Since discovering I am pregnant with the baby of an ex boyfriend who I had been casually sleeping with (with nuvaring, which i 'be had a perfect use record of for over 5 years) here's how I have chosen to view the idea of carrying a child of a man who 'doesn't want to be a dad'. . . I'd love to know of anyone else was struck this way at first. Did it stick? Was of helpful? I'm worried the wheels will come off the us down the road here, mainly because everyone else seems to be *expecting* so much anger and resentment from me that I just don't feel right now. Anyway, here are my thoughts:
Being a father is an inalienable right. This man will ALWAYS be my child's genetic father and no amount of denying or ignoring it will ever change that. In my head, that makes him my baby's family, whether or not he chooses to play an active role. And THAT makes him *my* family, by proxy. That doesn't mean I have to love him, talk to him, compromise with him, or agree with him, but it DOES mean I ought to consider him. I am working under the assumption that his involvement is HIS journey, but my job is to not do anything to stand in his way. I feel like protecting thew *potential* for my child to one day have a relationship with their father by not preventing his involvement, and not speaking I'll of him is THE most important gift I could give my baby. That relationship is between them, it isn't my right or place to stand in the way of it.
Part of that comes from my being adopted and knowing about it my whole life. I have two parents who I last saw when I was five days old and have never spoken to, but I still consider them my family. I respect their choice not to parent and I care for them insomuch as anyone cares for a family member; I hope they are happy and healthy.
I hope the same things for the father of my child. I respect that he doesn't want to hear about my pregnancy because MY decision to be a mother was never contingent upon his involvement in the first place, and I really do hope he finds some way to move on in his own life.
Do I have hormonal moments when I sob about him literally giving me the silent treatment? Sure! I have his DNA coursing though my veins, and whether he likes it or not he has given me one of the greatest gifts of my life and I feel a great deal of affection for him because of that.
Then again, I have yet to traverse obstacles like putting his name on the birth certificate, having the state (because I do not intend to go after it) file for child support, 'outing' him to all his co-workers (he's a paramedic at the hospital where I will give birth-- ALL of my nurses will know him well) or deal with the potential for him to decide to flex his parental rights. Am i naive in thinking I can maintain an amiable mental state towards him? I'd love to hear how all of you managed!