Baby Showers

Do you think 80 people is excessive?!

I sure do. I didn't even have 80 people at my wedding!

There is a thread on 2nd trimester where everyone is thinking this is normal. Does this sound gift grabby to anyone else? Am I just in the minority? 


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Re: Do you think 80 people is excessive?!

  • I think it depends on the family and the type of baby shower. At my sister's co-ed friends & family shower, a total of 100 people showed up over the course of 4 hours. We have a big family, plus my sister and bro-in-law are very social and have a lot of friends. Plus my parents insisted on inviting all of their friends too.
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  • imagechapternext:
    I think it depends on the family and the type of baby shower. At my sister's co-ed friends & family shower, a total of 100 people showed up over the course of 4 hours. We have a big family, plus my sister and bro-in-law are very social and have a lot of friends. Plus my parents insisted on inviting all of their friends too.

    This.  I have friends with huge families that are local and have BBQ type showers where everyone- husbands, kids, etc. comes and they can be big.....if it was just the women that showed up the numbers would have been much lower. 

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  • Yeah that is a bit much.  Mine had about 30 people but my family isn't huge and DH's family lives halfway across the country. 

    Personally I would rather break up the showers into smaller groups, but hey that is just me.

  • image1026pumpkin:

    I have friends with huge families that are local and have BBQ type showers where everyone- husbands, kids, etc. comes and they can be big.....if it was just the women that showed up the numbers would have been much lower. 

     Totally. You also have to consider that not every single guest would bring a gift in this scenario. It was a present per family unit. So while there were 100-ish people at my sister's shower, she got 30 or so gifts.

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  • For me, it would be but it really depends on the person and their family.  My friend had 65 women at hers, which I thought was excessive but once I got there...it didn't feel that way.  You could tell that everyone was really close and excited to be there. 
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  • WTF?! There are posters that have been to showers with 200 people?!!


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  • I had over 80 at my shower.. My parents are pastors of a church of 500 and I run a daycare.. We have been at the same church my whole life if everyone was not invited there would have been hurt feelings.. Then of course there is family..


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  • I think it's a lot, but ot depends on your family.  MIL and I almost got into it about my bridal shower because she thinks huge affairs are fantastic.  DH is the same way, that's how we ended up w a 300 person wedding.
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  • I think it is.  But with our families, that's just how it is.  My mom is one of 12 and each of her sisters has at least 2 kids.  DH is one of 4.  His parents are both divorced and remarried and each parent is one of 3+.  And everyone in the aunts/uncles/cousins are all close in each family so you can't not invite anyone.  And everyone is local.  So it becomes huge events.  And splitting stuff up causes too much unnecessary drama.  "This side's party was held before my side's party."
  • I'm with you. I had 80 at my wedding and 8 at my shower. It's obscene to me, and if my family really truly was that big, I'd exclude friends.

    I also don't understand people trying to justify it by saying people would be offended if they weren't invited. Seriously? Who gets mad if they aren't invited to an event that revolves around buying a pregnant chick a gift?
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  • It depends on how many family members they have and whether it's both sides. It's easy to get up to 80, especially if they are including children. When I was planning on getting married, I had to keep my half of the guest list under 100 for fire code reasons. I was constantly at 50 with just family members if I included the kids. I have older cousins who are married and have teenager children now so it wouldn't just be my cousin, it would be my cousin, his or her spouse, and 2-3 kids.

     A common trend on this board seems to have a mother-in-law throw a shower, their mother throw a shower, and a coworker shower. If people look at it like that, then getting to 80 would be really easy. 

  • imagePrimRoseMama:
    WTF?! There are posters that have been to showers with 200 people?!!

    I'm pretty sure that poster was referring to Snooki...


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  • Its aan absolute mess. For the shower I declined a few weeks ago, my mil sent out invites anyhow to 80 people....people I don't know....people dh doesn't know...it is horribly rude and gift grabby. And admittedly mil is doing this because its "her turn." Not even sure what the F that means.

    While I subscribe to the theory that the host is viewed as tacky for things like this, being in this position as a mtb is personally very embarrassing.
  • I can see inviting that many if the families are big and are combined plus friends are included or if it is a co-ed shower or if kids are invited or if MIL or Mom wants to invite some of their close friends.  It adds up pretty quickly.  I invited pretty close to that many and about 55 or so came.  I actually had 3 showers but the other two were much smaller (church about 15 and work about 9).  It really all depends on the family dynamics.  We have a LOT of good friends who would feel slighted (believe it or not) if they were invited to every thing we had.  My DH is in the entertainment industry and has a huge fan base...many of those have become close friends.

