GTKY

Heatherhah

Hello everyone-

 I figured since we have so many new moms joining us that maybe we should do a GTKY. I know it helps to know more about each mom if we missed an intro.

1. What is the name of your Angel?

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?

5.Anything you want to share about your angel?

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

Heatherhah

1. What is the name of your Angel? Sydney Adriana

 2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. She was born still on September 30,2011 at 38 wks 4 days and weighed 10lbs 3 oz. 

 3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? yes Brenden DS (19) , Riley DD (5), Trinity DD3 our rainbow ( 3 months) They are dealing with the loss netter than I thought. My DD1 talks about her sister in heaven all the time. DS really keeps to himself but mentions her when he feels is right for him.

 4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?  17 months since we said good bye, I take each day as they come I still cry just not ever single day like early on. Her pictures now hurt me so much to look at.

5.Anything you want to share about your angel? My Ds went to one u/s with me and Sydney stuck her tongue out at him at the u/s I have great 3d shots of her with her tongue out at him. She was a wonderful kicker up until the day she died she was active in me. She was my biggest baby weighing 10lb 3 oz and looked identical to her sisters. Sydney was cremated and I wear a bit of her ashes in a necklace on my neck it is a butterfly and she is with me always. I have 2 sets of urn jewelry. DH, DS and DD1 all have their own too. I am really the only one who wears her ashes every single day.

DH and I still grieve different and thats okay. I miss my baby girl and see her constantly in my Rainbows eyes. It hurts but I know she is close by watching over us all. I just wish she was here with us.

 6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? no questions just love and hugs to all of you moms!! We all share this and for that I am glad I have all of you with me on this journey!!

Heather

Heatherhah

phancykat -- our babies have the same day in common a year later. I understand about the 30th of the month it stinks  for me too. Hugs!!

tuscanbride2007

1. What is the name of your Angel?

Annabelle Leigh

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 

She was born on March 25, 2012 at 37 weeks, 3 days gestation and weighed 7 lbs. 6 oz.

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?

I have a 4 year old DD. She is doing much better than I am. She will every once and a while reconfirm that she is a big sister. It makes me happy and sad all at the same time.

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?

11 months yesterday. I can't believe I am a month away from her angelversary.  I have been a mess. TTCAL has been a much harder road than I thought and I just wish I had her here. I feel very broken right now. I wasn't able to bring her here and I have been unable to produce another child.

5.Anything you want to share about your angel?

She was very spunky in utero and I always thought that she was going to be my little hellion. DD#1 is a rule follower and I just knew that I was in for it with Annabelle.

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

Just ((HUGS)) to all that need them!

jebretz

1. What is the name of your Angels?  Allison, James and Colin

2. When did your angels pass? Angelversary etc..  Born and died December 31, 2012.

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?  They were my first.  I would like to work on more as soon as I am cleared.  I fear it will be a long journey. 

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?  It was 2 months on Monday.  I am doing better than I thought I could.  Most days I am able to function "normally", but I get mad/sad/annoyed easier. I am just different, but the same.

5.Anything you want to share about your angels?  Everything! I would talk about them all the time if someone would listen for that long.  They were perfect.  

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?  Do you ever stop feeling jipped?  

karebear57

1. What is the name of your Angel?

Brianna

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 

Brianna passed about 2 weeks before we found out. We found out October 7th, 2011 right before going to my sister's wedding. Brianna was born on October 8th at 2:55a weighing in at 1lb 5oz and 11in long. I found out I had lost all the amniotic fluid and had an asymptomatic infection. 

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?

I have 3 sons..Tim (12) Brad (10) and Alex (9). They talk about her every once in a while and Tim and Alex ask to look at her picture at times. Brad kinda keeps things bottled most of the time. They talk about how much they miss her and wish they had a little sister here. I hope to give them an earth sister one day. 

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?

It's been 16 months. I'm not crying every day like at the beginning but I'm more down and depressed now and am having trouble sleeping. I've been trying for a rainbow for the last 6 months and nothing yet so I worry I may not get pg ever again, or what if this happens again...I don't think I could go through this again, or what if I don't get my chance with another daughter. Brianna was going to be our last no matter what. So just so many thoughts swimming around in my mind. But I can look at her picture (I have a small one in a silver butterfly frame next to her urn) without crying. I also keep one in my wallet to look at every once in a while. 

