Birthday opinions

2chatter

SS elected not to come over for Spring Break, as it coincided with his 18th birthday and he wanted to be with his friends.  The next weekend, he had other plans already. Our next weekend he also had plans with friends.  We had planned a family dinner, I was baking, etc.  This is what we have always done. 

I was OK with him wanting to see friends.  DH understood, but the more this goes on the more hurt he is. But he continues to blow DH off - but then asks for money.  The first ask, if you recall, was for 1K.  DH feels that as it's been weeks, and this weekend is Easter and BM will not let him come, and the following weekend is prom and he needs to be local for the various activities planned there, DH should just deposit some money SS' account.  I feel that if SS cannot be bothered to celebrate his birthday with his Dad, who made several offers for permutations of time that would have enabled SS to spend time with his friends AND see us, that he can get a gift when he can see his Dad.

Your thoughts please.

fellesferie

He's an adult and should be treated like one. I would not give $1k to an adult who cannot be bothered to come have dinner with me.

cole2144

MelRC117:

Sounds like SS just wants the money from your H and that's it.  I get that he's 18 and he'd rather be with frie

danac2010

All of the above!

Hopeforthebest

fellesferie:

He's an adult and should be treated like one. I would not give $1k to an adult who cannot be bothered to come hav

Mrs.H.

I dont know the distance between  where SS is and where you are but I totally get  that an 18 year old wants to be with friends.When my SS  was that age DH was content with a dinner together...so like 2hrs with SS. WE were fortunate that

2chatter

I think the challenge here is that 1) you are all correct that he wants money, on his terms, and is more than willing to forego family and 2) the years of PA and drama are now part of this equation in a new way, in that SS is an adult in terms of age,

jenjen930

MelRC117:

Sounds like SS just wants the money from your H and that's it.  I get that he's 18 and he'd rather be with frie

FutureMrsWittig

Can you guys go to him for dinner?

I understand him not wanting to miss out on spending his birthday with his friends, but what would be the problem with you guys going to where he is and taking him out to dinner and then dropping him off with

CFjo2010

fellesferie:

He's an adult and should be treated like one. I would not give $1k to an adult who cannot be bothered to come

2chatter

I think us going to him is a bad idea - what happens is he gets told no about something, then gets really mad/upset and we take him home to BM, who then completely flips out.  Drama that lasts for weeks ensues.  Short periods of time with the

Karma1969

18 isn't a magical age when it comes to maturity.  He sounds like a normal teenager.  It doesn't mean you have to give in to him but the fact that he is picking friends over his family is very normal. 

&babymakes5

This is sad  to me because it is reversed at my house and my son would love to spend time with his father,who can't be bothered with is 18 year old son.  If the history of money shows he won't work it off then I wouldn't give it to him eith