So, I took a few days from her funeral to post again. I thought the day I found out I had lost her was the hardest day of my life, that one ranks right along with it. We had such a beautiful funeral for her and we had a pink and purple balloon release. I might not of gotten to know her sweet personality here on earth but my heart knew she would love it. Seeing her in the tiny little casket broke my heart, I decided to bury my hurt along with her. That may not make much sense but to me it does. There is nothing I could do do change the situation. I had told my doctor the symptoms and she pretty much ignored me thinking I was an over paranoid first time mom- I thought I had done everything right but little did I know at that appt my little girl was fighting my body to survive. Toxemia/Preeclampsia won out. So as I stared at her tiny little body wrapped up in a pink blanket I refused to let this destroy me...her life was
worth so much more than anything I could ever begin to feel...so I will
begin to celebrate the life she didn't get to live and try to find
peace and meaning that I didn't before. We got to the cemetery and my husbands job had their Honor Guard there. Everyone from the police department that could make it came... our tiny little girl meant so much to so many people and it meant the world to have people there with us to celebrate her and our love for her. So, now I sit here between the tidal waves of emotions and try to smile through the tears... she had the perfect life even though she never got to breathe her first breath- she had a life full of comfort and love- no fear, pain, hurt, heartbreak... and as a parent.. thats all I can ever ask for.. right? Thanks for listening to me ramble..
Met DH 10.10.10--
Surgery 05.20.11 removal of left ovary/fall tube due to tumor-- Married DH 04.14.12--
First bfp 09.05.12 --
Preeclampsia took my angel at 31 weeks 03.07.13--
Currently trying for our rainbow!