5.Anything you want to share about your angel?

She hated when anyone pressed down on my belly, it would really upset her and she'd squirm all over the place! She was bossy too, made me cut out coffee for a few months

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

No questions, just want to offer my {Hugs} and love to all the other loss mommy's and daddy's. 

Noethola

1. What is the name of your Angel?

Elsie

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 

We found out Dec 7th, but Im positive she left us on the 6th. We delivered her on Dec 8th.

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?

No other children. Elsie was our first, and she was a fantastic pregnancy. Hopefully someday we will be able to give her a few siblings. But I will admit, I am terrified that we wont be able to get pregnant again or that something will happen to any and all future pregnancies.

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?

This weekend will be twelve weeks. We are doing ok. We are getting ready to TTCAL and so will be starting another roller coaster of emotions.

5.Anything you want to share about your angel?

Unlike most of your babies, she was very quiet. She was not a huge mover. When we hit month 7, she started to move over to the side my DH was on, if he was talking to her. I miss seeing him bond with her.

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

No questions, just lots of love to you all.

hhudson92

1. What is the name of your Angels?

Jaxon, Jayse, Emersyn, and Ellee

2. When did your angels pass? Angelversary etc..

Jaxon was born on January 13; Jayse, Emersyn, and Ellee were born on January 15. They were born at 17 weeks.

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?

These were my first. Looking forward to hopefully having more, lord willing.

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?

It will be six weeks tomorrow since they were all born. I am doing really well. Taking it one day at a time, cherishing the memories we had with the quads.

5.Anything you want to share about your angels?

They were so beautiful. I know everyone says that but they were! Jaxon was the biggest, Jayse was next, then Emersyn, and Ellee was significantly smaller than the others. They were perfect.

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

Nothing as of now.

katyms7

Thanks for posting. I love learning about all of the other angels in heaven!

1. What is the name of your Angel? Frank. We called him Frankie and he was the IV.

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc..  Born at 38 weeks and 2 days on 8/19/12. He weighed 6lbs 7oz. He was alive for 6 days and passed on 8/25/12.

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? No other children but we are TTC #2 and no luck yet.

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? 6 months yesterday. I am doing ok. I have my days where I am a mess and days where I feel ok. I pray to Frankie every day and that has helped me. I also have found a wonderful support group of parents who had infant or child loss. I get a little stronger every day.

5.Anything you want to share about your angel? Frankie was just perfect and so alert. He had big pouty lips just like mommy, the cutest little nose, and eyes I could stare at all day.

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? No questions, just hugs and support to all of the other moms and dads. I am glad we have each other. XOXO

MAYashes86

1. What is the name of your angel? Benjamin

2. When did your angel pass? I delivered on 1/28/13, but he passed on 1/26/13 at 33 weeks.

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? I have an 18 month old daughter, she isn't old enough to understand & kept asking ?baby?? & pointing at my belly for the first week or two after he died, but has stopped asking.

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? It has been 4 weeks & I?m having a very hard time dealing with life. I don't want to do anything anymore & can't leave my house. If it weren't for my daughter, I don?t if I could function at all. I miss my son so much, and hate thinking about how long I likely have left on this earth until I can be with him in Heaven.

5.Anything you want to share about your angel? He was always so active, I?d go to sleep every night with my hands on my stomach, feeling him kick at me. I miss feeling him so much!

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? Just wondering when others got their periods back & if it differed from time after a live birth (if applicable)? I know with my daughter it took about 7 weeks, but not sure if that will be different this time or not. I would like my hormones to regulate & the night sweats to stop.  

silverlining8d

1. What is the name of your Angel? -Sebastian Wesley

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. -born still on January 23, 2013

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? - No other living children but one other angel in heaven miscarried at around ten weeks in 2011

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? - A little over a month and I'm coping pretty well. I've been having a hard time keeping up with the housework and day to day because I have no help but I think I'm doing pretty well.

5.Anything you want to share about your angel? - I want his life/death to mean something. I miss him so much.

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? - Not that I can think of. I'm learning a lot just from observing this board and blogs written by other loss parents.

OSUWifey09

1. What is the name of your Angel? -- Devon Alexander Williamson

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. -- born sleeping on August 19, 2012

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? - I have a son who turned 4 in December. He's still too young to really get it [he was 3 1/2 when I lost Devon]. All he knows is that Mommy was gone for awhile and has very sad days. One day, we'll explain it to him.

