1. What is the name of your Angel? Patricia Kirsten
2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. Born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks. 4 lbs and 2 oz, 16.5 inches long. No cause could be found.
3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? Our rainbow Anna Kirsten was born 1/8/13 at 26 weeks and 3 days due to unexplained IC. She is still fighting in the NICU. Now at 7 weeks actual, she is the same size as Patricia was when she was born. They could've been twins.
4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? It has been 11 months. It is extremely difficult. Patricia is on my mind every day as we fight for her sister. Due to Anna's severe brain bleeds, we were given the option of removing support but we just couldn't. Patricia never even got a chance at life, so how could I take Anna's away? I keep thinking of all the things we should be doing with Patricia now, and how incomplete our family feels.
5.Anything you want to share about your angel? She loved music from Glee, and she changed my life.
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? No questions. I have taken a step back from the board recently, but I still lurk and will probably jump back in at some point in the future.
Good to "see" you jbranden! I think of you and Anna often. Continued T&P's to you and your DH! ((HUGS))
BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08 BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12
Thanks to Heatherhah, OSUWifey09, Bayberry12 & tuscanbride2007 for answering my question.
Here are my answers to some questions:
sand&starfish: I have an 18 month old daughter & every time I look at her now, I think of Benjamin. I got pregnant as soon as I could after her, wanting to give her a sibling close in age & now he is gone & I feel the void there.
lenya_35: I'm not sure whether I will always feel on the verge of crying, but at 1 month out, I still do. I can't get through anything without crying anymore. Benjamin's ashes are in the box from the funeral home on my dresser & I've been thinking maybe of spreading them in July, when I found out I was pregnant with him.
HullGut: I don't plan to ever use BC, but I'm not sure when/if I will be actively trying. Part of me wants to be try as soon as I can & part of me thinks I shouldn't try again.
Miss C born 8/23/11.
Benjamin born sleeping at 33 weeks 1/28/13
March 6, 2011. I was exactly 34wks pregnant. He died due to a cord accident. It was wrapped around his neck 3x and also had a true knot in it.
3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?
I have my rainbow baby, Zachary. He just turned 1 last week.
4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?
Ian's 2yr angelversary is next week. I'm trying to stay busy on the days leading up to it. I have booked the day off from work. I plan to buy Z and myself cupcakes, then just cuddle and play with him all day. It will be a difficult day. I have so many crazy thoughts and emotions going on. It would take a novel to write it all out.
5.Anything you want to share about your angel?
He was so so so beautiful! Wavy dark hair. Perfect little face. Perfect hands and feet. Just perfect. I could feel he was always so active and full of life when I was pregnant.
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?
Nope. Just want to send big squishy hugs to all of you.
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?
Will I always feel like I'm on the verge of crying? At what point can I be trusted to be back in the "real world" and not about to bawl my eyes out at the drop of a pin.
Also, what did you do with your baby's ashes? We just picked up June's ashes today and they're in a box on the mantle. I want to get an urn for them, but I haven't seen anything I like and I can't stand to "shop" online for more than a few minutes at a time without losing it.
I still have times when I just burst into tears, and its doesnt seem like anything in particular set me off.
We got a really nice antique box to put her ashes in. We both love older things, and we knew an antique box would fit her better than any of the urns and things we saw.
"Elsie Irene was born sleeping at 35w 6d on December 8, 2012. Mommy and Daddy miss you sweet girl."
6. Any questions you
may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? Just wondering when others
got their periods back & if it differed from time after a live birth (if
applicable)? I know with my daughter it took about 7 weeks, but not sure if
that will be different this time or not. I would like my hormones to regulate
& the night sweats to stop.
My doc said the average is 6-10 weeks. Im not average apparently...still nothing at 11 1/2 weeks. But who is counting?
"Elsie Irene was born sleeping at 35w 6d on December 8, 2012. Mommy and Daddy miss you sweet girl."
