Separation anxiety at 5yrs old??

melwillingham25

My dd is 5 and until recently had no issues with separation anxiety . For about a month now she has been following my every movement. Wether it's going to to the bathroom or walking around the corner to the kitchen or even going from one room to the next with the vacuum, if she can't see me, she starts to yell for me, scream and then cry and once she finds me she yells and gets angry with me saying that I shouldn't leave her. Even though she knows I'm in the house, she will call for me every 20 secs just so she can hear me....God forbid I don't respond.

She and I have talked about the reason behind it and to make a long story short she says its bc : I was walking into the backyard through an open gate and didon't realize she had snuck out between myself and the landscaper I was talking to. I closed the gate and proceeded to walk to the back yard not realizing my dd was in the front of the house. As soon as I heard her screaming I knew what happened. all this happened within 10 seconds. I apologized to her and I figured , that's the end of the story. But I guess it traumatized her and I understand that but how do we move forward?? She won't even let me go into the fridge in the garage or work in the yard ( unless she feels like standing outside helping me)? At first I was able to accept this behavior and even found it somewhat endearing but this is taking a toll on me now. I'm becoming more and more impatient and I need this to stop. My 3 yr old dd doesn't even do this!! I need some good advice!!

oh and I try to tell her where I'm going ( in the house) at all times but it doesn't help. She's at my heels every single moment.

LoveEeyore

Baby steps. Does she do okay going to the bathroom if you don't follow her? 

I would start by sending her to do something, and remaining where you are (ie- go to the printer and get what I just printed out... I'll be here in the kichen when you get back") give her stuff to deliver upstairs. etc. 

Meanwhile I would encourage her to play/watch a video with her sister with you out of the room.

When that is no big deal, send her to do stuff, but tell her "when you get back, I'll be in the fitchen or family room. 

Try playing hide and seek. 

Try a message delivering game- have every member of the family in the room.  You start by going to DD#1, tell her go find Daddy and tell him ____.  She goes to the room he is in, tells him and tells him to pass it on to DD#2, then he finds the room DD#2(while #1 stays where Daddy was) is in and tells her ___...point being make up games where the fun and surpise is more exciting than the anxiety.

 You could help by taking her to Home Depot and buy a bike lock and put it on the gate to assure her it won't happen again.  That may be enough. 

Also in our area we have a PB&Jack.  It is a play area with a cafe adjacent.  The kids can see their parents but are monitored by staff.  Something like that may help?

zoe_cat

My DD went through this about a year ago.  It's was really intense and frustrating.  I couldn't be in another room, let alone step outside to check the mail or something.  All I know is after a month or so it gradually started to improve and after a few months she was totally back to normal.  Just continue being patient and reassuring, even though it's super frustrating.  Good luck.

AgrippaRidesAgain

DS has had separation anxiety off and on with school dropoff since November. We had to pull out sticker charts to solve it when it was really bad. He got a small prize [extra story at quiet time, 30 minutes of tv, etc] of his choice every day that he made it without a meltdown. After five days, he got a big prize [eating out for lunch, movie during quiet time, special craft or baking] of his choice. I made sure that the prizes were all things that got him extra one on one attention. If he picked a movie or cartoon, we would watch it together.

Two weeks of it pretty much solved the problem. We have bad days here and there, but it isn't like the weeks on end of him sobbing the entire way to school and being ripped out of my arms. During those weeks prior to.starting this, he also wouldn't let me go to the bathroom, leave him home with DH for anything, or go to bed at night.