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? -- I lost Devon six months ago last week. I still can't believe how far I've come, but I still have my really tough days. It's hard to believe it's already been six months; it's been the fastest and shortest six months of my life.

5.Anything you want to share about your angel? -- He was so beautiful. Looked so much like his big brother. He loved music and when I would drink orange juice. I miss him every single day.

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? -- Not really. I already have had so many questions and concerns addressed by others on this board. I'm forever grateful I found this board.

OSUWifey09

MAYashes86:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? Just wondering when others got their periods back & if it differed from time after a live birth (if applicable)? I know with my daughter it took about 7 weeks, but not sure if that will be different this time or not. I would like my hormones to regulate & the night sweats to stop.

I know every woman is different, but I had my first period almost four weeks to the day after losing Devon. With my first son, I got my first period about six weeks after. I did not pump or anything after my loss, but I did try to breastfeed for a couple of weeks with my first DS. My cycles have been really jacked up since my period came back though, so I'm on BC to regulate. We hope to start TTC in May.

OSUWifey09

jebretz:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?  Do you ever stop feeling jipped?  

This might change, but for now, I still feel jipped. I see all these women who have their happy, healthy babies, and I know someone who just delivered at 30 weeks and will probably take home a happy, healthy baby as well. I never, ever wish that someone else will go through what I've gone through, but I get pangs of jealousy when I see all these other women bring home babies. I say to myself, "That should've been me. Why wasn't that me?" I don't have as many pangs of jealousy anymore, but that's probably because I've pretty much hidden any pregnant woman from my TL on FB. It's so hard to deal with. 

sand&starfish

1. What is the name of your Angel? Nathan

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. Nathan was born January 27th at 23.5 weeks and passed about an hour after he was born.

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? No. Nathan was our first baby.

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? Tomorrow marks 1 month. It seems like time is flying but inching by at the same time. I'm doing much better now than I was a few weeks ago, which I think is because I'm making myself go to support groups, therapy, and read about this journey. On a whole, It seems less raw these days. I seem to go back and forth between days where I'm sad and just want to sit and think about him and days when I'm so focused on moving forward, trying again, and talking to the doctors. There doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason in terms of how I'll be on a given day.

5.Anything you want to share about your angel? Nathan seemed to have my stubbornness. If I was doing something he didnt like, or laying in a position he didnt like he'd go crazy until I moved. He also looked exactly like my husband, which I loved so much. He was a great combination of the 2 of us.

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? For those of you who've had your rainbows/have other children can you look at your family and not feel an overwhelming sense that someone is missing? I know they are, and a feeling of loss is there, but lately I'm so sad to think that this sense of loss is always going to be this strong and could prevent me from really enjoying my future hopefully children/family.

lenya_35

1. What is the name of your Angel?

 June Lee

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 

February 12, 2013.  I was 36 weeks, 6 days pregnant.  She weighed 5 lbs, 12 oz.

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?

I have a 3.5-year old daughter.  She's doing well.  She is a little confused about why June didn't get to come home and a couple of times she's asked about whether June will get better (we keep explaining that she won't).  I also think that she's nervous about us leaving her again.  This afternoon she asked if I was going back to the hospital again. 

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?

Two weeks.  Physically, I'm feeling much better.  Just a little bit of bleeding and I think my stitches are healing well.  Emotionally, I'm a wreck. 

5.Anything you want to share about your angel?

Just that she was perfect and I miss her dearly. 

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

Will I always feel like I'm on the verge of crying?  At what point can I be trusted to be back in the "real world" and not about to bawl my eyes out at the drop of a pin.  

Also, what did you do with your baby's ashes?  We just picked up June's ashes today and they're in a box on the mantle.  I want to get an urn for them, but I haven't seen anything I like and I can't stand to "shop" online for more than a few minutes at a time without losing it. 

OSUWifey09

lenya_35:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

Will I always feel like I'm on the verge of crying?  At what point can I be trusted to be back in the "real world" and not about to bawl my eyes out at the drop of a pin.  

Also, what did you do with your baby's ashes?  We just picked up June's ashes today and they're in a box on the mantle.  I want to get an urn for them, but I haven't seen anything I like and I can't stand to "shop" online for more than a few minutes at a time without losing it. 

