Gender appt upset

tallywah08

Hello everyone, I wanted to post about my OB/gyn. I had a gender appt at 18 weeks he said "it seemed like it was a girl but it was hard to tell with how she crossed her legs'"then the next time we go in at 22 weeks I ask his nurse if it would be possible for him to look and make sure if it wouldn't be a problem and she was like" of course sure no problem "and I was excited to have it confirmed so I could finally buy stuff. He comes in with a scowl. normally an amazing doctor that laughs and smiles about everything .he says "I thought I was sure it was a girl last time." I then said "oh then don't worry about it." He said "no we already have you prepped in this room." And is just basically hissing and steaming and ruined my whole day. I could not believe he acted like that over something that is his job? right? I have a two year old and he was my OB then too. And never acted like that. should I be concerned? Maybe see a different one.? That was an uncomfortable situation and I did not like the way he had made me feel. Like I was bothering him! Should I just let it be accounted to maybe he had a bad day?

PrimRoseMama

Generally, I think doctors are annoyed if all you are focused on is what is between the baby's legs. This is the case in my practice anyway. My own OB and midwives focus more on the health of the baby over all. Sex is always icing on the cake. 

thedash

It's not his job to tell you the baby's gender. And it's not a gender appointment. His job is to care for the health of you and your fetus throughout your pregnancy. The anatomy scan is to check important developmental and growth issues.

If you need to be sure of gender you can pay for a private 3D 4D ultrasound.

LuciiLovesHanz

I had a similar situation with my ultrasound tech when they found my hematoma. We all have bad days, but if it bothers you this much, maybe mention it to your doctor? I don't know if this would "stir the pot" or make it worse, but if you are so uncomfortable that you feel like you need a new OB, personally I would address it. Its not like you were asking about something minor. The gender of your child is a huge deal to a new mommy, and I'm sure that you would rather hear the correct gender than be surprised at the birth.

tallywah08

Did he really have to continue to do it so rudely then? It's not like I was forcing it? I don't know maybe I'm making a big deal from nothing being pregnant and sensitive and all.

lucianneD

This is my first and I got a little gender crazy because the whole experience is so exciting for me, and I could tell when I asked if they could see the sex yet they were a little annoyed.....but I didn't care because I am just in awe of this entire process and ask a million questions. 

I can see why doctors may get annoyed with this day in and day out....but just because I want to know the sex of my baby does not mean I don't care about the health. In fact when they say everything looks perfect and I ask about the gender, there is no relationship between the two. I hear women say that a lot "it doesn't matter as long as it is healthy".....true...but gender and health are not related in any way and it is ok to be excited and want to know.  

WashingtonQueen

AFwifelife:

thedash:

It's not his job to tell you the baby's gender. And it's not a gender appointment. His job is to care for the health of you and your fetus throughout your pregnancy. The anatomy scan is to check important developmental and growth issues. If you need to be sure of gender you can pay for a private 3D 4D ultrasound.

Yep all of this especially the bolded. 

tallywah08

It's not like I was forcing it I even asked if it would be a problem. He could of just told me he was sure it was a girl. I wouldn't have minded. I do care about its health the most. It's just the fact he would rather be rude than say I'm sure it's a girl from last time.

CaliforniaDream87

PrimRoseMama:

Generally, I think doctors are annoyed if all you are focused on is what is between the baby's legs. This is the case in my practice anyway. My own OB and midwives focus more on the health of the baby over all. Sex is always icing on the cake.nbsp;

This.
I can understand having bed side manner but it isn't his "job" to confirm
the sex for you to shop. It's his job to ensure baby is healthy.

WashingtonQueen

tallywah08:

It's not like I was forcing it I even asked if it would be a problem. He could of just told me he was sure it was a girl. I wouldn't have minded. I do care about its health the most. It's just the fact he would rather be rude than say I'm sure it's a girl from last time.

Dude, you called it a gender appointment.....

tallywah08

It may not be his job, but he is the one that said in the anatomy appt we will be able to tell you the gender! Got me all excited about it. But I understand what you all are saying. Guess I shouldn't be so sensitive. Ill just talk with him about it. Just wondered if this happens a lot. You would figure you wouldn't be so negative towards a pregnant woman knowing they are hormonal ha ha.

tallywah08

Yes I know it's not really a gender appt that's just what I came up with to put as post title. People are very big on correct terms here aren't they. People seem to go through post just to tell people off or something ha ha. But thanks for your input everyone. I'm just too hormonal about it and expected to much.