    We did have to pick and choose for our wedding however.  We invited 160 and 150 came. What is kind of funny is that neither of us have huge families...so most of the people there were friends.

  • imagemabenner1:
    I'm with you. I had 80 at my wedding and 8 at my shower. It's obscene to me, and if my family really truly was that big, I'd exclude friends.

    I also don't understand people trying to justify it by saying people would be offended if they weren't invited. Seriously? Who gets mad if they aren't invited to an event that revolves around buying a pregnant chick a gift?


    Families are different sizes. Its not unusual for 10 people to be at my moms for dinner on a random weeknight. We had 50 or 60 at our rehearsal dinner. Other than three of the groomsmen and their plus ones, everyone was family. My siblings, nieces and nephews and parents add up to 24 people teenage and up.

    I will only ask that one friend be invited to my baby shower. The rest will be family. Meaning first cousins or their wives, the few aunts i have left and my moms best friend. This does not include cousins that live out of town, bc sending an invitation to them would be gift grabby. There will probably be 40 or 50 women, not counting kids.

    Who would be offended? The cousins who live in the same city and weren't invited. It's a happy event, and much more fun to see each other at these things than to only see each other at funerals.
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  • Well, personally, I find it obnoxious.  Have 2 or 3 smaller showers, and don't invite everyone you (or your mother) knows. 

    I guess it depends on the style of the shower, too.  If the mom-to-be is going to sit around and open 80 gifts, then that is just torture for the guests.  But if it is more like a family bbq, there's lots of food, and plenty for people to do other than watch gifts being opened, I would be more ok with it.

    At the end of the day, however, no new baby needs that much crap.  

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  • I don't understand why you care about how many people will attend a shower for somebody you do not even know.

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  • My guest list was about 65. I suggested two smaller showers, but with the hostesses schedules, only one date worked. FWIW, I have never been at an event like a shower, baptism, debutante party outside of a wedding with more than two thirds to half attending and even two thirds is an amazing turn out. People are just too busy.
    That being said, 80 is a lot, but I would assume about 40 people actually coming.
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  • imagebabystoli:
    imagemabenner1:
    I also don't understand people trying to justify it by saying people would be offended if they weren't invited. Seriously? Who gets mad if they aren't invited to an event that revolves around buying a pregnant chick a gift?
    Who would be offended? The cousins who live in the same city and weren't invited. It's a happy event, and much more fun to see each other at these things than to only see each other at funerals.
    But this is what I wonder about though.  If you only see these people at weddings and funerals - then you aren't all that close to them. 

    To each their own on the definition of a shower, but to me, they are smaller, more personal events that should be kept to people you're close to.  Not "everyone you know". 

    That's why I'm w/ mabenner - I don't understand who these people are who get butt hurt over a shower invitation when they hardly know the person. 

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  • If you come from a large family where it is the norm to invite everyone to a shower (and would be considered insulting not to do that) then, no, I don't think it's gift grabby.  But, if you've invited everyone you've ever known - whether you've spoken to them in the past 6 months or not (FB does not count!) - just so you can have a huge blowout to "celebrate" your baby and, oh yeah, get a boatloat of gifts - then yes, I think it's super tacky and gift grabby. 
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  • For the people who suggest breaking up a large shower into 2 or 3 smaller showers... that's assuming other friends or family come forward to host one of the other showers. And if they don't, I think it would place a burden on the one host to throw multiple showers.

    As for who said "who would get hurt over not getting invited to a baby shower?" ...man, I wish I belonged to your families. Maybe it's a difference of culture, but there have been hurt feelings and drama when soandso wasn't invited to something. Baby showers are viewed as family events in my circle. They're less about gifts, more about getting together and catching up and having fun. I see my extended family a few times a year, if they didn't get invited they would feel slighted and left out of the festivities.
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  • On any given event, we're 26 people on my SO'S side... Parents, children, and grand-children. Then you add uncles and aunts (12, all very close), cousins (over 32, all very close) and their children (16). That's a grand total of 86 people... All wanted to come to our co-ed, kids invited shower, and some were hurt that we were not sharing that moment with them... Invitations had to be extended, and I can only imagine the nightmare that will be when (if) we get married...

    My side is a little smaller, about half of that, and everyone wanted to be involved as well.

