...with people who constantly ask you when you're going to have another? I'm a teacher so I get the looks (I feel like more people look at my midsection than my eyes), the frantic questions or the pestering comments, "Come on already, it's time for another!" or even permission, "Okay you've taught all my kids. You are allowed to have a baby now." I don't want to be rude and shut them down by telling them we're trying (and failing), but I don't want to lie and say we're waiting.
My friend who doesn't have any kids yet told me that she got tired of people asking her when she and her husband were going to start their family (they've been married 3 years) and she responds by saying they don't want any kids (even though it's not true). She says it shuts them up and people stop asking her. I'm afraid if I said that, the next month I'd end up pregnant and people would think that the baby was a mistake. Why do I care what people think?!?
Re: How do you deal...
I know what you mean. When we walk around with dd and people always ask do you want another? When are you making her a little brother or sister?
I do not like it, it always reminds me of our efforts and that they are failing. I just say we are working on it. i think is something people think they should be asking. I do not know, but I hate it. I do not handle it well at all.
So I do not have any suggestions for you, but just wanted to say I relate.
Best of luck
It's been harder lately b/c it's been 2.5 years of trying. I'm done being patient with our circumstances and at this point it's hurtful when someone who doesn't know our circumstances insists that we need another kid.
We have a neighbor do this, several of my co-workers, and then the random people we see when we are out. Lately I've just told them all that we can't have more kids without a doctor's help. that usually shuts people up.
I know they mean well and aren't trying to be rude (even if I'm hurt by the comments). Their innocent questions don't warrant a rude response-- they are lucky to be so unaware of IF.
Love, luck, and prayers to my BFPB Dr. SnowflakeBride
I usually get asked this at DS's daycare, which is a Catholic school, so I just say "if God wants to bless us with another child, He will." Then if people ask any further questions I usually say something like, "infertility is a very hard thing to deal with."
Since I am older (38) fewer people seem to ask me when we are going to have another. I guess they assume that because of my age and the fact that DS is 3 we just aren't planning on having another child.
Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10
TTC #2 since Dec 2011
BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12
Me: 42. DH: 46.
1st Pregnancy: MC, 11/19/00.
2nd Pregnancy: DS born 04/10/06.
3rd Pregnancy: CP, 03/11.
4th Pregnancy: MMC, D&C 11/30/11, Genetic testing revealed Trisomy 4.
5th Pregnancy: Ectopic, 2 doses of Methotrexate unsuccessful, surgery 4/10/12, right tube removed.
Tried Letrozole January 2013-July 2013 (including 2 IUIs), all BFN. After 2 1/2 years of trying for child #2, decided to "give up" after July cycle, based on AMA.
August 16, 2013: BFP our first month of "not trying!" Still in shock. Beta #1 (14dpo): 183. Beta #2 (17dpo): 611. Ultrasound 8/30/13: baby measured 6 weeks, 1 day, heart rate of 118 bpm!
Ultrasound 9/13/13: 8 weeks, heart rate of 176!
Baby is due 4/26/14
IVF #1: ER 03/29/10; ET 04/01/10: transferred 2 embies; Beta #1 (9dp3dt)- 45; Beta #2 (11dp3dt)- 91= BFP
FET#1: ET 04/18/12: transferred 4 embies; Beta #1: >2 = BFN
IVF #2: ER 06/20/12; ET 6/25/12: transferred 2 embies; Beta #1 on 7/5/12= BFN
8/16: hysteroscopy for polyp removal
11/11: hysteroscopy #2 for yet another polyp removal
FET#2: ET 12/15/12: transferred 3 embies; Beta #1 (9dp5dt): 12/24/12: 426; Beta #2 (11dp5dt): 845= BFP
u/s 1/9= triplets!; miscarried all three on 1/10/13...
TTC #1 4/2009 - DD 2/5/10
TTC #2 since October 2011