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? To any of the other moms who have had a successful subsequent pregnancy: how do you cope with all of the conflicting feelings? And when did you get to the point where you truly believed you would be bringing a baby home? What kind of things did you do or say to remind yourself that this baby and pregnancy are different than your last one? I'm confused and struggling with all of the emotions. As much as I want to, I'm having a hard time feeling excited about this pregnancy, because I can't wrap my head around the fact that this could result in us bringing a baby home. I just feel kind of apathetic and numb. Is that normal?
Each day of my rainbow pregnancy was filled with so many different feeling it was very very tough. I just kind of didn't think of the pregnancy I know that sounds terribke but my family was worried about how I was so distant with the pregnancy. Don't get me wrong I loved my baby but I had to kind of separate myself if that makes sense. This sounds nuts but I didn't believe she would come home until I delivered her in the OR. My rainbow was so much different in utero compared to Sydney. Triity wasn't a big mover like her sisters before her so I poked my belly way more than I would like to admit and I checked her on the doppler way more as well sometimes 3 to 4 times a day. I had to so I could move through the day with out freaking out. It wasn't healthy but it worked for me. What you are feeling is totally normal. If you ever want to chat you can PM me. I am here to help if you need it. What you are going through is so very hard and some moments are harder than others. Hugs my friend!!
DS- Brenden born 11/13/93
Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007.
Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.)
Chemical pregnancy 3/2010.
Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days.
Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!!
PGAL buddy drvst8
2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 10/4/12
3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? I have a 2 1/2 year old son. He really doesn't understand or know about the loss. He was just starting to get that there was a baby in my belly when we lost her. He sees me cry a lot though, and he is so sweet he will tell me that everything is going to be OK.
4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? Nearly five months and more recently I've made a lot of progress in my healing. I am finding peace and comfort through spirituality, which was something I have never done before. I was determined to not let this loss turn me into an ugly, bitter person.
5.Anything you want to share about your angel? I miss her so much, but I believe that she is with me daily. Although I can't see her or hold her now, I can feel her presence. She lifts me up when I'm having a hard time, she helps me through everything. I know one day I will meet her again.
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? No questions, I just want to offer my love, support, and virtual hugs. I wish none of us had to be here.
6. Any questions you
may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? Just wondering when others
got their periods back & if it differed from time after a live birth (if
applicable)? I know with my daughter it took about 7 weeks, but not sure if
that will be different this time or not. I would like my hormones to regulate
& the night sweats to stop.
My doc said the average is 6-10 weeks. Im not average apparently...still nothing at 11 1/2 weeks. But who is counting?
I am not average either by any means, I am 8 weeks out and still spotting. So... starting Provera soon (HCG is 3, so in the clear) so that I can "clean house" per say. Also, then I can get some bloodwork done for the RE to see where I stand.
TTC since May 2011
Provera x3 late 2011, no natural response. (Previous BCP for 12 years).
Dx PCOS April 2012.
Clomid x 4 - no response.
First FSH/Ovidrel cycle early Aug 2012 - 18 days of injections, slow growth, erratic estrogen levels, triggered Aug 21st.
BFP Sept 4th and Sept 7th!
7wk US Sept 28th - triplets!
Perfect triplets lost at 20 weeks due to incompetent cervix. Allison Grace, James Alexander and Colin Gregory forever in our hearts!
IVF #1 10/11/13 - canceled before retrieval.
IVF# 2 11/28/13 - retrieval on Turkey Day! Hyperstim - no transfer
FET #1 2/4/14 - miscarriage @ 9 weeks (Trisomy 6)
FET #2 6/8/14 - healthy normal baby! Due date 2/25/15
What is the name of your Angel? Isabella Rose 24 weeks
2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 12/11/12
3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? She was our first
4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? it's been almost 3 months and some days are better then others. I think about all the things that should be going on right now since my EDD was 04/02/13 I took that week off work and my DH is also off so we are going to go to FL to visit my uncle that lives down there and just take it easy and lay on the beach and remember Isabella
5.Anything you want to share about your angel? Like any other mommy would say she was perfect in my eyes and she is missed eveyday
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? If you go to a support group what do you think of it and dose it help I am thinking of going
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? If you go to a support group what do you think of it and dose it help I am thinking of going
Every person is different when it comes to support groups. I am going to a support group right now and I have to say it has been the most comforting thing for me. It is a support group for parents who had a newborn or infant loss. My husband I go together and there are about 4 other couples and a few moms who come alone to the group. It is great to meet other parents who have suffered the same kind of loss and get together to talk about things and give each other tips. We support one another and these parents are now becoming close friends that I think we will stay in touch with. Everyone is different and support groups really work for some and then some people just don't do well. You will never know until you try so maybe go when you are mentally prepared to see what you think.
