I am sorry that this board has to exist, and sorry for everyone's loss. It's nice though to find a supportive place where others can understand what I am going through.
We currently have a 19 month old at home that we adopted at birth. His birth parents got pregnant again and we were adopting our son's full biological younger sibling that was due this coming May 20th.
We got the call three weeks ago today that our little Reid was here, at only 25 weeks gestation. I flew out of town immediately to be by his side. He passed away just under 48 hours after birth.
I didn't carry him, but the connection was there and I am so heartbroken. I have a lot of internal grief with that, I felt he was my son, although on paper he was not yet. It's just a struggle I am not sure how to cope with. I just took off my NICU hospital bracelet this morning, so silly but I just couldn't take it off. I am always on the verge of tears. I know time will heal my wounds, and I know it will be a long process. I want to be strong for my 19th month old (not that he understands, but one day he will) and strong for my husband (who won't really talk about things).
Thanks for letting me share.