HBirdie

I'm surprised by a lot of the responses you're getting. From what it seemed, you just wanted to confirm the gender. I guess I just don't see anything wrong with that? Of course it's your doc's job to keep your baby healthy and focus on that, but it's also his job to answer your questions, and it only makes sense that you want to be sure. I certainly wouldn't find a new OB just because of this one issue (perhaps he was having a bad day?), but I don't think there was anything wrong with you asking. We are team green, but our practice has been nothing but pleasant about it all, asking every time we have an u/s if we want to peek or not. I can't imagine any of the techs or our docs blinking an eye at us asking to confirm gender.
Good luck!

LuciiLovesHanz

yes, health is important, but unless you planned on waiting to find out what you are having until you deliver (God bless those patient women, I don't have the patience) the gender is a HUGE DEAL! of course, you want to know you are having a healthy baby, and you do! So hey, asking about the gender seems to be a normal thought process to me. I can even see myself doing the same if I already had my anatomy scan and knew my baby was happy and healthy. I think we all need to remember that she is just ASKING a question and we do not need to criticize eachother so much. We are all going through the same thing and need to support one another. I'm sure this mom is just as worried about her baby's health as anyone else.

hsneed21

Bedside manner is a big deal to me. I use to work for Doctors and I have dealt with the rude ones and the nice ones. I agree with you, there was no reason for him to act like that. I do understand that he isn't the one who is in charge of all that but, he should still be nice about it! I would be ticked and probably say something. We paid for the 3D ultrasound at 16 weeks and when I went for my ultrasound at 19 weeks she acted like she was upset I found out early because she wanted to be the one to tell us. lol.

WashingtonQueen

tallywah08:

Yes I know it's not really a gender appt that's just what I came up with to put as post title. People are very big on correct terms here aren't they. People seem to go through post just to tell people off or something ha ha. But thanks for your input everyone. I'm just too hormonal about it and expected to much.

That is never an excuse for stupidity.

almostmoore2012

I am surprised at everyone telling you that you are overreacting. From what I read you didn't make a huge deal about it, I don't see any reason for him to act like that. You or your insurance are paying him big bucks the least he can do is pretend to smile. I understand that his job is to make sure baby is healthy, and it sounds like he is doing that and baby is healthy so it is so natural to want to make sure of gender, I would be the same way. There are people who are team green and don't want to know, but the rest of us would be lying if we said we didn't want to know the gender for sure! We get our A/S Thursday, then having a Gender reveal party Tuesday, I really hope they can tell me for sure Thursday And of course most importantly I am excited to see baby and make sure baby is healthy!! And assuming baby is.. I will DEFINITELY want to know gender lol! I mean come on that's one of the most exciting moments in pregnancy, finding out the gender

tallywah08

HBirdie:

I'm surprised by a lot of the responses you're getting. From what it seemed, you just wanted to confirm the gender. I guess I just don't see anything wrong with that? Of course it's your doc's job to keep your baby healthy and focus on that, but it's also his job to answer your questions, and it only makes sense that you want to be sure. I certainly wouldn't find a new OB just because of this one issue perhaps he was having a bad day?, but I don't think there was anything wrong with you asking. We are team green, but our practice has been nothing but pleasant about it all, asking every time we have an u/s if we want to peek or not. I can't imagine any of the techs or our docs blinking an eye at us asking to confirm gender.Good luck!

. Thinking about it now maybe the fact he wrote down he was sure it was a girl and he said the legs crossed thing maybe things just got mixed up for me in pea brained pregnant. He is normally a great doctor. Im going to talk with him about it but not make a huge deal that way I understand his perspective on it. It just shocked me I guess. He is normally a sweet person. Chalk it up to a bad day most likely. And y'all are right they have said the babe is doing great in there . I want to know gender cuz I'm on a tight budget for buying for this one considering I have a step child starting school this year and then a two year old potty training. Thank you for your input and support :

almostmoore2012

WashingtonQueen:

tallywah08:

Yes I know it's not really a gender appt that's just what I came up with to put as post title. People are very big on correct terms here aren't they. People seem to go through post just to tell people off or something ha ha. But thanks for your input everyone. I'm just too hormonal about it and expected to much.

That is never an excuse for stupidity.

