF Questions? Just ask!
I agree with a lot of your dealbreakers--except for the peanuts.
Peanuts are not inherently dangerous. They are dangerous for children with peanut allergies. So, yeah, if a parent was giving peanuts to her kid that has a peanut allergy-- that would be a deal breaker for me.
Otherwise-- I have been giving DD peanut products since she was 12 months and it was okay'd by her ped.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
Well, the obvious would be anyone abusive either physically or emotionally.
Like PP said someone who is overly pushy, condescending or argumentative. If we have different values and beliefs, I would hope someone would be respectful of that fact and no constantly try to " convert " me to their side.
I feel like this is somewhat age dependent. I'm more likely to judge parents who just let their young kids run wild rather than those who hover. I know my perspective is warped because DS isn't big enough to run around safely on his own, so I have to hover at the park (at home I do let him play on his own, although he tends to want participation).
OK-- I see what you meant here.
I think anything can be a choking hazard for a LO. I think as long as you are watching them it should be OK.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
Smoking around the kids
Getting drunk around the kids (literally drunk, not just having a drink or so with dinner)
Cursing at their kids (in the form of name calling especially)
BFP 3/29/2014 2u2 Let's do this!
I was a total helicopter mom until DD was almost 2. She was a late walker and very top heavy. She was constantly face planting unless I was right there to catch her. It was very stressful. She's a lot better now so I feel ok giving her some more room.
Oh. I never gave my kid purees and he had a mouthful of teeth by his first birthday, so I don't worry about choking as much as others might. He's a really competent chewer, but I can see how that would be different from one child to the next.
The vaccination thing, for sure.
Persistent proselytizing.
Verbal abuse (and physical, obviously).
Same here; I feel like the basics are covered:
Physical or emotional abuse
Smoking with your children in direct presence
And the vax thing is a current conflict of mine. My bff of almost 20 yrs has decided to delay vax her nb and not do certain vaccines. She states she will never give her kids the flu or HepB vax, and she's more concerned about what's best for her kids; not the greater good.
I think there is some danger to vaccinated kids because there's really no way to tell if the vaccine is protecting your kid or not since they aren't 100% effective. That said, I'd only worry about it with a kid less than 1 year old because they haven't had their MMR yet and measles is making a scary come back in some cities.
I don't want to make new friends. Everything is a deal breaker.
LOL! See, my struggle is I badly want some dad friends, but have a lot of dealbreakers. And that's before "can hold an interesting conversation about something besides sports" is factored in.
HepB is one I'm totally ok with people skipping. Children don't really spread HepB to each other any more than a HIV+ child would spread HIV. It's different than easily transmissible diseases.
Does your DW take DS to play groups or story time at the library? That's where I met my mom friends. DH met their DH's and voila.
Good luck with her trying to put her kids in daycare, schools and/or kids actitvies..... Why do she feel vax is not for the greater good of the child?
Come to the dark side. It's much easier my way.
I imagine making a new friend is like dating. If there is that spark, little things can be overlooked. GL finding dad buddies:)
I get that, but her saying she doesn't really care about the greater good kind of makes me side eye her decision to not vax. The ones I listed are just the two I could remember off the top of my head she said she was skipping.
I mean, right?
Oh, well... that's a different story.
So I mention often my location being a little rural, to say the least, which tends to include some very small minded thinking. It's frustrating, because I wouldn't mind meeting new people. I love my friends, but I'm finding out we have less in common than we used to as teenagers. I've known many of them most of my life (another symptom of small town life). I've been taking DD to the park on nice days, and one day, I ended up being there when there was a small group of parents/kids. I've found there are actually people out of the "norm" in my area, and it's really refreshing. We met them again today, and I can't wait for it again next week. There are 3 kids within a few weeks of my DD, too.
I need to find those people. I'm in a small town too and so far most of the interactions that I have are with family or friends from high school and their kids. Most of them are great, but there are some that have views on things that just don't align with mine. I never imagined how having kids would strain a friendship.
Right now the biggest issue we have is that our kids pick up on other kids behaviors - so I don't appreciate it when other kids are allowed to act like little jerks. That tends to sway me away more than if the kid's parents have different political views - which, most of my friends and family do tend to differ on those.
Now as far as leaving my kids in the care of other parents - I don't think it will ever happen. I'm too scared.
*Siggy Warning*
About me 2007: Started TTC. 2008: OB prescribed clomid, went to RE and was Dx with PCOS. 2009: IUI #1 w/follitsim and trigger = BFP. B/G Twins born at 33 weeks. 2012: TTC #3, Round 2 of Letrozole w/TI = BFP, missed m/c at 8 1/2 wks. Currently on the bench as we make plans for a new home. Anxious to start TTC #3 within the next year!