Harder than I expected

kdy85

So, I took a few days from her funeral to post again. I thought the day I found out I had lost her was the hardest day of my life, that one ranks right along with it. We had such a beautiful funeral for her and we had a pink and purple balloon release. I might not of gotten to know her sweet personality here on earth but my heart knew she would love it. Seeing her in the tiny little casket broke my heart, I decided to bury my hurt along with her. That may not make much sense but to me it does. There is nothing I could do do change the situation. I had told my doctor the symptoms and she pretty much ignored me thinking I was an over paranoid first time mom- I thought I had done everything right but little did I know at that appt my little girl was fighting my body to survive. Toxemia/Preeclampsia won out. So as I stared at her tiny little body wrapped up in a pink blanket  I refused to let this destroy me...her life was worth so much more than anything I could ever begin to feel...so I will begin to celebrate the life she didn't get to live and try to find peace and meaning that I didn't before. We got to the cemetery and my husbands job had their Honor Guard there. Everyone from the police department that could make it came... our tiny little girl meant so much to so many people and it meant the world to have people there with us to celebrate her and our love for her. So, now I sit here between the tidal waves of emotions and try to smile through the tears... she had the perfect life even though she never got to breathe her first breath- she had a life full of comfort and love- no fear, pain, hurt, heartbreak... and as a parent.. thats all I can ever ask for.. right? Thanks for listening to me ramble..

starburst0928

Love what you wrote at the end. Such a great view point that I never thought of.

Thanks! 

kdy85

Thanks- it's the one thing that gives me peace about the whole situation.

HullGut

Your post was beautifully written. I was tearing up thinking of  all the people that showed up  to honor your baby girl. I'm so sorry that you had to o through this. You are right our babies only knew love in their lives no pain or heart break.

lenya_35

You're right - that's all a parent can hope for.  And I too can take comfort in knowing my daughter never suffered, all she knew was warmth and love.  I'm glad that your little Sophia was loved by so many.

jebretz

Beautifully spoken words.  That is so nice that so many people showed up to support you. I think often how I would gladly take all the pain so that my babies didn't have to suffer.  All they knew was my love, and the beat of my heart. Thoughts a

Williamandshawnna

Beautifully written. Sending you hugs. I wish you peace and comfort during this difficult time.

kdy85

Thanks everyone. I still kinda am in denial..that this isn't real. Its almost like I'm blocking it out..that it didn't happen is a new emotion that's started. Ugh just sucks.. hugs to all of y'all as well..

mrsneau

what a great story, it was breathtaking. It really resonates with me because my husband and I were just talking today and I told him that our daughters life may have been brief, but it was so beautiful because all she ever knew was love. We wanted her and

Poppy715

I agree totally about giving our babies the best life they could have possibly had. I'm so sorry for your pain. I also suffered from (pre)Eclampsia. If you would like a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk with I'm here. I also wonder about the w

kdy85

Thanks! I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet Addison. Life isn't fair and it sucks that everyone on this board has to face this type of heartache. My heart has deffinatly changed- today I had my follow up appt with my new doctor and he brought up the

weddedwife

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So beautifully written! I hope you keep a copy of those words you wrote somewhere. There will certainly be hard days ahead but I hope that eventually, what you wrote will take hol

shandorfml2

I understand what you are saying. Being two weeks out since her birth (we found out she had died on Fri the 1st, induced the 2nd) I can say this week has been easier than that first week. You talk about tidal waves and that's exactly how I'd describe i