BFP#1 12/23/11 EDD 8/29/12. Frank P. Cirillo IV born on 8/19/12 at 2:34am. Grew his wings and went to heaven on 8/25/12. My sweet angel Frankie. Love you so much!
BFP #2 5/21/13 EDD 1/25/14 Sam Frank P. born 1/17/14 Our rainbow baby is here!!
Heatherhah:2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. December 28, 2012
Heatherhah:3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?
I have a 19 month old son. I think he knows something is different, and that we're upset, but he doesn't understand much more than that. In a way, I'm grateful that he doesn't understand enough to be upset, but I'm also so sad that he's too young to remember his sister.
Heatherhah:4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?
Today it has been 2 months since we lost Ellie. How I'm doing is largely variable from moment to moment. I went back to work this week, and have at least been able to hold it together enough to do my job.
Heatherhah:5.Anything you want to share about your angel?
Eleanor accomplished so much in her short life. She saved my life by insisting on coming early, and because she did, the doctors were able to save us from a uteran rupture which could have killed us both. Because we avoided a full rupture, the doctors believe that Mik and I will be able to have more children, and if we're blessed in that way, she'll have saved her future brothers and/or sisters. When she left us, she also saved my dad, letting us know about a health issue that can be treated now, but could have taken him from us if left undetected.
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? If you go to a support group what do you think of it and dose it help I am thinking of going
I've only been to one meeting (I plan on going back this month) - and it was great, I really do recommend it. I was scared at first, and put it off for a few weeks/didn't think I was the type of person who would like it, but it really was a great place to talk with other people going through the same thing, and more than that, just SEE people going through the same thing to know that it wasn't just us. Telling our story and hearing our similarities was so helpful. I definitely recommend at least trying it out.
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? If you go to a support group what do you think of it and dose it help I am thinking of going
I belong to two different group and I tell you no one person in my real life gets me more than my loss ladies we cry together and celebrate our babies together. I suggest trying one out you never know what can happen. I do know that when I meet a new loss mom we instantly have a connection since we understand each other. That helps because most people in my life haven't ever lost a baby like we did.
DS- Brenden born 11/13/93
Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007.
Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.)
Chemical pregnancy 3/2010.
Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days.
Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!!
PGAL buddy drvst8
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? To any of the other moms who have had a successful subsequent pregnancy: how do you cope with all of the conflicting feelings? And when did you get to the point where you truly believed you would be bringing a baby home? What kind of things did you do or say to remind yourself that this baby and pregnancy are different than your last one? I'm confused and struggling with all of the emotions. As much as I want to, I'm having a hard time feeling excited about this pregnancy, because I can't wrap my head around the fact that this could result in us bringing a baby home. I just feel kind of apathetic and numb. Is that normal?
Each day of my rainbow pregnancy was filled with so many different feeling it was very very tough. I just kind of didn't think of the pregnancy I know that sounds terribke but my family was worried about how I was so distant with the pregnancy. Don't get me wrong I loved my baby but I had to kind of separate myself if that makes sense. This sounds nuts but I didn't believe she would come home until I delivered her in the OR. My rainbow was so much different in utero compared to Sydney. Triity wasn't a big mover like her sisters before her so I poked my belly way more than I would like to admit and I checked her on the doppler way more as well sometimes 3 to 4 times a day. I had to so I could move through the day with out freaking out. It wasn't healthy but it worked for me. What you are feeling is totally normal. If you ever want to chat you can PM me. I am here to help if you need it. What you are going through is so very hard and some moments are harder than others. Hugs my friend!!