I was on the verge of crying for weeks. Months, actually. Six months out, and I don't feel that urge anymore - but I still cry at least once or twice a week. Random things can set me off, memories can set me off...I've just accepted that the random tears are a part of my new "normal" and to not fight it. It's OK to feel like that; don't try to rush through the grief process. You will have good days, bad days, setbacks and progress. There's no real timeline or road map through grief - which is great, because you work through it at your own pace. But it can be a little frustrating, because there's no set path to follow. You do what's best for YOU. 

We bought a box from Hobby Lobby that has Devon's ashes in it, and it stays with his memory box that a good friend bought for me. The box has a place for a picture, so we put his memorial program in it [the program has a picture of his perfect little feet on the front, along with his name]. The box also has a matching picture frame that we put a picture of him in/ We will be moving soon, so once we are set up in our own place, I will probably put his ashes and memory box in my bedroom or on a mantle. Right now, both are in the spare bedroom that would've been the room he shared with DS. 

OSUWifey09

sand&starfish:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? For those of you who've had your rainbows/have other children can you look at your family and not feel an overwhelming sense that someone is missing? I know they are, and a feeling of loss is there, but lately I'm so sad to think that this sense of loss is always going to be this strong and could prevent me from really enjoying my future hopefully children/family.

I have a 4-year-old, and I do feel like someone is missing from our family. I can't look at the handful of pictures I took when I was pregnant and spending time with DS [my sister did a mini photo shoot of us playing with bubbles when I was about 7 months pregnant], because it is overwhelming. I will probably always feel like someone is missing, because it's true. A tiny part of me died the day we lost Devon, and I'll never get that back. I'll always feel that ache, that emptiness that was him.

I can't say how I'd feel after having more children. I hope and pray that we will have a rainbow in 2014, but I'm terrified of how I will handle pregnancy and bringing another child home. I'm in counseling to work through those fears...we'll see how this goes.  

fluttergirlmoonchild79

1. What is the name of your Angel?

Corbin Scott

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 

Born 10/28/11.  Became an angel at 36 days old 12/3/11 - my EDD.  He was 36 days early and was with us for 36 days. 

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?

No

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?

1 year and almost 3 months.  Doing more "ok" than not but still have bad days

5.Anything you want to share about your angel?

He is hilarious.  When he was with us, he made funny movements and faces and made goat noises in his sleep.

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

How does TTCAL not drive you crazy?  I've never wanted a child so bad in my life!

Heatherhah

jebretz- to answer your question I don't think you ever stop feeling jipped even if you have your rainbow it is still like you are missing someone who should be with you always. Sorry to say it but no it doesn't change. Huge hugs!!!

Heatherhah

MAYashes86- I stopped PP Bleeding at 5 weeks then got my period at the 6 week mark after losing Sydney.

 

We started trying at the 3 month mark and didnt get a normal length period for about 2 months. I am usually regular at 28 days but the 3rd month I was at 42 days I think it was all stress related. That was the same month we got pregnant with Sydney so I was a mess all month. Stress really messes with your period for sure and grieiving makes it that much harder. Hugs to you!!!

Heatherhah

sand&starf--My rainbow is now 3 months old and I feel the overwhelming feeling all the time. But you kind of push passed it because you have a new baby to take care of. It hurts me sometimes because my DD's all look so similar my rainbow is so similar to our angel it hurts so much sometimes to look at her it is truly bittersweet!!!! The feelings so early on are so hard but I do promise that in time the pain is there but the sting isn't as bad as it was in the beginning. I still have sad days and I cry but it isn't all day everyday like early on.

lolee465

1. What is the name of your Angel? Jillian Rose

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. She was born and passed away on August 26, 2012

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? I don't have any, but we're hoping/praying to have more.

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? It's been 6 months. I still cry almost everyday and avoid any triggers (which is pretty much anyone who is happy) I'm not doing good, but I'm trying..

5.Anything you want to share about your angel? She was so beautiful. She had my dark hair and my nose and DH's mouth. She was just perfect. We had her buried in my christening dress from when I was a baby. DH went out and bought 2 identical diamond heart necklaces, one for her and one for me. I never take it off, and it makes me happy that we could buy her something beautiful. She's buried in the same plot as my grandfather is and it brings me comfort that she's not alone- I go visit her everyday.

