Does daddy guilt exist? — The Bump
February 2012 Moms

Does daddy guilt exist?

This is one of those theoretical questions that I thought might start an interesting discussion.  Always curious to hear what my fellow bumpies think.  Do you think men experience daddy guilt the same way women experience mommy guilt?  I think for the most part, the answer is, no, and I wonder why that is.

I have been listening to a lot of the media discussion about Sheryl Sandberg's new book "Lean In," which has reignited the age-old debate about whether women can be both successful in the workplace and as mothers.  A lot of people claim that women can't have it all, meaning they can't have a successful career and be a good mother.  Clearly that seems to be up for debate, and there are many people on both sides.

So what I always wonder when I hear these discussions is why is this never a discussion about men/fathers?  Why don't people tell men they "can't have it all?"  Why is it that when we had the debate many moons ago about SAHM versus WM, there was a lot of discussion about bonding with LOs and having a great relationship with LOs that some people thought could only exist if you SAH.  So what does that mean for your LOs relationship with dad who works FT and sometimes long hours?

It seems like a lot of people on here have DHs/SOs who work long hours.  Do your DH/SOs feel like they are missing out?  Are they ok with it?  Do they have "daddy guilt" the way I imagine most mothers would if the roles were reversed?   

Note: This is NOT a SAHM versus WM debate.  This has to do with dads/men, and there is no judgment meant here.  I am genuinely just curious what people think.   

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Re: Does daddy guilt exist?

  • this may get long....

    I know my DH has "daddy guilt" about his job.  He works 3rd shift and because of that he only has about 1-1.5 hours with Allison during the week and almost nothing on Sunday.  He is up for a 2nd shift job where h

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  • I don't think most men experience guilt like moms do or maybe their guilt is in different areas. DH never worries when we leave Jorge with our parents or sisters for date night, but I always call or text at least once. But, DH does not trust anyone else w
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  • H works 12 hour shifts and there are days when he doesn't get to see the baby or he only sees him for a few minutes. I know that H gets really down about that. I think Daddy guilt can exist but in different ways than Mommy guilt.
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  • It does here, but only in certain ways.  For instance, DH feels zero guilt over daycare.  I think he views daytime childcare as not his job, because he has a job.  I have often wondered how this affects his view of me.  We both have

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  • DH has been gone over 50% of Landon's life...so yes, he has alot of guilt missing out.  He has missed big milestones and every time he comes home L has changed again.  It is getting harder because Landon is such a little person now and learns so
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  • I think dad's do have "daddy guilt" when they are unable to fulfill their roles as dads and providers. I think women feel it more often because we are wired differently. We are wired to want to be with our children and care for them but feel guilty when w

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  • To respond to some of these comments, how much of mommy's guilt do you think comes from society, rather than what we are "wired" to feel/do? I know my DH doesn't spend his day on TB seeing all the mommy wars going on and seeing people berate other mother
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