Thank you, Heather. I'm relieved to hear you also had some of the same emotions and reactions. I knew this was going to be hard, but I had no idea it would be this hard. I feel like being pregnant again has brought me backwards in my grief. I find myself thinking all the time that I don't want another baby, I just want Virginia back. And then I feel guilty for not connecting with this little one as an individual. I couldn't possibly explain this to anyone else outside of a baby loss mom, because I'm worried about being judged for not connecting with this baby. I will probably take you up on your offer to chat more via PM. Thanks again.
If you would like I can give you my email address or even my cell number, I am here for you if you need me. I know how harsd this time is and I needed all the people I could get who understood what I was going through. HUGS!!!!
DS- Brenden born 11/13/93
Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007.
Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.)
Chemical pregnancy 3/2010.
Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days.
Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!!
PGAL buddy drvst8
Re: GTKY
Good to "see" you jbranden! I think of you and Anna often. Continued T&P's to you and your DH! ((HUGS))
BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TTC #3 since May 2012
BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13
BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14
No longer trying to conceive.
Thanks to Heatherhah, OSUWifey09, Bayberry12 & tuscanbride2007 for answering my question.
Here are my answers to some questions:
sand&starfish: I have an 18 month old daughter & every time I look at her now, I think of Benjamin. I got pregnant as soon as I could after her, wanting to give her a sibling close in age & now he is gone & I feel the void there.
lenya_35: I'm not sure whether I will always feel on the verge of crying, but at 1 month out, I still do. I can't get through anything without crying anymore.
HullGut: I don't plan to ever use BC, but I'm not sure when/if I will be actively trying. Part of me wants to be try as soon as I can & part of me thinks I shouldn't try again.Benjamin's ashes are in the box from the funeral home on my dresser & I've been thinking maybe of spreading them in July, when I found out I was pregnant with him.
Ian Daryl
2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc..
March 6, 2011. I was exactly 34wks pregnant. He died due to a cord accident. It was wrapped around his neck 3x and also had a true knot in it.
3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?
I have my rainbow baby, Zachary. He just turned 1 last week.
4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?
Ian's 2yr angelversary is next week. I'm trying to stay busy on the days leading up to it. I have booked the day off from work. I plan to buy Z and myself cupcakes, then just cuddle and play with him all day. It will be a difficult day. I have so many crazy thoughts and emotions going on. It would take a novel to write it all out.
5.Anything you want to share about your angel?
He was so so so beautiful! Wavy dark hair. Perfect little face. Perfect hands and feet. Just perfect. I could feel he was always so active and full of life when I was pregnant.
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?
Nope. Just want to send big squishy hugs to all of you.
I still have times when I just burst into tears, and its doesnt seem like anything in particular set me off.
We got a really nice antique box to put her ashes in. We both love older things, and we knew an antique box would fit her better than any of the urns and things we saw.
To answer some questions:
I got my pp period at 7 weeks. I got it again 33 days later and this last cycle was 28 days. I hope it means my body is back to normal.
I still cry at least one or two times a week, sometimes more. I am just so sad and sometimes it's so overwhelming.
i want a baby so bad too!
Due with baby boy # 2 in May 2016
DD #1 born January 2014
Each day of my rainbow pregnancy was filled with so many different feeling it was very very tough. I just kind of didn't think of the pregnancy I know that sounds terribke but my family was worried about how I was so distant with the pregnancy. Don't get me wrong I loved my baby but I had to kind of separate myself if that makes sense. This sounds nuts but I didn't believe she would come home until I delivered her in the OR. My rainbow was so much different in utero compared to Sydney. Triity wasn't a big mover like her sisters before her so I poked my belly way more than I would like to admit and I checked her on the doppler way more as well sometimes 3 to 4 times a day. I had to so I could move through the day with out freaking out. It wasn't healthy but it worked for me. What you are feeling is totally normal. If you ever want to chat you can PM me. I am here to help if you need it. What you are going through is so very hard and some moments are harder than others. Hugs my friend!!