I don't think anything she has written has been stupid.

almostmoore2012

tallywah08:

HBirdie:

I'm surprised by a lot of the responses you're getting. From what it seemed, you just wanted to confirm the gender. I guess I just don't see anything wrong with that? Of course it's your doc's job to keep your baby healthy and focus on that, but it's also his job to answer your questions, and it only makes sense that you want to be sure. I certainly wouldn't find a new OB just because of this one issue perhaps he was having a bad day?, but I don't think there was anything wrong with you asking. We are team green, but our practice has been nothing but pleasant about it all, asking every time we have an u/s if we want to peek or not. I can't imagine any of the techs or our docs blinking an eye at us asking to confirm gender.Good luck!

. Thinking about it now maybe the fact he wrote down he was sure it was a girl and he said the legs crossed thing maybe things just got mixed up for me in pea brained pregnant. He is normally a great doctor. Im going to talk with him about it but not make a huge deal that way I understand his perspective on it. It just shocked me I guess. He is normally a sweet person. Chalk it up to a bad day most likely. And y'all are right they have said the babe is doing great in there . I want to know gender cuz I'm on a tight budget for buying for this one considering I have a step child starting school this year and then a two year old potty training. Thank you for your input and support :

 

There's nothing wrong with being upset that your doctor was rude. You said in your first post he said it was hard to tell with the legs being crossed. There was no reason for him to act like that. Just bring it up and maybe he can make you feel better about it, and hopefully will apologize to you. You're not paying him to be a jerk.  

 

tallywah08

WashingtonQueen:

tallywah08:

Yes I know it's not really a gender appt that's just what I came up with to put as post title. People are very big on correct terms here aren't they. People seem to go through post just to tell people off or something ha ha. But thanks for your input everyone. I'm just too hormonal about it and expected to much.

That is never an excuse for stupidity.

Rude.

PrimRoseMama

The more I read this the more muddy it seems. I think you are over reacting. The doc is not required to hold your hand and coddle you. Sex may be a big deal to you but your doc cares more about the rest of the anatomy. That is his job.

If you want someone to squee over the sex then go to an elective place and bring a friend. Seriously, I think you are really too sensitive about this.

tallywah08

almostmoore2012:

tallywah08:

HBirdie:

I'm surprised by a lot of the responses you're getting. From what it seemed, you just wanted to confirm the gender. I guess I just don't see anything wrong with that? Of course it's your doc's job to keep your baby healthy and focus on that, but it's also his job to answer your questions, and it only makes sense that you want to be sure. I certainly wouldn't find a new OB just because of this one issue perhaps he was having a bad day?, but I don't think there was anything wrong with you asking. We are team green, but our practice has been nothing but pleasant about it all, asking every time we have an u/s if we want to peek or not. I can't imagine any of the techs or our docs blinking an eye at us asking to confirm gender.Good luck!

. Thinking about it now maybe the fact he wrote down he was sure it was a girl and he said the legs crossed thing maybe things just got mixed up for me in pea brained pregnant. He is normally a great doctor. Im going to talk with him about it but not make a huge deal that way I understand his perspective on it. It just shocked me I guess. He is normally a sweet person. Chalk it up to a bad day most likely. And y'all are right they have said the babe is doing great in there . I want to know gender cuz I'm on a tight budget for buying for this one considering I have a step child starting school this year and then a two year old potty training. Thank you for your input and support :

 

There's nothing wrong with being upset that your doctor was rude. You said in your first post he said it was hard to tell with the legs being crossed. There was no reason for him to act like that. Just bring it up and maybe he can make you feel better about it, and hopefully will apologize to you. You're not paying him to be a jerk.  

 

. Thank you.

emmylou78

I thought I would learn the sex at my last appointment and they didn't scan me.  I was too timid to ask, especially knowing that technically its a medical procedure, not just to do on a whim.  However, I was still really bummed... probably more than I should have been.  I was dying to ask the whole time, hoping that I could find a way to sneak in asking nicely.  I would've been so embarrassed if I asked, then he acted like that.  So, I get it.  I wouldn't let one incident bring you down though.  He could have just been busy! 

WashingtonQueen

I have a very strong feeling that the appointment did not go down in the exact way she is saying it did.

WashingtonQueen

tallywah08:

WashingtonQueen:

tallywah08:

Yes I know it's not really a gender appt that's just what I came up with to put as post title. People are very big on correct terms here aren't they. People seem to go through post just to tell people off or something ha ha. But thanks for your input everyone. I'm just too hormonal about it and expected to much.

That is never an excuse for stupidity.

Rude.

No, just able to read through BS.

lucianneD

WashingtonQueen:

tallywah08:

WashingtonQueen:

tallywah08:

Yes I know it's not really a gender appt that's just what I came up with to put as post title. People are very big on correct terms here aren't they. People seem to go through post just to tell people off or something ha ha. But thanks for your input everyone. I'm just too hormonal about it and expected to much.