    Some showers are family affairs. We have huge families... Everyone wants to be involved, and then not everyone can make it (sickness, work, other event), but if it saved some feelings from being hurt... Then I believe we did the right thing...


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  • Also, kind of random to note, but it's sort of funny to me that I'm defending the "big baby shower" so fervently. For my baby shower, I want to keep it down to 20 or 25 guests, but I am going to get soo much sideeye because that is definitely not the norm in my family.
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  • imageSamiantha101:
    I don't understand why you care about how many people will attend a shower for somebody you do not even know.

    It's the baby showers board.  We discuss baby shower issues.  Why do people discuss breastfeeding on the breastfeeding board?  I mean, they discuss other people who choose to formula feed, yet they don't know them.  On the first trimester board, they give opinions about the NT exam, yet they don't know the other people who are having them done.  I have about 100 more examples. 

    How is it that you don't understand how this site works?

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  • I think it really depends on the situation. If they just invited everyone they knew and had most/all of them show up then yes that would be tacky and gift grabby.

    But a friend of mine had a shower about a year ago and she had about 60-70 people there. But her and her husband had had some fertility issues and she lost the pregnancy right before and had to have a D&C. So there was a lot of support.

    And I know some of my friends have really big families on both sides. If they ever have a shower it will be big. 

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    Sorry, 80 people is a fundraiser.  If people (second, third cousins and long-lost relatives and friends) really get all bent out of shape by not being invited to a baby shower then they must have really low standards for drama. 

    Sorry, imo, anything over thirty people is no longer a shower.  If I had 80+ people I ***had*** to invite, I'd rather have 4 smaller showers of 20 people.  Someone posted about no one else hosting?  Then you cut the guest list. 

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  • I think it depends. My husband and I both have large families, attend church, and live in the home town in which we grew up. Our families threw us one big baby shower. We had nearly 80 people in attendance. That is not too bad when you consider that I have 26 cousins on my dad's side of the family. We could've limited the number of invites sent and hurt half of our family and friends so as not to appear gift grabby but chose instead to be inclusive.

    that said it was exhausting to try to get around and spend time with everyone. I stood at the door as people came in/left so that I could thank them for coming. The gifts took forever to open. If I had a do over on that one. I would have probably had separate showers his side and my side, but both families get along and the hostesses wanted to do it together so I left that to them. 

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  • eh.  at the rate things are going i will probably have around 60 or so at mine. my mom's opinion is that showers are parties to celebrate the coming  of a new life. the whole family on  both sides are invited boys, girls, and kids.
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  • I would have to disagree. DH and I have a HUGE family and we all pretty much live in the same city. This is our first baby and I'm pretty sure I will have more than 80 people attending.
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  • imageCranang:

    imageSamiantha101:
    I don't understand why you care about how many people will attend a shower for somebody you do not even know.

    It's the baby showers board.&nbsp; We discuss baby shower issues.&nbsp; Why do people discuss breastfeeding on the breastfeeding board?&nbsp; I mean, they discuss other people who choose to formula feed, yet they don't know them.&nbsp; On the first trimester board, they give opinions about the NT exam, yet they don't know the other people who are having them done.&nbsp; I have about 100 more examples.&nbsp;


    How is it that you don't understand how this site works?



    Oh thanks for clarifying that you guys like to pick apart everything that's mentioned on other boards.

    In all seriousness though, do you actually get invites to baby showers? I can't imagine a lady as pleasant as yourself has many friends. I only ask because this IS the baby shower board.
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  • imageSamiantha101:
    imageCranang:

    imageSamiantha101:
    I don't understand why you care about how many people will attend a shower for somebody you do not even know.

    It's the baby showers board.  We discuss baby shower issues.  Why do people discuss breastfeeding on the breastfeeding board?  I mean, they discuss other people who choose to formula feed, yet they don't know them.  On the first trimester board, they give opinions about the NT exam, yet they don't know the other people who are having them done.  I have about 100 more examples. 

    How is it that you don't understand how this site works?

    Oh thanks for clarifying that you guys like to pick apart everything that's mentioned on other boards. In all seriousness though, do you actually get invites to baby showers? I can't imagine a lady as pleasant as yourself has many friends. I only ask because this IS the baby shower board.


    Well, aren't you a peach. I'm sure you have TONS of friends with manners like this!


