a good outlook, or horribly naive?

mamaSoDo

Since discovering I am pregnant with the baby of an ex boyfriend who I had been casually sleeping with (with nuvaring, which i 'be had a perfect use record of for over 5 years) here's how I have chosen to view the idea of carrying a child of a man who 'doesn't want to be a dad'. . . I'd love to know of anyone else was struck this way at first. Did it stick? Was of helpful? I'm worried the wheels will come off the us down the road here, mainly because everyone else seems to be *expecting* so much anger and resentment from me that I just don't feel right now. Anyway, here are my thoughts:

 

Being a father is an inalienable right. This man will ALWAYS be my child's genetic father and no amount of denying or ignoring it will ever change that. In my head, that makes him my baby's family, whether or not he chooses to play an active role. And THAT makes him *my* family, by proxy. That doesn't mean I have to love him, talk to him, compromise with him, or agree with him, but it DOES mean I ought to consider him.  I am working under the assumption that his involvement is HIS journey, but my job is to not do anything to stand in his way. I feel like protecting thew *potential* for my child to one day have a relationship with their father by not preventing his involvement, and not speaking I'll of him is THE most important gift I could give my baby. That relationship is between them, it isn't my right or place to stand in the way of it. 

Part of that comes from my being adopted and knowing about it my whole life. I have two parents who I last saw when I was five days old and have never spoken to, but I still consider them my family. I respect their choice not to parent and I care for them insomuch as anyone cares for a family member; I hope they are happy and healthy.

 I hope the same things for the father of my child. I respect that he doesn't want to hear about my pregnancy because MY decision to be a mother was never contingent upon his involvement in the first place, and I really do hope he finds some way to move on in his own life. 

 Do I have hormonal moments when I sob about him literally giving me the silent treatment? Sure! I have his DNA coursing though my veins, and whether he likes it or not he has given me one of the greatest gifts of my life and I feel a great deal of affection for him because of that.  

 Then again, I have yet to traverse obstacles like putting his name on the birth certificate, having the state (because I do not intend to go after it) file for child support, 'outing' him to all his co-workers (he's a paramedic at the hospital where I will give birth--  ALL of my nurses will know him well) or deal with the potential for him to decide to flex his parental rights. Am i naive in thinking I can maintain an amiable mental state towards him? I'd love to hear how all of you managed!

hollowway

I kind of feel the same way, although my baby's dad wants to be involved with the pegnancy an be a dad. He, however, does not want to be with me. Until a week ago, we were living together and happy. We had tried for this baby and thought we lost it, an

mamaSoDo

Congrats on your miracle baby! i'm of the opinion that more loving participants can only ever be addative when it comes to a baby, so how lovely that you're both committed!

In my own situataion i don't really subscribe to the idea that my chi

Runaway22

I think that's a really good way of looking at it, personally. But I'm also coming from a stance of very unresolved issues with my kid's bio dad. At this point, I don't know if he ever intends to be involved, and has been very back and forth this whole ti

tracy41

I think that's a great outlook and very similar to how I'm dealing with the father of my LO. Btw, my little guy is a nuvaring baby, too!

tealowl

I think you sound very wise and mature. It's nice to see someone focusing on the child and the future, lots of girls come in here just to *** and complain about their 'baby daddies' which I hate that term so much, so you sound like you're on the right

MinnesotaMomma91

I agree. My sons biological father wants to be uninvolved and thats fine i told him when i found out i was pregnant i couldnt force him to do anything. I do have a boyfriend now who loves my little man but we both have decided we wont talk bad about his b

Lcherry937

You're definitely not naive! My sons father wants nothing to do with him and I don't hate him for it. My friends and family don't understand how I can "accept" this but I look at it this way, when my son gets here I don't want anyone around him who could

inthelost

I think you sound amazingly wise and mature, and are even handling the situation better than I am. Usally after talking to my soon to be daughter's "sperm donor" I end up bawling in tears. I think you have an amazing outlook and will be an even more amazi

mamaSoDo

Thanks for all the support ladies! I guess this very zen persona I've adopted in pregnancy is surprising even to me

 

I hope I can keep it up! I do have a fabulous support system in town and now that I have told my local friends I h

nikkilyn35

it is a good outlook, and one that will serve your child well into the future.  if you have no ill feelings towards him, if and when he does decide to become involved, there will be no anger that you may have unintentionally leaked to your child,

mamaSoDo

That's good advice. i don't think he'll be back and forth as his entire reason for not wanting this pregnancy stems from his having a 12 year old who he DOESN'T see at all anymore since he was adopted by another man and papa signed over rights. the story

babymama619

I'm glad you posted this. I look at things very similarly. The fact my BD is a sleezy jerk, I just didn't know it until I was pregnant. However, I'm not willing to spend time or energy on hating him or wishing he was different. 

Primarily I'

mamaSoDo

Funny, i came here from the Babycenter boards which are HORRIBLY hateful and nasty in my opinion and i agree. . . i feel much more community here! so, thanks for helping me feel welcome too!

i agree that hostility is a waste of time, and like