Attachment Parenting

Weaning a toddler

DS is almost 21 months and I think I'm about ready to stop breastfeeding.  He started getting cow's milk in a sippy during weekdays at 18 mo and we moved to him doing the same on weekends about a month ago, though he still will barely drink milk from a cup when I'm around and constantly signs to me asking for milk. He consistently nurses at around 5:30 PM, 7:30 PM, 4:00 AM, 5:30 AM, and 7:00 AM (basically after daycare, before bed, and when he wakes up and dozes in the morning). It's getting exhausting and I'm ready to move away from it, but he seems so attached to it and screams bloody murder if I try to delay him or tell him no. I don't think stopping cold turkey will work for us, but I'm not sure how to do it piecemeal either.

Does anyone have any experience with toddler weaning?  I'd love to hear some advice on how to proceed and some success stories. 

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DS, May 2011
DD, April 2014

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Re: Weaning a toddler

  • I would try to cut out one session at a time, try to figure out which might be the easiest for him to start skipping. 

    I've had success telling my son that he can nurse for "a minute", and then getting up after that minute is over (and reminding him that I am going to get up/nursing will be over). For overnight and morning, I had to be a bit more strict and really stress the "one minute" rule and listen to some complaining on his part.

    And I distract him with cookies, in all seriousness. I did it with my older son, too. When they would ask at a certain time (or with DS2, when he wanted to keep nursing after I had popped him off), I would give them a little cookie (like, animal cracker size) and then we'd do something else. Once they finished the cookie, they would forget that they wanted to nurse more. It also helps to keep them busy, or away from usual nursing spots if you can. Can your DH deal with him during the early morning hours?

    I've been actively weaning my younger son for a good 2-3 months. At this point he will forget to ask a lot of times, and is starting to pop himself off after a few seconds without me reminding him. It can be a slow process!

    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • I have done a couple of things.  DD is also very, very adverse to being told no...especially during any sleep related nursing.  She does do very well with time limits though. So I tell her we will nurse while I sing a song. Sometimes she picks the song and sometimes I pick the song (she once picked 12 days of Christmas-smart cookie!). 

    I also put a stop to nursing on demand about 6 months ago because she started demanding to nurse every time I sat down. So, then I just told her we would nurse at nap time. Then I'd ask if she was ready for a nap and she'd say, "NO!" and run off and play.

    I am also pregnant and it hurts to nurse. On days when I just can't take it I will let DH do the bed time routine and I'll 'go to bed' early.  DD has always gone to bed easily if I was not there to nurse. If she sees me she needs to nurse, but if she doesn't then she is okay.  

    I think the one thing that has worked best for me is to  be flexible.  Some days I really don't mind nursing 6 times and some days I don't feel like doing it at all. Some days DD is too busy to want anything to do with me and some days she wants to do nothing but snuggle and nurse. I have never set a real schedule or any real goals. I go based on my needs and on her needs which varies a great deal. Yesterday DD did not nurse once. Today she has already nursed twice.  

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  • Just wanted to say that I'm interested in hearing responses on this, particularly with regard to night feedings. I've worked on dropping the easiest feedings (basically through distraction or just not being available to nurse), and now we're to a point where DD doesn't ask to nurse until bedtime, and she doesn't ask anymore in the morning or during the day. But I can't get rid of the MOTN feedings -- if DH or I try to soothe her any other way, she freaks out. Interested to hear how others had success eliminating those...
    * Married June 2008 * * DD born August 2011 *
    BFP#2 2/19/13 EDD 11/1/13!
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  • What worked for me was setting time limits and only nursing in the morning. When she wakes up and before nap / bedtime.  

    Over night sessions I cut down the length of time by 1 - 2 minutes.  If she started to fuss when I popped her off I'd let her latch on again.  Then I'd count to 20 and unlatch her again.  The first few nights we did this a good 10 times before she gave up and allowed me to unlatch her.  She would then fall asleep in my arms.  Once we were down to only nursing for 1-2 minutes I was able to pick her up (for the MOTN sessions) and tell her that it was too early but we could cuddle.  It worked. She stopped waking up at that time of night.


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  • I limited where ds could nurse at about 23m. 

    First no nursing in bed.  This was tough but well worth it.  We started the night by nursing in the living room until he fell asleep and I moved him to the bed.  When he woke up I reminded him we were not nursing in bed anymore.  He cried for 30 min the first night, five the second and on the third, he remembered on his own and just turned over and went back to sleep.  In the morning I would just get up and fix breakfast.

     Once we quit night nursing, he let the others go gradually without a fuss.  That may be because I was pregnant, though.

  • When I weaned my oldest at 22 months I took a tiny vacation for a few days. Actually when I came back I was totally uncomfortable and changed my mind about weaning, but my ds wasn't interested. With my 2nd my supply ran out at 9 months, so no help there
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