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? No, just ((hugs)) to you all.

lolee465

fluttergirlmoonchild79:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

How does TTCAL not drive you crazy?  I've never wanted a child so bad in my life!

I feel the same way as you. I can't offer any advice because it's pretty much all I think about, and every month that passes is so hard. It's making me crazy! Sending you ((hugs))

Heatherhah

fluttergirlmoonchild79:

1. What is the name of your Angel?

Corbin Scott

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 

Born 10/28/11.  Became an angel at 36 days old 12/3/11 - my EDD.  He was 36 days early and was with us for 36 days. 

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?

No

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?

1 year and almost 3 months.  Doing more "ok" than not but still have bad days

5.Anything you want to share about your angel?

He is hilarious.  When he was with us, he made funny movements and faces and made goat noises in his sleep.

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

How does TTCAL not drive you crazy?  I've never wanted a child so bad in my life!

Fluttergirl-  TTCAL is so stressful and I will warn you once you do get pregnant again the stress doesn't stop because now that you are exposed to the fact that babies do in fact die you will worry all the time and that is totally normal. I felt crazy most days with my pregnancy with my rainbow. Thinking of you !!!!

Bayberry12

1. What is the name of your Angel?

Stella Jane

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc..

We found out she was gone on April 19 and I delivered her on April 21.

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?

No, she was our first. 

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?

It's been 10 months.  For the most part I am doing ok. I miss her all the time, and wish she was here.  10 months seems like such a long time, but really it's no time at all.

5.Anything you want to share about your angel?

I never know what to say when people ask this.  I only knew her when she was inside my, she was like my little secret, even though everyone knew I was pregnant.  I would talk to her all the time, and tell her I couldn't wait till she was here.     

 6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

When does this "new normal" start to feel normal? 

Bayberry12

jebretz:

  

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?  Do you ever stop feeling jipped?  

All the time.  It's so hard to think about what was taken away, especially when you were so ready for you children to come home.   

Bayberry12

MAYashes86:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? Just wondering when others got their periods back & if it differed from time after a live birth (if applicable)? I know with my daughter it took about 7 weeks, but not sure if that will be different this time or not. I would like my hormones to regulate & the night sweats to stop.  

I had an uncomplicated vaginal delivery, and got my period about 8 weeks later.  I think it all depends on your body.   

Heatherhah

Bayberry12:

 

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

When does this "new normal" start to feel normal? 

I am not sure that the new normal really ever feels normal after losing a baby. Your life changes but isn't really ever normal!! Hugs bayberry12!!

karebear57

sand&starfish:I'll always have the sense that a very loved member of our family is missing. These feelings are always strongest at the beginning but over time they do weaken but are always going to be there. I've always had lots of love for my boys, I appreciate them so much more now since losing Bri. As for how I'll feel after having a rainbow? I don't know just yet.

sand&starfish

lenya_35:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

Will I always feel like I'm on the verge of crying?  At what point can I be trusted to be back in the "real world" and not about to bawl my eyes out at the drop of a pin.  

Also, what did you do with your baby's ashes?  We just picked up June's ashes today and they're in a box on the mantle.  I want to get an urn for them, but I haven't seen anything I like and I can't stand to "shop" online for more than a few minutes at a time without losing it. 

At first I couldn't go anywhere without my H - he was like my buffer and I was petrified of going out without him. After he went back to work, and I was able to drive again, I started going on little errands, mostly to places I was really familiar with/close to the house, or easy, like going to CVS to get something. It helped me build confidence to do small things/be out for a small amount of time, and eventually I learned to cope with being out longer/around more people without feeling like I was going to loose it. It's only been a month, but I already feel like I can go places without as much anxiety. 

Nathan's ashes are in our bedroom, on top of our dresser. We put them up there with a pair of shoes I bought him, as well as a picture of his name in the sand from my H's coworkers. I was lucky enough to find an urn at the funeral home that didn't look anything like an urn (which was important to me). It's a very pretty blown glass jar in teals and blues made my an artist. Personally, I just couldn't handle the little urns that looked just like an urn - I know they serve the same purpose but they just made me that much more upset, so I'm so glad we found this one. 

karebear57

lenya: At the beginning I always felt like I was just gonna burst into tears in public (and I did a few times). It takes some time but it does get better. The few months after our loss it seemed like everywhere I looked I saw new babies and little girls and it hurt so much.