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  • imageBallSox:

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    Sorry, 80 people is a fundraiser.  If people (second, third cousins and long-lost relatives and friends) really get all bent out of shape by not being invited to a baby shower then they must have really low standards for drama. 

    Sorry, imo, anything over thirty people is no longer a shower.  If I had 80+ people I ***had*** to invite, I'd rather have 4 smaller showers of 20 people.  Someone posted about no one else hosting?  Then you cut the guest list. 

    I had 10 people host my shower. I suggested splitting up showers into two-family and friends. I had four first cousins hosting and 6 friends. They all decided they wanted to have one giant shower.I I told three of the hostesses that my "master list" was 65 and I was happy to make cuts if needed. I was told this was not necessary and all 65 would be invited. Ballsox, I normally always agree with you, but based on my situation and how my shower played out, I can see how a list would be 80 people for one event.

     I figured, as we always talk about, a shower is a gift and if all 10 of them wanted to do one giant shower, far be it for me to tell them what to do and how to do it. I would have much preferred two smaller showers, but instead I had one with a 65 person list. Did all 65 come? No. People have lives and showers are not the center of them. Did about 50% come, which is standard expectations for an event like this? Yes. Was I totally grateful? Absolutely.

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  • imageSamiantha101:
    I don't understand why you care about how many people will attend a shower for somebody you do not even know.

     Could not agree more!! I saw this post on the 2nd trimester and I don't know why you feel the need to make your own post about it on here. Why do you care so much?? Everyone is different and there's no right or wrong to how many guests you invite..good lord!!!

  • 80 isnt a lot of people when you hav a lot of friends etc. For DH and I just our immediate family is 20 ppl. Thats just our brothers sisters and parents. We had a coed shower and invited 100 ppl 80 ppl showed up. Once you added in friends family coworkers the list got large quickly. We also live out of state so seperate showers wasnt going to happen. It got to the point where ppl were asking us when the shower was and asking our parents. I think it really depends on the person. I dont think large showers are a fund raiser just like I dont think large weddings are a fund raiser.

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  • imageSamiantha101:
    imageCranang:

    imageSamiantha101:
    I don't understand why you care about how many people will attend a shower for somebody you do not even know.

    It's the baby showers board.  We discuss baby shower issues.  Why do people discuss breastfeeding on the breastfeeding board?  I mean, they discuss other people who choose to formula feed, yet they don't know them.  On the first trimester board, they give opinions about the NT exam, yet they don't know the other people who are having them done.  I have about 100 more examples. 

    How is it that you don't understand how this site works?

    Oh thanks for clarifying that you guys like to pick apart everything that's mentioned on other boards. In all seriousness though, do you actually get invites to baby showers? I can't imagine a lady as pleasant as yourself has many friends. I only ask because this IS the baby shower board.

    LOL, ooooh snap!

    Actually, you're right. I live in complete isolation.  No one can stand me.  

    Incidentally, I literally go to a shower at least once a month.  Between getting an invite from just about every sorority sister I knew (and it was a big university with big sororities...too big, really) to all of my other local friends, just about everyone I know is either getting married or popping out kids.

    But you really seem like a super nice girl.  Thanks for asking!!Big Smile

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  • Considering that my mom is the youngest of 10 children, so every aunt and uncle had multiple children and because she's the youngest, all the cousins are more like aunt and uncle ages to me and all of THEIR children, who are actually my second cousins, are around my age.... No. Hahaha 80 people does not seem like I lot. But I have a VERY large family.
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  • imagekileyjean:

    imageSamiantha101:
    I don't understand why you care about how many people will attend a shower for somebody you do not even know.

     Could not agree more!! I saw this post on the 2nd trimester and I don't know why you feel the need to make your own post about it on here. Why do you care so much?? Everyone is different and there's no right or wrong to how many guests you invite..good lord!!!

    Why do you care so much to write a response to me in this post that I created? Why do you post responses to anything about anything on here? Oh that's right, because its something to talk about. No one says I have to get all Hallmark about everything in order to discuss it.

    I think its odd to have 80 people at a shower. That's my opinion and I have a right to it. You can think whatever you want, but I'm allowed to discuss and post whatever I want where ever I want. Fuckyouverymuch.


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  • imageMsAmeera25:
    I dont think large showers are a fund raiser just like I dont think large weddings are a fund raiser.

    Showers are in now way the same thing as a wedding. Weddings are not gift giving events by their very nature.

    Showers are.

    Omg the IQ of the collective world is going to hell.


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