BM Day Gift

potatohead

This is the first mother's day after having DD.  I read that birthmother's day is Saturday.  We don't have DD's BM's home address yet, so we can't send her flowers.  We do, however, have her email.  I was thinking of sending an e-card for Amazon.  Appropriate or not?  How many of you send your child's BM a gift for birthmother's day?  Is it appreciated or something that is bitter sweet?  

We already sent the monthly card with updates and tons of pictures.

crene84

Yea, I don't know!  This is DD's BM's first Mother's Day sinhce placing her with us...we have had very little contact so I guess I probably won't do anything..but I hate for her to think we aren't thinking of her...hmm

She does have 3 other children, so hopefully that'll keep her mind off it a little.  I never know what she's feeling because she always acts like it's no big deal, but I'm sure it is hard for her.

MagickalNarwhal

Hav=Fath:

I think it totally depends on how open your adoption is so far. I could imagine that the first Mothers day after placing would be a very hard one, so she may not want contact... unless you have a very open and connected relationship.

Hm, I can agree that someone may not want direct contact but I can't imagine anyone being opposed to some small thoughtful gesture that lets them know you are thinking about them and acknowledging them on what is likely to be an emotionally charged day.

MagickalNarwhal

potatohead:

This is the first mother's day after having DD. nbsp;I read that birthmother's day is Saturday. nbsp;We don't have DD's BM's home address yet, so we can't send her flowers. nbsp;We do, however, have her email. nbsp;I was thinking of sending an ecard for Amazon. nbsp;Appropriate or not? nbsp;How many of you send your child's BM a gift for birthmother's day? nbsp;Is it appreciated or something that is bitter sweet? nbsp;We already sent the monthly card with updates and tons of pictures.

We have a very open adoption and our sons birthmom is local so we are having her over for mothers day brunch. We didn't do a gift last year bc we are not really gift people but we will do a card with pics.

Art Teacher

We celebrate our DD's birthmom on Mother's Day.   We send her flowers - daisies because she has said before that they're her favorite - and a handmade gift from DD.  This year she painted a Hello Kitty figurine at a pottery place - DD and her birthmom LOVE Hello Kitty.  

I think our DD's birthmom appreciates that we remember her on Mother's Day.  We've never discussed celebrating her on Birthmother's Day instead.  I should ask her if she'd prefer that; I'll have to remember during our  next visit at the end of the month.  I'm sure it is a bitter sweet day in many ways, but so is DD's birthday and DD's birthmom has said she still loves to be included on that day.  I'm thinking she'd feel the same way about Mother's Day.

I think an Amazon card is okay if you think there might be something she needs/wants.  We gave DD's birthmom a Visa Gift card when she graduated high school and was starting college because we weren't sure what she needed. 

 We have sent other gifts for other occasions, too - painted handprints mounted on scrapbook paper, a handpainted box DD made at the pottery place, a bracelet that said  'always in my heart', a necklace with 3 hearts (for the adoption triad), a teddy bear (we got the same one for DD), other handmade projects that DD made at home - like the first drawing she made of  her birthmom and the first time she wrote her birthmom's name, framed pictures of DD, photo albums, Shutterfly books, etc. 

Hope that helps!

potatohead

Hav=Fath:

I think it totally depends on how open your adoption is so far. I could imagine that the first Mothers day after placing would be a very hard one, so she may not want contact... unless you have a very open and connected relationship.

True.  Ours is open, though the agency said we shouldn't exchange home addresses until finalization, so we are trying to play by the rules.

potatohead

Art Teacher:

We celebrate our DD's birthmom on Mother's Day.   We send her flowers - daisies because she has said before that they're her favorite - and a handmade gift from DD.  This year she painted a Hello Kitty figurine at a pottery place - DD and her birthmom LOVE Hello Kitty.  

I think our DD's birthmom appreciates that we remember her on Mother's Day.  We've never discussed celebrating her on Birthmother's Day instead.  I should ask her if she'd prefer that; I'll have to remember during our  next visit at the end of the month.  I'm sure it is a bitter sweet day in many ways, but so is DD's birthday and DD's birthmom has said she still loves to be included on that day.  I'm thinking she'd feel the same way about Mother's Day.

I think an Amazon card is okay if you think there might be something she needs/wants.  We gave DD's birthmom a Visa Gift card when she graduated high school and was starting college because we weren't sure what she needed. 

 We have sent other gifts for other occasions, too - painted handprints mounted on scrapbook paper, a handpainted box DD made at the pottery place, a bracelet that said  'always in my heart', a necklace with 3 hearts (for the adoption triad), a teddy bear (we got the same one for DD), other handmade projects that DD made at home - like the first drawing she made of  her birthmom and the first time she wrote her birthmom's name, framed pictures of DD, photo albums, Shutterfly books, etc. 

Hope that helps!

 

I love the idea of having DD make something and we will definitely do that when she's older.  She's only 6 months now.  I also like the idea of a Visa gift card.  I will see if I can send one electronically since Saturday is tomorrow, otherwise I will go with the Amazon gift card.  Thanks for everyone's input. 

Ginny0211

I've received a Mother's Day gift/card every year from my birthson and it means a lot to me. I received flowers when he was a baby. Over the years I have received cards, home made crafts, pictures and chocolate.

It was bittersweet the first couple times I was sent something on Mother's Day but I was already thinking about him and it was a hard day back then so knowing his mom cared and was thinking of me only helped me not hurt me.

It made my day when I opened my gift from my Birthson this year :.

Unless she has expressed that she wants limited or no contact I would imagine it would be nice to send her an ecard to let her know you're thinking of her. You could later ask how she feels one way or the other about receiving a card on Mother's Day. She can then let you know and if it is too painful for her now, then at least she knows you care.

HTHs

and Happy Mother's Day!

Mush-Tastic

We have a very open adoption with both our son's BM and BF. In fact, they were both over to our house for the afternoon this past Wednesday. But, this is our first year with our son as well. I didn't mention anything about it this past week when we saw them. I bought her flowers and an engraved pendant (that she wears all the time) back at our placement. So I am not sure I'll do much more than send her an e-card just letting her know I'm so thankful for her, that I understand how incredibly hard this day must be for her, and that I love her dearly. I think it's important to always acknowledge the decision she made to place her baby. I wouldn't be a mom without her and so I owe her so much gratitude. I realize not everyone has the same wonderful relationship with their BMs like I have, though.