That is never an excuse for stupidity.

Rude.

No, just able to read through BS.

 

Different opinions are great, and if you think she is wrong that is fine, but we don't need to call anybody stupid....in my opinion. 

LuciiLovesHanz

PrimRoseMama:

The more I read this the more muddy it seems. I think you are over reacting. The doc is not required to hold your hand and coddle you. Sex may be a big deal to you but your doc cares more about the rest of the anatomy. That is his job. If you want someone to squee over the sex then go to an elective place and bring a friend. Seriously, I think you are really too sensitive about this.

 

imagine it was you in this situation. Would you handle it well? i don't think she wants the doctor to "squee" over her gender, she just wanted confirmation. Maybe you are taking it too seriously yourself. It sounds like she handled herself in a calm manner, and didn't freak out or anything... even her post was calm. And she is asking for validation that the doctor was a little out of line. SHE IS PAYING HIM FOR HIS TIME, so it is "HIS JOB" as you put it, to take the 5 minutes it would have taken to check... Especially since she saw him for her first child. If she had asked about the health of the child you don't know he wouldn't have acted the same way if  he had already confirmed everything was okay. so SERIOUSLY.... be a little more compassionate. 

WashingtonQueen

lucianneD:

WashingtonQueen:

tallywah08:

WashingtonQueen:

tallywah08:

Yes I know it's not really a gender appt that's just what I came up with to put as post title. People are very big on correct terms here aren't they. People seem to go through post just to tell people off or something ha ha. But thanks for your input everyone. I'm just too hormonal about it and expected to much.

That is never an excuse for stupidity.

Rude.

No, just able to read through BS.

 

Different opinions are great, and if you think she is wrong that is fine, but we don't need to call anybody stupid....in my opinion. 

I picture OP acting like this

Yes, that is stupid.

almostmoore2012

LuciiLovesHanz:

PrimRoseMama:

The more I read this the more muddy it seems. I think you are over reacting. The doc is not required to hold your hand and coddle you. Sex may be a big deal to you but your doc cares more about the rest of the anatomy. That is his job. If you want someone to squee over the sex then go to an elective place and bring a friend. Seriously, I think you are really too sensitive about this.

 

imagine it was you in this situation. Would you handle it well? i don't think she wants the doctor to "squee" over her gender, she just wanted confirmation. Maybe you are taking it too seriously yourself. It sounds like she handled herself in a calm manner, and didn't freak out or anything... even her post was calm. And she is asking for validation that the doctor was a little out of line. SHE IS PAYING HIM FOR HIS TIME, so it is "HIS JOB" as you put it, to take the 5 minutes it would have taken to check... Especially since she saw him for her first child. If she had asked about the health of the child you don't know he wouldn't have acted the same way if  he had already confirmed everything was okay. so SERIOUSLY.... be a little more compassionate. 

I agree. I'm pretty shocked at some of these responses. It's sad she cant come to a pregnancy website and get support for this. And calling her stupid was way out of line.

LuciiLovesHanz

I think tearing someone down over an issue they are already upset about is really immature, but I'm sure you have handled your pregnancy perfectly and have never had a minor meltdown or overreaction. I suppose we all should model ourselves and our pregnancy after you, since you are the end all be all opinion on stupidity.

almostmoore2012

WashingtonQueen:

lucianneD:

WashingtonQueen:

tallywah08:

WashingtonQueen:

tallywah08:

Yes I know it's not really a gender appt that's just what I came up with to put as post title. People are very big on correct terms here aren't they. People seem to go through post just to tell people off or something ha ha. But thanks for your input everyone. I'm just too hormonal about it and expected to much.

That is never an excuse for stupidity.

Rude.

No, just able to read through BS.

 

Different opinions are great, and if you think she is wrong that is fine, but we don't need to call anybody stupid....in my opinion. 

I picture OP acting like this

Yes, that is stupid.

In her post she said she politely asked him, she didnt throw a fit. You're being a little bit ridiculous. Someone was bored and wanted to start drama for absolutely no reason....

