Single Parents

Ok don't know if I should be on this board but...

So I had 2 kids with the guy I was with for 13 years and he ended up cheating on me so I left him, a year later I started dating this guy I have known my whole life, 2 months later oopps I'm pregnant, he was happy, I was scared but decided I would keep the baby. We moved in together and he was amazing with me and my 2 kids, now he is getting in these moods that I don't understand and he yells and is mean to my kids a lot and I can't take that, so I speak up and we end up fighting. I don't know what to do, my kids are number 1 no matter what, I don't think he gets that, I walk on egg shells it seams when he gets in his moods. Sometimes I feel that the kids and i would be better off alone. But I'm pregnant now with his baby and I'm 17 weeks so to late to change my mind even if I wanted too. And I'm so scared to be a single mother of 3. I don't know where to turn from here!!

Re: Ok don't know if I should be on this board but...

  • Hey, I'm just a lurker on this bored but it sounds like the relationship you're in is a bad situation.

    I was in an abusive relationship and it sounds alot like what your talking about, at first he was kind, and romantic and so sweet. Then when we moved in together he slowly became more controlling, he would yell at me and make me cry and then console me. It got progressively worse as the relationship went on, until he got physical and I left. I never ever ever ever thought it would get that bad. I regret letting it go on as long as it did but I couldn't see just how bad it was until I left. "Walking on eggshells" is Never good in a relationship.

    And if he's being mean to your children you need to leave. You haven't been with this man for very long at all and he's showing you this side of him. This is the honeymoon period. This should not be happening. I'm so sorry you are going through this but I think you know what you have to do. Get as much support from whoever you can (family, friends ect.) and do what's best for your family.

    Good luck <3

  • Being mean to your kids is a bad sign.. Children are so innocent its hard to get mad at them even when they do bad stuff and need to be disciplined! Can you guys try counseling? Does he ever say whats bothering him? Im guessing that hes not a good communicator which you dont really have time for. Your a mother of 3 you dont need to wait for someone to get it together. Your priority is your children which you understand (good!). At the same time you do have a child with him and honestly there is no perfect person or relationship so I would talk to him, write him a letter if he interrupts you and tell him that you need to see a quick change or you are going to leave.

    Also tell your family and friends whats going on and they may be able to give you better advice.

    Good Luck 

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  • You need to get out now. Do what's best for your children. That is no environment for them to be in, nor is it an environment to have a new child in. The stress of a newborn won't help the situation. You need to leave before it gets worse. 
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  • You definitely need to be on this board.

    I was in an abusive relationship, luckily only emotional, mental and financial, and I found a women's center after I called WEAVE. The women's center has given me counseling and resources in the community to help me handle being a single mom. I go to weekly counseling in a group session and go to individual counseling once a month. They also even provided me help with the custody filing with the court.

     Please do get out now. I was constantly walking on eggshells and my ex was super controlling. He got angry when I did not do something right and do it quickly. He also didn't let me breastfeed my son on demand because he wanted to know exactly how much breastmilk my son was drinking and to get him on a schedule after he came home from the hospital. It made a tough situation so much worse and I highly recommend you leaving now so you won't have to experience the same thing I experienced with my newborn.

    Your kids will appreciate you and the strength you find when you can be a single mom to three. You will need support of course, so you must find some resources to help you along with your family and friends to help you with a new little one.

    Do an internet search for WEAVE and call them any time of the day (or night) and they will help you.

    You will be fine, I promise. It's much safer for you to be away from him than with him, especially since you have two kids to protect before their younger sibling is born.

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  • Everyone is right, get out now.  And they have posted some good advice.  As you said, your kids are number 1.  You are so much stronger than you think you are...I've learned this from experience.  You can do it and you owe it to all three of your kids.

    Think about it this way:  What if one of your children were in a relationship like you are?  How would you feel and what would you want them to do?  Lead by example and be the person you want them to grow up and be.  Love yourself and love them enough to walk away.

    Sometimes I have to give myself this pep talk daily. 

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  • A good friend of mine became a single mom to her 3 kids after she found her husband cheating on her repeatedly while he was deployed. She is a very strong woman and loves her children more than anything. They make it work and are very happy. Yes, it sucks sometimes, but it absolutely can be done! Don't let the fear of leaving keep you stuck in something that isn't right for you. There are always other options and in the long run you will be glad you got out now.

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