BM vs SM!

Sscarolynedvx

Why most of the times BM never like the SM or the daddys new GF?
Is it jealousy or BMs cant handle the fact that their child will be taken care by another woman? Or BMs think the child will love their Step parent more than them? I can never understand why so much hate?

new+tothis

I think that's a stereotype. You could just as easily ask "why are all BDs deadbeats?" The answer is  - they're not. And not all BMs dislike the new GF or wife.

I've never met BDs girlfriend but I like her. DS is totally smitten with her and her daughter. Her raves about both of them. She inspires BD to do activities out of the house with DS that they all really enjoy. I'm about 90% sure DS has been cared for alone by BDs GF. She seems responsible and he's clearly comfortable with her so I don't have any issues with it. I can see BD and GF moving in together and GF becoming a bigger part of DS life (like coming to activities or school things as he gets older). It's a natural progression. 

twister22

MUD vs..... wait for it... MUD

ambrvan

I was thinking the same thing, Twist. But otherwise, new+tothis said it.

Littlejen22

Also many BMs see the BD as less than stellar so it is harder to assume that the new GF will be great.

KendraL86

There isn't always hate. I think most BM and SM get along just fine. They may not be BFF's, but they aren't in a feud.

I think most of the time if there is conflict, it's probably between BM and Dad. It usually has very little to do SM. I know that was the case in my situation. DH and BM don't get along. As a result, she's not always nice to me. But it has nothing to do with me, she's just pissed at DH. I understand that.

Of course, there are exceptions. I had a friend who was physically attacked outside her office by BM after she and her husband got married! BM was arrested for assault and spent time in jail. A restraining order put in place. After the BM got out of jail, she broke into my friend and her husbands house at night and attacked my friend while she was sleeping!! Again, she was arrested and spent much more time in jail. It was a really tough situation for my friend, her DH, and her then 8 year old SS. But this situation is soooo uncommon! Most people act like civilized adults.

SimpleJane

Yes, every BM is a jealous bitch who cant handle another woman around her kid. You hit it the nail on the head. MUD.

Ilumine

Seriously?  

EarthandFire

I don't know that I have anything helpful to contribute. My moms get along famously. I'm sure it was harder at the beginning but by the time I was a tween we were taking trips together; mom, SM, big step-sister, little sister and me. Today I get comments how I "look like my mom." She grew up in the town my dad and SM live in so it's not impossible someone knows who my bio-mom is but usually I realize they think I look like SM which I do. I do kinda look like her and I kinda look like my bio-mom too. I'm really lucky in my blended family on that side. I've seen my in-law's blended families which are not as functional as I feel mine is.

I'm very interested in this thread because my BH's BM is not a fan. She took an instant dislike to me for no reason or reasons I don't know about even before we were a couple. Yes some people just have personality difference, I never expected to be BFF's. My BH has run interference between us because she is not what I would consider stable. She's been receiving psychological treatment for close to a decade off and on, has anger issues, has been put on medication and has done some things I believe are really nasty to my BH. Obviously she's not my favorite person but bottom line is animosity between them (BH & BM) or between us (BM & I) isn't good for the LO so I want to find a way to start to build a civil relationship. Since this thread is about animosity between BM and SM it seems like a good one to get some insight into how to do that. I don't mean to highjack this thread from OP and will post a separate thread if @Sscarolynedvx would prefer but this seemed like exactly what was being discussed.

Thank you to all the other parents who have given insight from their own experiences.

MrsHetzel

Move along little MUD covered specimen.

Mkherren12

I know in my case sm wishes dd didn't exhist. Not making that up. She wants a perfect little family but because of dd I'm in the picture and she can't stand that. She had family pictures taken without dd. dd is not invited to their sons bday parties etc. so maybe ok the one case that legit. But I don't like her cause she doesn't like my daughter. But we aren't rude to each other. Civil but not rude.

Nineoceans

Anecdotally BM and I wouldn't get along in any scenario. She's the party girl and I'm straight edge. Having completely different lifestyles and world views and being stuck dealing with eachother just fuels our mutual dislike.

She didn't like me first but I definitely didn't like her at all when I got to know her so its definitely mutual

danac2010

@earthandfire, my parents all get along great.  My step dad video'd my dad and SM's wedding.  My SD passed away 3 years ago and my SM and dad pretty much help my mom take care of everything my SD did.  Labor day weekend we went camping, my dad, mom, SM, SM's kids and their kids and my step sister from my SD's side.  EVERYONE all gets along.  It's actually funny because my nephew on my mom's side and my niece on my SM's side have crushes on each other and are in no way related and my 2 nieces from 2 different sides are BFF and tell everyone they are cousins even though again they are actually in no way related.

Having that example in my life has made it easier for me with BM but we still have nothing in common and DH and BM don't get along very well so I don't see us doing family trips in a few years.  I was lucky because my dad always did what he thought was best for me and my sister and let my mom do the raising since she had us 90% of the time.  They had meetings if they had differences of opinions and came to a mutual agreement.  I just don't see people doing that now a days.

karatechrissy

Nineoceans said:

Anecdotally BM and I wouldn't get along in any scenario. She's the party girl and I'm straight edge. Having completely different lifestyles and world views and being stuck dealing with eachother just fuels our mutual dislike. She didn't like me first but I definitely didn't like her at all when I got to know her so its definitely mutual

This is my situation exactly. Nine, you live my life. However, I have to say, I think the assumption of OP is ridiculous. There are certainly times where it applies, but it isn't every time, or every person or every family. People are people. We're all effed up to some degree.

EarthandFire

@Danac2010 - Yes! This is my family and I so want that for my kids. The drama that comes up with those in my life that are split couples who refuse to put their differences aside for their kids kill me. My grandparents are like that and they leave nothing but bad memories. I don't want that for our kids. I think that's best. I'm willing to compromise but I'm not willing to let her walk all over us because I don't think that's best for the kids. They need to know we have their back. There is discipline and when they break the rules there will be consequences. I just don't know how to even start with her. Some of the things she's done I can't fathom.