1. What is the name of your Angel? Ava Marie
2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 10/4/12
3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? I have a 2 1/2 year old son. He really doesn't understand or know about the loss. He was just starting to get that there was a baby in my belly when we lost her. He sees me cry a lot though, and he is so sweet he will tell me that everything is going to be OK.
4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? Nearly five months and more recently I've made a lot of progress in my healing. I am finding peace and comfort through spirituality, which was something I have never done before. I was determined to not let this loss turn me into an ugly, bitter person.
5.Anything you want to share about your angel? I miss her so much, but I believe that she is with me daily. Although I can't see her or hold her now, I can feel her presence. She lifts me up when I'm having a hard time, she helps me through everything. I know one day I will meet her again.
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? No questions, I just want to offer my love, support, and virtual hugs. I wish none of us had to be here.
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
I am not average either by any means, I am 8 weeks out and still spotting. So... starting Provera soon (HCG is 3, so in the clear) so that I can "clean house" per say. Also, then I can get some bloodwork done for the RE to see where I stand.
What is the name of your Angel? Isabella Rose 24 weeks
2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 12/11/12
3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? She was our first
4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? it's been almost 3 months and some days are better then others. I think about all the things that should be going on right now since my EDD was 04/02/13 I took that week off work and my DH is also off so we are going to go to FL to visit my uncle that lives down there and just take it easy and lay on the beach and remember Isabella
5.Anything you want to share about your angel? Like any other mommy would say she was perfect in my eyes and she is missed eveyday
6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? If you go to a support group what do you think of it and dose it help I am thinking of going
Every person is different when it comes to support groups. I am going to a support group right now and I have to say it has been the most comforting thing for me. It is a support group for parents who had a newborn or infant loss. My husband I go together and there are about 4 other couples and a few moms who come alone to the group. It is great to meet other parents who have suffered the same kind of loss and get together to talk about things and give each other tips. We support one another and these parents are now becoming close friends that I think we will stay in touch with. Everyone is different and support groups really work for some and then some people just don't do well. You will never know until you try so maybe go when you are mentally prepared to see what you think.
Hugs to you!
http://wwwcirillofamily.blogspot.com/
BFP#1 12/23/11 EDD 8/29/12. Frank P. Cirillo IV born on 8/19/12 at 2:34am. Grew his wings and went to heaven on 8/25/12.
My sweet angel Frankie. Love you so much!
BFP #2 5/21/13 EDD 1/25/14 Sam Frank P. born 1/17/14 Our rainbow baby is here!!
January 2015 PAL- Advice
Eleanor Quinn aka Ellie-bean, Ellie-belly, Ellie-phant, Babier
I have a 19 month old son. I think he knows something is different, and that we're upset, but he doesn't understand much more than that. In a way, I'm grateful that he doesn't understand enough to be upset, but I'm also so sad that he's too young to remember his sister.
Today it has been 2 months since we lost Ellie. How I'm doing is largely variable from moment to moment. I went back to work this week, and have at least been able to hold it together enough to do my job.
Eleanor accomplished so much in her short life. She saved my life by insisting on coming early, and because she did, the doctors were able to save us from a uteran rupture which could have killed us both. Because we avoided a full rupture, the doctors believe that Mik and I will be able to have more children, and if we're blessed in that way, she'll have saved her future brothers and/or sisters. When she left us, she also saved my dad, letting us know about a health issue that can be treated now, but could have taken him from us if left undetected.
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
I've only been to one meeting (I plan on going back this month) - and it was great, I really do recommend it. I was scared at first, and put it off for a few weeks/didn't think I was the type of person who would like it, but it really was a great place to talk with other people going through the same thing, and more than that, just SEE people going through the same thing to know that it wasn't just us. Telling our story and hearing our similarities was so helpful. I definitely recommend at least trying it out.
If you would like I can give you my email address or even my cell number, I am here for you if you need me. I know how harsd this time is and I needed all the people I could get who understood what I was going through. HUGS!!!!