  

It took me 3 months of looking until I found the perfect urn for our dd. I keep her urn on a shelf next to my side of the bed with some memorial things I've gotten over time. I oddly enough, found the perfect urn on ebay. I wish I could have spent $$ on it since this would be the only thing we could ever buy our little girl but $ had been so tight. I have a butterfly urn necklace I also bought so I always have a little bit of her with me and am currently looking at a 2nd one (and last one). If you ever want help looking for an urn I could help you.

HullGut

1. What is the name of your Angel?

 Hunter John 

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. 

He was born on November 9, 2012, I was 40 weeks 3 days when he was born. He lived for 15 hours.  

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss?

No other children. 

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now?

Almost 4 months. I'm doing ok but really just going through the motions. I am so sad all the time. I cry a lot but only when I'm home. We are on our third cycle trying to conceive. 

5.Anything you want to share about your angel?

He was awesome ( as all yours are too). He had huge hands and feet. He was 8lbs 9oz and 26 inches long.  

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

How long did you wait before TTCAL?  Love to all of you!

jbranden12

1. What is the name of your Angel? Patricia Kirsten

2. When did your angel pass? Angelversary etc.. Born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks. 4 lbs and 2 oz, 16.5 inches long. No cause could be found.

3. Do you have other kids? how are they dealing with the loss? Our rainbow Anna Kirsten was born 1/8/13 at 26 weeks and 3 days due to unexplained IC. She is still fighting in the NICU. Now at 7 weeks actual, she is the same size as Patricia was when she was born. They could've been twins.

4. How long has it been and how are you doing now? It has been 11 months. It is extremely difficult. Patricia is on my mind every day as we fight for her sister. Due to Anna's severe brain bleeds, we were given the option of removing support but we just couldn't. Patricia never even got a chance at life, so how could I take Anna's away? I keep thinking of all the things we should be doing with Patricia now, and how incomplete our family feels.

5.Anything you want to share about your angel? She loved music from Glee, and she changed my life.

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? No questions. I have taken a step back from the board recently, but I still lurk and will probably jump back in at some point in the future.

tuscanbride2007

jebretz:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?  Do you ever stop feeling jipped?  

I am almost a year out and no, I haven't stopped feeling that. ((HUGS))

tuscanbride2007

MAYashes86:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? Just wondering when others got their periods back & if it differed from time after a live birth (if applicable)? I know with my daughter it took about 7 weeks, but not sure if that will be different this time or not. I would like my hormones to regulate & the night sweats to stop.  

It took me exactly 6 weeks to get mine but I have heard different answers from everyone.

tuscanbride2007

sand&starfish:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy? For those of you who've had your rainbows/have other children can you look at your family and not feel an overwhelming sense that someone is missing? I know they are, and a feeling of loss is there, but lately I'm so sad to think that this sense of loss is always going to be this strong and could prevent me from really enjoying my future hopefully children/family.

I have an older child and it breaks my heart that she does not have her sister here. I always think that someone will be missing from our table even if we ever do have a rainbow.

tuscanbride2007

lenya_35:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

Will I always feel like I'm on the verge of crying?  At what point can I be trusted to be back in the "real world" and not about to bawl my eyes out at the drop of a pin.  

Also, what did you do with your baby's ashes?  We just picked up June's ashes today and they're in a box on the mantle.  I want to get an urn for them, but I haven't seen anything I like and I can't stand to "shop" online for more than a few minutes at a time without losing it. 

For me, the crying part has come and gone. I did really well until around 6 months and now that I am coming up on a year, I have started crying a lot. 

As far as her ashes, we had her placed in a columbarium at our church. The urn was already picked out for us.

tuscanbride2007

fluttergirlmoonchild79:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

How does TTCAL not drive you crazy?  I've never wanted a child so bad in my life!

I feel the same way. ((HUGS))

tuscanbride2007

Bayberry12:

 6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

When does this "new normal" start to feel normal? 

((HUGS)) I want to know the answer to this too!

tuscanbride2007

HullGut:

6. Any questions you may want to ask any other loss mommy or daddy?

How long did you wait before TTCAL?  Love to all of you!

We did not wait to TTCAL, but here I am almost a year later without a rainbow. I keep thinking that maybe it is for the best. Of course, once the year is over, I will be more upset if it doesn't happen right away!