Happiest Toddler on the Block

mnewlee

Has anyone else read this and employed toddler-ease/fast food rule?

We watched the dvd a month or so ago because that's all the library had and now I'm almost done with the book.
I've been trying this and maybe I"m just bad at it but it really just seems to p*ss her off more.

 

Is it just us? Is this working for you?

SusieBW

MRoss1982:

I haven't read it yet. Can you summarize the rule?

This.  I won't read the book, but now I'm curious.

valzee

This made me curious too, and I found this article that explains it for the most part. I think I'm going to give it a try! If it can calm Jack, it can calm any toddler. lol

 https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AmericanFamily/story?id=127989&page=1#.UX6MKcp8M9I

 

ldcoffel

I haven't read the book, but I think what you do is put the child's feelings into words and acknowledge why they are upset.

So, I would say, "you are mad. You wanted to play with that toy and she took it.

Acknowledgement goes a long way. 

SusieBW

valzee:

This made me curious too, and I found this article that explains it for the most part. I think I'm going to give it a try! If it can calm Jack, it can calm any toddler. lol

 https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AmericanFamily/story?id=127989&page=1#.UX6MKcp8M9I

 

Thanks for the link.

I feel like I sort of do this with Tatum, but not to the full extent described in the article.  I certainly say "I know you want to go out, but we can't right now," or something like that.  And I do mimic her tone when she's upset, but I don't do it consciously, I just think that when she's upset and crying, it makes me feel upset, so I tend to talk to her that way.  But the article is definitely right about letting them know that you understand before trying to reason or fix the problem.  I see that with T all the time - if I just try and distract her without acknowledging whatever she's mad about, she just gets more mad.  Heck, I think I'm the same way when I'm mad, just like the beginning of that article says - whether you're talking to a child or a grown up, the process is the same - acknowledge, speak their language, and mean what you're saying.  I think the real advice here is to take a minute to understand your kid's issues before just blindly trying to get them to calm down.

MsCrispy

I'm currently reading it. I actually like the rule. She still gets upset that she isn't getting what she wants, but I think it at least helps that she understands that we get what she wants.

Ms5586

SusieBW:

valzee:

This made me curious too, and I found this article that explains it for the most part. I think I'm going to give it a try! If it can calm Jack, it can calm any toddler. lol

 https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AmericanFamily/story?id=127989&page=1#.UX6MKcp8M9I

 

Thanks for the link.

I feel like I sort of do this with Tatum, but not to the full extent described in the article.  I certainly say "I know you want to go out, but we can't right now," or something like that. 

This is what I do too.  As silly as it may sound, it does show them how to put their feelings into words.  It might be worth a try.  We've been working on the "ignore" method mostly, but I'd love for him to learn that what he's feeling is ok, and how to go on from there.

 

solsburyhill

In some ways I already do this, but at the same time I also think he's to young for this concept.

When he's upset about something the first thing I do is try to find out what it is because he's still new at talking and I don't always understand him.  I do think repeating what he's upset about is a way to kind of get him out of the fit and talking to me. 

The problem I run into is - what next?

So he's throwing a fit about having to come inside after playing outside.  So I'll stop and talk to him about it - You want to stay outside?  Uh huh.  ... ok, I repeated his order but now what?  We can't stay inside, we have to go inside.  Sure I validated his feelings but I still have to enforce a rule next.  I calmed him down for the 2 seconds it took to talk that out but what next?

There's just no reasoning with a toddler.

toriwc

We tried the techniques (Happiest Baby worked like a charm on DD, so I thought Toddler would be the answer to our prayers.) it just pissed her off more, and honestly, I can't get Dh to take it seriously.

mnewlee

ldcoffel:

I haven't read the book, but I think what you do is put the child's feelings into words and acknowledge why they are upset.

So, I would say, "you are mad. You wanted to play with that toy and she took it.

Acknowledgement goes a long way. 

Yes, this is basically what it is.

The Fast food rule is you repeat what they're saying/feeling " You want to go outside"

 Toddlerease is you use short, simple words, reflecting their feelings..."You want to go outside now you're mad mad mad! You say out out, go out! But no baby, we have to stay inside. Hey! Lets play with blocks!"

The trick is to mirror their feelings without overdoing it or they'll feel mocked. G falls into the "shy" category and those kids tend to need a more toned down version. 

 

I really like the concept but I think I'm just bad at it. 

mnewlee

toriwc:

We tried the techniques (Happiest Baby worked like a charm on DD, so I thought Toddler would be the answer to our prayers.) it just pissed her off more, and honestly, I can't get Dh to take it seriously.

Yes! She goes from crying to wailing. 

 

Sols, I think the idea is to calm them down, let them know that you hear them and understand and then distract them. 

 

SusieBW

solsburyhill:

The problem I run into is - what next?

So he's throwing a fit about having to come inside after playing outside.  So I'll stop and talk to him about it - You want to stay outside?  Uh huh.  ... ok, I repeated his order but now what?  We can't stay inside, we have to go inside.  Sure I validated his feelings but I still have to enforce a rule next.  I calmed him down for the 2 seconds it took to talk that out but what next?

Next, you resort to trickery!  There has got to be something so much cooler inside, so let's go do that.   "I know you want to stay outside and play, but we can't, it's time to go in and get ready for dinner.  Do you want to ______ while I get dinner ready?"  Just keep filling in the blank with something until you find what works.  It's good to have some kind of awesome activity reserved for such emergencies.  DD doesn't get to play with play-doh very often, so it will pretty much always win over whatever activity we're trying to put an end to.  Lately, washing her hands also seems to be a HUGE hit, which is a bonus when we're trying to get in the house to get ready for dinner!

Yasiris1105

I just read that little piece on abcnews and we do some of those things. The simple vocabulary and repetition. Is actually not a bad idea and I like it. I just showed to H and he agrees with me.

womancake

We tried it and it just wasn't a great fit for V I guess.  Or maybe I was doing it wrong.  I don't know.  I just know that any time I used "toddler-ese" she either got more upset or looked at me like I was an idiot.  I will gladly sing the praises of Happiest Baby on the Block though!

njmamak

I tried it and doing it just as described didn't really work for us. Also, I couldn't see myself doing the whole, "You're mad, mad mad!" thing in public, and I know it's important to be consistent so that's another reason it probably wouldn't have worked for us. I have stuck with short phrases and simple words when he's upset, though, and that has been helpful.