LuciiLovesHanz

OMG A SANE PERSON! LETS BE FRIENDS! You, me, and the OP against the world!

almostmoore2012

LuciiLovesHanz:

I think tearing someone down over an issue they are already upset about is really immature, but I'm sure you have handled your pregnancy perfectly and have never had a minor meltdown or overreaction. I suppose we all should model ourselves and our pregnancy after you, since you are the end all be all opinion on stupidity.

tallywah08

Heather6789:

I thought I would learn the sex at my last appointment and they didn't scan me.nbsp; I was too timid to ask, especially knowing that technically its a medical procedure, not just to do on a whim.nbsp; However, I was still really bummed... probably more than I should have been.nbsp; I was dying to ask the whole time, hoping that I could find a way to sneak in asking nicely.nbsp; I would've been so embarrassed if I asked, then he acted like that.nbsp; So, I get it.nbsp; I wouldn't let one incident bring you down though.nbsp; He could have just been busy!nbsp;

. That's what I'm thinking. Like I said he has always been a very good OB I had my first child with him delivering and he was my OB then too. That was the first time I had ever asked for something that wasn't anything they were already doing. It is shocking when your OB suddenly comes in like that one day. I probably should have talked with him that day about it. I was just seriously shocked. But with what everyone's saying here you should prob make a totally different appointment for finding out gender. Good luck :

tallywah08

I did not act like that at all. I was actually a little letdown that my OB seemed so upset about it.

WashingtonQueen

tallywah08:

I did not act like that at all. I was actually a little letdown that my OB seemed so upset about it.

Who is your insurance provider?

PrimRoseMama

LuciiLovesHanz:

PrimRoseMama:

The more I read this the more muddy it seems. I think you are over reacting. The doc is not required to hold your hand and coddle you. Sex may be a big deal to you but your doc cares more about the rest of the anatomy. That is his job.

If you want someone to squee over the sex then go to an elective place and bring a friend. Seriously, I think you are really too sensitive about this.

 

imagine it was you in this situation. Would you handle it well? i don't think she wants the doctor to "squee" over her gender, she just wanted confirmation. Maybe you are taking it too seriously yourself. It sounds like she handled herself in a calm manner, and didn't freak out or anything... even her post was calm. And she is asking for validation that the doctor was a little out of line. SHE IS PAYING HIM FOR HIS TIME, so it is "HIS JOB" as you put it, to take the 5 minutes it would have taken to check... Especially since she saw him for her first child. If she had asked about the health of the child you don't know he wouldn't have acted the same way if  he had already confirmed everything was okay. so SERIOUSLY.... be a little more compassionate. 

That's the thing. I don't think he was out of line. I think she was asking him to do an extra measurement that had been done previously. If this was a follow up anatomy scan [which is what it sounds like] then there is no need to go back and look at a measurement that had been completed successfully.

Just because she wasn't satisfied doesn't mean he didn't do his job right. An anatomy scan is not a trip to Burger King. You can't always get things your way with special sauce. His job and what the insurance pays him for is to take measurements to ensure the health of the baby. It is not to take orders from patients that cannot see the Forrest for the trees and are hung up on sex in order to shop. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

I get it. She wanted to double check. That doesn't mean that the doc is required to acquiesce to her request with a smile on his face. He's a medical professional and not a trained poodle that is there to do what a patient wants.

You are allowed to your opinion. I am allowed to mine. You think she was justified. I do not [and I am not alone]. If it was me I would STFU and stop wasting a medical professional's valuable time. Then I'd go plunk down money for an elective ultrasound if I cared that much. If you have money to shop you have money to spend on an elective u/s at Stork Vision.

This is less about a snarky doc and more about the OP [and others] thinking they get to dictate orders during a medical procedure. It's not for your entertainment or so you can shop. It's a medical evaluation.

tallywah08

LuciiLovesHanz:

OMG A SANE PERSON! LETS BE FRIENDS! You, me, and the OP against the world!

ha ha I can't even respond to that one person anymore I just can hardly understand why someone would come to a place full of pregnant women and put them down over anything in the likes of what I posted. I agree with LuciiLovesHanz

tallywah08

LuciiLovesHanz:

OMG A SANE PERSON! LETS BE FRIENDS! You, me, and the OP against the world!

ha ha I can't even respond to that one person anymore I just can hardly understand why someone would come to a place full of pregnant women and put them down over anything in the likes of what I posted. I agree with LuciiLovesHanz

CaliforniaDream87

LuciiLovesHanz:

I think tearing someone down over an issue they are already upset about is really immature, but I'm sure you have handled your pregnancy perfectly and have never had a minor meltdown or overreaction. I suppose we all should model ourselves and our pregnancy after you, since you are the end all be all opinion on stupidity.

Learn how to use the quote feature.

It's not about handling pregnancy perfectly. It's about understanding the true purpose of an anatomy scan. Now, if the OP came here complaining about the lack of bedside manner, I may agree with her.